CLICK HERE: GREATER BINGHAMTON FLOOD TRACKER

Kick-ass photos of the Maroon 5 concert @ Dick’s Sporting Goods Open.
ALL photos by Binghamton-based concert photographer Renee Clark. Want to thank her for being awesome?
LIKE HER FACEBOOK PAGE

So do we REALLY expect people to be able to spell multi-syllabic words like "Younivurcity" on the spines of college yearbooks anymore? That IS how it’s spelled right…

In the interest of full disclosure, I was once hired to design political campaign literature in which I misspelled the word "BINGHAMTON" in enormous bold letters at the top of the page.

Men in glass whatevers shouldn’t throw stuff.  But it’s never stopped me before…

 
(Thanks to @DJ_MrAnderson for the pic.)

I’m gonna give the editors the benefit of the doubt and imagine that it’s actually a fiendishly clever plot to get us a mention Letterman. Could be a collector’s edition someday. I think they should charge extra, honestly…

I’m so sorry to say that post-production has been completed and that I can now present to you the finished video accompaniment to my cover of Rebecca Black’s Friday. Neither BingPop, the Southern Tier AIDS Program nor Joshua B can be held responsible for any emotional and/or psychological stress you experience while watching this video. It might also be better to sit down first. And swallow some kind of anti-anxiety medication. The producers would like to thank Carlo Rossi for their generous contribution to the development of this video.

I’m mainly making it public so that it’s harder to blackmail me in the future…

HUGE thank you to Damien from On Point Productions in downtown Binghamton for the audio. (Also to Renee Clark, Lori, and Sean Burdick for helping with the video. Though you may regret that you were ever associated with this project…)

And so I promised on my fundraising page for this year’s AIDS Walk that I would cover Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’ if I raised a thousand bucks. Fortunately (or unfortunately if you value your hearing), I’m up to 3200 bucks. So here it is. Without further ado or warning… (But don’t say I DIDN’T warn you…)

WANT TO THANK ME?
SPONSOR ME IN THE AIDS WALK BEFORE SATURDAY!
SPONSOR ME IN THE AIDS WALK BEFORE SATURDAY!
SPONSOR ME IN THE AIDS WALK BEFORE SATURDAY!
SPONSOR ME IN THE AIDS WALK BEFORE SATURDAY!
SPONSOR ME IN THE AIDS WALK BEFORE SATURDAY!
(Yes, for a $1000 donation I will destroy all existing copies of this recording.)

PS: Clearly, the bits were I squeek like a boy in the midst of puberty are on purpose. The truly tragic music video is still coming…

PPS: HUGE thank you to Damien of On Point Productions for making me sound less terrible than I am… Not THAT much less terrible. But less terrible all the same.

Looking for more?
When you’re done, head on over to STAP’s Facebook page.

MORE COMING!

It’s official: BU’s Anderson Center just announced their official summer concert lineup…

k.d. lang - July 4th
Beach Boys - August 24
Bela Fleck & The Original Flecktones - Sept. 2

Let’s be honest: I’m most excited about k.d. lang. Although I can’t call myself a "serious fan", I fell in love with her voice the first time I heard her sing Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah.

Being that my Lang love is a bit limited, I called up the biggest k.d. fan I know–Marie McKenna, co-owner of the Lost Dog–for her very favorite performances. Here’s what she recommended you check out to get psyched for the big Independence Day show… Who needs fireworks when you’ve got a voice like this? 

Aziz Ansari is coming to Binghamton University on April 29th.

You’re thinking, "God, I know that frickin name. Who the hell is he again?" Let’s see what Wikipedia has to say:

"Aziz Ansari is an American actor, writer, and stand-up comedian. He currently stars as Tom Haverford on the NBC show Parks and Recreation. In 2007, he created and starred in the critically acclaimed MTV sketch comedy show Human Giant, which ran for two seasons. In June 2010, he hosted the 2010 MTV Movie Awards. He is currently filming 30 Minutes or Less with Jesse Eisenberg and Danny McBride."

Kind of a big deal. Student Association VP Aaron Cohn reports that he just played sold out shows at Cornell and Northwestern. Want to hear more of his stuff?

"Rebecca Black in talks to replace Jennifer Damiano as Mary Jane Watson in revamped Spider-Man musical."

Sources close to the production say that a renegotiated insurance policy on the show calls for lower overall liability, leading to potential changes in casting. Jeff Mander, a representative for Actor’s Equity, said Wednesday, "Ms Black is not a member of Equity, and the union takes no responsibility for anything that might happen to her in this production."

(Flickr Credit: ericskiff)

Ms Damiano’s management denied knowledge of any casting changes late Tuesday, but did confirm that the actress has been approached to appear in a national tour of Peter Pan to begin in June. Ms Black could not reached for comment, but her cousin, Topher Black, told the AP that Rebecca is "like, way scared of heights. We went to Knot’s Berry Farm last year and she totally freaked out on the Boomerang."

The Management at ARK Music, which released Ms Black’s breakout hit "Friday," is currently working with the singer on a follow-up, "Saturday" (working title), in an undisclosed location. An EP is said to be in the works, "probably seven songs. Maybe eight, but we’re not sure if we have the material for eight," said one producer involved with the project. The EP is likely to drop later this afternoon, pending completion of the post-production, video shoots, YouTube upload speed, and whether Rebecca can get out of her Jazz/Tap class.

In related news, Julie Taymor is said to be developing a new theatrical spectacular, "Freia: Goddess of Friday, Goddess of Fun," as a vehicle for Ms Black, in an effort to poach the talent and sabotage her erstwhile colleagues, Bono and the Edge, as they work to salvage the Spider-Man production. A belligerent Bono, reached by telephone for comment, said "That motherf*cker Taymor may have won ‘Friday’ today, but tomorrow is Saturday, and afterwards comes Sunday, Bloody Sunday…." [The remainder of Mr. Bono’s comments were unintelligible].

BingPop makes no claims as to the veracity of this report–in fact, we make no claims of veracity of any report, being a trashy gossip blog–but, clearly, if there is a God, it will all turn out to be true.

It’s got history; it’s got class. It’s big and bold and you feel instantly more impressive just for having stood inside. In fact, the whole Kilmer building feels that way.  Frank Whitney, the building’s current owner, once treated me to a tour of all six stories, and I have to say that the only thing cooler than standing inside the restaurant is standing inside Dr. Sylvester Andral Kilmer’s former lab—ya know, he’s the guy that made gazillions of dollars off Kilmer’s Swamp Root Herbal Tonic before the federal government decided it was a good idea to actually put labels on stuff and explain whether or not it really does anything.

Well Kilmer had a nephew, Willis Sharpe Kilmer, who, as it turned out, was both a marketing whiz (he spun Kilmer’s Swamp Root into a household name) and obsessed with naming things after himself—only backwards.  He owned Remlik Hall, Remlik Post Office, Remlick Railway Car, and even Remlick Yacht—which was purchased by the US Navy for antisubmarine duty during World War 1.

It’s in that tradition that the owner’s of the new Kilmer-housed restaurant decided to name their eatery: “Remlik’s”. Ed Wesoloski—or “Whisky”, as you should call him… Actually, you have to call him Whisky; I showed up at the restaurant, asked for Ed, and nobody knew who I was talking about…  Anyway, Whisky and Kelly Holbert, two of the owners, were “geeking out” on Whisky’s front porch when they did a little research and discovered the yacht’s name.

They seem to have put that much thought into just about everything in the restaurant—and it’s a good thing:  Remlik’s historic space can be both a blessing and a curse—in that it seems to be unshakably linked to a somewhat undesirable “upscale” label.  Is Remlik’s a spot to kick back and have a beer on a Tuesday night, or the place to impress a dinner date before a Saturday night at the Forum Theater? The owners hope it can be both. And with a name like Whisky, you have to imagine there won’t be too much stuffy formality when he’s behind the bar. Plus, how stuffy can a restaurant that’s got a lunchtime take-out salad bar actually be?

So what’s changed about the restaurant’s look since its Brasserie days? Not a ton; I mean, why mess with wet-dream-quality decor? But there are a few distinct changes. Carpeting at the front host stand now creates a more smooth transition into the Kilmer Building’s lobby; hip, modern light fixtures tone down the “this building’s too good for your sorry ass” formality; black and white photography will adorn the walls (it was leaning up against the walls when I visited); and the bar… The bar’s is the big change—perhaps triple the size of the old one, a triangle with seating on two sides, it’s much more accessible for busy nights and big parties. And the giant windows behind the bar are uncovered, a welcome change that allows you a beautiful view of the trains as they pass by and the Ari Mesiel-owned Depot Street lofts across the way.

I’ve found that there’s a fun, chaotic energy that fills a restaurant just before it opens—I was at the River Bistro the night before it opened for Valentine’s Day and they were still laying carpet—a task I was told that listed till 4 AM. OK, maybe the chaos is just fun for me. But it’s definitely present tonight at Remlik’s as they prepare for a press-invited ribbon cutting tomorrow and a 400-person friends and family hors d’oeuvres night on Saturday. Although they seem pretty well ready to open, there are still the finishing touches; curtains were being carried in and hung as I sat down with a fairly well-exhausted Whisky for an interview in their underground bunker of an office beneath the restaurant…

First thing’s first; a lot of people already know what the room looked like under the name "Kilmer Brasserie." How are the aesthetics different now?

We tripled or better the size of the bar which is gonna be the focal point of the restaurant now.  Put a beautiful concrete top on it. We resurfaced all the existing structures.  We’re trying to make it a little more lounge-friendly than it was and make it a little more… I don’t know with a room that size you can say intimate, but the way it was before, it was a little cavernous. Now people will see each other and have an easier time talking.  And of course we added the salad bar.

How will the salad bar work at lunch?

One of three things; they can go and order a salad and take it over to a table. They can order a salad with their server from the table.  Or they can come and get it and we’ll put it in a nice eco-friendly container and they can pay by the pound and take it to go.  If they need to get in and out, they’ll be able to get in and out. There are people with real time constraints.

And the menu. If you have just a few words to sum it up, what would you say?

Classic American comfort food with a twist.

What’s the twist?

Chef Lutz. [Steven Lutz is his name—but they just call him “Chef”.] He comes from all over the country. So when I say classic American, there may be a south-western twist to things. There may be some north-western twist. There may be Southern things. And there may be some East Coast stuff.  American is from all over the country; it’s not just hot dogs and hamburgers.

Can you go into a little more detail?

Mondays we’ll do Meatless Monday. They’ll be vegetarian specials. And then we’re also doing Thanksgiving Thursdays with turkey, mashed potatos and stuffing. Saturday nights are going to be a very affordable surf and turf.  We’re also gonna have prime rib all the time; rotisserie chicken; pot pie; beef tips.

The historic building and grand room kind of scream "upscale". Is this a label you reject or embrace?

I suppose that when people walk in, they’re gonna THINK they’re not able to afford us; because the room is beautiful; the building is beautiful; I think we did stuff to make the venue even nicer than it is. But we’re trying as hard as we can not to be a “fine dining restaurant” and not having “fine dining prices”. We’re trying to make it so everyone feels that they get a value for what they spent and have enough variety on our menu that they can control what they wanna spend.  We wanna make it so that it’s not an “occasion restaurant”.

I know that you’d like to serve local food. Tell us about your efforts…

We have a couple that just bought a farm in Marathon that is eventually going to grow all our produce. We’re sourcing all of our beef locally.  And Chef went to the farmers market in Vestal and met with a lot of local farmers and we’re going to source a lot of our produce from that.

You’ve worked in restaurants and bars for years, of all types. What are you taking from all that experience and bringing to Remlik’s?

I think that I’m very good at making people feel comfortable and I want them to try different things. I’m comfortable sampling different wines or different beers or featuring a cocktail. I’ll make a small one and let them give it a shot.

Will you be working behind the bar?

Every night. That’s what I’m looking forward to! That’s why I’m a partner here; I love it and that’s why I think I’ve been successful through the years.

So who else owns the joint and what are their backgrounds?

Sylvia Vestey is from San Francisco and she has probably 15 years catering experience and party planning. Mike Tulsey has been in the business for 20 years; he owned 3 different places in North Carolina and he and I have worked together for the last 10 at Number 5 and Lampy’s. And Kelly Holbert has worked in the restaurant business for 4 or 5 years. After she finished college, she both taught at CFJ Elementary and worked at Lampy’s.

Putting aside the food and drink for a moment… any special events you already have in mind? Parties?

We certainly have 2 great rooms—one holds about 40 and the other holds about 60.  We’re happy to take rehearsal dinners; any kind of birthday parties. The rooms can be booked. We’re planning on hosting some wine dinners.

Anything else?

We’re on Open Table and will accept reservations online.

And I think you should help.

Stick with me here.

When I woke up this morning, I had no idea who Rebecca Black was–which makes me about a week behind the times. Rebecca, for those of you who live under a rock (like I apparently do), is a 13-year-old girl from Anaheim Hills, CA, whose Mom paid $2000 for a little production company to record a pop single for her. Every little girl wants to be a pop star. It used to be a princess, but then people started to take a good hard look at the British royals and reconsider.

Now let me just go on record and say this: I think Rebecca Black is actually pretty talented. I mean, let’s be clear: she’s not Kelly Clarkson talented, but she’s also not William Hung talented. But the world… well, the world seems to disagree. Check out the video:

What’s brilliantly embarrassing about this effort is the SONGWRITING (plus the degree to which she’s been auto-tuned when she basically proved this morning on GMA that she can sing).

Somehow, Tosh.0 discovered the track and posted the video on their blog last week. The rest is insane interweb history; the track has 17 million hits. on YouTube 17 MILLION. (OK, a good 500,000 of them are me, but she’s still doing pretty good if you cross those off.)

Look, the truth is, the track speaks for itself. Rebecca, if you’re out there, I hope you go on to sell more albums than Britney; seriously, you sing better than her. And I, for one, have already bought a copy of your single–and I’ll buy the whole album when it comes out. And I think everybody else should go buy the track too, if only to make up for the emotional distress your songwriters have caused you.

Because, despite having “collaborated with Grammy songwriter/producer Herbie Crichlow, Grammy-nominated record producer Dinavon Bythwood from "The Ghostwriters" writing duo, Charlie Mason (Hannah Montana), Australian producer Paul Wiltshire (Backstreet Boys)”, songwriters  Clarence Jey and Patrice Wilson suck to a degree previously unimagined by man.

OK, but why am I REALLY writing this blog entry?

It’s to share with you the INSANE number of covers that have ALREADY been recorded of “Friday”. I mean, seriously, it’s possible there may be more of them than there are of “Mack the Knife”. And it’s been SEVEN FRICKIN DAYS.

And, I’m also going to issue a challenge. If a local Binghamton band sends me a kick-ass cover of Friday, I’m going to bat to convince Lori that we have to play it on the morning show. Get it together, people.

Anyway, since I can’t fit all thousand existing on my blog, I’ve picked 10 fine specimens to share…

Mayor Matthew T Ryan has been invited to the White House to “join President Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, fellow elected officials, and other community leaders” in commemorating St Patrick’s Day. Clearly, Barack’s hoping he brings a little of the Parade Day spirit to DC. (Please remember open container laws on the White House lawn, people.)

It’s not clear if the Prez and the Mayz will get any one-on-one face time, but if they do, one can’t help but wonder what they might discuss. So of course I’ve come up with a few possibilities…

* Barack Obama is a basketball fan. And Mayor Ryan is quite tall. Clearly, they will be discussing Obama’s NCAA picks.

* Barack Obama wants to go down in history as the green President; Mayor Ryan wants to be seen as a green Mayor; Far East Movement–whose biggest hit is about the sexiness of a fictional "G6" jet–is coming to Binghamton University. Obama and Ryan will discuss pop culture’s glorification of energy-inefficient forms of transportation and take a symbolic ride around the rose garden on a two-person electric-powered scooter (built by GM).

* Barack Obama has been accused on conservative blogs of not being an American citizen. Mayor Ryan has been accused by crazed anonymous web forum posters of not really living in Binghamton. The two will hold a beer summit on how to establish undeniable proof of residency, citizenship and lack of socialist sympathies.

Oh, to be a clover on the lawn of the White House celebration. Sadly, if the two actually do speak, we’ll probably never know what words are exchanged. But we do have the OFFICIAL word about what’s going on from the City:

Mayor Matt Ryan tomorrow will join President Barak Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, fellow elected officials and other community leaders from around the country to commemorate St. Patrick’s Day in a ceremony at the White House.

“It’s an honor to commemorate this occasion at the White House with the President, Vice President and other leaders from around the country,” said Mayor Ryan. “Binghamton has a rich Irish heritage and a strong tradition of celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, and I look forward to representing our community and learning about others.”

MORE FROM THE CITY

#WINNERS. That’s who trends.

(I tried to find a royalty-free picture of a kick-@ss trophy, but I couldn’t find one. So instead you get this guy.)

A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless), told me earlier today that he was nominated for the Southern Tier Opportunity Coalition’s 20 in their Twenties but he was "too busy to complete the application process". #TROLL. The 20 names below were chosen based on their truly awesome commitment to the Southern Tier including charity work, professional conduct, and leadership.

Well, for all you who bothered to apply, and were chosen… Here’s to you. Charlie Sheen, and the Southern Tier, are proud. You kicked ass and took names. And you deserve to be recognized. (For those of you who bothered to apply and didn’t quite make it, get up off the dirt. I’d apply next year. And enclose a small bribe.)

So anyway, #WINNERS, here are your names, in big bold blinking letters.

(Editor’s note: [That’s me; I’m the editor] I’m actually using the HTML <BLINK> code to make the names blink; but I’m pretty sure Opera is the only web browser that still supports it. So for full effect, close Internet Explorer, download Opera [even if you’ve never heard of it], and look at your blinking name in digital lights. You deserve it.)

Ankesh Arora

Jacqueline Bain

Matthew Brown

Jonathan Ciley

Mark Colleyacme

Lisa Corte

Angela Fagerstrom

Scott Fineout

Ben Giordano

Michele Gordon

Emily Hugenbruch

Angela Kehoe

Catherine Maestri

Travis Maus

Karen McMullen

Marc Miranda

Megan Mooney

Kristie Shirreffs

Teresa Wage-Harrington

Matthew Zeitz

All of you are awesome. Except maybe Scott Fineout, because he ran a blog that was competing with BingPop for a while. He’s still on my list. The rest of you are awesome. Blink on.

(PS Sorry I missed the ceremony. I was busy winning.)

Super Mash Bros and Taking Back Sunday appearing as well.

Those guys that sing the song about the Pontiac G6 are coming to Binghamton University on May 7th. (OK, the song’s not about a Pontiac G6; it’s about the rich and famous jetting around in Gulfstream IVs (G4).  But it’s fun to make fun of all the idiots running around claiming that the song is about a Pontiac, so I like to perpetuate the fallacy.) So where did the "G6" come from? Drake sings about Gulfstream 4s. Not to be outdone, Far East Movement’s Kev Nish told MTV News that the only thing "flyer" than a G4 would have to be a G6–never mind that the plane doesn’t actually exist.  There’s nothing flyer than a nonexistent plane.  Apparently.  Nonexistent planes and unicorns have that in common. (See Ke$ha’s hysterically asinine video for Blow.) Though it’s worth mentioning that nonexistent planes at least "fly" in theory. Unicorns, in fact, do not.  OK, unicorns, in fantasy, do not.

Anyway, Far East Movement has proven that they are NOT just a one-hit wonder. (Jury’s still out on whether or not they’ll be a 2-hit wonder.) Although if you believe Wikipedia, G6 can’t be counted as their first “hit”. Their track "Round Round" was featured in Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and "You’ve Got a Friend" got a bit of national airplay. Not sure if I buy those two as hits, but the one that’s seriously making the rounds right now is "Rocketeer"…

According to Pipe Dream, the BU concert gurus were trying to find a mega-act to follow up last semester’s mega-get of Drake. When that didn’t work out, they went for more of a music festival vibe–with 3 acts that scored big on student surveys. Wiki-world also credits FEM as being the "first Asian-American group to earn a top ten hit on the Mainstream Pop charts in America".

Flooding sucks. Clearly. And I’m more worried than most because I live in a flood zone. But I just wanted to drop you a quick message because I’ve created a Flood Info Resource center on BingPop that will help keep you informed.

"It literally means ‘only emergency personnel on the roads’ but there are other critical staff at various operations in the county–non government related. If stopped they would need to prove they are critical personnel." - Darcy Fauci

Andrew Block from the City (also under a state of emergency), when asked if it is illegal to drive, responds:
"It is, unless somone has an exemption, e.g. emergency vehicle."

As I write this, I can hear the motor of my landlord’s snowblower whirring away outside my window, trying to clear a path in the driveway.  In some ways, a pretty futile effort.  There’s 16 inches of untouched snow on my tiny dead end street and we’re waiting patiently for a plow to come rescue us. (The key word here is patiently. Snow plows don’t run on magic, people.)

Actually, my whole morning’s been pretty futile—I rolled out of bed at 4 AM to try and get to work. After a quick shower, I discovered that it was absolute folly to think my car would ever make it out to a major road… (Though it is worth mentioning that the major intersection down my block actually WAS well-plowed.)

I stumbled through the foot and a half of snow to the top of the hill, somehow imagining if I made it off my block I’d find a way in. 4 different cab companies refused to pick me up. A guy in a jeep pulled over to see if I needed a ride and then laughed when he found out I wanted to get to Vestal. A city plow stopped to honk at me, indiciating that I was getting in the way of the plowing. Finally, I slinked back into my apartment and went on-air from my apartment for a few minutes until Lori got to work.

Who knew that Snowpocolypse 2011 would grind Greater Binghamton to a halt this morning? Well, WBNG’s Andrea Michalenicz did. While the rest of us spent yesterday pitying ourselves for having to return to work Monday morning, Andrea knew that most of us probably wouldn’t make it.

Yesterday afternoon, Andrea posted to her Facebook page that she was updating snow totals and we were likely to get 14 inches.  Maybe you’re not friends with Andrea on Facebook, but you can always check her forecasts at http://www.wbng.com/weather . And OK, maybe Bing can be a bit behind the times when it comes to online tech, but there’s a few other resources you can use to beat the media at it’s own weather-reporting game…

TWITTER HASHTAGS #bingsnow AND #bgmsnow
What’s a twitter hashtag? It’s a way of labeling the "subject" if your tweet so that you can link it up with all the other tweets about the same topic. I’m not entirely sure, but I think our local snow tag started as #bingsnow until the Press & Sun decided to change it to #bgmsnow . Either way (you can use both), if you want to get on-the-street info about road conditions, snow totals, and closings piecemeal from twitter, just go to twitter.com and search for the hashtag. If you didn’t know what I hashtag was, go practice now so you know for next time. (And then you can drop the term in casual conversation at chamber of commerce mixers–I promise, you’ll get freelance web design offers you’re totally unqualified for.)

http://twitter.com/binghamtonmayor
OK, he’s not Newark Mayor Cory Booker yet (which is probably a good thing—with all the tweeting, how much mayoring could Booker actual be doing), but Mayor Ryan HAS set up a twitter address to address city situations like snow emergencies.

Last night at 10 PM, @binghamtonmayor tweeted: Plows + salt trucks out tonight + tomorrow, starting w/ emergency routes, then moving to side streets. Concerns? Call DPW Dispatch 772-7020.

Then at 7 AM this morning: City Hall opening at 11am today due to snow. Police, Fire and DPW to report to work as scheduled. Stay tuned for more updates.

After seeing lots of FB/Twitter traffic about the roads, I sent a quick message to the City for comment and got this response:

“It’s going to be a very busy day. We have all our available plows on the streets and we ask that citizens contact us directly with urgent concerns.”

In fact, AS I write this, I just got another tweet from @binghamtonmayor telling me that City roads are closed to all but emergency vehicles till 5 PM.

http://twitter.com/ny_broome
This is where you can get all those fun flood alerts… But it also told me this morning as soon as the County Executive declared a state of emergency—the one that told us all to stay off the roads till 10 AM.

Star 105.7 School Closing Page
http://www.binghamtonstar.com/pages/snowclosings.html
This is the fun happy page that I update with all the area school closings and delays. If we miss something, hit us up on http://www.facebook.com/star1057

@PSBJennifer
There’s a ton of reporters you can follow over at the Press & Sun. (See @PSBChrisKocher for fun stuff he’s heard on the scanner or @PSBChrisStrub for occasional breaking concert news)  But Jen jumps out of bed at the crack of dawn to bring us the early updates. She’ll let you know all the weather-realated stuff that’s been called into our local paper…

Now we’re CONSTANTLY getting inquiries about whether or not BU and BCC have closed.  Don’t call us; check twitter.com/binghamtonu and http://www.sunybroome.edu/.

PS, Broome CC DOES have a twitter, but as of 8:45 AM, it had no info on snow closings… @sunybroome (Maybe they should get on that?)

Anyway, after all that, here’s the important info I’ve gathered from all my online scouting:

• * Broome is in a state of emergency until 10 AM and only emergency vehicles should be on the roads. County offices open at 11.
• * City of Binghamton is in a state of emergency UNTIL 5 PM. Everybody should stay off the roads in Bing, the Parking Ramps are free today and tonight, residents are free to park in city ramps, and alternate parking is in effect. City offices are closed by the emergency folks still need to go in.
• * The snow will taper off, but now we have to worry about potential flooding. Aflood warning is in effect for the Susquehanna at Conklin, Windsor, Vestal and Waverly.

Stay safe, stay warm, and stop whining about the plows. THEY’RE COMING. This is why we HAVE states of emergency. So you can get into your jammies and tell your boss you’re not coming in. (PS, I just heard some plowing activity out my window… going to investigate.)

A few months back, I drove allllll the way up to the Carousel Center just to buy an IPad1 from the shiny Apple Store–you know, the store that’s so bright it’s kind of like Steve Jobs wants you to imagine that he’s God and heaven can be found inside a shopping mall? And as much fun as it was that they ran my credit card through an IPhone instead of a credit card machine, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t worth the trip (and having to see those garish green walls). (PS: Nobody’s convinced that a mall is more environmentally friendly because you painted the interior.)

Then the AT&T Store at the Oakdale Mall started selling them a week later.

And then I found out you could always get them at Best Buy. *sigh*

Anyway, for those of you who haven’t read the 7000 tech blogs about it: the IPad 2’s got two cameras, is a bit skinnier, a bit lighter, twice the speed, HDMI (fancy fancy) output, and claims to be less breakable… (Which makes me feel like my IPad1 must be totally breakable.)

But that’s why Conan’s IPad2 intro video made me sooooo filled with glee…

For another opinion about the IPad2 from somebody’s who equally bitter, you should check out this CNN.com article. It’s all total bullsh*t. Seriously. This guy has nothing of value to say, but it’ll make us all feel better…

You see, there’s a stupid amount of drama over who invented the American hamburger.  Drama that is neither charming nor folksy.

What DOES seem clear is that the hamburger draws it’s routes from Hamburg, Germany. Duh. According to Wikipedia (the compendium of all human knowledge that may or may not turn out to be true), the chopped beef creation that eventually became known as the hamburger was brought from Russia to Germany as steak tartare. At some point, somebody must have decided cooking the beef was a neat idea (also that e coli was a fairly terrible idea), and the Hamburg steak was born. Then, in the late 18th century, American street vendors, trying to attract German sailors to their New York harbor stands, started serving the stuff that had been so popular in their homeland.

Here’s where the story gets all mucked up. One version claims that the first American hamburger was sold at a cafe in Athens, Texas. Another says it was found in 1904 at the St Louis World’s Fair. Residents of Hamburg, NY insist it was first grilled up by the Menches brothers at THEIR county fair–but the NY Times disputes this and say the Menches brothers invented it in Akron, Ohio. The Seymour Community Historical Society says their “Hamburger Charlie” cooked it up in Seymour, Wisconson, and the Library of Congress says it happened in New Haven, CT.

See how much server space I’ve already wasted tracing the history of the hamburger? That’s not charming. And the Interweb is going to get angry at me very soon.

So all that’s beside the point. What’s more to the point is that at some point the hamburger went a bit astray. These days, a lot more people end up with greasy, processed patties somewhat laughingly referred to as beef as they’re passed out drive-thru windows–not “Hamburger Charlie’s” delicious recipe. (I’m just going to assume Hamburger Charlie’s recipe was fabulous or else they wouldn’t have caught on.)

Well fear not, Binghamton. The beef pattie had been righted.  And you’re about to get a taste of some seriously yum gourmet American hamburgers.

I was lucky enough to be invited to (well, really, weasled my way into through continual harassment) the friends and family weekend at Burger Mondays this past Saturday afternoon.  The first thing I noticed was obvious: the renovations owner Rob Hutchings and his partners had done since the space housed DC Dunster’s/ZaZu. While I loved nearly everything about ZaZu, the restaurant did feel a bit cavernous inside. And the new dividing wall separates a nicely sized bar area from the seating part of the restaurant. The host stand lives in its own little room as well–THANKFULLY preventing at least a bit of the cold winter breeze from contributing to diner death by hypothermia–an all too common problem in greater Binghamton eateries.

As for the menu: they weren’t screwing around when they named the place Burger Mondays. 10 different designer burgers–with an option to build your own. And if you REALLY believe in your own creation, you can talk to your server about having it added to the menu–clearly, it should be named after you as well, because you’re awesome.  And an egomaniac.

Of course, the term “burger” is somewhat liberally applied here. A “Buffalo Chicken” burger with smoked bleu cheese and celery relish offers an alternative to the beef-fest and an “Ahi Tuna” burger with wasabi aioli is a seafood option. There’s even a choice for you kooky veggie-only-eaters. And no, they didn’t go the Boca Burger route. Seriously, if that’s what you’re after, you’ve got a microwave at home to help torture your taste buds.  (I can say that with authority because I was a vegetarian for 4 years–before I realized how much more delicious chicken nuggets were than morals.) For you veggie folks, Mondays serves up a pesto-marinated portabella mushroom with a balsamic reduction and house aioli called the “Animal Lover”.

Now we have to talk about the most important part of Burger Mondays: the milkshakes. It is highly probable that I’m the only one that feels they’re the most important part, but I’m writing this blog, so you’ll just have to cope.  Seriously though, if you’re going to indulge in gourmet comfort food, you might as well go all the way. Rich, creamy, delicious–I could feel both my waistline and my sense of contentment with life expanding generously. But there are certain milkshakes which overwhelm the sense of guilt you experience for having had them, and this was just such a shake. The day I visited, they were serving free (and rather large) samples of the chocolate, but they promise there’ll be plenty more flavors from which to choose. I’m going to give you some important advice that you can ignore at your own peril: DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING YOUR FIRST BURGER WITHOUT  A MILKSHAKE. Your inner child will weep buckets of tears of deprivation and I, having shared the preceeding advice, will have no sympathy. None at all.

The Milkshake Sample

(PS, I should mention that all the burgers come with fresh-cut fries. And also house jarred pickles–which are reportedly phenomenal, but which I did not eat. Because I hate pickles. And kind of wish they didn’t exist. Sorry.)

Oh right, so the burgers! My lunchmate Mary Kaminsky and I split the Mondays Original and the Southern BBQ. Both delicious, though flavored quite differently… we spent the rest of the meal arguing which was better: I liked the original and Mary preferred the BBQ, but you won’t go wrong with either. There are also a number of soups and appetizers on the menu (I’m interested to try the farro risotto or orasted garlic cheesecake), but we were pretty stuffed by what came on the burger plate.

I could definitely see a nice bar scene developing at Mondays. Three sizable flat-screen TVs are mounted on the wall–one behind the center of the bar, the other two at each corner–and the bar area is roomy enough to get quite a party going without seriously disturbing the dining area. Mary and I stuck around for a glass of pinot grigio after lunch and the “friends and family” crew were already camped out for a relaxing afternoon.

Of course, one mystery remained: why the name ‘Burger Mondays’–(besides the obvious parity with other days-of-the-week restaurants like ‘Fridays’ and ‘Tuesday’)?  Bonnie Jones, mother to exec chef Matthew G Jones, cleared it all up for us. Apparently, Matt had been working at another restaurant in town where friends gathered to watch football and have dinner on Mondays. The weekly gathering turned into sort of an impromptu burger-making competition, with various cooks working to come up with more and more creative burgers. That night was a partial inspiration for Burger Mondays, which, incidentally, opens today in downtown Bing.

(Rob Hutchings, one of Burger Mondays owners, was insanely busy at post time, but you can expect an interview from him shortly…)

Luckily, Amici (126 1/2 Henry Street, Binghamton) makes pizza the way God intended. Round, cheesy, saucy and delicious.

Add to that liquor and an upscale atmosphere and I could probably just stick a cot in the back and move in for good.

When I met Dan DiRienzo, he was behaving just as you’d expect somebody who, despite having a wife and three kids, just quit his job to open a dream business—with a mix of infectious, giddy enthusiasm and just a touch of nerves.  He occasionally looked over my shoulder to make sure the tables were turning and that everyone at the bar was receiving good service.

Though from my first impression, it looks as though Dan and the rest of Amici’s ownership have nothing to worry about; the place was packed. Happy, loud, and drinking—the Friday night crowd looked delighted to be there and plenty willing to spend money.

Lots about Amici is still in flux and under experimentation—including the hours. Dan explains that they’ll probably close about an hour before the other night spots in twon; they’re not looking to be the place you stumble into for last call. But they might just be the place you can lounge late on a Saturday night for a nice chat with a friend while most other bars are blasting a pounding dance beat.

And there’ll be plenty to satiate you if you get the munchies.  When I first heard about Amici, I was told it’d be a “pizza pub”. But it’s actually much more than just pizza: appetizers, salads, Italian heroes, pasta and deserts—stop in for a drink, and you’ll probably find yourself tempted into an entire meal.

After my first drop-in for a glass of wine last Friday, I decided to bring my friend Michael back for dinner on Saturday.  My taste in pizza is pretty pedestrian, so I ordered the Quattro Foraggi (Four-cheese pizza. And no, I didn’t have to look that up. OK, maybe I did.) Michael only ordered the Caprese. (Tomato, mozzarella, fresh basil—I don’t think Michael believes in real food.) My pizza was DEFINITELY large enough to share; it fed me for most of Sunday as well. And Michael’s caprese looked delicious—though I wasn’t offered a taste. (Which I’m totally fine with. Whatever.) I’ve included a picture below for your reference, not being able to describe the taste, having not been offered any.  By Michael. Thanks Michael.

Of course, if you’d like something a bit more interesting than the 4-cheese, Amici’s got 16 different pizzas on the menu and an option to build your own. My choice for next visit? “Il Diavolo”, or, as it’s described in the fine print, “Hottest pizza known to man. Notify next of kin. (waiver required).” Oh, and I almost forgot… we started off splitting some homemade fried ravioli that I’d be perfectly happy to substitute for every meal for the rest of my life.

If you spend any time in that neck of the woods, taking in a B-Mets game, visiting the library, or grabbing a drink at Tranquil, you’ve probably already peered into the front window of Amici wondering when you’d be able to give it a try.  Dan and company have had the restaurant in the works for a while; in fact, the concept is based in part on a pizza pub that his family already operates in Atlanta.  So with a pre-existing blueprint for success, they’ve been eager to open too—and they did so last Tuesday almost on a whim.  “We just texted all our friends and told them to come down,” he explained. Whipping up pizzas in the back, they served them free for one night only.  But word has clearly spread.

And despite being extraordinarily busy, Dan took a quick break from managing his new baby in order to answer a few questions…

How did you end up choosing the location–the spot just kitty corner from NYSEG Stadium–for Amici?
After being on the street since 1904 and leaving the family business in 2006, I felt it was meant to be when I had heard Frank’s was for sale.  It had been in our family before and now I am back on the street where I was born. 

Newcomers (like me) might know NOTHING about the history of DiRienzo’s Bakery.  But it’s kind of a Binghamton institution. Can you talk a bit about the bakery?
In 1904, a young immigrant from Avellino, Italy, came to chase the American dream armed with passion for baking and the will to succeed. His cousin soon followed to help establish the bakery in New York. With their hard work, the bakery has survived for more than a century.  Up until 1995 the bakery was run by my father, Luigi who was the oldest, Felice, Carmen and Anthony.  Unfortunately we lost my father in 1995 and my Uncle Felice in 2010.  Carmen and Anthony still run the business today with hopes for many more successful years.

How do you describe the menu to somebody who’s never seen it?
Great gourmet pizzas, not your ordinary appetizers, salads and homeade pasta dishes.  Some of the best tasting sandwiches around on our famous DiRienzo french bread.  You won’t leave hungry.

How about the drinks?
We have 16 beers on tap from domestic to micro brews.  We have an extensive wine selection, some exclusive to us.  We have over 25 different types of bottles chilled.  The word "well alcohol" has no meaning here.  We start with premium liquors and only go up from there. 

You had kind of a leg-up in planning Amici because of your brother’s other location. How did that one come about?
Two nephews of the bakery founders have migrated south to bring their bread and pizza making expertise to Atlanta’s cozy Oakhurst neighborhood.  One being my younger brother, Luigi and cousin Nicholas. They spent many years perfecting their menu and have brought it back to Binghamton for a taste that no one else around here has.

The district where you built Amici is probably known more for neighborhood bars, but you went in a trendier, more upscale direction–obviously investing some money in the space.  Why the change?
I believe in the revitalization of Binghamton.  Everyone thinks Binghamton night life consists only of State Street bars.  My establishment is geared more for those not looking for the under 21 crowd! We pride ourselves on the work that we put in to obtaining the upper scale, trendier, eclectic look. 

You’ve been open for something like 4 days now–kind of a soft launch. Have you discovered any changes you’d already like to make?
Absolutely.  There will always be changes to accommodate our customers and our employees to make everything run as smooth as possible. 

Challenges will focus on making the reality stars "live up to higher moral standards"–a tall order for people whose reputation is more focused on partying and self-promotion than doing charity work at soup kitchens.RumorFix.com reported that other stars involved in the show included Angelina Pivarnick from Jersey Shore, Kim G of Real Housewives of New Jersey, and Justin "Rated R" Rego from The Bachelorette.

LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW
WITH JOSHUA B AND LORI

OK, so in like 48 hour, I went from only kinda knowing who Snooki was from scandalous celebrity blog reports to kinda wanting to have like 10 million of her babies.  There’s something undeniably charming about the perfectly stereotypical persona she works so hard to cultivate.  And another thing: she’s actually really polite—an impression totally contrary to anything you’d get from watching the show.  Maybe I was lucky, but I didn’t detect a shred of diva during the relatively short time we spent at a press conference arranged by the Binghamton University Student Association right before her show at the Anderson Center.

I was also pretty amused by the idea that Snooki would hold a “press conference”.  Before arriving, I was trying to imagine a ruckus of reporters shouting “Miss Polizzi” for her attention, followed by somebody breaking through with, “Is it true you REALLY hooked up with Angelina’s man only a couple days after she did?”  The idea that THAT many reporters would crowd into a room to interrogate her was kinda funny.  But there REALLY WERE that many reporters.  Like 20 of them.  In Binghamton.  All competing for her attention.

Luckily, I shout the loudest.  And got to ask her more than my fair share.  So I’ve compiled all of the stuff that I got to ask her myself—and we’ll just pretend I was important enough to get a private interview with the Snookster, k?  Excellent.

So everybody’s talking about you maybe becoming a designer.  Those are the rumors on the blogs.  Is that true?

A designer?  What kind?

A clothing designer.

Clothing.  Slippers.  Jewerly.  Bronzer. 

Everything?

Yeah, why not.

Are you working with anyone yet?

Yeah, I’m working with a couple of companies, but ultimately, I’m the boss.  Whatever I say goes.

Will we see a product soon?

Oh yeah.  My slippers are coming out soon.  The slippers I wore in Miami.  The ones that look like sneakers.  Those are coming out.  They’re comfy.

Talk to us about the novel.  Do you have the plot all worked out?

My novel is called “The Shore Thing.”   Pretty much it’s like, when I go down to the shore.  You party.  Ya know, obviously there’s drama.  You work.  You go down with your friends.  And that’s pretty much how it is.    It’s two girls living in the city and then they went to the shore.  Then they have problems with their ex-boyfriends.  Problems with girls.  Catfights.  Ya know, maybe somebody goes to jail.  I dunno.

Do you have a writing background?  Did you write short stories or this is all new to you?

Oh this is my first book ever that I wrote.

Wow.

Yeah, good luck.

Do you run into people dressed up as Snooki at Halloween parties?

Even if it’s not Halloween, I see girls dressing like me.  This one time, I saw this girl on the boardwalk, and she was wearing slippers.  I was like, what is this girl doing?  I only did that cause I was hungover.  And I didn’t feel like wearing my shoes to work, so I wore my slippers.  I guess I’m a fashion statement now.

Do you read what people blog about you?

No, I just look for pictures.  I don’t really care what people say about me.  I saw that one article where that guy proposed to me and I didn’t even know who he was.  That was weird.  But I see a lot of negative stuff and to be honest with you, it doesn’t really hurt my feelings.  It just makes me feel better about myself, so the haters should keep talking.

Did your dog really pee in the MTV lobby earlier today?

Yeah, and it got kicked out.  My poor doggy.

Could you see yourself going back to a regular, “non-celebrity” lifestyle.  Back to studying to be a vet tech and one day being a vet tech?  And being out of the spotlight?

Oh yeah.  I could definitely.  I wouldn’t be like, “Oh my God, what do I do? I have to go back to work!”  Being a vet tech is like my dream job, so I wouldn’t mind it at all.

If a fan meets you in a club, how can they make a good impression?

The best thing to do is just buy me a drink and be like, “I like Long Islands too.  Let’s get drunk.  Just be normal, ya know.  I’m a normal person.”

What’s the worst thing they can do?

The worst thing they can do is to come up to me and scream and cry in my face.  Cause you’re just gonna freak me out and I’ll run away.

At that point, one of the other reporters asked if Snooki would be sticking around after the show to go out downtown.  She told the disappointed gaggle of media folk that she had to head back home.  The crowd “awwwwwwwed”.  SNOOKI:  But I totally would.  I hear it’s like a big party city here.  (Chuckles from the media people.)  Is anyone drunk right now?

One of the local reporters responded, “A little bit.”

I’m pretty sure he wasn’t joking.

Here’s a quick interview w BU student entertainment guru Aaron Cohn about the upcoming visit from the Snookster.

So, uh, Snooki… she’s coming here to… sing? dance?  What exactly DOES Snooki do on an appearance?
Well, it’s not confirmed, but she might do a backflip.  The truth is though, she is so unpredictable that you never know exactly what she’ll do…just that it will be entertaining.  She will be coming with comedian who will be interacting with her on stage, and asking questions designed her to say funny things or tell funny stories. She’ll talk about the other characters on the show, give the inside scoop, and also open up for audience Q&A at the end.  Oh, and she’ll also be hosting/judging a "best abs" contest.
 
I’m a little bit hoping Snooki teaches a master class in something while she visits the university.  Though I’m pretty sure she didn’t go to college—at least, I can’t find any mention online…  Think we can get President McGrath to give her an honorary degree?
You’re in luck because she will be teaching a master class- in fist pumping.  And I’m pretty sure she’s in school to become a vet technician.
 
When Snooki went to James Madison back in March, the Facebook wall for the event had to be shut down because people started posting what’s been called racist things—and comments that she deserved to get punched.  I know it’s pretty early, but has the reaction to the booking been positive at BU?
Everyone has a reaction of some sort.  Tons of people love it.  Others…not so much.  But she’s entertaining any way you slice it. 
 
So obviously everybody wants to party with Snooki.  Do you get any sense from management that somebody could book her for an after-party in downtown Bing?
Hmmm…unfortunately I doubt it.  Seems like it wouldn’t be the safest thing to do. 
 
So Letterman’s fist-pumped with Snooki.  It’s gotta be something of an honor.  Will you do the obligatory backstage fistpump photo?
It. Will. Happen. 
 
Give us the dirty details.  Tickets?  Can non-U folks go?  When does stuff go on sale?
The details are all very clean:

Tickets go on sale THIS MONDAY, October 4th at 10am.  There are 2 ways to get your tickets (before they sell out!):
1. In person at the SA Box Office (located in the New Union directly underneath the food court).  It is open 10am to 7pm.
2. Over the PHONE by calling the box office at 607-777-4685. 

Tickets are $15 for public ($10 for students).

Oh, and the show is this Thursday, October 7th, at 8pm.  Doors will open at 7:30.  Seating is GA.

Not that you NEED to get immensely fat during Bing Restaurant Week—but it IS an option.  It’s also possible to eat healthy.  Grande’s, for instance, is offering broiled haddock on their menu—which can’t possibly be THAT bad for you, relatively speaking.  Little Venice has a grilled chicken with veggie side, the sushi at Sake Tumi is a safe bet, and Whole in the Wall has got their famous veggie stir-fry over brown rice. Yum.  In addition, Lost Dog has set up their menu with a choice of FOUR courses so you can opt out of desert and get a salad instead.  Always thinkin, that kooky lil Dog.

But I’m planning on getting fat.  And I welcome you to join me.

BTW, last Restaurant Week I ate at 7 restaurants in 9 days.  A form of madness that I highly recommend.

For those of you STILL unfamiliar with Bing Restaurant Week (hellllooooo…), it’s an expansion of “Downtown Bing Restaurant Week”—an event that started last spring.  “Borrowing” NYC’s restaurant week was the idea of Monica Michaels, owner of the tragically defunct Kilmer Brasserie.  (PS, if anybody can tell me what’s going into that space that isn’t just an unsubstantiated rumor, hit the little “send a tip” button on top of the page and I’ll give you a cookie.)

The Restaurant Week deal is this: 3 courses for $20 (dinner) or 3 courses for $8 (lunch).  Of course, the quality of the deal will vary a bit based on the original price point of the restaurant, but my sense is that the restaurants have gotten a bit more competitive this time around—working hard to offer the BEST deal in town based on the price of their normal menu.

Naturally, all this talk of eating out led to a conversation this morning between Lori and I about that friend you absolutely CAN’T take to dinner this week because they bitch about everything.  One of those people is my dad.  (Sorry, Dad.  I hope by publically humiliating you, your behavior will improve.)  But I know plenty of people who live right here in Binghamton that I will NOT be eating with at restaurant week.

You know who I’m talking about: the one who complains that the meat isn’t cooked to their EXACT specification, gives the server a miserable, annoyed look, and sends it back to the kitchen with a dismissive wave of their hand—as if it’s the server’s fault.  (And then gives a sh*tty tip.) That guy.  Or girl.

So be good this week, Binghamton.  Or I’m uninviting you from the cool kids table.  And I’ll spit in your food.  Cause the staff or the restaurant prolly won’t.

Anyway, during the course of this conversation, I decided to see if I could find an etiquette guide on the Interwebs that gave instructions as to how to behave when somebody really DID screw up your meal.  Here’s what I found, from whatscookingamerica.net:

If the food served is not to your liking, it is polite to at least attempt to eat a small amount of it. It is never acceptable to ask a person why they have not eaten all the food. Don’t make an issue if you don’t like something or can’t eat it - keep silence.

God, that’s TERRIBLE advice.  And probably written for somebody who’s dining at a friend’s home.  But it got me reading the rest of their advice.  And realizing how many etiquette rules are absolute hogwash to begin with.  I mean, fine; don’t talk with your mouth full; nobody wants mashed potato shrapnel flying at your face because you feel it necessary to discuss the finer points of the Obama administration’s economic policy mid-chew.  But WHY must the salt and pepper “travel together”.  Do they get lonely on their own?  And it’s ridiculous to call it “traveling”—they’re going across the table, not on a road trip to Nebraska.

So I’d like to present to you, 5 dumb-ass ettiquite rules from www.whatscookingamerica.net that I will NOT be following during Restaurant Week:

Always scoop food, using the proper utensil, away from you.
Seriously?  This just seems inefficient.  Why am I scooping food in a different direction that it eventually needs to go.  The shortest distance between two points is my mouth.

Try to pace your eating so that you don’t finish before others are halfway through.
I’ll eat my food as quickly as I damn well please.  If I finish first, there’s more time to get extra cocktails and pretend that your overindulgence was just "part of the meal".

Whenever a woman leaves the table or returns to sit, all men seated with her should stand up.
Sexist.  Sorry, it just is.  Although, to be clear, all should stand when I enter a room.  Not because of my gender.  Just because I’m awesome.

Asparagus:  Most etiquette books say that you can eat whole asparagus spears, without a sauce, by picking up with your hand. However, if you do this at a restaurant or dinner party, you will draw strange glances. Be safe and use your knife and fork to cut and eat them. Only pick asparagus up with your hands if the hostess does.
If your hostess smears her body with jam and starts yodeling in the middle of dinner, would you?  Eat with a knife and fork.  Unless you’re eating spaghetti.  Then you can eat with your hands…

Spaghetti: It is acceptable to cut pasta with a knife and fork. You can get some leverage by turning the pasta while holding the tines of your fork against the edge of your plate. It’s even correct to neatly cut the pasta if twirling is too hard.  If possible, serve warm pasta in warm, shallow bowls instead of on dinner plates. The sides of the bowl aids in turning pasta noodles on the fork.
I feel a little bit like an engineer wrote this rule.  And for whom, exactly, is twirling pasta too difficult.  If it is, I don’t want you eating at my table.  Or leaving your house for that matter.  You may be a danger to the public at large.

Soup: Dip the spoon into the soup, moving it away from the body, until it is about two-thirds full, then sip the liquid from the side of the spoon, without inserting the whole bowl of the spoon into the mouth.  It is perfectly fine to tilt the bowl slightly (again away from the body) to get the last spoonful or two of soup.  To eat bread while eating your soup, don’t hold the bread in one hand and your soup spoon in the other. When ready to eat a bite of your bread, place the spoon on the under plate, then use the same hand to take the bread to your mouth.
My lord, is it all right to bring the instruction manual to the table and consult it each time I want some tomato bisque?

Now that I’ve got all the DON’Ts out of the way, what SHOULD one do during Binghamton Restaurant Week?  Have fun.  Experiment.  Eat somewhere new.  Don’t be afraid to branch out—that’s what this week is all about.  And, even if you’re feeling a bit lazy, get off your ass!  If we don’t support our local businesses, they’ll go away.  So pick up the phone right now; find out if your restaurant of choice takes a reservation, and if so, make one.

I’m not the only one that has something to say about Bing Restaurant Week (or BingRW as “the kids” are callin’ it).  Check out these other fine digital publications for more opinions.  Just remember to bookmark THIS digital publication first…

TASTING BINGHAMTON
http://tastingbinghamton.blogspot.com/2010/09/binghamton-restaurant-week-preview.html
HER CAMPUS
http://hercampus.com/school/binghamton/best-binghamton-restaurant-week
COLLEGE TUNA
http://collegetuna.com/binghamton/2010/08/binghamton-restaurant-week-top-5-reasons-to-go/

Well, that’s not the ONLY thing I like about Glee.  I’m also kind of a musical theater geek.  And I like that between tightly harmonized show choir renditions of Lady Gaga songs about people taking their clothes off, Glee is indoctrinating the world with Stephen Sondheim songs.  And Stephen Schwarz songs.  And Stephen Flaherty songs.

Crap I never realized that every musical theater composer who ever lived is named Stephen.  Weird.

Anyway, I ALSO love that the dialogue swings wildly back and forth between incredibly inappropriate adult humor and “High School Musical” style cheeseball lines.

OK, I love everything about Glee.  But I love Sue Sylvester best.  And FINALLY Sue’s got a new foil.  Because who can be more dick than the cheerleading coach?  The football coach, it seems.  That’s right, McKinley High’s got a brand new football coach: Shannon Beiste.  And she’s played by a world-champion arm-wrestler.

What?

That’s right, I said a world-champion arm-wrestler.  Now that kicks ass.  Her name is Dot Jones and she’s that woman you know from everything else you’ve ever seen but can’t place because she’s never got that big part.  Well now she’s got that big part.  And FOX invited me and Lori to interview her on that other little media gig I’m involved in…

CLICK TO JUMP OVER THERE AND CHECK OUT THE INTERVIEW

Glee premieres tonight on FOX.  8 PM.  But you should really be at Binghamton Restaurant Week.  So just TiVo the damn thing and go have a nightlife.

But I will say this: The “Great” New York State Fair knows how to fry sh*t.  I put “Great” in quotes, not because it isn’t—it is pretty great—but because I think it’s funny that all you have to do to make something great is to call it that.  On a related note, I shall henceforth be known as The Excellent and Awesome Joshua B.

It’s true:  the Great NYS Fair knows how to fry sh*t and I, as it turns out, know how to eat fried sh*t.  Oreos, cheese curds, Twinkies, Snickers, Pop Tarts, dough, pizza… if they can get breading to stick to the sides, they’ll throw it into boiling hot oil and charge you 7 dollars.  They’ll even fry chicken.  Imagine that.

The holy grail of fried foods, as it turns out, is the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Not sure why this is true; perhaps it’s because the PB&J is the best sandwich ever invented and frying things is the ONLY thing proven to make just about anything taste better.  But for whatever reason, it’s highly desirable.  And awfully hard to find.  As any holy grail should be.

We really did spend an awful lot of time looking for that fabulous sandwich.  But along the way, we had some other adventures too.  Adventures that involved milk, grilled chicken, and potatoes.

OK, all our adventures involved food.

Here are just a few of them:

25 CENT MILK.  AND COWS!
Having recently learned that cows make milk (see previous entry) I was especially excited to find out that the Fair has both cows and milk in the same place.  And 25 cent milk at that!  To be totally honest, I don’t really get the milk appeal, but Jason was very excited about it…

I have to take a brief interlude here to explain about my friend Jason.  Jason has what I consider to be a slightly unhealthy obsession with the Great New York State Fair.  Why unhealthy?  “It’s like my Christmas,” he explains.  I’m not sure what dreadful things Santa brought him as a child that 25 cent milk is more appealing, but whatever it was, Jason promised to be my guide to the Fair.  And he was, displaying a deft understanding of where to find just about anything in that maze of food vendors, carnival games, music stages, and livestock—including cows!

A quick visit to the NYSFair web site will tell you that milk is New York’s “official state drink”.  What they don’t tell you is that it’s also the official state drink of Arkansas, Delaware, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nebraska, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, and Wisconsin.  (In Rhode Island it’s ‘coffee milk’, whatever that is.)  BTW, Nebraska has TWO state drinks.  Milk AND Kool-Aid.  No joke.

So I suppose in light of the state drink thing, it was only appropriate that I tried New York State milk at what was inexplicably called the “Rainbow Milk Bar.”  I guess because the milk comes in BOTH regular and chocolate.  But because I was a bit underenthused about the milk bar, I asked Jason to explain why it makes him so… giddy.  He responded with the following text message segments—each 160 characters or less…

“The Rainbow Milk Bar is a 60-year-old tradition celebrating a cherished New York industry…”
“…Drinking the delicious milk is a nostalgic experience that harkens back to a simpler time…”
“…in a day where the wholesomeness of milk is perverted by flavors and growth hormones…”
“…The Rainbow Milk Bar takes us back to a time where you didn’t need flashy packaging, high-fructose corn syrup, or hyper-sweetened drinks…”
“…Back to a time when all you needed was a quarter in your pocket and a smile on your face…”

We’re trying to get Jason a job writing tourism brochures for historical landmarks in small towns with old mills and civil war statues.  Seems appropriate.

Anyway, the 25 cent milk WAS delicious.  Although—are you listening Great New York State Fair?—the chocolate milk could use a bit more syrup.

What was more interesting to me was the butter sculpture.  Which rotated magically under its own power.  Or at least seemed to.  3200 sticks of butter were used to make the thing—enough to top 6400 large tubs of popcorn… God, I’m getting hungry.  And it was sculpted by husband/wife team Marie Pelton and Jim Victor, who also once created two famous football players entirely out of pepperoni, cheese and olives.  Wow.

This year’s sculpture was entitled “Dairyville 2020”, and the idea was to create a model for sustainable farms of the future.

Then, of course, there were the cows.  Jason was always yelling at me to pet things.  Baby cows.  Baby chicks.  Having grown in North Jersey, there weren’t a lot of opportunities to pet barnyard animals.  Of course, he’d also warn me in advance of petting anything… “Be careful! The cows kick.” “Baby chicks!  Careful… you could get salmonella.”

He also felt it necessary to ask every dairy farmer in the “Toyota Dairy Cattle Center”—(why exactly are cows sponsored by Toyota?)—if the brown cows give chocolate milk.  :: Hangs head in shame. ::

STUFF THAT ISN’T FRIED
Everything at the fair is fried.  EVERYTHING.  Well, almost everything.  I was starving on the drive up and begged Jason to stop.  He refused, saying there’d be plenty to eat once we arrived.  Which was an excellent theory, until he missed the off-ramp and spent an extra hour in traffic.  I was pretty much famished when we got there, and on a mission to find something legitimately healthy to eat.  Finally, after another hour of searching, we found the ONE vendor at the fair that offered a grilled chicken sandwich.  Luckily, there were plenty of terribly unhealthy options at the same spot for Jason to sample.  We grabbed something called “Potatoes O’Reilly”, which were basically thinly sliced potatoes, deliciously soaked in oil, and Jason got a bacon and cheese sandwich.  Here’s how Jason ordered…  Jason: “Hey, what’s on a bacon and cheese sandwich?” Girl: “…bacon and cheese.”  Jason: “Oh… OK… I’ll have one of those.”

EXTREME SCULPTURE
I always thought ice-sculpting was pretty kick-ass—that is, until I saw the “Master of the Chainsaw”, Brian Ruth.  His “X-Treme Power Sculptor” performance involves transforming ordinary logs into things that are, well, surprisingly dainty and cute.  Things like heron.  Aww.  According to nysfair.org, he’s there EVERY DAY, creating four pieces a day.  I truly hope that he’s available for events like weddings and children’s birthday parties—because nothing says young Bobby’s birthday like a sculpture that requires a metal cage, power tools, and safety goggles to craft.  Carve on, my friend.  Carve on.

THE NEON CHICKENS
I would honestly go to the fair just to see this in person.  I’ve seen people die food unnatural colors before just to make sure the kids will care, but I’ve never seen the principal applied to livestock.  Until now.  Green!  Blue!  Red!  These chickens are like an unwitting pop punk band in a cage.  And I’m SO all about it.

The neon chicken area is ALSO where I got to hold a live chick.  My live chick hated me.  And kept trying to jump out of my hands.   Potentially, to its death.  Baby chickens can’t fly, right?  But it seemed willing to endure the 4 foot drop to the floor below just so it would be done with me.  Jason couldn’t understand why I was so timid with the animals, but what with the salmonella warning, could you really blame me?

THE WINE SLUSHIES
I had never even HEARD of a wine slushy until I moved upstate.  Now, I’m not sure why they’re not available EVERYWHERE.  State fair veterans should pay attention here—there’s a change from last year.  Previously, the wine slushy tent was roped off from the rest of the fair, forcing slushy drinkers, who were clearly there ONLY for the booze, to make idle chit-chat with their fair-going companions… until they were finished and able to free themselves from the confines of slushy zone.  Starting this year, however, the slushies may roam free!  Free to wander over to the fried oreo tent—opening up the possibility for endless dipping combinations.  Free to head over the midway, where one might partake in my very favorite carnival game of all: lobbing dirty old baseballs at empty glass beer bottles.

However, there IS a tradeoff.  No longer can one buy a giant 20-ounch plastic souvenir wine slushy cup.  We’re now forced to buy 10-ounce flimsy plastic cup after 10-ounce flimsy plastic cup of slushy yum to get our wine buzz on.  Jason had thought we were limited to 2 cups per order, but, after I left the tent, he emerged a moment later with three cups—a practice he charmingly referred to as “triple-fisting”.  WARNING: Wine slushies can and do cause wine slushy brain freeze.  Drink with caution.  Or, at the very least, slowly.

THE CHEAP SEATS
The Great New York State Fair has a truly phenomenal line-up of concerts this year.  Aerosmith, Rihanna, Justin Bieber, Sean Kingston, Tim McGraw, Rascal Flatts, Kellie Pickler—whoever’s doing their booking is doing a kick-ass job.  Of course, they can only bring in the big names if we go and buy the big tickets.  So make sure you support the shows.  Try to pay for at least ONE show this year…

And do as I say, not as I do.  Because I’m way poor right now.  And couldn’t afford a ticket for Rihanna.  Who I really, really, really wanted to see live.

See, there’s a story here.  A long, long time ago (5 years) in a land far, far away (NYC), I worked at a radio station and actually met Rihanna in person.  She had just released her first single and I, frankly, wasn’t sure how far she was going to go as an artist…

God I’m a f*ing idiot.  I mean, stupid beyond reason.  I couldn’t have asked for one little autograph?

Anyway, ever since then I’ve desperately wanted to see her in concert.  So thank God, again, for my NYSFair veteran Jason.  He told me that if you REALLLLLY wanna see a show and REALLLLLLY don’t have the cash, there’s always the super-obstructed cheap-ass viewing option.  THIS was my view of the last half-hour of the Rihanna concert.  All I paid was general admission to the fair.  And as you can see, I was NOT alone…

THE FRIED PB&J
Only ONE DAMN VENDOR at the fair makes fried PB&J.  And let me just say this: the other fried food vendors aren’t always that happy to direct you to their competition.  But who else are you supposed to ask?  There’s not exactly a fried food map to the fair.  After hours of searching, we finally found the PB&J people.  And man, did we hit the jackpot.  There’s almost nothing they wouldn’t fry.  In fact, their sign says it all: “You bring it, we’ll fry it.”  Quite an offer, considering the guy that created fried beer in Texas burned himself on the deep fryer several times before figuring out you had to wrap it in a pocket of pretzel dough first.

Now here’s the thing about fried PB&J…  Um, it really isn’t that great. Certainly not worth the 5-hours quest.  And it’s not the fault of the fryer!  Certainly, they used good ingredients.  Their PB&J tasted great on its own.  And the fried coating tasted great on their cheese curds.  But some things simply aren’t meant to be fried.  I know; I’m as shocked as the next Chicken McNugget addict!  …now fried oreos on the other hand…  it’s like somebody wrapped up heaven in a nice little pouch of powdered sugar and delivered it straight to the state fair.  :: contented sign ::

ANYWAY
This is clearly not a consummate guide to the Great New York State Fair.  In fact, it’s not even a consummate guide to the FOOD of the New York State Fair.  And that’s about all I covered.  If you consider neon chickens food.  Which clearly I do.  But the bottom line is you just need to go explore on your own.  Find your own neon chicken.  Find your own fried PB&J.  And maybe even find something at the fair that isn’t food.  You never know…

Drake is famous for a bunch of reasons. He can sing, he can act, and he was a regular on Canadian teen drama ‘Degrassi:  The Next Generation’.  But perhaps the coolest piece of trivia I’ve discovered about Drake is that he’s become so famous as a singer/rapper that his real-world persona is actually referred to by name by CHARACTERS in the 2010 Degrassi TV movie.  Characters who knew the guy that Drake PLAYED on the show.  As in, “ ‘Hey, let’s go see Drake in concert.’  ‘Wait, you mean the hip-hop artist slash actor who pretended to be our wheelchair confined high school friend for all those years?’ ‘Yeah, him!’ “

Trippy.

Anyway, if you’ve been living under a rock for the last few years.  Or if you’re one of those people who “only listens to Morning Edition”—yeah, I know who you are—here’s a YouTube of one of Drake’s big singles…

Even though the news of his impending concert was leaked to some OTHER news outlet first—ahem, I don’t hold a grudge—I asked BU’s “Lord of the Concert” Aaron Cohn for a brief interview about how one gets a mega-gigundo-hyper-famous superstar rapper to come to lil ole Bing.

PS: If you need any proof of how fabulously famous Drake is, a recent free South Street Seaport show to promote his new album had to be canceled when it attracted 25,000 fans instead of the expected 10,000.  Of course, Drake was supposed to perform in conjunction with Hanson.  So you take your pick as to who the real draw was…  I mean, that Kevin Jonas is dreamy.

What’s that, you say?  Kevin’s not in Hanson?  Then who the hell are the Hansons?

Oh crap.  That ‘Mmmbop’ song.  25,000 people?  Just think how many more would’ve shown if they had canned Hanson in advance.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: BingPop has received assurances that Hanson will NOT be appearing with Drake at BU.)

I always wonder what the politics of choosing an act for a college show are like.  Is there a vote? Is there a smoke-filled back room?  Do you flip a coin?
Haha.  There are certainly politics involved, and the smoke-filled back room with just a few people used to be the place these types of decisions really were made. It was hit and miss.  In the last year, however, we’ve started leveraging technology and making the process more data-driven, with online surveys distributed to the entire student body.  In short, we figure out what the ticket price of various shows would be, and we ask students to rank each of our choices from 1-5.  Needless to say, Drake finished pretty darn high.

Beyond that, things like artist fee/value, tour routing (if they’re coming through NYC, the northeast, etc., we can usually get a much better deal and the artist is more likely to accept a college date), and little things like artist buzz play a factor.  I also put a lot of weight on the gut instincts of my concerts chair and entire programming board…often times they’re the deciding factor when we’ve got tough choices to make.

Of course, the other half of the coin is the greater Binghamton community.  We really haven’t figured out a great way to gauge what they would like to see.  So on that front, we kind of need to go with what the students want (since that’s what we can obtain data on), and hope the community gets excited as well. 

What are the dirty details re when tickets go on sale to public vs students; and prices?
You got your story right- tickets are on sale online 10am Thursday, September 2nd.  There will be a nice big link on sa.binghamton.edu.  They’re all general admission.  We managed to keep the prices really fair for this one- $36 each (plus a $2 facility fee and $2 convenience charge).  That said, this show is 2 days after two sold out dates at Radio City Music Hall, where the cheapest ticket to be had was $56 and the good seats were $106.  And since the Events Center isn’t that big, everywhere in the building is going to be a good view.
Since BU undergrads pay an activity fee for events like these, their tickets are slightly cheaper- $28, and also available atsa.binghamton.edu.

Backstage riders are legendary.  Any stories you can share about past acts and what kind of fun stuff you had to get for ‘em?  You don’t necessarily have to tell us the NAMES…
We haven’t had anything too legendary in recent years…of course, artists ALWAYS ask for alcohol (often fancy types), which we cannot buy with state dollars.  We’ve also been asked for raw kombucha, goji berries, "non-domestic" chocolate, baby wipes, and deodorant to name a few.  Whatever it takes to keep the artist happy…we pride ourselves on being the most professional programming boards around.

Drake is a pretty big get?  How hard is it to negotiate getting the show to Binghamton?
Again, there’s always a variety of factors, and a lot of times it comes down to routing.  We are fortunate being just three hours from New York City, and that’s how we’ve swung some of our biggest acts in recent years like Green Day and the Foo Fighters.  In terms of the negotiation, it is also tough because we fight hard to keep our ticket prices as low as possible on all of our shows, both for students and the community.  Fortunately, at the end of the day the artist has the same goal as we do; pack the house.  So in terms of negotiation, we usually hit a happy medium in terms of costs. 
 
Funny thing about Binghamton: sometimes people go to a show not because it’s their favorite artist, but just cause it’s a BIG show that’s coming to town and we don’t get that many.  How do you describe Drake too, say, um, your Mom who might want to go see a concert in town?
Drake isn’t your typical rapper in a lot of ways.  Yes, his songs are catchy, and his album "Thank Me Later" was one of the biggest of the summer.  If you haven’t heard of him, take a listen on iTunes- there’s a reason he is so popular amongst young people right now.

But to my mom…honestly I would describe him as a "nice Jewish boy" because he is in fact Jewish (and had a Bar Mitzvah)! He is also Canadian, and started out as an actor playing the character Jimmy, a boy in a wheelchair, on the popular show "Degrassi." To any mom’s who are GLEE fans, I heard someone joke the other day that they planned to show up to the concert in a wheelchair with a "Team Artie" shirt on…thought it was pretty clever.

But in short, it’s guaranteed to be a fun show.  If you’re not familiar with Drake, but just want to head to an energy-filled concert, this may be one to check out.

DRAKE IS COMING TO BINGHAMTON UNIVERSITY.

Also stolen is the fact that tickets go on sale Thursday.

This is all.

PS: For more info on the tour, check out this MTV article.  Yay the word "Binghamton" appearing on MTV.com!

BUT

The world doesn’t run on tradition alone.  Part of my mission at BingPop has been too highlight the hot; the new; the trendy.  And to point out that some pretty traditional charities/organizations/venues in town are testing the waters with some brand new attention-grabbing adventures.  So without further ado… I present to you… (And I didn’t even need a rhyming dictionary for that brilliant little wordplay…)

REALLY COOL CRAP THAT PEOPLE ARE DOING TO GET YOU TO NOTICE THEM, BINGHAMTON!

COW CHIP BINGO
CATHOLIC CHARITIES OF NORWICH
OK, to be fair, this tradition isn’t that new.  It’s 12 years old.  But it’s cool as crap.  Pardon the pun.  Get it?  Cool as crap?  Cause it’s cow chips?  (God, I’m good.)

You can probably figure out what this is all about.  The cows are fed.  Very well fed.  And then released onto a giant board filled with numbers and, well, grass.  Which is the perfect place for cows to, well, “go”.  To the bathroom.  And once the cow has, well, “gone”, the resulting “mass” is examined to determine exactly which numbered box it landed on.  Contestants purchase the numbered boxes in advance for a chance to win cash money prizes.

Cash for poop.  Now THIS is sport.

Well, come on, it’s more interesting than soccer.  Or paint drying.  (Equivalent.)

Now I’m perfectly willing to concede I might only find this event “fascinatin’” ‘cause I’m a “city boy”.  Like cow tipping and the idea that cows give milk—cows give milk, can ya believe it?!—it’s one of those things that you don’t learn about when you buy all your chicken from street-corner pushcarts or in styrofoam fast food containers.  PS, now that I’ve realized meat comes from nature and isn’t grown in a lab, it DOES seem odd that it can come in kid-friendly shapes.  Way to go, Perdue!

Now here’s what I think could make this event a BIT more interesting: urban cow chip Bingo.  COURT STREET is roped off from River Read Books to L’aveggio Roastera, spectators can watch from the sidewalk—maybe the sidewalk seating at Sake Tumi—and egg the cows on like contestants on the Price is Right…  Or better yet: Bird Crap Bingo!  In Bingo!  Just release a fleet of pigeons downtown and the numbered squares could just be peoples heads.  The possibilities are limitless.

OK, let’s move on…

WARP SPEED WEDNESDAYS
THE ROBERSON CENTER

If you’re a Star Wars fan, go away.  Any halfway intelligent human being clearly realizes that Star Trek is superior to Star Wars.  Like that time that Geordi from Star Trek: The Next Generation got trapped on a ship full of stupid people that only kidnapped him because they were too damn stupid to fix their own stupid ship—that’s what I feel like when I’m trapped in a room full of people who like Star Wars better than Star Trek.  And if you’re offended: Hab SoSlI’ Quch!

(That’s Klingon for something terribly insulting.  I’d translate it here but I’ve got too much class.)

Anyway, the reason this is so important to establish is because the Roberson Museum folks have oh-so-wisely chosen Star Trek (over Star Wars) to show before planetarium shows during Warp Speed Wednesdays.  I’m going to assume that’s it not JUST because Hyperspace Wednesdays sounds dumb.

Here’s out it worked: every Wednseday during the month of August, Roberson projected a Star Trek episode on the ceiling of the planetarium.  Besides making you very, very sleepy (from the reclining seats) and slightly injuring your neck (I doubt this is permanent), it was a great hook to get total dweebs like me into the museum.  I gave it a go this past Wednseday, walking into the museum about 5 minutes after the start of the episode—which is a bit tragic, because I was totally looking forward to the warble of the original Star Trek Theme (which, if you’re curious, is best sung by uttering the words “wah, waaaaah, wah wah wah wah wah” over and over again).

The episode shown was “All Our Yesterdays”.  It goes a little bit like every other episode of Star Trek: Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beam to a clearly dangerous planet with wild, reckless abandon.  The three get separated, usually in a configuration that allows Spock and McCoy to do lots of knee-slappingly funny bickering.  Kirk almost has sex but doesn’t.  Some kind of time travel accident occurs that involves the screen flickering and somebody vanishing—(that was apparently the only special effect available to all of science fiction in the 60s).  And then an alien with a weird head is defeated.  Occasionally the alien with the weird head is also the one Kirk tries to have sex with.

The showing was populated mainly by moms or dads with their kids; I was actually pretty impressed to see how many 8-year-olds sat fascinated, wordless, watching 50-year-old television. That is, until a late-arrival family sat down in the row right in front of me.  The young boy with them, exuberant, immediately exclaimed, “It’s Star Trek!”

Apparently he knew that I missed the opening credits. 

It was pretty cute.  The first time.  The 5th time, it stopped being so cute.  Luckily, his parents silenced him after a bit.  So I didn’t have to move forward my hastily constructed emergency plan to silence him by shouting , “Three of the original cast members are dead, you hear me?! DEAD!”  See how exuberant you are after that, little punk.

Not long after Star Trek ended, the planetarium show began.  I hadn’t been to a planetarium show since I was, like, 5, so I didn’t really know what to expect.  Basically, what I got was a rundown of that night’s sky, narrated by the museum’s expert.  Although I wasn’t immediately inspired to become on astronomer, I did pick up on a few facts I hadn’t known before: 1) If you look the haze of the Milky Way with binoculars, you can actually make out more distant stars (cool).  2) The little dipper is fainter than the big dipper because it’s further away (not as cool, but something you can tell people at parties so they think you’re smart than they are).  3) Children will immediately fall silent and become fascinated by laser pointers and will not speak again until the laser disappears (useful, see above).

PS: Children will also become immediately fascinated by the ENORMOUS Nintendo Wii screen that’s part of the current Roberson Champions exhibit.  And the rest of us will find it to be a fun way to spend a Sunday afternoon if we’re too cheap to buy our own Wii.  Which I am.  See you at the Roberson…

BTW, I e-mailed the Roberson’s new marketing director Jason Fuime at 4:45 PM on a Thursday afternoon because I wanted to find out more about Warp Speed Wednesdays.  Also because I’m a bit sadistic and like making good-spirited, hard-working folk work late.  (Thanks for doing this on short notice, Jason.)

* So why Star Trek? Why not, say, Star Wars? Battlestar Gallactica?
Star Trek is a household name.  No matter what age you are, you’ve likely seen some form or version of Star Trek in your life.  Our planetarium guys also have a great interest in Star Trek and helped develop the name Warp Speed Wednesdays.  They were certainly thrilled to showcase some of their favorite episodes during the promotion. 
 
* How’s the attendance been? And who’s coming? Big dorks like me or everybody?
Attendance has varied during the month we’ve offered the free shows, some days busier than others.  We’ve had some positive feedback for providing a show to weekday visitors, since Roberson does not have scheduled planetarium shows Wednesdays or Thursdays.  As far as who’s coming — all kinds of people including the Trekkies.  We saw a bunch of families with younger kids stop in for the show as part of their visit to the museum.

* Any plans to do this in the future… (We hope so.)
It’s too early to say if we’ll do a similar promotion in the future.  But we are hoping to make some upgrades to the planetarium in the near future, which may result in new shows and more fun offerings like this one.

THE DONNER SUMMER DANCE-OFF
FLASHBACKS

Radio DJs, generally speaking, are meet and greet whores.  I myself am no exception.  It’s not that we actually care about meeting the famous person in question (most of the time).  It’s just that we really like posting the photo on our Facebook and have admiring acquaintances say things like, “OH MY GOD, YOU MET ENGLEBERT HUMPERDINK?!”

I, for the record, have not met Englebert Humperdink.  But I have met KC form KC and the Sunshine Band.  Which is awesome.

And if a meet and greet whore tells you he doesn’t count the number of minutes he gets to spend with said celebrity, he’s a dirty rotten liar.

I got to spend 45 seconds with Rob Thomas.  And spend a good 45 minutes figuring out the optimal photo crop to make it look like there WEREN’T 15 people in this photo.

The reason I’m telling you this is because the Donna Summer meet and greet at next week’s Anderson Center is a hot ticket to get.  APPARANTLY her management is demanding that it NOT be a “cattle call meet and greet”.  Which is really nice for the people who can actually win and/or sleep their way in.  It means you might get to spend a full 46 seconds with her.  And maybe the only person cooler to meet and greet than KC from KC and the Sunshine Band is Donna Summer.  Or maybe Elvis.  But that’s just because he’s dead.

Now the reason I’m telling you this is because you have ONE LAST CHANCE to win your way in to the meet and greet.  Tonight.  At Flashbacks.  The Donna Summer Dance-Off.

The other thing you should know about radio DJs is we take a certain delight in making people do fabulously embarrassing things for prizes.  And if there’s anything more embarrassing than wearing bellbottoms and go go boots to a club in 2010, please let me know so I can make it a radio contest.

The action starts at 9.  And if you know what’s good for your sense of superiority, you’ll be there.  In normal clothes.  (If you want to meet Donna Summer though… AND sit in the front row, you’d better be in costume—preferably drunk out of your mind.  I’m still trying to decide if I’m feeling that desperate: stay tuned.)

The DJ running the contest is Q107’s own Heather Black.  She’s a nicer person than I am, so I don’t think she revels in other people’s embarrassment, but I asked her for a quick e-mail interview just to make sure…

* So the poster says to impress with your "groovy moves". What exactly must one do to impress? Are there PARTICULAR Groovy Moves that will be required?
None in particular. One person actually visited a local store and asked for a copy of "Saturday Night Fever" on DVD to do his research! Anything disco, flamboyant, fun, and groovy!

* Costuming: How all out to you expect people to go. Any tips on where to shop around town?
It’s up to the participant. Obviously, we will be basing part of the contest on how retro and fun the costume is, so I recommend bringing out your inner polyester party!

Lots of people have asked if I have ideas on where to shop. I say find a relative who just can’t get rid of anything (even from the 70s!) and raid their closet, or hit up your nearest thrift store. You can always find fun stuff browsing secondhand racks, and you can’t beat the price!

* Will you, in fact, be in costume for said event?
Let’s just say I plan to "dress to impress!"

But come running they have.  In fact, if you were jogging down the Vestal Rail Trail behind the Parkway Subway on Tuesday night, you’ve already seen a flashmob in person.

But let’s go back to basics.  For those of you who have been living in a hole for the last 5 years and are just discovering the ‘interweb’ for the first time, “What is a flashmob?” Wikipedia, clearly the most reliable reference material ever conceived of by man, defines a flashmob as “a large group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and pointless act for a brief time, then disperse.”

That’s right, my friends, flashmobs are the Seinfeldian cousin of the political rally.  People assemble for no reason whatsoever, perform a task that has no intrinsic value, and then disassemble to no place in particular—although, realistically, they probably disassemble to get plastered at a pub down the street.  (After Tuesday night’s Rail Trail flashmob, a few of us reassembled at the outdoor seating of the Vestal Uno’s, apparently chosen because “it has more shrubbery than the outdoor seating of the Vestal TGI Friday’s.”)

The first successful flash mob, legend has it (and by ‘legend’, I again mean Wikipedia), was held at a Manhattan Macy’s June 3rd, 2003.  A group of 100 participants assembled around a giant rug on the 9th floor of the department store and, when approached by bewildered salespeople, explained that they “all lived together in a warehouse loft and searching for a ‘loverug’ large enough to accommodate the entire group”.

Since then, flashmobs have evolved into everything from mass pillow fights in urban parks and silent discos in underground subways to massive reenactments of Michael Jackson videos.  The silent disco—one of my favorite kinds of flashmob—involves gathering a large groups of people into one place with IPods and headphones who then listen to their own favorite song and dance about wildly in anything but unison.  A flash mob true-ist will tell you that a flashmob MUST be organized on the Internet by a group of volunteers bent on doing nothing more than having a senselessly good time.  They’ll tell you that a publicity stunt planned by a corporate marketing department DOES NOT COUNT; nor does Oprah’s giant staging of the Black Eyed Peas track “I Gotta Feeling”.

What’s perhaps most unusual about the flashmobs that have cropped up in Greater Binghamton over the past few weeks is that they’re all organized by a church: Grace Adventure.

Grace Adventure bills itself as a “church without a building”.  A recent e-mail from the church’s pastor, Annette Snedaker, goes something like this: “We all know that young adults are a missing population in today’s churches.  Let’s face it: the population in general, is declining in churches.  But yet, the world needs people reaching out to others in love and compassion more than ever!  So… there are a group of us trying to do something that will bring young adults back to talking about their spirituality, and making a difference in the community in non-traditional ways and spaces.”

And to get rolling, Grace Adventure has staged two “freeze mobs”.  One at Spiedie Fest and the other at the Rail Trail.  A freeze mob is a form of flashmobbing wherein participants synchronize their watches, stroll casually into a public place, and then all freeze at the exact same moment.  After a few minutes, they all unfreeze and proceed about their business as if nothing unusual has happened.  Check out this very famous freeze mob at Grand Central Station to get acquainted…

Now the Grace Adventure people have chosen to flashmob for a cause.  A different cause each time.  Their Spiedie Fest mob was designed to support CHOW; participants were asked to bring canned food before they took part.  And their Rail Trail mob was held to support the Southern Tier AIDS Program’s “Dog Gone Fun on the Run”.  People were asked to bring pet food or doggie toys to the event.  To give STAPs event the extra push, many of the freezers stood still with Doggone flyers in hand.

I’m gonna make an admission here: I had my doubts about the Rail Trail flash mob. For one thing, you need a critical mass of non-participants to make these things work.  Luckily, the good weather had brought out a decent amount of early evening strollers, runners, and dog-walkers.  My other concern was that we only had about 20 people there to take part.  But what I realized right away is that ANY out-of-the-ordinary behavior interrupting somebody’s early evening routine gets attention pretty quick.  Even if the interruption only comes from one nutball.  Now multiply that effect by twenty.

One two-some from our group held a freeze-frisbee game in the middle of the path.  A family stood off to one side, all in a row, as if frozen in the middle of their afternoon walk.  And as you might expect, half the fun is watching the spectators—which ones turn their head, which ones stop to look, and which ones, faced with the unexpected, try to ignore the event as if doing so would stop it from happening.

Grace Adventure isn’t content to stop with Flashmobs.  They’ve got a whole slate of non-traditional church events planned, including “Theology on Tap” at Kelly’s in Endicott, an “open house” held at Mad Mouse Saloon, and a “Teahouse Talk” at Vestal’s famous bubble tea joint behind Denny’s.

Annette Snedaker took a moment away from planning the future of religion as we know it to answer a few questions about freezemobs and other fun nonsense…

So I missed the Spiedie Fest Flash Mob; how did it go?  What was the idea there?
Hilarious!  6 folks from Grace Adventure showed up and then we recruited about 15 high school students there. The things people say as they walk by a group of "frozen" people is quite funny!  They say things such as, "Do you think she will move if I….(fill in the blank)"  The Spedie Fest mob was for CHOW.  Everyone brought a non perishable food item.  We decided on CHOW because we realize people have been hard hit with the economy the way it is right now. 

Where’d you get the idea for the mob. Any particular stunt you saw on the Internet inspire you?
The idea of a mob came out of the fact that I was a youth leader a year ago and my youth group talked about doing one.  I looked it up on You Tube and decided it was a great idea.  Unfortunately, we never did one as a group, but I forwarde the idea to Grace Adventure.  I hope some of them come do one with us!  We would love to do a dancing mob someday like the one that took place in Grand Central Station.

How have people reacted so far?
I’m not sure if you mean to the mobs or to Grace Adventure.  To the mobs…people think its a fresh, easy, and fun way to bring awareness to a cause.  Folks are excited to get out there and make a difference in unique ways.  Its a way to do something for the community that leads to laughter, meeting new people, and making a difference.  People want to help, but sometimes they don’t know where to begin.
To Grace Adventure, people have reacted very positively.  Honestly, the fact that we are a church still scares people.  There is a lot of "baggage" with the word and organization we call church.  Sometimes people say, "I’m not a church person" or "I’m not religious."  So I’ll ask, "What does that mean?"  A lot of times it means they feel they will be judged, not that they don’t belive in a God.  It’s so sad and awful that church has the reputation of judging and building barriers, but I understand why.  I have seen church hurt people;  People I love and care about.  So Grace Adventure is trying to break those barriers down!  The church has done a lot of good in this world too!  So the more I get to know someone and once they start meeting people on the Grace Adventure team, they see that we really are a group of people trying to do good, but are not set on one way of believing, talking about God, or practicing spirituality.  There are more people then one might think who are looking for some type of faith/"do-good" experience in their life, but would never find what they need in a traditional church.  Honestly, as a pastor, I am much more comfortable outside a traditional church as well…probably for the same reasons a lot of other people are. But I believe there is a God calling us to lend one another a hand.  (But do I think God is a guy?  Heck no!  Do I believe the Bible is the infallible word of God?  Nope.  It was written by men who, just like you and I, were on a faith journey trying to describe and learn from their own experiences.  So there is a lot to learn from it, but also a lot that is completely irrelevant to our lives today).

Does your idea of building the church through community involvement have a model?  Another church?
A model?  I have researched and been trained in starting a new church; however, I do not know of any other church that has no building.  As far as I have heard, Grace Adventure is the only church I know who NEVER wants to be put in a building.  Office space?  Maybe.  That sure would help me find my dining room table.  But a building where we gather?   Not in our future!  We want to guarantee ourselves and the community that we will always be present and active…doing what our God calls the church to do, which is to get off our butts, get to know the community around us, and try to meet their needs.  Church is something we should DO…NOT a place where we go. 

Besides Flash Mobs, what other adventures do you have up your sleeve?
Up our sleeves?  Haha!  We have ideas coming out our pant legs too!  We are really excited about the upcoming Theology on Tap, Alzheimer’s Walk, Doggone Fun Run, CHOW walk, a flash mob on Veteran’s Day to benefit another undecided organization, mission trips to NYC, Arkansas, and other places. We have an Open House coming up for people to come check us out.  We will offer free pizza and soda.  Its at the Mad Moose on August 31 and our band will be playing known tunes from Lady Antebellum to U2.  Join us for a bite to eat and to meet the Grace Adventure team!  We have a lot more ideas, but we are about 20 people strong right now.  Once more people come on board, we will be able to do more!

::: Hang on; I gotta google this. :::

Podophobia.  That’s what I got.  A fear of feet.  No foot fetish at all, nosiree, not me.  I once had a friend with a shop vac fetish.  Not sure why that’s relevant—but it is true.  And I’ve been looking for a chance to mention it in the blog.  Cause it doesn’t happen everyday.

Anyway, when Sheila McDonald told me she’d like to hang off monkey bars and do a little barefoot dance on my back for my therapeutic pleasure, I was a bit, shall we say… skeptical.

For one thing, having somebody stand on your back requires a bit of trust.  I’ve never personally had my spine broken but I imagine it’s not an altogether pleasant experience.  And for another, I have that thing about feet.  Or rather, a lack of a thing about feet (see above).

But I’m always up for an adventure.  Especially if there’s something to fret about in advance.  And Sheila struck me as being the kind of person to have particularly clean feet.  So I decided to take a leap of faith.  Get it?  Leap of faith?  :::heavy, embarrassed sigh:::

(I also did a bit of googling to make sure Sheila wasn’t making the whole thing up to test out some kind of “experimental massage theory” she’d developed while watching Olympic gymnastics at home.)

I make the gymnastics reference because Ashiatsu Oriental Massage Therapy, as it’s called—no, Sheila didn’t make it up—involves the masseuse hanging off parallel bars and applying pressure to the various muscles of your back.

“Mostly, I’ll only be using one foot at a time, applying at least some of my weight to the bars.  Once or twice, I might use both feet at the same time on your upper and lower back,” Sheila told me in a dimly lit room with the sounds of waves lapping softly on the seashore in the background.  It’s always lapping waves, isn’t it?  Or that instrument that makes the low-pitched waaah-waaah-waaah that I can never remember the name of.

Sheila’s workroom at the Hair Company is small, but also comfortable.  The ceiling is draped with fabric, giving the space a less harsh, cornered vibe.  And she had to get a contractor to come in to install the bars—this is clearly not a portable experience.  I asked her if anybody else in the area was doing that sort of work.  Skaneateles was the closest practitioner that she knew of.

The massage itself was pretty fantastic.  And surprising.  She warned me in advance that it wouldn’t feel the same as a normal hand massage.  One of her clients compared the two:  A normal massage feels like being hammered with a meat tenderizer.  You get worked over but spots get missed.  Whereas with Ashiatsu, it’s like you’ve been rolled out with a rolling pin.  Flattened.  In a really really really quite incredibly pleasurable way.

I’d be lying of the first few moments didn’t make me a bit uncomfortable.  The weight of an entire person standing on your back can be a bit unnerving.  But of course, it wasn’t her entire weight.  Probably the most squirm-inducing moment came when Sheila placed her foot on my neck and began to manipulate the muscles there.  Weird.  Intimidating.  But once the novelty of the sensation subsided, it was extremely relaxing.  I was trying to pay close attention—knowing I’d have to blog about it later—but I soon felt myself drift into a semi-conscious state.

A foot doesn’t feel like a hand—and although less maneuverable, the movements were surprisingly controlled.  Often times, the pressure felt like it was about to become just a BIT too much.  And at those moment, I was worried that the inevitable “Arrrghh!” would illicit a pretty slow response—weighted feet being harder to move quickly than a hand.  But the yelp of pain never came; Sheila seemed to know exactly how much pressure was enough.

Another thing of note—and Sheila told me about this in advance—was how well the shape of the foot was able to work certain parts of the body.  It just fits.  In some cases, better than a hand.

Between back-dancings, I asked Sheila to answer a few qestions about the therapy…

Do people ever seem grossed out by the foot-factor? Bare feet aren’t everybody’s cup of tea…

I’m sure there are some people who would be grossed out by the foot-factor.  In this case, I imagine their aversion to feet would keep them from showing up for Ashiatsu in the first place.  If however, the notion of feet is a tea they are willing to at least sip, they would have to decide if the value in the delivery is worth the awkwardness they may experience.  I had one client, on her first visit, describe the feeling she had when my foot was near her neck and coming down her arm.  She said as she thought of the fact that it was my foot, it seemed strange for a moment.  She went on to describe being quickly intoxicated by the feeling, and moving immediately back to the feeling of pleasure.

I know you experienced barefoot massage for the first time in India. What was that like?
Oh my goodness, everything about India was mesmerizing and unique.  This type of massage in India is called Chavutti Thirummal (which translates as foot massage).  We were staying at an Ayurvedic center in Kerala.  I remember lying on a plastic sheet on the floor with a disposable thong on and having a young Indian woman coat every centimeter of my body with herb-infused oil.  Most of what I remember is feeling an amazing sensation as she glided along every fiber of my body while holding onto a rope attached to the ceiling.  I just remember a feeling of pure bliss and wellbeing.  Shortly after this trip there was an article in a massage magazine I subscribed to about Ashiatsu Oriental Bar Therapy.  I was hooked.  At that time, I began watching videos and experimenting with my partner in a relatively hap-hazard sort of way. 

How did you train for a form of massage that nobody around here practices?
Although I continued to "play", at that time in my (official) career I was still primarily doing basic Swedish massage and had begun incorporating more of the subtle work of Craniosacral Therapy, Chakra Balancing, and Reiki.  I was working at an Integrative Medicine/Wellness Center in Scranton, PA and began taking on more responsibilities with some of our community outreach programs, as well as teaching yoga and meditation.  Bodywork became a smaller area of focus for a few years.  Recently, I opened my own practice again.  Focusing primarily on Massage Therapy, and realizing that most people are looking for deep tissue, I began to revisit my love of Ashiatsu.  It became a sort of obsession — constantly watching training videos and practicing on my friends and family.  For me, transitioning into using my feet as a method of delivery was natural.  My education, experience, passion, and gifts as a therapist translated smoothly into being competent as an Ashiatsu Practitioner.  I have a good understanding of the body and a strong sense of what feels good and what doesn’t.  As well as what’s safe and what is not. 

What works better with Ashiatsu than other forms?
With Ashiatsu, the way the foot is used — the contour of the foot, the amount of padding, the larger size, and the consistent deep pressure that is afforded by the sheer dynamics of gravity — allows for a deeply integrated form of massage.  This deep, compression effleurage uses the power of the legs and the weight of the body to impact the deeper muscle layers as well as more accessible surface tissues.  The consistent pressure and amount of tissue being manipulated at once has a greater positive effect on blood-flow and circulation. Incorporating long, gliding strokes and relaxing sequences results is deep tissue bodywork, without the pain often associated with traditional deep tissue massage.    The slow, deliberate, and consistent method of delivery is very soothing to the nervous system and has a positive effect on the mental, spiritual, and emotional bodies - not just the physical. 

Well… what works worse?
Using your feet doesn’t allow for some of the more specific work that needs to be done on the neck, tips of the shoulders, head, and chest.  But really, I don’t see this as a problem in my work because I always take time before and after the "ashiatsu" portion of the session to address the client’s needs in these areas.  It is important to me that I begin and end with my hands and really connect to the client to build rapport and trust.  My background and training in hands-on-healing and energy work is a big part of my gift in the healing encounter.  This type of work is an important ingredient for bringing a sense of well-being to the client.

Part of what’s different about Ashiatsu is the experience for the masseuse. Can you talk about that?
For me as the masseuse, it is very grounding.  I take my work quite seriously and hold a strong commitment to be present and focused.  With that, it is almost meditative.  From a physical standpoint for me, it is a completely different use of my own body.  I use more of my core strength and larger muscle groups as opposed to my fingers, wrists, and arm strength.  With Ashiatsu, I keep most of my weight in the standing leg (on the table) while I apply pressure by use of my body weight and some muscle contraction in the leg of the foot I am using.  It is almost like a choreographed dance because the sequencing is very important.  It is amazing how the subtleties of how I move on the body have a profound impact on how the massage is experienced by the client.  It is inspiring to be creative and mindfully bring my foot across the contours of the body with the exact right amount of pressure in the perfect spots.  I love moving slowly from the ankle all the way up to the shoulder and down the arm in one smooth, slow, and deliberate motion.  That alone - regardless of how light the pressure could be — is extremely therapeutic to the client.  The body can’t help but to melt and feel a renewed sense of contentment.  Knowing that I am creating and allowing for a truly healing encounter is outrageously rewarding.  When I work I rarely get tired.  Alternatively, I feel good and energized. 

So, uh, you’re walking on people’s backs. Is there a danger??
In any type of bodywork I suppose there could always be some potential for danger.  In the eleven years I have been a practitioner, I have had the opportunity to study with some amazing teachers and be mentored by many great therapists. Because I take my work very seriously, I have worked hard to understand the contraindications for all the modalities I deliver.    Particularly for Ashiatsu, the therapist really needs to remain focused and alert.  When I first began I remember thinking …OMG…if my foot ever slipped and I slid right into THAT vertebrae…. or OMG, what if I slipped and fell on his back, or OMG, what if I accidentally stepped on his arm….  Those were all brief fleeting thoughts, and to tell you the truth, I feel very very comfortable and competent up on my table.  There is this almost palpable sense of "rightness" in what I am doing.  I feel a great sense of privilege in doing what I do.

Welcome back to NewsChannel34; I’m Joshua B from Star 105-7.

Looking like a pretty busy weekend in the Southern Tier—plenty to do, but I’m recommending these 3 events for the weekend watch.

Event number one is for the mature set; the CD Release Party for Binghamton singer/songwriter Lukus Wells at Tranquil Bar & Bistro, this Sunday at 4.  Lukus has been performing all over the Southern Tier for quite a while, but it’s only recently he released an original album.  The album is called Diagonal, and you can pick it up at the party.  The really cool thing about the party, though, is that 100% of the money collected at the door is going to charity; the Southern Tier AIDS Project, in fact.  It’s just 10 bucks to get in, and you get a whole lot for that price.

First, during the cocktail hour at four, you’ll get to hear Brendan Ratchford play violin as you sip on drinks from the cash bar.  Lukus’s mini-concert begins at 5, but he won’t be playing alone.  Alternate arrangements of the songs you hear on the CD will be performed by both Lukus and the bluegrass band Driftwood—if you’ve never seen Driftwood perform before, they’re phenomenal.  It’s a real treat, and Lukus and the band make a very interesting combo.  Lukus will be joined by backup singer Janelle Daddona… and he’ll also play a number of songs solo.  The BULK of the music will be his original work—but they’ll play a few covers as well.

Now Lukus’s music is more of the folksy coffee-house variety, so they’re picking up the pace a bit at the after party (which is supposed to begin around 7).   DJ Space One revives his chill night at Tranquil for one night only—with the help of 4 other Southern Tier DJs: Alex Ryan, Mikey Parkay, Gia, and Trainwreckk Manifesto.  Here’s another little insider hint; the cover ends at 7 PM, although they will still be accepting donations for STAP if you’re feeling generous.

What about an event for the family?  Well I feel like you’re never too young to get started on a little art appreciation; so I’d like to highlight the Owego Art Walk.  Now the Binghamton art walk goes down on the first Friday of every month—which is easy to remember—and figure out.  The Owego Art Walk happens the THIRD Friday of the month; so I usually have to check my calendar.  It goes on from 5 to 9 tonight… now Owego’s got 13 galleries… and a whole bunch of restaurants, shops, etc, that they say showcases over 50 different artists per Art Walk.

Fuddy Duddy’s Fudge will be showing the work of Karen Kucharksi, Goat Boy’s got work from Jan Paterson and Donovan Crist.  And Van Horn Jewelers is showing sculpture from Michael Husted.  That’s a super-brief overview, and you can go to tiogaartscouncil.org for more info.

OK, how about something for the young professionals; well I’d have to say the place to be is Spool MFG, tomorrow night, for Raise the Roof!  First, a word about Spool MFG; I haven’t had a chance to highlight this art space on the show, but it’s a really interesting place.  There are a few art galleries outside of downtown Binghamton that you could pass right by and never know you’re there—until you get a Facebook note or personal invite from a friend; Spool MFG is one of those places; it’s located at 138 Baldwin Street—kinda near the Dominos, if you know hwere that is.  It’s kind of a giant warehouse art space; big, tall rooms, lots of storage, constantly under construction.  If you’re lucky enough to be ushered into one of the back rooms, you’ll see large volumes of really fantastic art that’s being held there—tons of potential.  But it’s not just for visual art; there are movies shown in the upstairs performance space—music, dances, pretty much everything you could image.

Tomorrow’s event will feature music from DJ John Brunelli.  He’ll be playing everything from deep house to old soul to disco to afro-beat—and everything in between.  A word about going to a party like this: don’t expect to know the music, but be prepared to dance anyway.  Come with an open mind and have fun.  You’re going to meet a ton of interesting people—in fact, it’s a pretty good NETWORKING event for young professionals too.  There’s a lot of really interesting people in the art scene, and you’re sure to see some people there that you might not find at your neighborhood bar.  The event runs from 7 to 11, and they’ve got one request: Bring Good Energy.

That’s your weekend watch.  I’ll see you at Spool MFG tomorrow at the CD release party at Tranquil on Sunday—or next Friday on NewsChannel 34!  Got a suggestion for me, just drop me a message: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

NEWSCHANNEL 34 WEEKEND WATCH TRANSCRIPT

Photos by Suzan Wisniski

Cirque shows are, at their heart, circuses.  I don’t want to say they’re slightly pretentious circuses, but when you leave a word in your title untranslated (Cirque is French for Circus) simply for the sake of implying that it’s “high art”—well, that’s a bit pretentious.

But let’s face it, when you’re that good, you earn the right to be a bit pretentious.  And every Cirque show I’ve ever seen is extraordinary—magical, gorgeous, engrossing.

Olympic-quality acrobatics, extraordinary Broadway-style lighting, and costumes so creative (and, well, weird) that they put Lady Gaga to shame—these are the trademarks of a Cirque show.  (Although I’ve never seen an exploding bra OR a flaming piano in a Cirque show.. so.. props to Gaga for being just a slight bit more psychotic.)

Now Cirque Dreams is the company responsible for bringing Cirque-style shows to Broadway.  NOT the company that does the giant arena Cirque shows where you buy popcorn, beer, and those annoying fiber-optic light thingies that cost 15 bucks a pop.

This time around, they’ve done something a bit different—brought an “urban flare” to Cirque.  Reinvention of a drab, dirty urban core as something “beautiful and wondrous” is nothing new—Stomp, Rent, Bring in Da Noise/Bring in Da Funk—they’ve all attempted to answered the question, “Why do I live in this crappy town?” to people paying $1200 a month for a shoebox studio apartment.  But Cirque’s certainly got its own style—and I’m personally looking forward to seeing what they do with the concept.  Their promotional material tells us that “city dwellers reinvent familiar objects, balance, on wires, leap tall buildings and redefine the risks of flight in a story filled with astounding occurrences”.  Certainly sounds exciting—especially the bits about “redefining the risks of flight”… whatever that means.

And they’ve enlisted the help of So You Think You Can Dance popper Robert Muraine to up their street cred.  You may know Muraine—or “Mr. Fantastic” as he’s so modestly referred to on his web site—as the super-promising guy who DROPPED OUT of So You Think You Can Dance.  As it turns out, the name “Mr. Fantastic” is something of an understatement.  Nigel Lythgoe (token reality show judge-with-a-British-accent-who-is-obviously-smarter-than-you) called him the very best dancer of ’08.  But Muraine was worried he couldn’t handle the choreography.

Seriously, this guy couldn’t handle the choreography?

I asked Binghamton bboy scene-maker Mike Sherwood exactly how good Muraine is—being that I have no point of reference and he’s the only one of my friends cool enough to actually know who the guy is.  “Yeah, he’s pretty dope.”  From what I know about Mike, I interpret that to mean that Muraine is f*king fantastic.  Err, hence, the name.

Muraine made such a splash on SYTYCD that furniture giant IKEA hired him in a desperate attempt to make furniture look even remotely interesting.  He does such a great job in this spot that I ALMOST forgot that author Chuck Palahnuik used IKEA in his 1996 novel Fight Club to represent the ultimate emasculation of the modern man.

But hey, they really do have great light fixtures.

I hope and pray that the Binghamton comes out in force on Sunday to see this extraordinary talent—this is definitely the sort of major visitation that could fly under the radar.

The kind folks at Broadway Theater League hooked me up with a chance to chat with Muraine.

You went from popping and locking to Cirque Dreams—not exactly an obvious choice; did they approach you?  Did you go and audition?  How’d that come about?
I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM ONE OF THEIR SCOUTS INQUIRING IN MY INTEREST IN PARTICIPATING IN THEIR NEW URBAN INFLUENCED PRODUCTION TITLED CIRQUE DREAMS ILLUMINATION. WHEN THEY EXPLAINED TO ME THE CONCEPT OF THE NEW PRODUCTION IT SOUNDED COOL AND STREET SMART AND SOMETHING THAT I FELT WOULD ENABLE ME TO EXPLORE MY TALENT AND IMAGINATION IN POPPING TO A NEW LEVEL

So why exactly did you quit “So You Think You Can Dance?” after Nigel called you his favorite dancer of ’08?
I WENT ON THE SHOW LAST MINUTE AND NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF EVER MAKING IT TO VEGAS, OR EVEN TO THE CHOREOGRAPHY PART OF THE SHOW.  SO WHEN I GOT THAT TICKET TO VEGAS THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT WAS, “WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO?” FIRST OFF, AT THE TIME I WAS ONLY POPPING FOR 4 YEARS, WHICH ISNT MUCH TIME FOR A POPPER TO BE CONSIDERED THAT GOOD. (THE BEST POPPERS ARE 10+ YEARS OF EXPEREIENCE)  I NEVER TOOK DANCE CLASSES TO BEGIN WITH. DANCE JUST NEVER INTERESTED ME MUCH, JUST BREAKING AND POPPING. JUST THE THOUGHT OF DOING HIPHOP CHOREOGRAPHY ALWAYS SICKENED ME. SO WHEN THEY ASKED ME TO, I SIMPLY JUST ASKED TO LEAVE.  THAT WAS THE END OF THE COMPETITION FOR ME :]

I know you were worried about the choreography in “…Dance?” but you must have gotten over that to do a show like Cirque; what changed your mind?
STYLE OF CHOREOGRAPHY IN CIRQUE DREAMS IS COMPLETELY INTEREPRETIVE AND DEVELOPED COLLECTIVELY AROUND EACH INDIVUALS SKILLLS. THEREFORE, I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BLEND MY OWN STYLE WITH WHAT THE CHOREOGRAPHERS VISION IS FOR EACH SCENE I AM INVOLVED IN.

Cirque Dreams is pretty unique as a show.  When people ask you what it is, how do you explain it?
SINCE IM A POPPER, I REFER TO THE URBAN INFLUENCE AND STREET SYLE BACKGROUND THAT I COME FROM. THE CONCEPT OF CIRQUE DREAMS ILLUMINATION IS THAT OF AN ORDINARY GROUP OF EVERY DAY PEOPLE GATHERING IN A VERY COMMON EVERY DAY SETTING FINDING WAYS TO TAKE ORDINARY THINGS AND DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY WITH THEM. FOR ME, ITS MY BODY THAT IS ORDINARY JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, BUT I AM BLESSED WITHT HE ABILIY TO MOVE IT IN AN EXTRAORDINARY WAY. OTHER PERFORMERS IN THE SHOW DO AMAZING THINGS WITH TRASH CANS, BATH TUBS, CHAIRS, FIRE HYDRENTS, ROPES, PAINT CANS, AND A VARIET Y OTHER COMMONLY RECOGNIZED ELEMENTS FROM EVERY DAY LIFE.

How’d you get into dancing?
I STARTED GETTING INTO “BREAKDANCING” OR BBOYING, WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG (6TH GRADE), JUST TRYING STUPID TRICKS AND HEADSTANDS AND STUFF WITH MY BEST FRIEND ALEX, NOTHING REALLY SERIOUS. I STARTED LISTENING TO ELECTRONIC MUSIC AND GOING TO RAVES IN EARLY HIGHSCHOOL AND KINDA GOT ME INTO SOMETHING CALLED “LIQUID” (A VERY WATERED DOWN RAVER VERSION OF WAVING) WHICH IS A TECHNIQUE & STYLE IN POPPING.
IN HIGH SCHOOL ME, ALEX AND MY FRIEND KRYS MADE A CREW CALLED TANGKLANG IN 2003. WE WENT AROUND BATTLING OTHER CREWS AT OTHER SCHOOLS AND DOING PERFORMANCES AT RANDOM PLACES. EVEN THOUGH WE WERNT GOOD AT THE TIME, WE GOT MASSIVE STREET DANCING EXPERIENCE AT A YOUNG AGE.
LATER ON I MET A COUPLE OF THE ORGINAL POPPERS FROM THE LATE 70’S EARLY 80’S: HECKLE & JECKLE, WAVEOMATIC, TABO, PLAYBOY EDDIE, REVERSOUL MANY MANY MORE (THERE HAPPENS TO BE A LOT OF “OG” POPPERS IN LOS ANGELES) AND THEY TAUGHT ME WHAT POPPING IS & WAS ABOUT, AND WHY THEY DO IT. SINCE THEN IVE BEEN A POPPER.

You do stuff on stage that makes people say “I have never seen a person do that in my life.”  Is there anything you can do with your body that you literally haven’t seen anybody else do?  And if you can, how do you approach doing something “that’s never been done”?
CREATIVITY COMES IN A VARIETIES WAYS AND I LOVE TO STIMULATE & EXPLORE THE VASTNESS OF THE BRAIN. I DO MANY THINGS TO ACHIEVE CREATIVITY ;] AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE SOME EXAMPLES OF HOW I GET SOME IDEAS: WATCHING ANIMALS, PLANTS, & MACHINES MOVE THE WAY THEY DO. WATCHING OTHER TYPES OF DANCE AND INCORPORATING IT INTO THE POPPING TECHNIQUE. THE SAME GOES WITH CIRCUS ARTS, I LOVE TO USE CONTORTION, AND BALANCING. SO THERE ARE JUST SOME OF THE THINGS I WOULD DO OR PRACTICE TO GET SOME IDEAS SOMETIMES.

You’ve got the effect, both through Cirque and “…Dance” of introducing people to a style of dance they may not have seen before.  If somebody wanted to pop over to YouTube and check out some of your heroes, who would they search for?
IF YOU COULD FIND THEM: BOOGIE FRANTICK, OG JECKLE, OG HECKLE, M&M, PLAYBOY EDDIE, WAVEOMATIC, ELSEWHERE, SKYWALKER, BOPPIN ANDRE, TETRIS (THERE IS PROBABLY MANY MORE). ALL MENTORS TO ME IN THEIR OWN WAY, YOU CAN SEE A LITTLE TECHNIQUE FROM EACH OF THEM IN ME.

I checked out your IKEA commercial on YouTube; I’m always wondering how that stuff gets choreographed when you’re working with “non-traditional dancers”; did you just listen to the track and work something out, or did you work with somebody else who had an idea of how the spot would play out?
WELL BASICALLY THEY SAID, “HERES THE ITEMS AND WE NEED IT TO GET FROM THERE TO HERE.” I KIND OF JUST FREESTLYED WITH EVERY ITEM, AND IF THE DIRECTOR LIKED IT, IT WAS IN.

It goes without saying that you’re phenomenally talented.  But I always have this feeling when I see people do things with their body that are totally unexpected—contortionist type stuff; I ALMOST find it disturbing; do you ever get that reaction from people?
I’D LIKE TO THINK BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER. PERFORMANCE ART AND THEATRE TODAY HAS A MUCH WIDER RANGE OF ACCEPTANCE AND APPRECIATION FOR THE UNIQUE THAN MAYBE 25 YEARS AGO . I BELIEVE PEOPLE APPRECIATE WHAT ANYONE CAN DO WITH THEIR IMAGINATION AND STRETCHING MY BODY WHILE POPPING AND DANCING IS MY INTERPRETATION. I HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE TO RECEIVE ONLY POSITIVE COMMENTS AND SUPPORT.

Ever been to Binghamton before?  Tell me one thing you actually know about it (no cheating and using Wikipedia).
THAT IT IS WAY COLDER THAN LA

Stick with me here…

A long, long time ago (I was 13), in a land far, far away (North Jersey), my mother asked me to explain: “What is this Dungeons and Dragons thing all about?”

She said it in that tone of voice that parents occasionally adopt, as if to say, “I’m only asking because I think it’s possible you might have gotten mixed up with something that I don’t understand involving sex, drugs, rock & roll, satanic cults, or, most likely, all 4, and I’m very much hoping you can explain it all away for me so that I can return to my can of Diet Coke and a very special episode of Geraldo where I’ll be indoctrinated with even more irrational parental fears.”

Keep in mind, this was the same troubled tone she used when learning that I was “Surfing” “That Interweb” in “Her House”.

Joshua
Well… Mom… Dungeons and Dragons is kinda like a board game.

Mom (excitedly, comprehending)
A board game!  Like Monopoly!  That’s not so bad!

Joshua
Well yes, except there’s no board…

Mom (disappointed, bewildered)
Oh.

Joshua
Or like a video game.

Mom (jubilant, understanding)
A video game!  Like Tetris!  That makes sense!

Joshua
Well, yes, except there’s really no television or joystick or cartridge or anything.

Mom (defeated, confused)
Oh.

Joshua
It’s really a bit like a card game—

(Mom holds her hand up.)

Mom
Is it a sex thing?

Joshua
Mom!

Mom
Cause if it’s a sex thing, you can tell me.  Or a drug thing—are you smoking something?  Cigarettes?  Crack?  Heroin?

Joshua
Mom.

Mom
…Forget it.

(Mom exits, stage left, presumably to drink her Diet Coke and watch Geraldo.)

Yes, Mom, didn’t understand Dungeons and Dragons, and neither did the world.  In 1979, a mentally unbalanced boy named James Egbert wandered into the steam tunnels at Michigan State in a failed attempt to kill himself, and the PI that was hired to find him blamed the whole thing on Dungeons and Dragons.  It turned out to have nothing at all to do with D&D and everything to do with Egbert wanting to kill himself, but the damage had been done.  From then on, the game held a pretty big stigma.  And so did the people playing it.

But what’s the REALITY of D&D and why in God’s name does Binghamton have anything to do with this blog entry?

Well one of the people at the forefront of “de-geeking” the D&D franchise (and perhaps even de-demonizing it) is Binghamton-born author Shelly Mazzanoble.  A few years back, she wrote a book for makers of D&D called “Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl’s Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game”.

From the very beginning, she takes on your perceptions about who the “typical D&D player” is…  Action hero Vin Diesel, comedian Stephen Colbert, Queer as Folk regular Hal Sparks, and child actor Wil Wheaton: all closet D&Ders; none of them geeks.

Well yeah OK, Wil Wheaton’s a pretty big geek.  But he also played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Which is pretty damn cool.  If you’re a pretty big geek.

And some of these people aren’t just casual gamers.  Vin Diesel reportedly had the name of his D&D character tattooed on his stomach while filming xXx.  That’s some seriously butch action cred.  Heh.

The point is, D&D players come from all walks of life.  Even uber girly girls.  Like Shelly Mazzanoble:

“I get pedicures, facials and microderm abrasions.  I own more flavors of body lotions, scrubs, and rubs than Baskin Robbins could dream of putting in a cone.  I organize my shoes by heel height, sort my handbags by strap length…” and so on.

And yes, she, as it turns out, is also a D&D player.  But she wasn’t always.  Mazzanoble more or less stumbled into her promotions job at (D&D maker) Wizards of the Coast by answering a generic help wanted ad—no company name.   It wasn’t long before she was working at an office that not only tolerated… actually encouraged their employees to play games during the workday.

I have to be honest and tell you that I thought her book would read like a promotional pamphlet for the game.  But it doesn’t.  Mazzanoble’s approach dispenses with gamer clichés—pimply faced loner teens with Dorito-stained hands in dark basements—right up front and allows us to look at the real world of “role-playing” with fresh perspective.  It’s fun, witty, smart and will make it clear to anybody who cracks the spine—future gamer or not—why D&D appeals.  And it also makes me hope that we’ll even more of her work published sometime soon.  (She’s already had two plays produced in Seattle and several short stories appear in notable magazines/newspapers.)

So what IS D&D already?

I’ll quote from Shelly’s text:
“In a D&D game, players are typically part of a team united in an effort to achieve a common goal.  It’s like this: a group of people sits around a table, similar to how they would sit if they were scrapbooking or eating Chinese food or planning the neighborhood’s next blog party.  The Dungeon Master…weaves the tale, which includes various entry points where the player characters must decide on an action.  After a lot of dice rolling … players take turns controlling the fate of their characters … until victory or defeat has been accomplished.  Then the story continues.  It’s essentially cooperative storytelling around the table.”

OK, might not SOUND exciting right off the bat—this is probably the driest passage in the entire book—but it is exciting.  Read the whole book.

I was actually familiar with “Confessions…” long before I knew that Shelly was from Binghamton; the fact that she turned out to be from the Southern Tier was just a perfect opportunity to discuss my childhood dork obsession on this blog.

And to continue to spread the gospel that role-playing ISN’T just for dorks.

Shelly (otherwise known as 134-year-old sorceress Astrid Bellagio) took a few moments away from slaying orcs and taking names to answer a few questions about “Confesssions”.

Being that you grew up in Binghamton—which, let’s face it, is IBM geek central—there must have been a bunch of little geek-spawn D&D players around. Any memories of what the scene was like in Binghamton?
Sadly I came into my geekdom late in life so if there were any geek-spawn pockets of D&D players around, my Sweet Valley High reading, soap opera watching, Duran Duran listening self was probably making fun of them. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s true because a friend I reconnected with on Facebook told me I made fun of him for playing when he discovered where I work and what I’ve been up to. Please allow the 9 year old me to publicly apologize to the 9 year old Dave. Maybe everything I’m doing now is really just my way of repenting.

As a self-proclaimed “pedicure, facial, and microderm abrasion” girly-girl, how did you end up working at the home of Dungeons and Dragons?
I know, right? Seems like the last place I’d end up or even know existed. I’ve been at Wizards of the Coast for over 10 years and have loved every one of them. It’s a creative, passionate, fun company. We have to have fun—we’re a game company!

I found the job listing in the newspaper of all places. The company name wasn’t listed, nor was what they did. It was just an ad for  “promotions coordinator” and I happened to have lots of promotions experience. About 3 minutes into my interview I knew I wanted to work there. Fortunately I was hired as Promotions Coordinator for Magic: The Gathering. Trading card games were totally new to me. I didn’t have cards that attacked each other or could cast magical spells on my opponent when I grew up. I had Hungry, Hungry Hippo and Operation! But if there’s one thing consistent about all gamers it’s that they love to teach so I learned pretty quickly.

I always feel like a person’s D&D character says something about them as a person (duh). What does your 134 year-old elven sorceress say about you?
Oh my beloved Astrid… Well, she was my first D&D character and I think I treated her the way a lot of new parents treat their first child. I was absolutely paranoid that she would die so I didn’t really let her get too involved in combat. Fortunately she was a sorceress and wasn’t expected to get up close and personal with the bad guys.

Astrid is the epitome of my girly side. Discovering how much I loved the game, and how outside the stereotype of a typical game I was, only heightened Astrid’s uber-feminine side. In a way I was using her to break down stereotypes. Don’t get me wrong—we are a lot alike. I do love shopping so I made sure she was always outfitted in the best designer adventuring gear—Balenciago Bag of Holding, Jimmy Choo Boots of Speed. She hated fighting animals—even if they were beating the tar out of her party. She was always friendly and optimistic and studious.

I’m much more lax with my current character, Tabitha Sparkles (tiefling wizard), much the same way parents are with their second child.(I’m the second child so I speak from experience.) Tabitha is intentionally the polar opposite of Astrid. I didn’t want to get attached to her—or at least not that attached to — so I made her bitter and antisocial and impetuous. I discovered that D&D characters are a much more resilient than I thought and I’ll gladly sacrifice a few hit points in exchange for the excitement of being in the middle of a fight with a bunch of bug bears.

We know what the average guy gets out of gaming—fighting stuff, winning stuff, getting the girl, etc. If you had to sum up your book in, oh I don’t know 15 words, what’s the “girl appeal” of D&D?
Socializing, imagining, creating stories, looking out for your friends and eating and drinking a lot.

In your book, you list off a few “closet gamers”. Anybody that really surprised you—or somebody who you found out about after the book came out?
The last celebrity I heard about that surprised me was Eliza Dushku who said (via Twitter) something along the lines that she was raised on D&D.

Knowing what I know about D&D and the people who are attracted to it, I’m not usually surprised to find out someone in a creative field plays or played it. D&D is such an imaginative game that has often been credited for helping to hone creative writing, storytelling and character building skills which lends itself perfectly to anyone hoping to land a job in television or film. In fact, one writer from a television show said D&D was like a “secret handshake in Hollywood.” Like if you are in a meeting and make an obscure D&D reference and someone across the table laughs, it’s an instant connection.

OK, so in my extensive research in advance of this interview (reading the first 13 pages of your book and looking at your Facebook profile), I haven’t yet discovered how your girlfriends reacted to your gaming habits—or the book. Could they relate? Did you convert any of them?
Well, they know where I work so they’re used to the stories from around the office, but still a few were surprised that I started playing D&D—willingly. At first I got a lot of “That game is still around?” and then a lot of “They make you play that? How sad.” I had to do a bit of convincing to make them realize I wasn’t being forced to play D&D—I really liked it.

I wanted them to try it at least once so they could see what the game was really about. Everybody has these weird misconceptions about what goes on in a D&D game (strange accents, costumes, teenage boys in basements.) You can do all of those things if that’s what you’re into but you don’t have to.  I’m sure that if more people realized that D&D can be played at a dining room table in the home of an investment banker by men and women in jeans and button downs they might be more inclined to try it.

I didn’t convert any of my girlfriends (yet) but they had way more fun than they thought they would. And they have a new understanding for what the game is and the people who enjoy it which is a huge part of what I was trying to accomplish with Confessions.

Every gaming guy WISHES his girlfriend GOT Dungeons and Dragons… or Worlds of Warcraft… or Quake 4. And you do. Which begs the somewhat personal question… do you get hit on a lot at industry events? (And no, this is not me hitting on you.)
Aw, how disappointing! To be honest, I’m not the most perceptive when it comes to deciphering the difference between friendly chatter and flirting. I do go to a lot of industry conventions and I have the pleasure of meeting a lot of D&D players. What I get a lot of is people telling me about their characters. Maybe that’s their way of hitting on me?

Astrid on the other hand used to get hit on all the time. I’d actually get email that said “For Astrid” or “Please pass this on to Astrid.” I was never very sure how to respond to those.

Beyond the world of Wizards of the Coast for a second… what are you writing? What’s next from Shelly Mazzanoble?
Beyond the world of Wizards of the Coast, I have a collection of short stories that have been horribly neglected on my hard drive but I still pretend I’ll get back to work on. I also have a non-fiction work in progress about my mom because she’s such a funny person and should have a book about her. If I don’t write it someone else will.

Within the world of Wizards I have been writing a monthly column for Dragon Magazine called Confessions of a Full-Time Wizard and I’ll continue to do that as long as the editors let me. If you’re looking for some crunch with your coffee then this column is not for you. I like to write about the social aspects of D&D like what happens when members of your group quit or move away and you have to replace them or the terror I felt when my boss forced me to DM for a group of new players around the office. Bosses get away with that stuff at Wizards.

You can read Shelly’s monthly D&D column online here. And if your now prepared to get your geek on with the rest of us, you can begin your journey at Jupiter Games in Vestal or Fat Cat Books in Johnson City—they’ve got just about everything you need.  Godspeed.

Yeah, lame people, I’m talking to you.  Not sure that you’re one of the lame people?  I’ve got a little “Lame People Quiz” that you can self-administer find out if you’re one of the lame-o’s..  Think back of over the past month and try to remember if you ever found yourself saying one of the following things in response to a New Years Eve invitation:  “I actually did the party thing for so many years and I’m kinda tired of it.  I’ll prolly turn in early this time around so I can get a nice early start to 2010—maybe even go for a jog!”  Or how bout this piece of crap: “I just want to snuggle up next to the fire with a good book and watch the ball drop on TV.  That Ryan Seacreast: he’s so dreamy.  Not as dreamy as Dick Clarke, but he’ll do.”  Or even worse: “I like spending New Years with the one I love, swaying softly back and forth to the sounds of Norah Jones, enjoying each others company until, sleepy from that quarter bottle of Korbel champagne we daintily sipped together, our eyelids grow heavy and we begin to pass out on the sofa in each other’s arms, quietly whispering sweet nothings into each others ears.”

OK, quiz is over.  If you found yourself saying one of the above phrases or anything even vaguely similar over the last month, it means that you’re one of the lame people.  Get your s&*t together, because you’re going out in Binghamton on New Years Eve and you’re going to like it.  Don’t make me come over there.

Why am I so passionate about getting people out of their homes on New Years Eve?

Well for two reasons, really.  First of all, New Years is the one holiday we can all actually agree to celebrate together.  Because it has no religious significance.  No political implications.  No historical importance.  Just the celebration of one second ending and another one beginning—one that just happens to mark the beginning of a new year.  Much ado about nothing, really.  Like all of humanity decided to simultaneously throw its hands into the air with irrational glee and proclaim, “Christ, look at how many 2010 wall calendars we sold at a 50% discount!  Let’s go get smashed to celebrate!”

And smashed we will all get.

Well, not ALL of us—it just so happens that getting smashed is my activity of choice.  But there’s ANOTHER big reason to be excited about New Years in Downtown Binghamton: First Night.

The good people of Southern Tier Celebrates have created a ridiculously packed schedule of events for First Night Binghamton 2010.  If you haven’t bought your button yet, they’re stupidly cheap: 12 bucks.  Go to http://stcelebrates.org to see all the stuff you get to do for 12 bucks.  When I say stupidly cheap, I mean it.  You could pay more than 12 dollars for 2 Venti Lattes at Starbucks.  Or you could just buy a First Night Button and get 8 hours worth of entertainment.  You choose.  And don’t be lame.  Lattes will just make you fat.  Even the ones with skim milk.  170 calories per cup.  I just looked it up.

(And PS, if you ARE going to pick the lattes over the fun, you should at least buy a local latte—Java Joe’s [which is open till 11 PM on New Years Eve] or L’Aveggio Roasteria.)

OK, now that I’ve used my irresistible powers of persuasion to convince you to be less lame, I’m sure you’re wondering where to start being less lame.

Well don’t panic; I was prepared for this eventuality… crossing from the land of the lame to the place where the rest of us live requires a wee bit of guidance.  And that’s why I have authored the following guide:

“BingPop’s Guide on How Not To Be Lame on New Years Eve in Downtown Binghamton”

Don’t send thanks.  Just send cash.

Now I’ve divided the guide into two parts.  Part 1 is a small selection of official First Night that I recommend for beginners—follow my lead; you’ll be sure to have a good time AND avoid any clunkers.  Part 2 is a list of First Night hangers-on-ers; they’re not official events, but rather really hot venues that are throwing their own New Years parties at the same time as First Night.  In celebration of it being 2010, I’ve invited the promoters of each of these events to explain why they’re throwing the hottest party around—using exactly 10 words—no more, no less.  (I get my warm and fuzzies by asking people to do strange things for free press.)

PART 1
OFFICIAL STUFF TO DO THAT DOESN’T SUCK

People Lighting S*#t on Fire at Midnight
Otherwise known as the Binghamton Bonfire
12:00 Behind the BC Arena
(As described my Larry Kassan, Twilight Zone Expert, Avid Playbill Collector, and Area Culture Geek)
What better way to say good bye to 2009 and hello to 2010 than by attending the First Night Binghamton Bonfire. Held behind the BC Arena at the culmination of the evening’s festivities, the fire (lit by our brave Binghamton Firefighters, "the one time each year they get to start a fire!") is a great way to warm up, cuddle with your friends … or complete strangers, and welcome in the New Year! And best yet, ya don’t need a button to take part! This year there will be a (pardon the pun) smokin’ live band and at midnight, as the State Office Building countdown goes dark floor by floor, the New Year will be welcomed by what used to be called a GIANT (now Weiss) firework display that will light up the night sky!

People Banging Loudly on S*#t to Wake Up the Neighbors
Otherwise known as the Djembe Drum Circle
5:15 at the Binghamton HS Commons
(As described by Rob Wandell, Owner of Imagicka, Otherwise Known As that Guy With the Really Long Curly Hair Who’s Always Banging on African Drums)
Djembe Drum Circle will run an interactive drum class geared for beginners.  Learn the basics and one or two West African rhythms.  The style that he’ll be teaching has roots in Guinea and the Ivory Coast.  It’s relaxing and energizing all at the same time.  “Like taking an acoustic shower.  You’ll come out refreshed, like ‘ahhh’.  We’ll also be part of the Merry Maker’s March, so if you miss the class, you can see us there.”  The Djembe class is full of basic rhythms and therefore perfect for all ages.

People Running Around in a Hamster Ball To Play a Video Game That’s Like 100 Times Better Than Nintendo Wii
Otherwise known as the VirtuSphere Demonstration
5:00 at the Binghamton HS Small Gym
(As described by Jim DiMascio, COO of VirtuSphere, or, as I like to call him, Lord of the Hamster Ball)
Virtusphere is a virtual reality locomotion simulator. The hardware set consists of a hollow sphere, which is placed on a special platform that allows the sphere to rotate freely in any direction according to the user’s steps. First Night attendees will be able to get inside Virtusphere and experience a virtual tour of the historic village of Lavra, Russia by transmitting the virtual enviroment to the wireless head mounted display, attendess will move freely through out the Lavra virtual envirotment creating the most immersive virtual experience. Virtusphere is going to revolutionize virtual reality entertainment which includes allowing people to play inside the favorite games, providing virtual tours for education, museums, fitness and architectural walk through.

World-Renown People Running Around Doing Funny Dances That Will Blow You Away
Otherwise Known as Galumpha
9:45 at the Broome County Forum
(As described by Andy Horowitz, President in the Land of Galumpha. And the most flexible guy I’ve ever talked to over e-mail.)
Galumpha combines acrobatics, striking visual effects, physical comedy and inventive choreography to bring to life a world of imagination, beauty, muscle and merriment. The three performers create a sensory feast of images, drawn together into a seamless whole, consistently bringing audiences to their feet. Galumpha is a triumphant mix of art and entertainment, offering award-winning choreography (Edinburgh Festival Critics Choice Award, Moers International Comedy Arts Prize) at venues throughout the world.  For First Night Galumpha will perform two, 45-minute sets at the Forum Theater in downtown Binghamton at 8:30 and 9:45 PM.  The first set will open with a world premier choreographed and performed by children who participated in last summer’s Galumpha Gang intensive acrobatic dance workshop.  These 20 brave artists will dazzle their audience with creativity and acrobatic prowess.  Following the children’s presentation, the three Galumpha performers will take the stage and finish out the set.  What does Galumpha really do?  Well, we guarantee this:  You will see ways in which one human being can lift another two off the ground that you have never, ever seen before!

Crazy People Hacking up Ice with Chain Saws
Otherwise known as the Ice Sculpting Competition
7:00 at the Broome County Courthouse Lawn
(As described by me, from what I’m reading in the First Night Booklet)
OK, details were a little sketchy on this one, but I’m still recommending it—mainly because it involves a chainsaw.  I think we can all agree that chainsaws on the lawn of the Courthouse Building sound like a fun event, no?  The folks behind this demonstration are the same ones that did ice sculpting in front of a meager audience of onlookers during the rainy-day Communiversityfest.  They’re called “Iceography” and they had a whole mess of talent.  But I should warn you from past experience:  There’s nothing FAST about an ice-sculpting competition.  It’s a group of four people.  Slooooowly making art.  All the same time.  (With a chainsaw.)  Not fast, but beautiful.  And I secretly want to lick the sculptures when they’re done to see if my tongue will stick.

But I’m afraid of the chainsaws.

PART 2
UNOFFICIAL STUFF TO DO THAT EXTRA-DOESN’T SUCK

Now, because it’s going to be 2010, and because I’m a bit weird, I asked the promoters at some of my very favorite Bingo venues to explain in EXACTLY 10 words why they were throwing the hottest New Years Eve parties in the Southern Tier.  As you’ll see, many cheated, through the cunning use of dashes, slashes, and ampersands.  *sigh* Ain’t there no decency left?

Here they are (In alphabetical order.  Because it seemed fairest.  Most fair.  Whatever):

Antonio’s Galleria & Cafe (way out in Endicott…  I know, Endicott!)
Upscale, classy, complimentary champagne, live DJ, outstanding martinis & GELATO!

Cyber Café West
Hottest? Coolest definitely. Monkeys Typing, Chilled Champagne, Funny Hats! Rocking!

The Kilmer Brasserie
Hats & Noisemakers. Champagne Toast. Balloon Drop. Great Music. No Clean-up!

Merlins
Katrina as Dick Clark. All-night liquor. Free Champagne-Toast & Noisemakers.

Southern Tier Young Professionals Dinner Party
Fantastic french buffet with wine, 8pm - 10pm, dress to impress.

Tranquil
Eclectic music! JoshuaB. Free Hors d’oeuvres. Champagne! We mention d’oeuvres?

Yes, it’s true!  I’ll be DJing at Tranquil on New Years Eve.  I like to think I saved the best for last, but you decide for yourself which is best.  Oh, and one last little event I’ll be a part of:  “The Official First Night Mini Countdown”.  You can find it in the Forum starting at 9:30 PM.  The idea is pretty adorable:  Bring the kids, pretend it’s midnight, count backwards from 10, everybody gets to scream and shout, and then you can shuttle them off to bed with a babysitter so you can go back out and do it all over again for the real thing.  OK, maybe they’re not ACTUALLY encouraging you to lie to your children, but that’s what I’d do.  It’d midnight SOMEWHERE in the world at 9:30 PM.  Isn’t it?

Anyway, I’ll see you out on New Years Eve.  And don’t think you can get out of this thing now.  You’ve read the ENTIRE story—and that means you’re committed to the party.  I’ve saved  your IP Address and you’re being tracked.  Don’t think you can use the Internet on New Years Eve without me knowing.  And I have access to ice-sculpting chain saws.

When I moved to Johnson City 3 years ago, I knew a grand total of 1 other Jew in the Southern Tier.  Our first Chanukah together, we decided to make latkes.  Well, we decided to ATTEMPT to make latkes.  Important distinction.

He claimed he knew how.  He claimed he had the necessary skills.  He claimed he had made them before.

He lied.

I was betrayed.

Without going into too much detail, let’s just say we spent that evening shoveling half-cooked flour/egg/potato/dough-balls into our mouths like so much cookie dough.  While watching A Charlie Brown Christmas on TV.  *sigh*

Flash forward two years.  I’m utterly determined to find a decent latke in Binghamton.  With a new tool at my disposal:  Facebook.

I flip on over to Joshua Aurbach’s page (Kosher Black & White Cookie/Challah King of Broome County).  Surely, Josh must know where in Binghamton the potato pancake resides.  I tap out a message: “Doing a story on BingPop about latkes.  Wondering where I can get my hands on a good greasy potato pancake.”

His response: “The Jewish Community Center.  And my Mom.”

*sigh* Another dead end.  Being a 3-holiday-a-year Jew, I don’t have a membership at the JCC.  And I don’t have Josh’s Mom’s number.

(PS, Josh’s challah is now available in Weis markets.  All must try.  And if you’ve never had challah before, prepare to have your world rocked.)

In one final act of desperation, I post a status update: “Looking for latke’s in Binghamton.  Does ANYBODY know where I can find them.”  Lo and behold, the answer presents itself:  I am informed by uber-hip forward-thinking business-savvy shiksa restaurateur Marie McKenna—co-owner of the Lost Dog—that each year her café hosts a Latke night every year!

Well what else could I do? I cleared my schedule and prepared for a ravishing round of dreidel.

And dreidel there was.  Wooden dreidels, by the way.  In all my Jewish years, I’ve never once seen a clay dreidel.  That dreidel song is bullsh*t.  We were also given Chanuakah gelt—chocolate coins in tin wrapping. dreidel, you may not know, is a gambling game.  It’s no wonder my Grandma likes Bingo so much; we’re trained when we’re young.

(Yes, I know, dreidel can also be a drinking game.  I was in college once too.)

But let’s talk about the food!  Marie and her staff didn’t stop at latkes.  There were three Chanukah-themed entrees: a sweet and sour beef brisket, salmon in a tomato ginger sauce, and roast chicken with challah, apricot and pine-nut stuffing.  YUM.  Apparently, as news of Lost Dog’s annual Chanukah dinner spread, Marie’s Jewish friends began to come out of the woodwork with old family recipes.  She mixes it up every year.

I tried to brow-beat my table into ordering ALL of the holiday selections (by accusing them of hating Chanukah if they refused), but my ploy was only half effective.  One dinner-mate insisted on reliving the three-hundred and seventy other times she’d downed the restaurants famous penne a la vodka.  After all was said and done, we ordered 3 of the 4.  Our ratings are below…

The Brisket - 4 Dreidels!
 

The Chicken - 5 Dreidels!

The Latkes - 4 Dreidels!

A few words about the latkes themselves: They were utterly close to receiving five dreidels, but latkes, like chicken soup or mac & cheese, are only truly satisfying if they taste IDENTICAL to the way your parents made them when you were a child.

For me, that meant literally gallons of oil.  Seriously, I’m pretty sure Grandma ran down the block to McDonald’s and used their deep-fryer to make McLatkes.  Latkes weren’t latkes if the oil hadn’t soaked through the paper-plate, the paper towel beneath, the plastic placemat under that, and the oak wood table beneath them all to create a dripping puddle of fat on the tile floor below.  Not that it was only my Grandma—it was truly a family trait.  I remember enjoying my mother’s brownie recipe for YEARS before I found out that it involved 3 full sticks of butter.  Literally.  THREE STICKS.  It’s mind-boggling that there was room in the pan for any other ingredients.  It was butter with brown food coloring.

At this very moment, somewhere in North Jersey there is a 30-year-old clutching his chest as a result of artery plaque that can be traced back to the brownies he had on my birthday in our second grade homeroom class.

Anyway, everyone at my table had a fantastic time.  And something you’ll learn about latkes: they are served with either sour cream or apple sauce, rarely both.  You can spend an entire Chanukah meal arguing which is best—and I have; well, you can only play dreidel for so long…  Although we did spend time between latkes and the main course playing for pennies (and, for some reason, a drink chip worth $3.50… I think we were one penny short.)

My one and ONLY complaint about that fantastic Chanukah meal—are you listening Lost Dog—was the lack of a suitable wine pairing for the latkes… Take note: The San Francisco Chronicle recommends a good Chardonnay.

Yeah, I’m bullsh*t about VR.

Technology moves too slowly; Who’d have thought the most exciting development in the last five years would basically be a stylish pocket protector that makes phone calls and tells you which Britney Spears song you’re listening to on the radio.

PS, I don’t know what it says about modern-day songwriting that you need a decoder device to figure out the name of the song you’re listening.

Anyway, that’s why I got so excited when I found out the next BIG step in virtual reality is happening right here in Bingo.

And it’s not the giant hamster ball it looks like.

It’s a helluvalot more.

The VirtuSphere, or as I prefer to think of it, your next birthday gift to me, is a Virtual Reality interface that can allow you to immerse yourself in just about any environment you can think of.

It’s a bit like Star Trek’s Holodeck.  Only significantly less likely to malfunction, develop an artificial intelligence, and try and kill you.

What makes VirtuSphere DIFFERENT from the VR tech you’ve already seen is that you can actually walk in the thing.  Like, put one foot in front of the other.  You know, like people in big cities used to do before they had Segways.

OK, that may not SEEM like that big a deal, but when Nintendo Wii’s single-biggest selling point has become that it’ll make your kids be a little less fat and lazy, a VR environment that requires honest-to-God locomotion seems like a good idea.

And it IS exercise.  Or at least, it can be if you try hard enough.  Jim DiMascio, Virtusphere’s COO, demonstrated that with a little practice, you can run your ass off in the thing.  After 2 or 3 minutes, he had to stop, a bit breathless, and grab a glass of water.

The applications are pretty much limitless.  Jim and his partners see a military use; Units could be trained in a virtual Afghanistan so they have a sense of what it’s like to move around a real Middle Eastern city before they head overseas.  Army doctors could use a virtual re-enactment of psychologically scaring events to treat Post Traumatic Stress.  The VirtuSphere folks are teaming up with third-party software developers to make all that happen.  It’s pretty fantastic that the effort is being led right here in Binghamton.

Plus, I got to use it to play a Russian video game that involved blowing up killer pumpkins from outer space.  Or they might have been mutant radioactive pumpkins from a nuclear waste site.  Or they might have been killer mutant radioactive pumpkins from a nuclear waste site in outer space.

I’m not entirely certain.  But pumpkins were involved.

And there’s something that’s just more exciting about being able to use your entire body to move around in a game.  For the first few moments, I stood in place blasting pumpkins.  But after a little while, I started running after them.  And the game was somehow immediately more… fun.  Can’t explain why; it just was.
 
That’s not to say moving inside VirtuSphere isn’t a bit disconcerting in the beginning—like the first time you pick up a 37-button PlayStation controller.  There’s an adjustment period.  Just to practice, Jim asked me to walk in the sphere without the headset.  It’s pretty weird to be walking and not actually moving anyplace.  It got better when I put the head gear on.  As I took steps inside the sphere, it rotated around me, moving me through the virtual world in my headset.  Very cool.

Stopping took some getting used to as well.  When I stop in real life, the ground tends to stop at pretty much the same time.  But the momentum of the sphere creates a delay when you stop moving in VirtuSphere—the ball continues for a second on its own.  You learn to slow down first.

So after getting my first little taste of Binghamton-born Virtual Reality, I wanted to know when the masses would get a shot.  Jim DiMascio and I sat down for a serious chat about exploding radioactive pumpkins…

We’ve been promised cool virtual reality tech for soooooooooooo long; why isn’t it really here yet and when will we all have it in our houses?

Virtual Reality simulation is here and Virtusphere is a locomotion interface that allows users to become an avatar and play INSIDE a video game. One of the renown professors of Virtual Reality, Dr. Thomas Furness of the University of Washington was quoted, “Virtusphere comes closer than most to the Holodeck of Star Trek fame”. We are currently marketing Virtusphere to the entertainment market which include major theme parks, Las Vegas hotels & resorts, malls and other related entertainment centers globally.  Virtusphere can also provide combat simulation training for the US Army and Marines infantry soldiers, we would never send a pilot into combat without simulation training and we now have the first locomotion simulator for the soldiers on the ground. It will be a few more years but it our goal to eventually make Virtusphere affordable for home use.

There’s obviously some other techs that do stuff similar to Virtusphere; what’s unique about the system?

Virtusphere is unique that we have a patented system that allows people to move freely inside a virtual environment and this is how are system works; Our hardware set consists of a hollow sphere, which is placed on a special platform that allows the sphere to rotate freely in any direction according to the user’s steps. Transmitting a virtual environment to our wireless head mounted display, users can move freely 360 degrees creating the most immersive virtual experience. Our innovation will change how we entertain and train people.
 
Virtusphere played a part in Moscow’s pitch to be a host for the Olympics; talk about how all that happened…

The city of Moscow was in the running for 2012 summer Olympics. They took a very innovative approach to promoting their city and potential Olympic venues. They created 3D models of their proposed venues and purchased a Virtusphere and were able to give Olympic committee members virtual tours of what their venues would like which was very innovative and cost effective approach. As an additional benefit, utilizing Virtusphere they were also able to demonstrate how they would have trained security for the safety of the athletes and attendees. Unfortunately for Moscow, they lost to London for the 2012 Olympics but Virtusphere was given very positive reviews.
 
You’ve talked a lot about the military applications for VirtuSphere, but I’m really curious about the fun and games part; do you see it in arcades?  People’s homes?

Virtusphere is the future virtual reality entertainment. We are marketing Virtusphere aggressively to arcade and entertainment centers globally, 50% of our customer inquiry’s come from outside the US. It is our long term goal to bring Virtusphere to the home market but realistically we are probably 3 to 5 years away.
 
How’d you guys all end up setting up shop in Binghamton?

Our founders, Ray and Nurulla Latypov are Russian scientists who emigrated to the US in 2003 and 2006 respectively. They landed in Binghamton based on references from friends who had already emigrated to Binghamton promoting our quality of life, low cost of housing and the quality of primary and secondary education. Ray and Nurulla have children attending Binghamton School district and Binghamton University. I joined the company in November 2008 and suggested we established our company with the assistance of Broome County economic development in the new Greater Binghamton Innovation Center which is providing a cost effective start up for our company.
 
"Getting used" to Virtusphere is a bit of a process.  To people… well, do they fall down a lot?

Admittedly 1 out of 10 people stumble inside Virtusphere but that is part of the experience. Since the creation of first proto type Virtusphere in 2003, thousands of users have demonstrated Virtusphere and were proud that we have had zero safety incidents. 
 
So these things can be networked together, right?  To create, I dunno, a GIANT Quake tournament?

We believe Virtusphere has the opportunity to revolutionize virtual entertainment and multiple spheres can be networked together allowing people to interact together inside virtual environments like Second Life or play against each other inside first person shooter games like Quake allowing each person to become a character inside the game. Not only will players need to be good playing the game but playing inside Virtusphere. What’s more is that everyone gets exercise in Virtusphere. Today, most people navigate virtual environments or play video games in a seated position, the Nintendo Wii showed that we can play games in a more interactive state and Virtusphere is the next advancement to create a fully interactive virtual experience allowing people to walk or run inside the virtual environment.
 
What does VirtuSphere Version 2.0 look like?  If you could take it to the next level, what would you change?

Like any new technology, Virtusphere will continue to perform research and development to improve our technology. Examples of future next steps will be to include haptic gloves to provide the view and motion of the users hands, force feedback vests to feel the impact of being hit and adding other sensory perceptions like smell to provide the most realistic virtual experience. The future development and applications of Virtusphere are only limited by our imagination.

And it’s not because I hate dogs.  It’s just because I think of them as cuddly chickens.  That don’t taste as good.  But if they did, I might eat them.

OK, OK, it’s not true.  I had a dog growing up.  It had a name and everything.  And I never once ate it.

I just don’t sentimentalize animals in the same way that I sentimentalize, oh I don’t know, ACTUAL PEOPLE.  Except cats.  I’m pretty sure I’d choose a cat over some of my family members.  Plus they pee INSIDE the house.  Which I totally respect.  Because being able to relieve yourself without a chaperone is an important life skill.

I have dogs on the brain, I should tell you, because I’m MCing the Southern Tier AIDS Program’s “Doggone Fun on the Run” this Saturday at Otsiningo Park.  (Here’s hoping I’m not relieved of my hosting duties as a result of this blog entry.)

Despite my aversion to overly sentimentalizing animals, this event is, well, undeniably adorable.

In addition to a 2-mile dog walk and K-9 demonstration, the dogs will play “musical mats”—which is basically musical chairs without the chairs.  Because apparently dogs can’t sit on chairs.  (Which cats can, BTW.  Just another reason to love them more.  Sorry, dog people.)

And the most interesting (bizarre? creative? fun?) event of the day will be this: dogs painting abstract art.

Yes, I’ll type that again, slower this time so you can be sure you read it correctly:
DOGS. PAINTING. ABSTRACT. ART.

I. Love. This. Sh*t.  Because it’s the sort of stunt you’d dream up if you were either (A) drunk after a game of flip cup while playing with the fraternity dog at 3 AM or (B) a pretentious Manhattanite artist trying to figure out what to put on a canvas while high on crystal meth at 3 AM.

Mary Kaminsky is neither of the two, but don’t let anyone tell you that she isn’t as creative.

Mary, the Development Director of STAP, has recruited Jen O’Brian, director of the Magic Paintbrush Project, to help with the painting of the canvases by the canines.  If you’re not familiar with MPBP, they do great work with special needs families and art projects.

And this whole thing is doubly convenient for Jen because she sees the doggie painting experiment as a precursor to new and exciting projects at her own organization.

I ripped Jen away from experimental art for just a few minutes so she could answer a few questions about this Saturday’s event…

OK, so how did this whole doggy painting idea thing come about?
Mary Kaminsky sent me a note asking if it were possible to paint with dogs.  We have included dogs in our workshops with special needs families as often there are companion animals.  It is not uncommon for a special needs individual to have a helper or companion animal.  So we have been developing ways to include the animals in our workshops.  We started paint with companion/assist dogs about two years ago.  So when Mary asked if it were possible.. I said "Sure!"

Be honest: do we really think you’ll be able to tell the difference between these doggy paintings and abstract art painted by actual human beings?
I’m not one to compare abstract art to the pieces that are created in our workshop.  They are created out of an entirely different process.  I’m not sure it’s fair to compare.  Our workshop focuses on family engagement and the interactions and processes that lend a creative edge to helping special needs individuals achieve their goals with their families. Abstract Artists go through an entirely different creative process.  But in this case, the paint captures the moment and the movement of the companions.  And that is what is special about The Doggone Fun and the Doggie DaVinci Project.

I’m assuming this paint is… uh… non-toxic?
Of course! Actually we have our own line of paint,  Life Is Washable! Paint.  We have a proprietary line of paint which is blended in Pennsylvania.  It’s non toxic, washable and glittery too!  so there is NO question - it is entirely safe!

I know this event is a “practice session” for other projects you’re working on.  What’s the master plan?
We are developing new workshop activities that will support individuals with developmental disabilities.  We wanted to create a workshop activity that included companion animals.   As I said before we have painted with companion dogs before, but we needed to work on how different breeds and animals were able to navigate their sensory issues with the paint and workshop.   SO when Mary asked.. it was a great time to test our some of our new activities.
 
As far as the master plan for The Magic Paintbrush Project.  We have served over 10,000 individuals since starting three years ago in over 900 workshops.  We have just expanded with our first license, so we now serve  the Hudson Valley area along with a large portion of Central New York.  Our plan is to expand our service to other areas in the state and region.  We are the only known program of this type in the US.  We are very excited about our growth and potential.

Will each doggy paint its own masterpiece, or is this a group project?
Both!  We will be creating a banner for STAP and also providing an opportunity for each puppy to paint.  As in our regular workshops, it will be tailored to the needs of each family.  I am sure the results will be interesting.  For those not wanting to paint - we will have an activity which you can still participate in.

OK, so how much do you think we could sell these things for in a gallery if we just hung them up on First Friday and didn’t tell anybody they were made by dogs?
I’ll leave that question to the galleries…  they do a great job in showcasing our wonderful artist community.  We are really lucky to have such a vibrant event each month as First Friday!  I think the buyers of art would want to know who it was created by and how.. that’s part of the story! For many, memories of our puppies are priceless, so a painting made by your four legged family, maybe worth more to you.  The paint captures the laughter, the wags, the moment… I’m not sure you can put a price tag on that. And the opportunity to refine and work on our companion animal inclusion is a golden opportunity for The Magic Paintbrush Project.

Do people need to, uh, prepare their dogs for this Saturday in any way?
I have a feeling that the humans will need more encouragement that the dogs.  Come prepared with a happy and encouraging word.  We’ll have a bit of magic ready for the dogs.. and it will be fun.  Raising a dog is based on trust.  Trust me this will be worth it.

Sure, sure, I could rattle off a long list of Larry’s professional credits and involvements in things like the Lake Placid Winter Olympics and an ABC TV special—but I’m naturally drawn to the most eccentric elements of a person, the better to draw a caricature, and an obsessive interest in a Binghamton-based science fiction universe takes the cake in Larry’s case—putting aside his claim that he may have the largest theater Playbill collection West of the Hudson.

(PS, Larry, I’m in the market for an original production Sweeney Todd playbill, as I have an unholy and freakish obsession with Angela Lansbury. Don’t judge.)

Larry can tell you what motivated Binghamton native Rod Serling to write the Twilight Zone: censorship of one of his scripts.  But even more than that, he can tell you the particular elements of that Rod Serling script that had been altered, how they originally played out, and how the TV sponsors demand that they be changed.

Star Trek fans got beat up in junior high for that kind of precision.  Don’t ask how I know that; it’s a tender spot.

But Larry’s love of the Zone has done a lot for Binghamton; he’s director of the Rod Serling Video Festival—a competition which brings entries and attention from all over the state—and now he’s instrumental in planning the TZ’s 50th anniversary celebrations.

Honestly, there’s all sorts of different events to attend, including a TZ expert speaking engagement, a TZ bus tour, and the unveiling of a Rod Serling sculpture, but the one I’m most interested in—the one I think is the coolest—is this:

A live, televised reenactment of two Twilight episodes using local actors on WSKG. (10/3/09 @ 8 PM)

I mean, really, who does live TV anymore?  Yes, yes, there’s (the incredibly half-assed) Saturday Night Live, but it’s not clear whether anyone bothers to watch that show when there’s not a major election going on.

And THIS ONE is right here in Binghamton.

SO. COOL.  (I’m not being sarcastic. I know it’s hard to tell.)

Both episodes were “inspired by Binghamton locales” and will feature “professional, community and student actors”.  Looking for a place to enjoy the broadcast with other, uh… “Zonies”?  Um, “Twilighties”?  “T-Zoners”?  Whatever.  A special geek haven has been set up over at the Binghamton City Stage to enjoy the screening in a pseudo-social setting.

Larry Kassan ripped himself away from dusting his Playbill collection in order to answer a few of my questions…

OK, so you’re doing two episodes.  What are they about?
WSKG will broadcast two episodes live on Saturday evening October 3. MIRROR IMAGE is about a woman who sees herself in a bus station near Binghamton. WALKING DISTANCE is a biographical piece about a man, stressed by life, who finds himself travel back in time to his hometown where he meets himself as a young boy.
 
Now these scripts were supposedly inspired by Binghamton.  How so?
MIRROR IMAGE has many local Binghamton references and WALKING DISTANCE recreates Binghamton’s Recreation Park. Rod grew up just a few blocks away on Bennett Avenue.
 
Will the episodes be in black and white?
WSKG plans to broadcast the show in Black and White.
 
How are the actors prepping for the live telecast?
They are currently in rehearsal. Many have read about TZ and watched the actual episodes
 
So there are pros, community, and student actors.  Could you give us an example of each so we know who we’re looking at in the cast?
Hedi Weeks is a professional stage actor who has performed extensively in NYC and Toronto, Ava Crump is often seen at the Cidermill Playhouse, other cast members have connections to may community theatre around Greater Binghamton and two of the young actors are students at the Rod Serling School of the Arts. Austin Tanner, who plays the young Rod Serling was in last year’s production of OLIVER at the BHS Helen Foley Theatre.
 
I know you’ve had some contact with the Serling family; are they involved in this celebration at all?
The Serling family is most supportive of the celebration and plan to be at all of the events. 
 
Being the Twilight Zone encyclopedia you are, can you fill us in on a few lesser known “Bingo/Twilight connections”?
Rod always had strong ties to his hometown of Binghamton. He often added local references to all his scripts… Helen Foley (his drama teacher) was a character in the TZ, The Carousel shows up in many episodes, In the pilot which will be seen at the First Friday event he uses the name Resnick’s which was a famous women’s clothing store in downtown.
 
Some might note that being an inspiration for “The Twilight Zone” might not be the most FLATTERING of connections; what do you say to those people?
TZ was groundbreaking television, Serling was a pioneer in early broadcast TV. His work earned him more Emmy awards (6) than anyone in history of TV. This is something to celebrate and be proud of. I could say more but space does not allow.

And when you’re from a Jersey suburb just outside the city (like me), the “been there, done that, bought the t-shirt” attitude is magnified.  Because we’re all just trying to fit in with the uber-hip city folk.

But there’s something about Cirque du Soleil that crushes that instinct.  The old back-of-the-DVD-box cliché about “making you feel like a child again” actually applies: you get the sense that you’re seeing something truly fresh in which every moment is filled with the unexpected.  The amount of imagination and athleticism necessary to pull off a Cirque show boggles the mind:

These are people who take Olympic gymnasts, practice with them for weeks upon weeks, and then throw them off the show telling them that THEY’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE ACT.  The making of a Cirque show was documented in a 2003 reality series “Cirque du Soleil: Fire Within” which I was once forced to watch on a dreadful date that I’d prefer not to remember (only party because of the documentary).

Never seen a Cirque show?  It’s basically an artsy circus with live music.  All of the acts in the show are drawn together by a common theme (which nobody really understand but the artistic director) and the gymnasts involved do things with their bodies that surprise and delight the audience (but will probably cause them to spend thousands on physical therapists later in life).

Now HERE’S the confusing part.  The big touring arena version of Cirque: “Cirque du Soleil: Alegria”, played in Syracuse last week.  You can also check it out in State College (9/30), Rochester (9/23), or Philly (10/13) if you’re willing to make the road trip.  BUT there’s ANOTHER company doing Cirque-style shows in smaller theaters—and one of those tours will come to Binghamton on Feb 14th of next year: “Cirque Dreams: Illumination.”

So get it?  Big Cirque show was just in Syracuse.  Little Cirque show is coming to the Forum.  But they’re not connected.  Except in terms of style.

Now when Alegria came to Syracuse last week, the PR folks for the show gave me a ring and asked if I wanted to speak with artistic director Michael Smith.  I agreed, hoping and praying that he’d be really, really, really eccentric. He had a disappointingly firm grip on reality, but it was a fun interview nonetheless.

LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW

PS, I STRONGLY recommend you check out the Broadway Theater League’s Cirque Dreams Illumination when it comes to Binghamton Feb 14th.  That and Avenue Q (Oct 18th) promise to be the most interesting shows of the season.

Third Eye Blind is coming to Binghamton.

You remember Third Eye Blind, doncha?  Their bubble-gum-punk-pop-sounding singles got oodles of radio play because it took three or four listens before anyone realized that the songs were actually about suicide, blow jobs, and crystal meth.

Yes, Third Eye Blind is back with a whole new album: “Ursa Major”.  You can listen to their latest single, “Don’t Believe a Word” below.  Just make sure nobody with epilepsy is in the room while you watch the video.  And when you figure out why one of the band members changes outfits on-screen at 1:38, drop me a note and fill me in.  Thanks.

PS: You should actually all go support Third Eye Blind because they graciously agreed to do the ribbon-cutting at the 2007 Southern Tier AIDS Walk in Rec Park.  And A LOT of bands wouldn’t have done that.

Two "interesting" facts about Third Eye Blind:

• During concerts in the mid 90s, they would drop candy from large piñatas above their mosh pits.
• Lead singer Stephan Jenkins decided to swap out the candy for live crickets when they played a showcase for record execs.  (Not sure what makes this a good idea, but hey, they got signed.)

Tickets for the October 11th show go on sale to us townies on September 15th (for 29 bucks).  Students can now buy tickets online too because—and this is the actual stated reason—they won’t have to cut classes this time around to make sure they see the show.

Third Eye Blind last played Binghamton in April of ’07.  You can check out a review of their Magic City Music Hall performance from the Pipe Dream.  I especially like how it highlights the “intense muggy heat” you could feel in the venue that night, as if the air conditioner actually worked most other nights…

*Sigh* I actually really miss that place.

And not one of the more useful or interesting records: world’s oldest man, world’s tallest building, world’s smallest microchip—nobody but eggheads really care about those.  We’re talking one of the really eccentric ones, so we can have our own Trivial Pursuit question or page in Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader: world’s chewiest potato pancake, world’s tallest freestanding badminton net, world’s trendiest tea cozy.  Now we’re talkin.

So when I found out what the Binghamton Mets are planning to do this Friday night, I was positively giddy with the sort of girlish delight that they won’t even allow inside a professional sports stadium.  Even a Double-A affiliate sports stadium.

This Friday, between phases of the Toyota Double Grand Finale Labor Day Weekend Fireworks Kick-off Extravaganza Festival of Pyrotechnic Wonder (I think that’s what it’s called), NYSEG Stadium will attempt to break the world record for the most number of human beings simultaneously howling at the moon.

PS: It’s a full moon that night.  Which should make things easier.  Harder.  Easier.  I’m not really sure which.

In any case, I started to wonder exactly how many howling individuals you could stick inside NYSEG Stadium on a Friday night.  According to Wikipedia, the stadium itself seats 6,012.  So the question then becomes: what exactly is the CURRENT world record for most number of human being simultaneously howling at the moon?

Sadly, a search at http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/ yielded no results.  Leading me to believe that there is no current record for most number of people howling at the moon.  Leading me to believe that I could break the record right here, right now, in my bedroom, alone.

There, I just did it.  Send me my damn trophy.  Or certificate of appreciation.  Or screen-printed t-shirt.

Clearly, I have to broaden my search.  A Google query yielded two interesting results:

1. On September 7th of 2007, an organization in Sydney, Australia called “Bums for Bush” attempted to break the word’s record for most number of people bearing their asses in protest.  “Mooning”.  Not exactly what I was looking for, but that’s why Google searches are so much fun.  You never know what irrelevant yet delightful facts will result.  Only 50 people showed up for the protest.  Nice try, @ssholes.

Get it?  Nice try, @ssholes?  Cause they were mooning?  Get it?  I know, I know, you got it.  It just wasn’t funny.  *sigh*

2. On October 26th, 2009, a web site called http://www.moonhowlevent.com/ will attempt to organize a giant Planet Wide Moon Howl.  You’re supposed to do this at 9 o’clock in your own local time.  Think of it as a giant planetary stadium wave of howls, one time zone after the next.  The web site suggests that you organize “howl parties”, “howl with somebody special”, or just (and I think this is probably the point of the whole campaign) buy the organic fitted men’s t-shirt at CafePress.com for the low, low price of 24.99.

PS: According to their own counter, only 371 people have visited the web site.  Which if you ask me is a pretty lame planetary howl.  Not to mention a pretty lame t-shirt marketing campaign.

The bottom line is, I don’t know whether or not the Binghamton Mets will be successful in their mission to break the world record for the world’s largest group howl.  I don’t even know what success would be.  I don’t even know if the term “success” should be applied to such a venture.  Yet I still salute the BMets for trying.  It’s nice to have a dream.  Even if the dream involves getting people so plastered on $3 beers that they participate in an activity that will cause them to spend the entire next day untagging embarrassing photos of themselves on Facebook.

Sounds like my kinda party.

Bottoms up.

Still don’t believe me?  Come out this Friday.

Three living spaces that are going to make you “uber-jealous” (as Bruno might say) will be open to the Southern Tier Young Professionals, and through them, the public.  The event is a progressive dinner that will weave from downtown to Riverside and back again over the course of 4 hours.

The party starts at Sylvia/Wayne Kerber’s gorgeous 4-floor loft.  You will drool; you will covet; it will make you reconsider your career choices.  This pad is so fab, in fact, that it was covered over on HGTV—which is not to say they did a good job of covering it; the editors over at HG have managed to imbue a compelling story of urban renewal with all the energy of a 7-part Ken Burns miniseries on the history of the ball-point pen.  The reality, however, is much more interesting.  And you should join STYP there on Friday for appetizers, a chance to meet the (extremely warm and creative) Kerbers, and to take in this modern designer’s wet dream.

Now I haven’t been to home of Robin Alpaugh OR Doug Camin, but I’ve heard good things.  Robin’s home is described on the invite as a classic Riverside mansion, and you’re invited to munch noodles on the porch smothered in homemade sauces.  Doug Camin, for those of you who haven’t met him, does all sorts fancypants things with computers—that afford him a State Street loft right above state-of-the art recording studio On Point Productions.  He’ll be the final destination—the place where you hopefully still have enough room to scarf down some dessert without losing everything else you’ve been consuming till then.

Personally, I’m looking forward to collapsing shortly after that.  But I expect there’ll still be plenty looking to party downtown.

I asked Dawn Lanouette, social chair of the Young Professionals to give me just a few more details…

Well look, I’ve never been to a progressive dinner.  And I can guess what one is.  But why do all that work when you could just explain….

Progressive dinners come in all shapes and sizes. Since this one involves such a large group, we try to keep it simple. We start at the first home on Court St.  and eat appetizers and drink wine. At about 7 pm, we’ll leave and (weather permitting) walk to riverside drive for dinner and more beverages.  Then about 9, we’ll walk back to another loft on Court St for dessert and beverages.  So, it’s a meal, a home tour, and an evening stroll all in one!

I see from Facebook that people are invited to bring an app or desert.  Is it free otherwise?

A dessert or appetizer is the price of admission so to speak. We provide the main course and some wine and non-alcoholic beverage. People are encouraged to bring their favorite beverage, too, as you may not like what we serve, but it is otherwise free.  You don’t have to worry about carrying things, either.  We’ll have a car for transporting food and wine from place to place.

OK, this is important:  I see there’s a pasta bar for dinner.  Rottini, sphaghetti, elbows, penne?  What are we talking here?  Will there be a variety of shapes?  And sauces.. talk to me about my options.  I’m serious about my pasta.

We use penne because its easier to eat. So far, we’ve got three sauces-a bolognese, a vodka sauce, and an alfredo. I’d love to add one more, but we’ll have to see if we get a volunteer.  There will also be salad and garlic bread. The sauces are homemade. I’m told the bolognese is her grandmother’s secret recipe and I know the other two have won awards. I think you’ll be duly impressed.  But, since you’re the expert, maybe you want to show off your skill.

The venues look like fun; describe the "vibe" of each: the Kerber house, the Alpaugh mansion, and the Camin loft…

The Kerber place is simply awesome. It’s been featured on HGTV. Essentially, they took this store front type building in downtown and turned it into their home. Since they designed it themselves, they give great tours.  It is very modern. Robin Alpaugh’s Riverside Drive house is the complete opposite.  You step inside and feel like you’ve gone back in time.  He has a photograph of what it used to look like and has worked very hard to restore it.  He just added a garden out back, so we’ll be eating on the huge front porch and in the back garden.  It’s beautiful.  Doug and Kim’s loft has a younger, hipper feel to it.  It has a great view of downtown, and is just this huge space for people to mix mingle, eat and drink. 

Seriously, though, don’t you think you should have included somebody’s dirty, overcrowded studio just for grit and realism?

Um, yeah, I used to live in one of those, so, no.  Though, we are walking through downtown twice, that should provide enough grit and realism for everyone, or you could walk downtown after the event–it’s only a block away.
 
Your invite fails to mention the drinking opportunities.  I can only assume this is an oversight.  So let’s talk booze.  Being that all the venues are within walking distance…

You are correct, that was an oversight.  So, here’s the deal–we’ll have wine at each venue and some non-alcoholic beverage, BUT as you pointed out, this is a great chance to drink without having to drive, so people are welcome (even encouraged) to bring their favorite beverage, and there are already several people bringing their favorites to share.  Hey, you want to enjoy this night, and who knows if you’ll like the wine we’re serving?  Again, we’ll have a car to put wine in to take from place to place.  Oh, and Doug and Kim have a nice bar, so wine probably isn’t the only thing on the menu at that stop.
 
So do we bring our fancy party dress?  How should we fit in; nobody wants to be the only dope in cargo shorts and a "Bing Crosby + Ham + 1-Ton Weight" T-shirt…

Common sense is key to dressing for this event.  Remember, we’re walking from Court to Riverside and back again, so save the 3 inch heels for another night.  That said, there will be all types of dress.  Some of us will be coming straight from work, so that means, losing a jacket, taking off a tie and rolling up the sleeves.  Most people, though, will be very casual.  Shorts are fine–ripped t-shirts probably will make you feel underdressed.  Unless, of course, it’s a BingPop T-Shirt, then it’s welcome everywhere, right?

Yeah, OK, Melissa Etheridge is a gay icon.  And an environmental awareness icon.  And a breast cancer survivor icon.  And a rock chick icon.  And a songwriting icon.

Jesus Christ, Melissa, leave room for somebody else to have a cause, would ya?

But more than all of these things, she’s a brilliant live performer.  I had never known that till last night, and I suspect I’m not the only one who discovered it at the Anderson Center in Binghamton.  Well, OK, Vestal; but she said Binghamton.  “Are you ready to rock, Vestal?!?” doesn’t have the same ring…

See, what’s unique about going to a concert in the Bing is this: we get so damn few of them; we’re a lot more willing to go see a show from an artist that we maybe kinda liked just a little bit in college because their single was stuck in our broken CD player.  So Bing concerts are filled with the unconverted—not the hooting, hollering, crying, shrieking, (maybe even) tripping concert-goers you’d find in the “big city”.

It took me a while to realize this; beforehand, I just thought that we were all f*cking lame.  And I’m not convinced that some touring performers don’t feel that way when they show up here.

BTW, I heard one set of concert-goers last night scream at another set of concert-goers to sit down because they weren’t as excited about the show and they didn’t think that anybody else should be either.

On another BTW, I pretty much suck at listening to new music; what do you want from me?  I work in radio.  And if a lyric hasn’t been drilled into my head every four and a half hours before being used as the underscore for a Toyota commercial and the theme song for an Amy Adams romantic comedy, I have a difficult time sitting through its live performance.

But that’s what separates a really really really great live performer from, well, Britney Spears.  Because while we all want to have sex with Britney (even the gays; it’s OK, you can admit it), we pretty much just tolerate her singing on the off chance that she may lose her sh*t on stage and rip her clothes off for no particular reason.

This is not true for Melissa Etheridge.  (OK, maybe it’s true for some of the lesbians reading.)  I, for one, am not sure quite why I liked her live show so much last night.  More than 70% of the show was tunes I didn’t know.  But it didn’t matter.  It might have been her voice—which was in perfect form and didn’t sound any different from what you’d hear in a studio recording.  It might have been her laid-back vibe: you felt like she could have been playing a bar as small as Frankie’s or a space as big as the Broome Arena, she’d be having a ball either way.  I actually think, more than anything else, it was her chemistry with the audience.

She’s an engaging storyteller, and every lyric seemed vitally important when delivered live.  Message songs like “I Run for Life” (her breast cancer anthem) and “I Need to Wake Up” (her Oscar-winning environmental anthem) which before seemed to me like “charity jingles” when they first came out, suddenly just worked.  It’s impossible to deny that’s she’s genuine when you see her in the flesh.

I can’t tell you for sure if I’ll buy Melissa’s next album—I’ve never been blown away by her CDs; but I can tell you I won’t miss her next concert.  Unless Britney Spears is in town.  And having a breakdown.  Half-naked.

Now that’s entertainment.

PS: We interviewed Melissa on the Star Morning Show.  She was just as cool to speak to by phone as she was live in concert.

CLICK TO LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW

So it speaks to exactly how successful Shawn Wayans was that even I knew his name.

I didn’t watch “In Living Color”, I hadn’t seen “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka”, and I’m sorry to say that I missed out on “The Wayans Bros” sitcom—a TV show that aired on the WB network before it decided to retool its lineup to cater to bookish 14-year-olds fixated on vampire-slaying and teenaged superheroes.

So the first time I REALLY knew who Shawn Wayans was when I was forced to watch Scary Movie 20 or 30 times in a row by my new roommates in San Francisco (who had JUST arrived in “the big city” from Kansas—yes, Kansas).  It might have been the slapstick comedy; it might have been Shawn’s striking good looks; or it might have been the drugs that they suddenly realized they could buy on the corner of Fillmore and Eddy.  But whatever it was, they just couldn’t get enough of that movie.

Probably it was the drugs.

Anyway, the first 8 or 9 times I actually found it pretty funny—and I was sober.

So when Lori and I got the chance to interview Shawn about Dance Flick, the new film he co-wrote with his brothers, we jumped at it.

INTERVIEW W SHAWN WAYANS

PS I hope that my former roommates are sitting somewhere in a drug-induced haze reading this with jealousy.  (Preferably in Kansas.) Thanks for depriving me of all that sleep.

Oh wait, f*ck it.  I do.

And one of my new faves is Sake Tumi, the new sushi place on State Street.  One of the reasons I love Tumi is that it proves the “haters” wrong—those that say that a trendy, upscale, student-friendly restaurant in downtown Bing can’t survive.

And now they’ve fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally got their liquor license.  Jesus, was anybody else tired of doing Jose Cuervo shots next door at On the Roxx so they could tolerate their dinner company?

Anyway, the sushi has been consistently good; the service has been consistently fast; and now the lunch can be consistently liquid.  Life is good.

So the big question?  Will the sake-bombing frat boys make nice nice with the suit and tie set from the Press Building?  Or will the flowing liquor make a dent in their classy rep.  I think everything will work out just fine; and I expect great things for the future of Bing’s first downtown sushi joint.

PS Rumors are that the “official ribbon-cutting” will go down next week.  I’m not one to give advice, but I think free sake-bombs might be a draw…

PPS The “dessert sushi” roles are phenomenal.  The words, “Oh my God, I’m so f-ing stuffed, I couldn’t eat another bite” have left my vocabulary.  Thankfully.  New motto: Dessert now, gastric bypass later.

THEN an even bigger announcement as far as I’m concerned;  Melissa Etheridge is coming to the Anderson Center on August 23rd.  SHE IS KICK ASS LIVE.  Buy tickets.  Now.  Oh wait, you can’t yet.  They go on sale Monday.  But you CAN win them if you listen to me blather on the radio.

If sci-fi has taught us nothing else, it’s that your robot will kill you one day.  (It’s good to see that the US military is putting this lesson to good use in Pakistan; I can’t imagine any way THAT little technology could go awry.)

So that’s why it’s probably appealing that somebody has created a robot too dumb to kill anybody.  It’s called the tweenbot.  Which in some obscure language must translate to “brown paper lunch bag with smiley face drawn on it”.

And that’s exactly what the Tweenbot looks like.  It was a research project for NYU ITP student Kacie Kinzer.  If you’ve never heard of the NYU “ITP” grad program—I hadn’t—it describes itself as the “Center for the Recently Possible”.  You know how the Sharper Image sells a whole bunch of crap that uses fiber optics and lasers to look really cool but not function in any useful way?  The NYU ITP center does kinda the same thing—except it probably costs $40,000 a year instead of 99.99 (which is what everything at the Sharper Image costs, until it goes on clearance at TJ Maxx for 5.99).

Kinzer created the Tweenbot to answer one simple question:  Are New Yorkers really @ssholes?

The answer?  Surprisingly not.

Here’s how it works:  Build a stupid robot that’s too cute for words and is only capable of going forward.  No sensors. No artificial intelligence.  No weapons.  No fun.  Then attach a sign to it that’s drawn by the same girl who drew hearts, flowers, and teddy bears all over your high school yearbook.  The sign should say (in happy bubble letters with appropriately ridiculous flourishes) “HELP ME. I need to get to the Southwest corner of Washington Square Park.”  Then take it to the Northeast corner and let it loose.

42 minutes and 29 pedestrian helpers later, the robot will arrive at its goal.

Kinzer believes that this says something about the Washington Square Park crowd; that it says something about New Yorkers; that it says something about human nature itself.

I think that it says something about the power of cute.

And makes me want to hurl just a little bit.

No, you’ll definitely see some more “interesting” fare at KNOW.  And that’s why they have to get so creative when it comes to getting noticed.  They know how to do it low-budget marketing.  And they know how to do it on the web.

Take their latest show: The Two of You.  It’s a play that was first produced at the Kitchen Theatre in Ithaca about a well-to-do social-climbing couple living in Boston during the 1950s.  They’re just going about their business when a girl shows up at their front door claiming to be the husband’s daughter.  The girl’s name is January Aloha Ireland.  Congratulations; you now know the sum total of everything I know about the plot of the play.

But here’s where the KNOW folks get clever.   Rather then run some lame-ass marketing campaign, they’ve decided to create posters advertising January’s search for her father.  “Do you know Hank?” they ask, in bold letters across the top.  “Hey! My name is January Aloha Ireland.  I’m in town trying to find my father Hank.  He doesn’t know about me yet…” And so on.

The posters use pics of the actual actors—further blurring the line between reality and theatrics.  And they haven’t stopped with posters.  January’s got her own Facebook, and she’s friending the hell out of everybody in Binghamton.  Check out her current status “I met this opera singer guy Matt who said I should be using Facebook to help in my search, he suggested I friend you if you don’t already know me. Visit my blog http://doyouknowhank.blogspot.com/”.

Go to the blog and you’ll find even more of the story—a journal of January’s quest to find her dad.  The campaign’s so cool, I’m starting to worry that the play will be a let down.  So I tracked down the Artistic Director of KNOW to find out more…

I know you’re being a bit secretive about the ad campaign for “The Two of You”.  But tell us as much as you can (without having to kill us afterwards).
We are taking the story to the street and internet in a way no one in this town (or possibly anywhere) has done before.  At KNOW Theatre we, maybe I should speak for myself, I don’t see these people as characters, I see them as people.  I don’t see theatre as “a cute play”  I see it as an event.  I see people with a back story, with a life that could exist somewhere else besides on the stage.  We’ll call this idea a convention.  If we accept different types of theatre may open up different conventions than what we’re used to on a stage, the possibilities are endless.  In this case it just happens that in my mind, the characters are currently alive and well.  And although everything they do off stage may not agree with what they do onstage, it still makes things interesting and opens up a wide range of possibilities for advertising.

So you’re obviously thinking outside the box in terms of advertising your next show.  But I’m told the writing of the show itself is kind of “outside the box”.  How so?
When a new play is written, it is often taken to a workshop where other writers and audience members give feedback and help the playwright perfect his work.  Theatre also has an un-written list of conventions.  For instance one character may talk to the audience to tell their story, as in Glass Menagerie, but no one else on stage does and no one else is aware that “Character A” is conversing with the audience.  For this show, all the typical conventions are blown out of the water.  Everything is fair game.  The playwright has acknowledged in his work that this is a show being performed post workshop and it becomes clear things are maybe not perfect yet in some minds.

If you had to describe the plot in say, 25 words, how would you do it.  Use more and you get a penalty.  I’m serious.  I only pay for so much disk drive space on BingPop.
Husband, Wife, girl enters via elevator.  Surprise!  Where was he 21 years and 9 months ago?  Living in the 80’s…friends with benefits…unexpected results.

How’s the campaign working so far?  Have people actually bought into the idea that this girl’s looking for her dad? 
Depends what you mean by “bought into the idea”.  Are people helping January find her dad, yes.  She has a growing following on Facebook (search her by e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ) and she’s started a Twitter and YouTube account.  You can also check out her website at http://www.DoYouKNOWHank.com I’ll tell you a little secret, we haven’t announced it yet, but in about a week, KNOW Theatre is going to officially join in the search and open our e-mail list to her.  I feel for the poor girl.  As for the public, one of my students saw the poster and offered to have his father, a cop, do a background search and see what he could come up with.  Something told me that was not a good idea, and some poor guy named Hank pulled over on 81 might have a hard time explaining, so we passed on that.  But generally people have been very supportive, a little confused, but lets face it, finding ones biological parent(s) isn’t always simple or easy. 

If people are going to see a show at the KNOW Theatre for the first time, what’s the one thing you’d want them to walk away saying, if nothing else?
Wow!  That was better than some of the off-Broadway shows I’ve seen!  (We already hear that, we just like to hear it repeated)

When you plan a new show that’s a little less traditional, do you get any pushback—any “nobody will come to see that”?  If so, how do you respond?
Sometimes.  Many theatres are stuck in a place where they have to sell large numbers of tickets to keep the doors open.  Luckily, we can afford to take risks here and there.  We’re not out to produce every controversial, cutting edge play ever written.  We just feel like sometimes there are shows that haven’t been given a fair chance, and we want to breathe life into them so the people of the Bing can make their own conclusions.

We called Mayor Arrington for his immediate reaction (CLICK TO LISTEN).  Lori and I have decided that he’s adorable.

When my morning show partner Lori checked the results on the Friday that the poll closed, Owego was 1400 votes ahead.  She checked around 6:30; the poll closed at 8.

HOWEVER, the competition is supposedly based on more than the voting–it also takes into account resident-submitted essays that prove "town spirit" *vomit".

Anyway, we’ll be watching Wednesday morning to see what happens.  And kick somebody’s ass if we don’t win.  Because our small town can beat up your small town.  Owego’s got pluck.  Damn straight.

This past Monday, Lori and I did a number of interviews relating to the ACA shootings of 4/3.  I’ve included a few links to those interviews…

Mayor Matt Ryan
discusses moving forward as a community.

Dara Raboy-Picciano
a counselor over at BU talks about coping with the tragedy.

Marsha Maroney
from Catholic Charities talks about fund-raising for the victims and families.

UPDATE 4/7/09
Three big charity efforts I wanted to let you know about:

Catholic Charities and NewsChannel 34 are hosting a giant sympathy card signing today at the Oakdale Mall ( 3 to 8 ).  There will be 14 cards for all 14 families–also an opportunity to donate money.  Stop by the TV studio in front of Macy’s.

Merlin’s (201 State Street) is hosting a drag benefit this Saturday night @ 9:30.

WBNG is hosting a phone-a-thon this Friday night.  Details still emerging…

UPDATE 4/5/09
An interfaith vigil for the victims of the shootings will be held this evening in West Middle School (1 West Middle Ave) @ 6 PM.  We strongly encourage you to attend.  A strong effort has been made to ensure that this event is truly respectful of all faiths–many different community and religious leaders will be speaking.

UPDATE 4/4/09
Catholic Charities of Broome County has set up a safe haven for those affected by the shooting.  They have set up a special fund for the families and are accepting donations at the web site.

This entry is going to be a bit personal.  And I apologize if you think I’m being a bit self-indulgent in just sharing my feelings.  But this is a blog—not a news site.  And so I’m going to take liberties in sharing my thoughts and I invite you to express yourself in kind by commenting on this entry…

When I woke up this morning, I expected to be writing an entry about all the really neat things going on in Binghamton this weekend.

Of course, that’s no longer possible.  Tragedy has struck.  And we’re all still reeling.

I spent most of today in airports; I’m flying down to Alabama for a friend’s wedding, and I was already on a runway when I got my first text about the shootings.  I was dumbstruck.  I’ve only lived in Binghamton for 3 years—but it’s home to me, and I, like a lot of other people, have developed a “stuff like that doesn’t happen here” mentality.  But it did happen here.  And it was fairly surreal to see Mayor Ryan standing behind the Police Chief Zikuski on the national feed of CNN as I stood in an airport bar in Philadelphia.

This may seem like a weird thing to say; but I wish I had been in Binghamton today—for my friends, for the community.  Sure, I just do an entertainment radio show—big deal.  But Barb Daly once told me how Tom’s got PACKED the day of 9/11—people were looking for someplace familiar and comforting to go… and I wish I could have at least done that.  Because there wasn’t much else I could do.  And I also want to acknowledge what an incredible job our friends in the news media did—keeping people informed during a time when people were very, very afraid.

I know it’s a cliché, but I think now, more than ever, we need to come together.  I’m not exaggerating; Binghamton has a better sense of charity and community than anywhere else I’ve ever lived.  Nothing will make up for the tragedy; nothing will “fix” the loss of a loved one; but no city is better prepared to respond with a force for good.

Bad things happen.  Sometimes disturbingly random things.  We can’t control them.  I’ve always felt like the only response is to do good—even an unrelated good.  It’s better than shrugging your shoulders or giving up.  I hope more than anything that we can all find ways to contribute to the community in the coming weeks—in whatever small ways we can.

Thanks for reading.

Joshua

I thought not, bitches.

That’s right, Binghamton does; and don’t you dare call them “Ghostbusters”, or they’ll go paranormal on your ass.

Apparently, the “Binghamton Area Paranormal Society” is a bit snobby about that sort of thing—at least snotty enough to pooh-pooh the very idea of “proton packs” and “ghost-sucking”.  They seem so worried that the 80s hit film destroyed ghost-hunting cred forever that they open up the “What Is a Ghost Hunter” section of their web page with a short but disdainful rant about how they’re NOTHING like those slapstick frauds.

No, they don’t have proton packs or special uniforms with cutesy little Casper logos.  But they do have EMF meters (because electromagnetic fields tell you where the ghosts are), non-contact thermometers (because “cold spots” ALSO tell you where the ghosts are), and flashlights (because, um, it’s really, really dark where they work).

And if there’s “something strange in your neighborhood” or “an invisible man sleeping in your bed”, just understand that they’re going to assume you’re full of crap if you call them.  That’s part of their ghost-hunting philosophy: normal until proven paranormal.  But the good news is, they’re so devoted to the art that they’re willing to come investigate your home or business totally free of charge.  Act now, while supplies last!  If they DO discover some sort of creepy crawly troublemaker, however, it is NOT their job to remove it.  For that, they rely on some local “religious power” for help.  “Think of us … as counselors who … help lessen the supernatural load.”  Right.

Don’t believe in ghosts?  Well, they’ve got the photos, video, and audio to, er, “prove it”.  Supposedly.  I listened to an audio clip—uh, sorry, an “Electronic Voice Phenomena”—of a disembodied voice saying one word—“Leave”—about ten times just to decide if it was an actual communication from the afterworld or just the guy holding the tape recorder trying to screw with his buddies.

They’ve also got a handy dandy ghost dictionary on their site, which tells you all sorts of useful things—like that a “demon” is a “hostile and resentful enemy”, an “entity” is a “disembodied consciousness,”, and an “anomaly” is “anything weird, abnormal, strange, odd, or difficult to classify”.  I feel qualified to hunt ghosts already.

And these hunters aren’t libel to sit on their ass and wait for the ghosts to come to them.  They’ve already investigated paranormal reports in a number of sites all over the Bing aread: The Bunn Hill Road Cemetery, Chenango Valley Cemetery, Ingram Hill Road Cemetery, Port Crane Cemetery, Morgantown Cemetery… Uh, yeah. They like cemeteries a lot.  Well these ARE ghosthunters.  And I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt in assuming this isn’t just an excuse to romp around amongst graves in the middle of the night.  Thought I would point out that if the dead people are STAYING in the cemeteries, it can’t be that much of a problem.

OK, fine, I’m a cynic.  But I’m willing to be turned.  If a BingPop reader wants their home ghost-busted, I’ll come along for the ride.  Just as long as they let me hold one of the electromagnetic field detectors.  And let me pretend it’s a tricorder.  You just let me know.

BTW, my e-mail request for an interview was not immediately returned.  Too busy exorcising the demons, I suppose.

At least, that’s the impression I got when I sat with her in her new gallery/gift shop on Court Street.  She stared at me with a dubious sort of “why are you interested in me” look as I explained what BingPop was.

“It’s all about what’s fun, edgy, unusual, or kind of underground in Binghamton.”

She begins giggling.  Then points out that she’s listening to Rachmaninoff and selling hand-sewn scarves in her shop.  Not edgy.

It’s true; Sharon Webb is not hip.  She’s actually kind of adorably spacey.

We continue to chat about downtown Bing and why she moved her shop, the Giddybird, from Owego to here.  She suddenly bursts out with, “It’s just so good to be alive!”

I pause, confused.  “Uh, how did you… how did that connect to the conversation?”

“It doesn’t,” she smiles.  “I was just thinking.”

Sitting and chatting with Sharon is almost as interesting as looking at her art; she has an unusual perspective on almost everything.  She explains to me that she had to “look past” the less attractive elements of downtown when she moved the shop there a few days ago; specifically, she sees a lot of people down on their luck—and doesn’t want to become obsessed with worry over them; she’s sympathetic to a fault.

And she knows that she’s picked a spot on Court Street that’ll have to become a destination.  “That’s where the Giddybird comes from.”  She’s talking about her store’s logo—which she’s got printed on everything from hand-colored greeting cards to totes to kids shirts.  She invented it to make the gallery more accessible… and to encourage repeat costumers (who will hopefully by a card every time a birthday comes up).  Just because she’s running an art gallery—doesn’t mean it’s gotta be highbrow or snobby.

Sharon’s created almost everything in the store, with the exception of the scarves and the natural scented soaps.  I had lunch in the Kilmer with a friend yesterday and pointed out that the poppy paintings on the wall were hers, and he loved them; her work seems to fit in just about anywhere.  And starting this Friday you can also find it at the Anam Cara Gallery (204 State).

But my FAVORITE part of all this is that it expands First Friday.  The “gallery district” is slowly creeping eastward, with great stuff to see at Phelps, Tranquil AND Giddybird.

PS, her greeting cards have penguins.  I love penguins.

Just not real ones.

Look, I wasn’t alive when machines took over manufacturing; but I think that I would have been OK with it.  I’m pretty friggin’ lazy.  When computers learned how to spell for me, I was actually damn glad—even if I do have to click undo every time my cell phone auto-corrects “Binghamton” to “Birmingham”.  I was EVEN OK with it when they invented a robot to replace fashion models; feminists, doctors (and anybody else with a brain) have been saying for years that no human being should force themselves to be that skinny—and apparently some robotics geek in the IT department took them literally.

But robots writing my porn?

A line must be drawn in the sand, people.  I’m telling you: robotic strippers aren’t far behind.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  This all started when I heard about The Bookseller’s Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year.  Anything that trivial and still well-publicized seemed like a worthy feature for BingPop.

But then I learned of this year’s “controversy”.  *GASP* Among nominees such as “Curbside Consultation of the Colon” (appetizing!), “Strip and Knit with Style” (titillating!), and “Baboon Metaphysics” (um, stupid), was a title that was COMPUTER GENERATED.  “The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-miligram Containers of Fromage Frais” was “written by” Prof Philip M Parker.

(PS, Fromage Frais is a French diary product not often found in the US.  And yes, I had to look that up on Wikipedia.  Don’t judge.)

Now it’s probably true that most great inventions in the world stem from one form of laziness or another—but Parker takes the cake; he wanted to be a best-selling author without actually bothering to write a book.  Instead, he invented a computer algorithm to do the writing for him.  On just about any topic he plugs into the machine.  The algorithm searches the Internet for all available info, organizes it, creates a few pretty charts, and voila: Parker’s now got over 200,000 books listed on Amazon.  Which has got to make him very popular with the ladies.  Who like books.  Sexy librarians?

Anyway, what he’s working on next will definitely make him popular… with somebody; computer-generated romance novels.  Or what I like to call “pornography for sexually repressed women”.

Parker: “I’ve already set it up.  There are only so many body parts.”

Ya know; I’m not sure, but I’m beginning to remember hearing about something similar… a device for piecing together random bits of memory and placing it in a new context… some sort of “internal creative device” if you will…

Oh right, your f&$king imagination.

God, we’re lazy.

PS, one of next year’s potential nominees for the "Oddest Book Title" award is about to be released: "Soft Drink and Fruit Juice Problems Solved" from Woodhead Publishing.  And that little nugget of weird came from the brain of a real live human being.  How quaint.

Of course, Scott’s a talented comic actor in his own right—he’s done improv for years and starred in Moral Orel.  But sometimes, when you start talking to somebody only somewhat famous who happens to know somebody who’s super-famous, you get distracted by that whole “I’m 2 degrees from God” syndrome.

Scott plays Pete Hornberger on the smash-hit sitcom “30 Rock”.  Listen in, as we ask probing and insightful questions such as: “So was it intimidating to work with Alec Baldwin?”  “When exactly did you MEET Tina Fey?”  “Can you give me either of their private cell phone numbers?”

We didn’t ask the last one.  But I won’t pretend like we hadn’t considered it.

Actually, Scott’s character is playing a bigger role than ever in 30 Rock this year; so it was nice to talk to him before he stopped taking our calls.  Which should start happening right after he reads this.

LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW

This girl should be found and dealt with accordingly.

By angrily frowning at her.  (I’m only clarifying that because I used to live in Boston; most normal people would take it at face value that you shouldn’t hit somebody for liking another sports team.  But Boston used to have riots over dumb things like baseball.  And then people would die.  So this is for really dumb people who riot over things like baseball.)

PS: I ate at Sake Tumi (downtown sushi place) yesterday afternoon, and they have a new lunch menu.  Which you should try.  ‘Cause it’s cheaper.

PPS: I had lunch at Amera’s Cup ‘o Soup today.  And somebody had challenged Ahmed to make a “pizza soup”.  Which he did.  Which I ate.  It was pepperoni.  And weird.  (I will be switching back to the English Tomato.)  Bye.

Musical theater composer/genius Stephen Sondheim (“Sweeney Todd”) is loved by many people for many reasons.  But this is why I love him; he can write a song from the perspective of just about anybody.  Guy murders a judge and chops up his body before shoving him into an oven?  Let’s write a song about it!  Madmen bond over shooting an American President dead (as in “Assassins”)?  Let’s write a song about it.  Skeezy fairy tale wolf date-rapes teenage girl only moments after doing the same to her grandmother (as in “Into the Woods”)?  Do I hear violins?

I’ll take a moment for those of who didn’t actually get what was going on during “Into the Woods” to absorb that last revelation…

And yet, for all these songs, nobody once accuses Sondheim of tastelessness.  That’s art, I suppose.  But of course, it all has greater meaning—and says something worthwhile about life.  And those who don’t get that are the same folks who probably didn’t realize that the Wolf in Into the Woods (whose costume in the Broadway production literally had giant fake genetalia) was making sexual advances towards Little Red Riding Hood.  Like the Mom and Dad who happily let their kids belt out the new Lady Gaga single “Poker Face” without detecting the fairly blatant sexual innuendos, they’re better off not knowing; and the rest of us are better off not having them know.

Because those people aren’t going to appreciate Sondheim’s “Sweeney Todd” when it makes its way to the Forum Theater on April 18th anyway.  Todd is the tale of a man so disgusted with the complacency and corruption he finds in London that life loses all value for him.  He begins killing at random; and then disposes of the bodies by giving them to the baker downstairs (Mrs. Lovett) who finds that they make tastier meat pies than the pussy-cats being used down the street.  Todd’s quest becomes one of revenge when he finds the man responsible for death of his wife—but that doesn’t stop him from offing a few other people along the way—just for sport.

If you don’t know Sweeney Todd—you may be missing one very important piece of information: The show is FUNNY.  Hysterical, in fact.  Part of its success lies in the fact that Sondheim is able to balance the dark comedy with some pretty serious characters.  Mrs. Lovett, for example, is so in love with who Todd was BEFORE going mad that she can’t even bring herself to realize who he’s become.

At least, that’s the analysis from Carrie Cimma, the actress who plays Lovett in the National Tour that will stop in here on April 18th.  She took some time away from baking priests, mimes, and fops into meat pies in order to fill us in about what we’re going to see…

So in this version of Sweeney, the actors play their own instruments… how good were you REALLY with the stuff you have to play before you started rehearsing?
I was trained primarily on saxophone, but I also play a little piano, guitar and trumpet.  So learning the tuba was really just a matter of remembering how to read the clef it plays in, and adjusting to a different size mouthpiece.  The triangle was much easier!  It was the memorization that was really the most difficult part, even on the easier instruments.  Rarely are professional musicians asked to memorize this much music at one go, so it was a challenge for m e, being an actor first.
 
I’m sure you’ve heard a ton of other actresses sing this part on cast recordings–maybe seen it live.  How do you avoid doing the same old thing with Lovett?
 I was working out of town when the revival played in New York, and was only vaguely familiar with the Lansbury 1979 version.  So I think it was a blessing that I kind of had to start from scratch.  That gave me the opportunity to do EVERYTHING fresh without any preconceived notions of what it "should" be.  The director and producers were really wonderful in letting me experiment and try new things.  I don’t think she’s necessarily an "old" lady, so i tried to keep her light and young and funny.  That’s the heartbreak of this character really; she does what she needs to do to survive, and is very witty and charming, but makes some terrible choices.  She really needs to be someone the audience identifies with, that keeps people on her side.  Then when she comes to the end of her story, it’s that much more devastating. 
 
Sweeney Todd’s a bit of a nut; I always wonder what Lovett SEES in Sweeney?  What’s it for you?
I think she’s fixated on the version of Benjamin Barker she remembers from 15 years ago.  Back then, he was probably young and handsome, charming and friendly.  She’s had that person in her head for all this time, and his transformation into this obsessive madman kind of flies under her radar.  It’s that whole "love is blind" thing.  Also, when she has been ruminating on this one person for so long, losing that obsession is almost worse than losing the actual person or the relationship.
 
Have you ever actually HAD a meat pie?
Yes.  I’m not such a fan.  I’ve never really liked pie crust.  I like to eat all the filling out of pecan pie and feed the crust to the dog.
 
One made of a pussy-cat?
I own a cat, so no!  His name is Bisquit, and that’s about as close as I get to the cat/food connection.
 
OK, now the dirt; One of the fun things about having the tours come through is seeing them out after the show.  Who in the cast are we most likely to end up doing a shot with before you leave town?
Well, Binghamton is our closing city, so probably all of us!!  I have to take really good care of myself for this show, so I haven’t been drinking while touring.  But when it’s over, I think I might have a whiskey or two.  Or three.
 
You don’t have to make any enemies by telling us the crappiest place you’ve visited on tour; but you DO have to tell us why it sucked so much…
It’s always hard when we’re staying away from the area the theater is in.  Sometimes we’re out by the highway, next to a Waffle House (which is delicious) and you have to take your life in your hands by running across the four lane highway to get to the gas station to get a coffee.  A lot of places we’ve been are not very pedestrian friendly, so it’s like a dangerous game of Red Rover.

At least, that was my takeaway from Sunday night’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash @ Tranquil Bar/Bistro.  The night was so phenomenally entertaining that I think it was worthy of a recap.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will disclose that not all will be disclosed; this is to protect the self-respect and professional reputation of all involved.  Suffice to say, it was a wild night—and what happens at the STAP’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash, apparently, STAYS at STAP’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash.  Except this little bit…

The evening started with Round 1: Candice Chapman (WBNG) v. Greg Catlin (WBNG) v. John Brunelli (The Brunelli Gallery).  Competition was fierce; and the Brunelli crew ponied up big tips, seriously wanting a Tranquil drink to be named after the gallery manager/artist/DJ.  But the BNG crew had fans of their own; owners of the UPS Store (Vestal) store showed up in force, and as the tips for Brunelli grew, the ante was upped in a pretty staggering way: The UPS Store announced that they’d match all bartender donations up to a thousand bucks.  The crowd cheered wildly; more wildly, I imagine, because the bartenders seemed incapable of using a reasonable amount of booze in the drinks.  More people arrived, and the celebs had a tough time keeping up; I chuckled to myself as I watched one of the real bartenders train Greg Catlin to sanitize dishes; this was not a cushy charity gig.

Round 1 ended at 6 sharp and the drag performances began as the tips were counted.  The results came back with Greg in the lead, Brunelli in second, and Candace in third—but not for long.  Round 2 began quickly began, with (the ever so talented) Joshua B—oh wait, that’s me, Lori (Star 105.7), and Mayor Matt Ryan.  Brunelli stayed on to help out.  Sure, it made him SEEM like a nice guy, but I had my suspicions about his motivation (*cough* extra tips).  And even as Round 2 began, jockeying for a “revision” of Round 1 results also began; people started slipping me more money and insisting that John Brunelli’s total be raised.

Meantime, the situation behind the bar became chaotic.  Mayor Ryan, who had casually mentioned to me at some point that he had professional bartending experience, began to ask Lori (Star 105.7) how to make the cocktails.  A genuine dearth of knowledge or a clever ruse to slow Lori down?   Which is not to say that Lori was on the straight and narrow—cutting in front of me at the register to get her change faster.  My own conduct, as you might expect, was near angelic.  If you consider assuming that any unclaimed tip left on the bar was MEANT for my tip cup “angelic”.  As the competition mounted, the celeb bartenders ran out of glasses and the Tranquil crew (Chris, Sam, John) desperately began washing more.  Michael Libous (salon owner) from Round 3 joined the fray early to make sure that everybody got served.

Round 2 flashed by, with the bar packed to capacity, and then, suddenly as it began, it was over.  “In at first place, Mayor Matt Ryan”; the crowd cheered.  2nd and 3rd were Joshua B and Lori, respectively.  Even more to the point, Mayor Ryan was leading John Brunelli; and the Brunelli crew was having none if it.  The wallets came out and the totals fluctuated again.  For a moment, I was in the lead; then Brunelli; then the mayor again.

But that was before we even GOT to Round 3: Michael Libous v. Sofia Ojeda (NewsChannel 34) v. Tony Fiala v. Matt Unhjem (Q Magazine).  Competition was fierce, and Libous already had a head start; but so did Tony—the consummate fundraiser—who showed up with a number of small donations he’d been given in advance.

Then came the major coup: Kristen, a friend of STAP Development Director Mary Kaminsky made an offer: if Mary would mix a single Cosmo, Kristen would write a check for a thousand dollars.  All action froze as Mary made her thousand-dollar cosmo… with a little help.  “Better be a damn good cosmo,” somebody commented.  Apparently, it was.  A thousand dollars was added to the board in Mary’s name.

That’s when it all got a little wacky; one celeb offered to dance on the bar in order to make up the difference; no takers.  All this, while the Round 3 tenders worked furiously to exceed Mary’s record-breaking total.  As the hour wrapped up with a performance from Katrina, Trina, and Nomi, the results were tallied.  And they were?  Michael Libous in first, Tony in second, Sofia in third, and Matt Unhjem in fourth.  But none even came close to Mary’s number.

After a song or two more, it was time to announce the final results.  Mary (obviously) was well in the lead at $1000.  Mayor Ryan was in second and John Brunelli was third.  It seemed absolutely certain that there was no beating Mary to the much-lauded drink-naming rights.  But that’s when the powers that be decided that TWO drinks would be named in honor of the celebs at Tranquil—a major sacrifice, considering the meager amount of space left on their semi-permanent chalkboard.

With new incentive, jockeying began again.  I won’t get into the dirty details here—I’ll just say that you should have been there if you wanted to know exactly how far people are willing to go in pursuit of a good cause (and a cocktail title).  But the end result was that the Brunelli’s crew came up with 200 more, catapulting him into second and earning him a place on the Tranquil chalkboard.

The grand total raised (including tip-matching from UPS Vestal):
4,776.03

There’s a web site out there called “Celeb4aDay.com”.  I don’t know what it says about a company that its clientele are too stupid or lazy to type the word “for” in its entirety.  This web site offers you the chance to (duh) “be” a celebrity for a day.  And by that, they actually mean “get stalked by the paparazzi”.  As if THAT is the appealing part of being a celebrity.  Not owning a Beverly Hills estate with a swimming pool the size of a Finger Lake, no.  Not walking into a club on Saturday night and pretty much expecting that you can gesture vaguely in somebody’s direction and they’ll want to have sex with you.  That’s not it either.  (Although it occurs to me that there’s already an industry built around getting much hotter people to have sex with you; and it probably costs less than Celeb4aDay.com)

No, Celeb4aDay only provides the paparazzi.  For a mere 729.99—isn’t there a point at which the “1 cent less than the dollar” psychological trick stops working—you can have 4 cameramen follow you around and pretend to care about you for a full 30 minutes.  (PS, my therapist will pretend to care about you for a full 30 minutes at a significantly reduced rate.  And I get a free session if you use my name.)

If you’re willing to shell out the big(ger) bucks—989.99—they’ll actually give you the photos too.  Imagine that.  And they’ll stalk you for 60 minutes.  Here’s the best part:  You get to fill out a questionnaire revealing all your dirtiest secrets so that they can shout invasive questions as they snap away:  “Gary, is it true that you can’t satisfy your wife?!”  “How many illegitimate children to you REALLY have?” “Is it true what they say about you and Clay Aiken?”

Yes, it’s true.  The idea of Clary Aiken having sex with just about anybody is inherently funny.

And as if that’s all not stupid enough, for 2999.99 (thank God; I wasn’t going to buy if it came to 3000), they’ll provide you with a publicist to say “no comment” for you and a bodyguard to protect you from… um, the people who want to kill you because you spent three-thousand dollars on paparazzi.

That’s all fine and well; but I propose an additional package: For 5000 bucks, you should get to spend a night in jail, a week in rehab, get sued for running over the paparazzo’s foot, and experience a simulated overdose.

Now that’s what I call a good time.

PS: They won’t do this in Binghamton; although they’re "expanding to a city near you" soon.  I think by city near us they mean New York.  Good riddance.

For shame, Mr. President, for shame.  Duke had already been chosen on the board over Binghamton.  I watched the video all the way through, hoping we’d get a little Presidential love as Binghamton’s name occasionally bobbed into view on the whiteboard behind Obama.  And I took pride in the fact that the President had, for a fraction of a second, considered the Binghamton Bearcats.  And then, apparently, judged them unworthy.

But wait!  Was it just a pure case of favoritism??  Upon further research—(which was particularly necessary, because I know NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, about basketball)—I discovered that Obama’s personal aide is none other than former Duke team captain Reggie Love!  For BIGGER shame.  Love was a forward for Duke when they took the 2001 NCAA national championship and it became a tradition for him and Obama to shoot hoops during every primary in the 2008 season.

So I’ll just assume THAT’S why Obama chose Duke.  That, plus Obama won North Carolina by a razor-thin 14,000 vote majority.  Isn’t it a little early to be suring up re-election, Mr. President?  That’s what I thought.

OK, let me just get you oriented;  before you accuse me of being a snob, I want you to point your browser over to the Hillshire Farm web site.  Do you know what the URL is?  www.GoMeat.com .  Seriously; on the front page of this site is an energetic young housewife cast as an overgrown cheerleader leaping into the air with a giant bullhorn as if she’s ACTUALLY about to scream: “GO! MEAT!”  If ever there were a product asking to be made fun of, It’s Hillshire Farm “Lit’l Smokies”—(which, BTW, come in 6 varieties, including Lit’l Polskas Smoked Polish Sausage).

Well that’s just one of the many culinary delights you’ll find served at Doug Camin’s “Tacky Wine Club Strikes Back”.  But it doesn’t end with the Lit’l Smokies, nosirry.  They’ll also be servin’ up the spray cheese and Ritz—(and who doesn’t love that delightful spray cheese sound?  Makes my mouth water even as it turns my stomach.)

But as the name might suggest, it’s more about the wine than anything else.  “Franzia is your friend,” the invitation from hosts Doug, Kim, and Liz declares proudly.   And if it comes in a box, plastic bottle, single serve size, screw-off top, has a “spout”, giant jug, can only be served at Passover, or refers to a feline on the label, you’ve got the right stuff.

Now you wouldn’t expect a tacky wine party to be exclusive—but it IS at Camin’s “semi-swanky downtown Blinghamton loft”—so he does ask that you RSVP.  And he’s opened up the invite to the readers of BingPop.  (Because we know tacky.)  All you gotta do is ask him which wine to bring—and don’t worry, he’s asking a few folks to bring “regular” wines… for when you just can’t take anymore.

We ran into Douglas at the Sunoco station where he was carefully examining a 1.5 liter bottle of something sort of pinkish.  And that’s where we asked him a few questions…

What EXACTLY constitutes a "tacky wine"?
This is always up for debate. Some will tell you it is wines from boxes - but in other countries, the best wines are in boxes because they keep better. Probably the best yardstick is what the wine is trying to be. A truly tacky wine will actually be fortified and not really be "true" wine, but more like a "wine product." It makes you wonder sometimes.

Let’s talk pairings.  What wine goes best with spray cheese?  How about cocktail weenies?
Cocktail weenies will definitely be making an appearance. Right along with a great tacky soundtrack of your favorite hits from the 70s, 80s and 90s. The cocktail weenies - if cooked right - stand alone. I heard a rumor that little quiches may be showing up too.

What is the proper way to taste a bad wine?
With your pinky off the glass, of course! It may also be advisable to have something else to drink with it. Like water, soda, or maybe mouthwash.

Yes, it’s true.  I knew that the good life ended at 22, but until now, there was no actual irrefutable scientific evidence.  Now, there is.

Researchers at the U of Virginia have decided that people reach their mental peak at 22 and begin to decline at 27.  Face it; if you’re 28, you may already be on the road to senility.  And shouldn’t be allowed to drive.  Or chose the radio station.  Or the President.

They tested 2000 adults from the ages of 18 to 60 with visual puzzles and recollection tests.  I guess they made them solve Rubik’s cubes and take Starbucks orders—I dunno.  Reasoning started to go down the tubes at 27; memory at 37; and everything else collapsed starting at 42.

The sunny news?  Vocabulary continued to increase till age 60.  So as you ramble in your increasing senility, rest assured that you’ll be using big words.  That you have no idea the meaning of.

For some depraved reason, instead of donating money to the cause, a PETA supporter sent a used gym towel to their organization; but not just ANY used gym towel.  George CLOONEY’S used gym towel.

Sexy.

And so the PETA marketing department went to work.  “How can we turn George Clooney’s used gym towel into an animal rights message.”  The insanely far-fetched answer? Tofu.

PETA claims that the number one reason people don’t eat Tofu—and therefore devour dead animal flesh instead—is that they think it’s bland.  So they want to flavor Tofu with George Clooney sweat.  And they’ve written a letter asking if it’s OK to do so.

So thank you, PETA.  The next time you see George Clooney on TV, I hope that you think of armpits, cheese, mad cow disease… And then vomit.

PS: I will never eat cheese OR onions again.

PPS: Or sniff used gym socks.

PPPS: I don’t think I can eat Tofu again either.  It’s steak or nothing.

PPPPS: I had steak at the Kilmer for the first time on Parade Day.  It was excellent.  So THERE, PETA.  You’ve been foiled.

They’re expected to take the stage around 8 PM–after Day 1 of the tournament.  They’ll be performing at the 18th green.

Yes, Angela Lansbury; the 84-year old Academy Award winning star of the Manchurian Candidate and (MORE IMPORTANTLY) the fine actress who portrayed singing teapot Mrs. Potts in the masterpiece musical Beauty and the Beast.  But that’s not really the root of my obsession…

It all began when I was very young.  I tried to hide from it.  Tried to redirect my interest into something normal.  The Hardy Boys or Edgar Allen Poe.  But they just wouldn’t do.  It would all come back to that small town of Cabot Cove, Maine, where bestselling novelist Jessica B Fletcher (played by Lansbury) would unleash an unintentional trail of homicidal carnage in her literary wake.  That’s right, week after week on Murder She Wrote, a local resident would inexplicably die and Angela would come to the rescue—noting that the killer was clearly LEFT-handed based on the angle of entry and therefore the suspect Sheriff Tupper had in custody couldn’t POSSIBLY be the real killer.

But it wasn’t JUST Fletcher.  It was really just any ludicrously unlikely detective.  In 1987, NBC created the Father Dowling Mysteries—in which a Catholic Priest and a streetwise nun worked to keep slime balls off the streets of Chicago.  And before that, the Great Mouse Detective rocked my world.  If there were a potted plant that knew how to uncover insurance fraud, I’d own the DVD box set.

So when I tell you about the “Underwood Estates Wine Murder Mystery” this Sunday at Antonio’s Café—you’ll understand why I’m excited.  Normally, I’m a theater snob—and the idea of dinner (or in this case brunch) theater makes me want to gag on a chicken parmesan.  But as far as I’m concerned, with murder mysteries, the campier the better.

Bring on the ailing old millionaire, the scheming butler, the money-hungry young nephews trying to get a glance of their uncle’s will.  If an over-the-top European inspector enters with a muddy accent: all the better.  And let him have a magnifying glass—oh please, let him have a magnifying glass.  And a fake suicide note.  And a skeleton key.

Let there be all these things; and I will be there.  Munching on Antonio’s brunch of pasta, meatballs, and chicken cutlets.  (And BTW, there’s a cash bar; because any great interactive murder mystery brunch is best when enjoyed with a fine White Zinfandel.)  If you’re feeling super-ambitious, Antonio is still looking for actors; e-mail him at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .  The whole thing is hosted by “DJ John Adams”—which, BTW, is an excellent DJ name—-major “founding father cred”.
 
PS: Antonio has the best gelato is greater Binghamton.  Save room.

It’s the recipe for STAP’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash on March 22nd @ Tranquil.

OK, look: I like the “spaghetti fundraiser” this and the “taste of the” that.  But every once in a while, I like my charity events to use a little IMAGINATION.  And finally, one will.

The bash kicks off at 5 PM when “celebs” such as Candace Chapman (WBNG), Mayor Ryan, and John Brunelli compete for tips—all of which go to STAP.  It’ll be 3 tender’s per hour—but you’ll have to show up to find out who competes when.

Of course, there’s stuff to win too.  Show up wearing all red for your shot at door prizes (and to show your solidarity).  AND there’s a show.  Throughout the event, Tranquil’s cocktail servers (all in drag) will class it up with a classic tune or two.  Their tips will ALSO go to charity, so tip big.

Oh, and come empty-stomached.  The restaurant’s got a big buffet planned.  Dinner’s not required, but it’s impolite to drool on other people’s plates, so plan on buying in.

Wondering who else will be mixing your booze?  Here’s a list…

Mayor Matt Ryan
Michael Libous
Greg Catlin - WBNG
Sophia Ojeda - News Channel 34
John Brunelli
Candace Chapman - WBNG
Joshua B - Star 105.7 (OH WAIT! That’s me!)
Tony Fiala
Lori - Star 105.7
Matt Unhjem - Q Magazine

You can RSVP on Facebook (though it’s not required).
 

Here’s the deal: Budget Travel Magazine is running a contest to find the Coolest Small Town in America.  And like most important contests in life, it’s a popularity contest; that’s right, I rank this one right up there with “Prom King”, “Captain of the Cheerleading Squad,” and “President of the United States”. Whichever town gets the most votes, wins the title.

Now Owego was WAAAAY out in the lead only a few short weeks ago.  But since then, the nasty people of Rockland, Maine have come from behind and are now a hundred votes ahead.  Personally, I suspect treachery.  That’s right: cheating.  And by “suspect”, I really mean “intend to generate they wildly unfounded rumor that they are”.  I feel comfortable doing this, because I suspect that the people of Rockland don’t know how to find me.  And are incapable of operating a car.  Or using a map.  Or a GPS.

How’s that for trash talk?  Are you motivated yet, non-losers of Owego?!?

SO GET ON THERE AND VOTE.

(And just so you know, Owego, if this whole “winning” thing doesn’t work out, I might be forced to pretend I don’t know you in the cafeteria at lunchtime.)

A new study says doodling helps you concentrate better and remember stuff.  A bunch of researchers got 40 people together to listen to a telephone message.  The message had details about a party—who’d be there, who wouldn’t; presumably, what they’d be smoking.

Then the people were asked what they could remember about the message.  The people that didn’t doodle remembered SOME.  Those that DID doodle remembered a third more.  And the people smoking at the party couldn’t remember much at all.

None of this is any surprise to me.  I’ve been telling my boss for months that text messaging during meetings increases my ability to concentrate.  He wouldn’t bite.  So instead, I “carefully record his well-considered thoughts” on my I-Phone, explaining that the chime he occasionally hears is just the noise that it emits when it detects a particularly insightful nugget of wisdom.

PS: I just read about the study more closely.  It says that the people who were doodling were more likely to write down the party details.  And then were more likely to remember those details.  Doesn’t the study just prove that writing stuff down helps you remember s&*t?  Yeah; thought so.  Scientists are punks.

Oh, yes, yes, it’s true.  If you ASK somebody why we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day a full two weeks early, they’ll tell you it’s so that we can get the best bands to come from the surrounding areas and play in Binghamton… but I’m not buyin’…  It’s so that merry can be made TWICE for the same holiday, a mere two weeks apart.  Clever.  Clever indeed.

Anyway, being that I can’t entirely remember what I did last Parade Day, I thought it best to let a pro handle the official BingPop preview; and so here it is, from my friend Kristen (one of my favorite Irish people on the planet)…

The 5 Hottest Things To Do on Parade Day in the Big Bing:

5. EAT.  For breakfast: Green Eggs & Ham.  AND Green Beer starting 10 am at Flashbacks.  During what other holiday can you wake up, stumble out of the house, and enjoy breakfast and BEER instead of the usual OJ and coffee.  Many local places start out the day with breakfast, including Dino’s Bar & Grill.  They’ll have music too and Limo Service to and from the Parade.

4. DRINK.  This goes without saying: Drinking Green Beer or Guinness (for us purists) while the clock still says “AM” only comes once a year.  Everyone in the city will be getting into the spirit of Parade Day, and if you don’t like going indoors, there’s always the giant inflatable pub on State Street.

3. MAKE MUSIC.  Binghamton is the home to a lot of great Irish music, and on Parade Day they’re out in force.  Performers such as Donal O’Shaughnessy (www.irishsongs.com) start early, end late, and play at venues throughout Binghamton.  Tranquil Bar/Bistro is one option because the parade passes right by its doors and they’ll host Pat Kane from 1 to 5.  So keep your eyes out at your local watering hole and inquire about their Parade Day festivities; the party starts early and goes long into the night.

2. PARADE.  The Parade is the reason for it all.  One of the reasons we have the Parade 2 weeks early—(NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:  Here we go! What did I tell you??)—is to get all of the great Pipe & Drum Bands.  Bands travel from Philadelphia and NYC to participate in Binghamton’s Parade; the parade is huge, goes on for miles, and is Irish to the core, with step dancers, pipers, and even kazooers—how many parades can claim kazoos?).  It’s an excellent time for everyone.

1. BE IRISH.  On Parade Day, everybody’s Irish for a Day and most people show it in amazing fashion—from Guinness pants to green glasses and lots and lots of beads.  It’s a kick-ass time for fun and a great excuse to party with friends.

PS: Don’t be an F-up: Don’t drink and drive.  And know your limit.  Oh, and write down this number: (607) 722-2322‎; Then put your ex’s name above it.  It’s actually the number for Yellow Cab.  But if you get drunk enough to dial it, you’re better off with the cab.

Yesterday morning, at approximately 10:50 AM, the Binghamton Fire Department rescued a dog from the Susqehanna River.  The dog’s owner had been walking him when he decided to follow a flock of seagulls into the water–the dog, not the owner.  (BTW, I’m a much bigger fan of cats.  A cat would NOT have followed a flock of seagulls into an icy river.  Cats are smarter.  And bitchier.  Which I DEFINITELY like.)

The Binghamton Fire Department sprung into action, using a special “ice-rescue suit” to pull the dog out of the water.  OK, that part is cool.  I like that the fire department has a whole special suit just dedicated to ice rescues.  Now I know that it’s safe to go kayaking in the middle of January.

(PS, BingPop.com will not be held responsible if you get killed trying to kayak in the middle of January.  It’s called satire, putz; look it up.)

Anyway, there you are.  It’s BingPop’s “Feel Good Story of the Year”.  Hope you can wait another 365.

BTW, a few weeks ago, we heard through the grapevine that the Dept declined to rescue a cat from a tree out of concerns for the safety of its firefighters.  I actually think that’s pretty darn smart.  But because stirring the pot is just more fun than just acknowledging good policy, I asked the city’s Community Relations Director, Andrew Block, why…

“It’s Fire Department protocol to carry out practices for which it trains, and river rescues – including from frigid waters – constitute one of these practices; coincidentally, the Dept. conducted river rescue last training just a week ago. Therefore, it was within their protocol to conduct [yesterday’s] dog rescue.

By contrast, it is outside and counter to protocol to attempt dangerous practices for which the department does not train or have the necessary equipment, and tree rescues constitute just such a practice. Hence, the Department refrained from attempting to take the cat from the tree a few weeks back.

In sum, safety is our top priority, and our protocols reflect the best level of safety we are able to provide to the community.”

That’s all fine and well, but not very scandalous.  When I tell the story at cocktail parties, my version will be that Andrew Block hates cats.

You remember Wikipedia.  It’s that web site that helped you write all your college term papers without actually doing any of the necessary research.  Wikipedia is a “free encyclopedia that anyone can edit”.  Therefore, just about EVERYTHING that has ever existed in the world is listed on it.  Seriously, it’s true: the Internet HAS made us all stupid, fat and lazy; by knowing everything for us; and frankly, I like it.

I, for instance, have no need to learn how to spell.  Oh, look! There!  I just misspelled the word “spell”.  And you never knew.  Know why?  Spell-check.  Turns out "sqpell" doesn’t have a silent ‘q’ at all!

It is in that spirit (stupid, fat, lazy) that I call your attention to BingWiki—a new web site from local web guru Douglas Camin.  Why go out and actually explore the streets of Binghamton when you can let other people do it for you and revel in their collected works.  BingWiki is just like Wikipedia, except everything on it is local to greater Binghamton.

Want to know about spiedies?  Click here.  Curious what it’s got to say about J Michaels Restaurant?  That entry’s here.  But right now; it’s just a shell.  Waiting for your extraordinary wisdom.  Would you please grace it?

I asked Douglas to take a moment away from working with 1’s and 0’s to answer a few questions about his new Wiki…

First thing’s first: Wikipedia is notoriously unreliable.  What’s to stop BingWiki from being full of made-up facts?  OR, turning into a war of: “Dillingers has the best drinks in town.”  “No, Dillingers has the crappiest drinks in town.”  “No, it has the best!”  “Yeah, well, you smell bad.”
One of the most interesting things about a Wiki is that once a community is established for it, it becomes self-policing. Anonymous posters are not allowed, you must register to post information. A Wiki-based site is very easy to change in the event that some sort of bad information appears. With three clicks any user can "revert" bad information back to good. In most traditional sites, you worry about getting the content right the first time because it can be hard to change it if it’s incorrect. On a Wiki, the whole idea is that the information is alive and evolving - all the time, by many people - so you encourage everyone to voice their opinions and share their stories and if something incorrect or wrong comes through it is ridiculously simple to fix it.

As far as made-up stuff, if something doesn’t pass the smell test about truthfulness, someone will edit the information away. We plan on allowing people to comment on things like a restaurant or business - good or bad - to bring a sense of dynamism to the site. It’s called the People’s Guide to Greater Binghamton, so people need to put their thoughts and opinions on there as well.

Ironically, statistically speaking Wikipedia has been found to be more accurate that print encyclopedias. It is a myth that the content is notoriously wrong. The Wikipedia community is so fast at correcting either mistakes or vandalism of articles that it’s really a non-issue.

I bet you have some favorite businesses in town that you’re gonna write the entries for personally.  Which ones?
Well, I have been a downtown resident for the last six years, so a lot of things I write about focus on downtown. I’ve been particularly pleased with Sake Tumi, and also like a little restaurant on Washingston Street called Despina’s Mediterranean Taste. The fun of a project like this is that everyone shares information they know a lot about - in my case, I know a lot about downtown Binghamton.

What exactly was the inspiration for BingWiki?
About a month ago I was asked to help out a class at Binghamton University that focused on things that could be done to improve the community. One of the things that came out of those discussions from students was to have a Wiki set up to share information. I talked with a lot of friends in Southern Tier Young Professionals as well who helped out, and with my company (Avant IT Consulting) we were able to quickly put all the pieces together. A little bit of research revealed some other cities had some really awesome Wiki sites - particularly Rochester (rocwiki.org) and Ann Arbor (arborwiki.org) and that became the inspiration for modeling how BingWiki is set up.

Personally, I want BingWiki to be something that helps enhance the community. Having been president of groups like STYP in the past I learned that one of the issues the community faces isn’t that there is nothing to do (as some people try to say), it’s that finding what IS going on can be a challenge. Our community has been stable for years, so we are not "geared" towards making sure newcomers can find information and get acclimated to the city quickly - we are a city of people that "know" what is happening already. If you want to like Binghamton, you have to be willing to invest in liking it, and a site like this should help make finding information to like the area easier.

If somebody’s never written for a “Wiki” before, what are three things they should know going in?
Easy:
1. The Wiki is everyone’s property. Everyone is welcome to post information and add content about things they know and love - your neighborhood, street, or favorite eatery.
2. If there is an article you want to add something to or change something on, go right ahead - it’s EASY. If you can type, you can create a Wiki entry.
3. Be respectful of others when writing. Bad articles or blatantly problematic entries will almost certainly be removed by others.

There seems to be something of a new trend towards Binghamton info websites—between 607 Magazine, BingWiki, and BingPop.  Being that your background’s in web sites, if someone wanted to go out and build an addition the Binghamton online culture, what would you like it to be?
Well, I think right now each of those sites is filling a unique niche - BingPop does a lot of great "latest things around town" coverage, 607 is devoted to expanding and covering the music scene, and BingWiki is sort of the catch-all repository of information both functional, useless, and fun. Whatever someone’s idea, it is important to leverage the tools that already exist - social networks like Facebook and other entities really devoted to (like BingPop, 607 and BingWiki) to getting the "info" out about the community.

What things do you want to see people add to BingWiki?
The Wiki is perpetual - so it can capture information about history as well as what’s happening currently. Rochester’s Wiki has a number of pages devoted to the oddities and crazy things that have happened recently and in the past in town, or just cool things people did not know about (like the old abandoned subway system.) I’d love for people to contribute interesting historical information about the area to the site. My girlfriend and I are both architectural buffs (she is an architect), so there are also pages being created to catalog and document the buildings that exist in the community, especially the historic ones. Would it be great to have an article on the torn-down Ross building so we won’t forget how it looked?

I want to point out that BingWiki is not a "news" or "blog" - it is a repository and guide. Think of it as Binghamton’s Encyclopedia. If done right, 20 years from now someone will be able to look back and know that there was a business doing baked goods in 2008 on Court Street downtown. BingWiki is based on the same software that runs Wikipedia, so keeping the site "up and running" for many years won’t be a problem.

Look, it’s not that I actually ENJOY recessions.  I mean, there’s nothing fun about being laid off after years of devotion to your corporate overlord or see your hard-earned 401K spiral into nothingness.  But here’s the deal…  I think we all could use a little perspective: the Titanic’s sinking, there’s not enough lifeboats, no hope of rescue, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.  So why not lay way back in your deck chair and enjoy the band as it plays on?

And so today, for your shameful pleasure, I present to you, three things you can do to enjoy the worst economic times of our generation…  Well, the last 3 or 4 generations.

Share and enjoy.

1) Become a cubicle seat-filler.
You’ve heard of seat-fillers at the Oscar’s right?  When Nicole Kidman gets up to take a pee, a "Nicole Kidman-esque woman" takes her place.  That way, when the cameras pan over the crowd, nobody says, “My God, Nicole Kidman went to take a pee!  RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of the Oscars!”

The alternative would be a plastic cup.  Not pleasant.

Corporate America was so inspired by the example, they’ve gone to hiring “cubicle fillers”.  The story goes something like this.  “My God, we’ve got an important client coming on Thursday and 60% of our staff has been laid off!  That’s going to look good at all.  What shall we do?  I know!  Let’s hire temps to PRETEND to do the work that all the fired people aren’t doing.”

We found out about it on a site called oddjobnation.com—a web page for the recently unemployed that collects articles asking profound questions like, “Is porn recession-proof?”

They’ve also got a fun web sit-com about—what else—lay-offs.

2. Freak the F#($ out.

What are you doing reading this blog while you’re at work?  Your boss is just around the corner.  What was that noise?!? Was it your boss?  No, it’s the intern, thank God, it’s the intern.  Wait, what if the IT guy is watching my screen remotely?  What if they IT guy is watching my screen remotely and piping it to my boss?  What if my boss sees that I’m reading this blog while I’m at work and lays me off at 5 o’clock???  I’ve got a family and 2 kids and a car payment and a mortgage a serious coke habit on the side!

Have you had this conversation with yourself recently?

If so, hang on, you’re about to get a bit more neurotic thanks to the “Telonu Layoff Tracker”!  (PS, the coke probably isn’t helping.)  Not convinced that you’re the next one headed for the unemployment line!?  Well, you will be, as you watch the totals pour in from companies all across the nation.  GM loses a thousand!  NY Times, 200 more!  Chances are, you GOTTA be next.  Oh the fun you’ll have…

3. Buy my shirt.
Of all the things Binghamton can take pride in, there’s one that’s more useful right now than any other: we know how to live in a crappy economy.  Seriously!  Business has been thriving here for years despite tough times.  Don’t fear it!  Embrace it!  Wear it proudly on your chest.  In Small, Medium or Large…

CLICK TO ORDER

And just think!  You’ll be supporting the local economy.  For every shirt that you buy, Café Press will send $3.50 to me!  Which happens to be the exact price of a rum and coke at the Mad Moose.  Which is what I will buy with the earnings.  To forget about how crappy the economy is.

Salud!

Anybody who says there’s not a place to “see and be seen in Binghamton” has never been to the Wells Laing Gallery on the west side of the city.

I didn’t know what to expect when I was invited to an art opening there by a friend of mine two weeks ago.  She made sure to tell me that I had to dress well; and then she told me again.  And then she told me again.  Apparently, my normal “Seacrest-esque” jeans, graphic tee, and sports coat would not suffice.  And she dreaded that I’d ignore her warning and show up underdressed—thereby making us the pariahs of the art opening.

OK, fine.  I stuffed myself into a pair of pinstripe pants that I’d bought 6 months and 5 pounds ago.  And then hoped that nobody would notice.

When I showed up at the address on the gallery’s business card, I did a double take.  I was at a factory.  Yes, a factory.  Like remember the first Tim Burton Batman movie where the Joker fell into a vat of acid and had his face scorched off, thereby making him the bitter enemy of Bruce Wayne forever?  Yeah, that kind of factory.  Then I noticed a soft purple-blue glow from some enormous windows high above the parking lot.  And I figured that that’s where I was going.

My friend and I met up, entered through the loading dock, headed upwards in a freight elevator operated by a man that was dressed far too well to be operating a freight elevator, and emerged into what can best be described as another world.

The colors were the same I had seen—but the room was packed with people—a who’s who of Binghamton; all dressed, of course, much better than me.  The lighting was gorgeous, the liquor expensive (but not for the guests), and the design very carefully executed.  And then I learned that I wasn’t in the gallery at all.

I was in a hallway.

Yes, you see, Laing and Wells have a bit of a flair for the theatric.  And they do it very, very, very well.  The gallery wasn’t yet open, and we were all in a sort of boozy cocktail-chatter holding pattern—waiting for the dramatic tension to build.

And then came the bugs.  The show—displaying the work of Marc Dennis, a part time naturalist—was all about spring: insects, birds, and so forth—all painted with photographic precision.  And so what else would you serve as hors d’oeuvres at the opening but grasshoppers and silkworms?

I was just grateful the cater waiters weren’t carrying around broiled parakeets.

I wasn’t going to eat a grasshopper; I certainly had no interest in the taste; and I wasn’t trying to impress anybody.  But I can’t resist a good headline for the blog, so I grabbed an extra glass of champagne, held my breath, and chowed down.  Yum.  Crunchy.  Actually didn’t have much taste beyond the chutney it was soaked in.  Artist Marc Dennis later asked me if I’d had one of the “highland or lowland” grasshoppers.  Concerned that he might ask me to try the other one, I changed the subject.

Dennis, it turned out—beyond being a fantastic painter, a lecturer on Holocaust art, and a pretty charming cocktail party host—was a big advocate for insect-eating.  He quickly explained to me between conversations with the other guests that eating beef can be horrible for the environment.  Another man pulled me aside to tell me about a time he and Dennis were enjoying wine and cigars on his patio, when Dennis got up to identify every spider he could find in the vicinity.  I was hoping that the story ended with Dennis suddenly lapping one of the insects off the railing, and was disappointed when it didn’t.

After the doors to the gallery opened, we all streamed in, hungry to see the work.  The pieces themselves were quite beautiful, full of color, warmth, and an appreciation for nature—made me yearn for those occasional 50 degree days we’ve been having.  And the good news is, you can check out the show too.  The Wells Laing Gallery is open mainly by appointment.  BUT, it is open to the public on March 7th, 14th, and the 21st from 12 to 4.  As far as I know, Wells and Laing will NOT be serving insects on those dates—but who knows, maybe if you call ahead, a special treat could be waiting…

Ask for extra chutney.

UPDATE
Marc Dennis e-mailed me with a full description of… what I ate:  “The grasshoppers were steamed with lapsang suchong tea leaves, then removed from the water and seasoned with coriander, powdered ginger, and adobo. Then they were roasted for twenty minutes to crisp them and dry out their insides. Once removed from the oven they were further flavored with a pinch of salt and powdered garlic. I then sliced a cucumber into 1/4 inch thick round pieces, placed a piece of pickled ginger on top of the cucumber and then a tiny dollop of mango chutney. Each grasshopper was placed on top of the mango chutney and then covered a bit more in mango chutney. Then each of them were powdered with edible gold dust.”

Honestly, talking to Mike Sherwood of the Nervous Breakdown Crew makes me feel like a bit of a loser.  I didn’t know Mike until last week, when I got an invitation on Facebook to something called “Battle in the Boonies”.  I was intrigued—intrigued and clueless.  Mike calls himself a “BBoy”.  Yeah, I had to Wikipedia that too.

“A B-boy or B-girl is a person devoted to hip hop culture, more specifically, bboying/breakdancing. The term originates with the first hip hop DJ, DJ Kool Herc, who, noticing the reaction of some dancers to his playing the part of the record with a drum break, named them beat-boys or B-boys.”

Thank God for Wikipedia.  “So, you’re a breakdancer?” was the gist of what I asked him over Instant Message after tracking him down a few days later.  Breakdancing, he responded, “is a term the media invented”.  God, I’m so lame.  Then, he patiently explained the difference between “B-Boying,” “Popping/Locking”, and hip hop—all three of which you’ll be able to see at the Battle.  I responded with a smiley emoticon, as if to say, “I totally understand what you’re talking about”.  Even though I didn’t.

Which is exactly why I’ll be checking out the Battle on April 3rd at… whatever venue they eventually settle on.  They’re still scoping out their options.

I wanted to know what the vibe would be like at the event.  “At a battle, it sounds just like the title: it’s a battle. People are there to win, it’s almost like a sport.  You train, you practice, you make a strategy to win; and at the battles you implement what you practiced. People come in very intense during the battle. But, after the battle they shake hands hug and hang out and talk. Once the jam ends, there’s a lot of hanging out, playing, and even more dancing then there was during the battle. People you have never met before will help you with moves you were having problems with. The culture in a whole is very friendly; there is an almost unspoken rule that violence is a no.”

He makes sure to tell me that families and newcomers are welcome.   Although, talking to Mike makes me wonder if, at 28 years old, I’m gonna feel like a senior at an event with his kinda energy.  (I’m out of breath after having just typed that last quote, BTW.)

But even cooler than the event itself is the way Mike and company are bridging the gap between Binghamton University and the Southern Tier.  The Battle began at BU; but they’re now looking for a more city-friendly home to open it up.

Mike stopped “toprocking”, “downrocking”, and “freezing” long enough to answer an e-mail interview… (Yeah, I had to Wikipedia all those words too; what’s it to ya?)

OK, first things first.  Before we talked over IM, I knew almost nothing about breaking.  So what’s the basic difference between the three types of competitions you’ve got going on: Hip-hop battles, Popping/Locking, and BBoy/BGirl Battles?
They are all related, but with their own differences. Like hip hop is considered a good exercise. It helps the dancers to improve flexibility, to develop body balance, and to coordinate the muscles. This dance allows the dancers to improve their own style and to remain in good body shape. It also leads the dancers to a state of spiritual wholeness. Popping/locking is a style based on the technique of quickly contracting and relaxing muscles to cause a jerk in the dancer’s body, referred to as a pop or a hit. Bboying/bgirling is a style of dancing that grew up around hip hop music during it’s early stages stretching the human body to its limit.  They dance on their feet, hands, arms, head, everything, to the rhythm of the song, hitting major and minor beats.

I know there’s a bit of history to Battle in the Boonies & the Nervous Breakdown Crew. Why’s the competition moving from BU this year?
In past years there has been an official club at BU, Nervous Breakdown. There were pretty high numbers, around 30-40 people, coming to practice, but no one really was there for bboying and bgirling; they were there to say that they were breakdancers. Because there were so many people that were there just because it was breakdancing, there wasn’t such a need to make a club again this year.  Right now we have a core 7 people that session all of the time, with about 7 or 8 other people that show up a lot. Since our crew is so different than previous years; we thought it would be a good idea to distinguish ourselves from previous years.

Your Facebook invite says, “Free water; Working on getting the Red Bull now”—as if energy drinks are key.  Part of the culture?
Yes and no; they are very closely related to breaking because of the energy that the energy drink gives you. The specific company isn’t overly important. Like if a jam was sponsored by Coke or Pepsi, it would be the same as having Red Bull sponsor it. It’s just an extra perk per say of the jam. Red Bull specifically has been sponsoring events for years; they’re people that really support the culture. The only other companies that I have seen that sponsor jams are Tribal Style Streetware Clothing, Vitamin Water, Pepsi, and Coke. If anyone one of those companies were to come, it adds a little something to the jam; it’s also a good way for people to meet, as silly as it sounds. You grab a drink and there’s that pretty girl you’ve been eyeing all day getting a drink too. you now have an opportunity to talk to her. Haha.

How’d you get into breakdancing?  Is it a pretty typical story?
Honestly, I was at one of my friends’ house welcoming party; there we’re a bunch of people throwing down sets, and I thought how cool it was.  I went and jumped on YouTube and started searching for how to learn to breakdance. It’s a pretty typical story. As far as I know, it starts one of three ways: a friend is bboying and wants someone to dance with him or her and they recruit their close friends; someone see’s it on TV or watches a street performance and goes home and starts; or lastly, they’re looking for something new and unique to do to meet people or impress people at parties and then falls upon breaking and they start learning. Once they start it, ends two ways: they either continue it and love it, or they get tired of it because it’s hard work.  It takes a lot of dedication.

If somebody wants to go YouTube the best of the best—your BBoy/BGirl heroes—who should they check out?
There are a lot of crews out there. For the international bboy scene, I personally watch Rivers Crew and Gamblers Crew.  They are a very good team as a whole. American-wise, I would have to choose Rock Steady Crew or Floor Masters Crew. Those cats definitely put their time in and it shows. Now if I were to talk about individual bboys, my favorites are BBoy Born, BBoy Physix, and BBoy Beast.

There’s a lot of people reading this blog who might not be into the breaking scene—but think it’s real important to support any sort of culture that will keep 20-somethings in Binghamton.  Anything they can do to help?
Show up, show support, spread the word. The more people know about breaking in the Tri-City area, the easier it will be to continue bringing these people in. The more they come here, the longer they stay; we have some bboys who come from Rochester and stay for a week or two and hang around Tri-Cities…  We have breakers from Syracuse and Cornell who come and hang out here all the time.

I know that the Battle’s still searching for a venue, and that you have a few ideas but nothing definite.  If you could choose the dream venue.  Any place in the Southern Tier to hold the competition—and you’d own it for a night.  Where would it be?
Ideally, if I could have any venue I wanted, I would hands down take the Arena with the Harlem Globetrotters setup. Nice wooden floors.. the arena is generally warmer when the Harlem Globetrotters come to play. But unfortunately the arena is way too much money. One day though… We have about three more jams this year. Battle in the Boonies, Breaking For A Cure (a charity event), and two more which we are waiting to be named. So maybe after a couple jams we’ll be able to afford that venue.

Ya know how when you’re a little kid, and people ask you what you’re gonna do when you grew up, you tend to say stupid things like: “When I grow up, I’m gonna be an astronaut.”  It’s stupid because, chances are, you’re too dumb to be an actual astronaut.  No offense; I am too.  Most people are.   You need to be really friggin smart to be an astronaut.  So you can crash $300 million global warming satellites into Antarctica.

Or maybe, when you’re a little kid, you just happen to hate your bedroom, and you say something like: “When I grow up, I’m not gonna live in some stupid bedroom.  I’m gonna live in a cave.”

Now most of us outgrow these sorts of things.  Most of us, that is, except for William Sleeper.  Who actually lives in a cave.  In Missouri.

Sleeper’s cave, where he currently resides with his wife and three kids, used to be a roller skating rink.  And before that it was a concert venue.  Where folks like Bob Seger and Ike & Tina Turner used to play.  And ya know what I always say: anywhere Ike & Tina turn up is bound to make a happy home.

So when William noticed the cave was for sale on EBay, he bought it for a cool 160 thousand to build a house for his wife and kids.  And ya know what?  Just like a whole lot of America, he got a crappy ass mortgage.  With a big balloon payment at the end that he just couldn’t afford.  Now Willy boy wasn’t a total dumbo.  He planed to refinance the mortgage; but now the banks are in such cruddy shape, he’s outta luck.

So now YOU (Obi-won) are his only hope.  For a mere $300,000, this luxury cave could be yours.  Just use the handy-dandy E-Bay page.

Did I say LUXURY cave?  Yeah, luxury.  This cave’s got 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a Jenn-Air cooktop, two convection ovens, and a “party room”.  Which is great, cause my last cave didn’t have a party room, and I felt like I could never have company over.

He spent yeeeeears working on the place—during which, he, his wife, and the kids lived in tents in the back of the cave.  (Ever notice how they never send child protective services after the people who really deserve it?)  Truth is, Sleeper hasn’t TOTALLY given up on his wonder-cave.  I think he secretly hopes that some high-powered bank CEO will see the posting and offer him a loan.  Might make for a nice feel-good press release.

Because we all know the only thing the banks need right now is a little good PR.

So when I heard about “Living Canvasses” on April 3rd, I marked the date.  Doors open @ 6 for First Friday.  Live models, body painting, tattoo artwork, masquerade-style masks, and video installations.  Sound like fun?  Yeah, it’s an art show.

But the real party starts at 10.

He calls the Masquerade Ball a “haven to dance and play”.  Now THAT sounds like fun.  Costumes are required; but the good news is, you can buy what you need at the show.

RSVP THROUGH FACEBOOK

And watch the video preview…

Don’t be lame.  Plan to be there.  More details coming to BingPop soon.

OK, so imagine you took BRAVO’s reality show “Project Runway”, merged it with the Build-a-Bear Workshop, and then filled it with 20 or 30 screaming 11-year-old girls; and what you’ve got is two things, really:  1) a massive migraine that even a mallet to the head won’t cure & 2) an average day at the new make-it-yourself fashion workshop in Vestal: “NuWaka”.  OK, I’m lying just a little.  The screaming throngs haven’t yet descended upon NuWaka; but believe me, they will. Because this idea is just too freakin’ adorable to fail.

The front room of NuWaka is deceptively plain.  You walk in to be confronted by rack after rack of unadorned solid colored T’s and pants.  YAAAAAWN.  But this is why I’m not an 11 year old girl (or fashion-conscious boy, for that matter).  Because while I think “booooring”, they’ll see the possibilities.  At NuWaka, you start from scratch and design your outfit from the ground up.  Start with a T, choose some clip art at the computer workstations in the back, add a few rhinestones, and your tween daughter just got started on her long road to Fashion Week.

But it doesn’t end there.  For the advanced budding fashionista, owner Brian Cupp has hired design students to help with your look.  Want a layered shirt with the sleeves a different color from the rest?  nuWaka will sew it for you.  Two colors not enough?  Patch together a skirt from more than two.  Pick fabrics off the wall, choose a pattern, and design your own pants.

But really, that’s not the coolest part.  This is: even my 25-year-old friend Marissa couldn’t contain her 12-year-old girl enthusiasm when she realized that she could jump up on nuWaka’s mirrored runway and strike a pose.  This makes me feel like the only obstacle to attracting throngs of women older than 21 to the store is that it doesn’t serve cocktails to loosen them up first.  Marissa, on the other hand, is just high on life.

And although they might eventually form its fanatical core audience, NuWaka isn’t ONLY for the tween set—in fact, owner Brian Cupp proved he could also fill me with an embarrassingly giddy sense of delight.  When I arrived at the store last Friday, a BingPop T design was already waiting for me at one of the computer workstations.  Within moments, I was already wearing my own piece of NuWaka.  And didn’t take it off till bed time.

Will some of these outfits turn out to be WRETCHED?  Absolutely.  But even Pierre Cardin wasn’t Pierre Cardin the day he first touched fabric.  (And now he’s designing things so ugly, an 11 year old would sneer.)  But it’s the chance to create—even something mildly ridiculous—that makes this place so cool.  And it’s true, NuWaka could use a bit more glam up front, considering it’s target clientele, but it’s a damn good start.  For Vestal, for Brian Cupp, and for the kids that might go on to work for Chanel and Versace.

(Or, ya know, at the cash register of the Oakdale GAP.)

INTERVIEW: Brian Cupp.

Can you remember the spark? The minute you thought of NuWaka? What was it that made the idea happen?
I do remember the moment we thought of NuWaka. Roughly two years ago, my daughters (Jenna now 14 and Taylor now 11) and I were riding back from Syracuse after spending the day at the Carousel Mall. One of our stops during the day was Build-A-Bear and of course they had a great time but I dropped a hundred dollars on two bears that I knew would sit in the corner until Rylie (our dog) got a hold of the bears and ripped the stuffing out. I said to the girls wouldn’t it be great to do something similar to Build-A-Bear but make something you could actually use every day. Jenna said "How about clothes?". We then brainstormed the whole way home and I couldn’t sleep that night because ideas kept running through my head!

So before you did all this fashion stuff, you did. um, was it COMPUTERS for a living? Seriously?
Yes, I’m a Computer Science major and was a Software Engineering manager at Lockheed Martin for twelve years and was Vice President of Operations for Verticalnet (now BravoSolutions). I headed up software development, customer support and Infrastructure Technology (IT). So yeah, this is quite a change from what I was used to. I also have owned some Subway franchises for the past 15 years however I have a great partner and managers that keep those running well.

Who’s your IDEAL customer. Who will get addicted the minute the walk in the store and why?
Our ideal customer is someone that enjoys creating their own look. We had a birthday party for eleven eight year olds on Saturday. They all made shirts that were centered around fashion. They created different designs to print on their shirts, some with Fashion by “their name” and some with just “Fashion” on the shirts. After they printed on their shirts they went over to the rhinestone station and accented the designs with rhinestones. Once they were finished creating their fashion pieces they all changed into them and modeled their new look on the runway while viewing themselves on our big screen high def television. It was amazing watching them walk down the runway, striking poses and generally being the center of attention. Every one of them walked out with a huge smile on their face and we received lots of comments around, “I want to have my birthday party here” and “can we come back later to make more clothes?” So, I think quite a few of them were addicted once they saw the runway!

That same day another customer came in that was roughly fourteen years old. She’s interested in fashion and while she was designing her shirt graphics she commented that she’s done shopping in stores for clothes, she’s going to buy them here and customize them to her own look.

One other area that I think is going to catch on is with the sports team / school groups. They love to create “team shirts” that aren’t part of their uniforms. They can come in here, design their own looks / graphics and walk away with the garment.

I know your daughters inspired you to make this happen. I bet they had a lot to say while you were working on the store; what was it?
It’s funny Joshua, I actually felt like I was working for my oldest daughter on more than one occasion. Every day I come home she asks me what I did at the store today to make sure I’m not slacking off! They had plenty to say about the type of clothes that we ordered. We would travel back from different sporting events that they were competing in and they would be online ordering clothes and accessories. More than once I would order clothes without consulting them and I received the comment, “those are ugly Dad – I don’t like those”. 

I went into this wanting to make this as much a learning experience for them as for me. I wanted to show them not only the process of starting a new business but also that if you have an idea, are persistent, believe in yourself and the idea that you can accomplish what you want. Probably one of the best moments I’ve had of being a Dad is when after our first birthday party we had at the store (in which Jenna helped out) we were having dinner with my Mother and Jenna commented, “Mema, my Dad has had lots of ideas but he followed through on this one and the store is awesome”… brought tears to my eyes. I think our kids are watching us a whole lot more than we notice.

Are you a fashion person? Do you care about fashion?
I’m a lot more of a fashion person now then I was two years ago! I always enjoyed shopping for new clothes and would check out People magazine to see what was in but that was pretty much the extent of it. Now I’m reading fashion blogs, attending fashion trade shows in NYC, and watching the latest trends to see what we can make here.

This biz seems ripe for the franchise. Will you do it? Where to next?
Yes, I believe this is ripe for franchising. The plan is to prove out the concept here and if it’s successful in this area open another one probably in the Syracuse area. My long term vision is to have them in major markets across the country. I want to make sure we have the operations and logistics worked out before expanding too quickly however I have had inquiries from several different individuals indicating that they would be interested in a franchise if and when we go there.

Tell me about the folks you’ve hired to help out at NuWaka. What are THEIR fashion backgrounds?
I was very fortunate in that I have been able to find some great employees. All of our employees are fashion conscious and most have an art background that comes into play with helping to create a unique look. My first employee was a graduate of the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT) in NYC. She worked as a fashion consultant for MTV so she was a perfect fit for getting us started. She helped pick out the product line and helped with making sure we had the right equipment and products. Another one of our employees has a degree in costume design and has worked in the field. All of our employees are fashion conscious and enjoy working with the “tween” market.

The comparisons to Build A Bear are inevitable. What have you got that they don’t?
Build-A-Bear is great – people love making the cute cuddly bears but once you make the bears they just sit on the shelf. We offer the same process except instead of making a bear, they are able to create their own clothes. Our customers walk out of the store with a product that they had fun creating and they can actually use / wear the product. Oh yeah, and of course we have the runway that the customers can model on!

Sure, sure, you might be heading over to Number 5 for a fancy Mardi Gras din-din.  And I’m gonna be grabbing drinks tonight over at the Kilmer to see how their big Fat Tuesday bash goes down.  But before you do, you damn will better stop by the Vestal IHOP for your free short stack.  It’s goin on till 10 tonight.

Why pancakes, you ask?  Clearly, you have not heard of Pancake Day—you poor, poor fool.  It’s the Irish/British/Australian equivalent to Mardi Gras.  It’s actually called Shrove Tuesday—but I’m really very focused on the Pancakes.  The idea is that you gotta get rid of all the fat and eggs before Lent.

So eat up, people.  That buttery syrupy blueberry goodness ain’t gonna eat itself.

OH: PS. Lori and I called in to the Vestal IHOP during the morning show earlier today to see if they were drowning in boysenberry syrup.  Sounds like things were entirely under control–thanks to their manager D-Dawg.  Who hates that nickname.  The call’s below.

First, the chocolate:
There are some people in this world who go to restaurants, cafes, and coffee shops—not because they like to eat/drink the things sold there—but because they like to abuse the people working there.  This is a very human impulse—but one I avoid, because I don’t like people to spit in the things that I eat.

Those people are often (understandably so) frustrated by vending machines—being that they have no spirit to break.  Certainly, you can kick it.  You can rock it back and forth in anger.  But—having no free will—it seldom tries to kill you in return.  Yes, yes, rocking the machine may result in your death; but it’s probably not the vending machine’s intention.

Thank God the good people at Kit-Kat have found a solution.  Human vending machines.  It’s all part of the brilliant “Working Like a Machine” promotion they’ve hatched in the UK.  The idea is that “you work like a machine all day.  And you need a break.  Because you’ve got pent up rage.  So go kick a human vending machine.”

I may have made up some part of that quote.

These human Kit-Kat dispensers will turn up in limited numbers on London street corners, and are sure to create lots of viral Internet buzz.  Now this idea was stolen from the Japanese—a people known for superior technological innovation; who have now apparently decided that electronics really SHOULD work by just sticking little people inside.

Oh, and about that sushi story…
The Japanese version of MSN.com is reporting that a sushi chef has whipped up a little thing that I like to call “Hope-ushi”.  OK, not really catchy.  But you come up with something better.

I totally approve of this trend of basing foodstuff on our political leaders.  And not just naming sandwiches after them.  Been there, done that; BOOOR-ING.  Rumor has it, there’s a cocktail at Tranquil named after County Executive Fiala.  Are you listening, Sake-Tumi?  How about the “Mayor Ryan Roll”.  “The Libous-licious Roll”.  K, that’s a stretch.  But I’m telling you, somebody should make this stuff happen.  Fuji San?  Kampai?

BTW, week three, and the stale Obama Toast that I bought off of E-Bay still isn’t moldy.

Remember when Joaquin Phoenix was an acting genius?  Yeah, well that’s done.  Maybe.

Now he’s a rapper.  And a really bad one at that.  Now I don’t consider myself a good judge of rap.  If you played me a CD of an up and coming act and said, “do you think they’re any good?”  I’d say, “what the hell do I know?”  What I’m saying is that even I can tell that Phoenix is crap.

So here’s the question: “Is he faking it?”  Ashton Kutcher thinks so.  After Phoenix’s bizarre appearance on Letterman last week, Kutcher posted on his twitter that the Oscar-winning actor HAD to be playing with us.  Somehow, Kutcher’s tweet got blown out of proportion, misrepresented in the media, and so he threw a little hissy fit and deleted the comment from his feed.

Adding fuel to the fire is a new parody video from sketch comedy troop DrCoolSex.  In it, a dazed and confused Phoenix look-alike raps:

They call me The Phoenix (that’s my hip-hop name),
‘Cuz I rhyme through the ashes (and beat through the flames).
I’m quitting movies ‘cuz hair and makeup suck,
I’m Joaquin Phoenix and I’m crazy as…
(Ahhhh, ah ahhhhhh, Ahhhh, ah ahhhhhh)

It took us three or four viewings to make sure that this WASN’T for real.  (Thanks to Christie and Lori for a careful lip scar photo analysis.)

I don’t know if Joaquin’s faking it.  I don’t know if he’s for real.  And don’t know which I like better: fake crazy or real crazy.  But whatever you’re doing, Joaquin, keep doing it.  I’ll take up a collection for the drugs.

When I first met Joshua Auberbach, he was covered in cookie guts.  Red, white, black: the colored chocolate splattered across his apron.  It was half a week before Valentine’s day and he had orders to fill.  But Joshua hadn’t always been a baker.  No, before he dreamed of Black & White Cookie Kiosks; before he became greater Binghamton’s greatest challah man; before all that, he had been a computer geek.

And like most good computer geeks, his business began, not with a plan, but with an available Internet domain name.  Joshua purchased “blackandwhitecookies.com”.  He had always known that the B&W was a New York staple, but it had just dawned on him that there was no major national distributor that specialized in the cookie.

Years later (and on his third bakery), the Black and White Cookie Company is going strong in a small factory on the east side of Binghamton.  Joshua distributes his custom black and whites nationally.  Heart-shaped B&W’s for your love; Red White & Blue’s for Independence Day; your company logo?  He’ll slap it on a Black & White for your weekend retreat.

Now I understand that you B&W traditionalists might be a little freaked out.  After all, if a “Black & White” is Black & Red, is it TRULY a Black & White?  And how about the heart shapes.  Certainly, there’s nothing in the NAME to say they’ve gotta be round; but there’s something to be said for tradition, right?  I mean, I’m trying to keep an open mind here, but we’ve gotta have some standards, certainly.

Or we could just shut up and eat the cookie.  Yum.

Even as Joshua was telling me about all the different places he ships, a sales rep from a Syracuse Days Inn wandered into the bakery—she’d been in town on business and just HAD to stop by the factory after seeing some of his cookies in an Atlanta hotel.

So Joshua’s cookies get around.  And that’s why we asked him to sit down and answer a few fundamentally important cookie questions.

First thing’s first.  Let’s sort this out once and for all:  is there REALLY a difference between a “Black & White Cookie” and a “Half Moon Cookie”?
Good question! The are two main distinctions between a Black & White and a Half Moon. Black & White’s are a cakey shortbread with a hint of lemon whereas Half Moon’s are more of angel food with no lemon. Black & White’s are iced with a European Fondant (poured fondant) and Half Moons have a butter cream frosting.

It seems like everybody that grew up in New York has a sappy, sentimental “Black & White Cookie Story”.  So what’s yours?
My story is the same as most New Yorkers; Black & White’s were in every bakery I knew and always a favorite of mine. It’s a big cookie, how can one go wrong?
 
I know you make the black & whites to order.  So what’s been your coolest so far?
There are many to choose from, but in the category of ‘cool’, the Eight Ball cookies we made for a wedding on 08/08/08 would top that list.
 
I noticed that you do a lot of the cookie prep yourself.  Was that always the idea when you dreamed up the business?
That was certainly understood as an aspect of the business I would be involved with, but as we grow I am hoping to have more time for my other responsibilities. 
 
Why Binghamton?
‘Cost of Production!’  Can’t be beat in Binghamton. We’re still a New York company, very important for a Black & White Cookie manufacturer and for distribution throughout the U.S., Binghamton is very strategically located.
 
Now, in addition to being the Black & White Cookie company, you somehow ALSO became the big challah maker in Binghamton.  B&W Cookies and Challah.  Now how did THAT happen?
When Wagner’s Bakery closed its doors, the community was left without a local challah supplier. We were asked by a number of institutions if we could take this over and we did.

So what’s the deal with the Corning Cookie Café?  You were once planning on franchising them?
It’s actually a ‘license’ model, similar to franchising, but has many benefits. The biggest benefit is allowing for low cost, small footprint retail operations. The café in Corning is our flagship and will serve as a model. Our licensees will have the luxury of choosing a cart, kiosk or a café.
 
A lot of people see the B&W Cookie Company as one of the more innovative businesses in Bing.  What other cool stuff do you see going on in the Tier?
Not enough! Not to say there aren’t any other innovative businesses in the Hamtons of Bing, but for the same reasons I am here, there should be more and we all need to do what we can to attract more innovative businesses.
 
Well, there’s been a lot of buzz out there that about a secret campaign to replace the spiedie with the pierogi as the official nosh of Bing.  Tell the truth: are you making a play for the black and white?
New York City has a strangle hold on the Black and White Cookie and we’re happy to keep it that way. I will say that as we get more creative with our challah offerings, it could become ‘The Home of Challah’?

UPDATE
It’s was cofirmed by Chase Charwat, Press Secratary of the BU SA:  Tickets ARE going on sale this Monday @ noon.  2,350 tix are available to the general public.  Student tix will sell for 26 bucks.  Everybody else pays between 36 and 47.

Anyway, BingPop wants to help.  (CLICK HERE TO VOTE)  And just to motivate you a tad, we e-mailed the eight coolest people we knew, who also knew Owego.  Because who else is qualified to tell you about Owego’s coolness than the uber-cool themselves.  So here they are, my cast of cool:

Lori (my partner on the morning show) grew up in Owego.  She’s all about the cute farms and fresh fruit.  She also loves that “people actually say hi when they pass you on the street”.  Personally, I grew up near New York City.  When people greet you on the street there, it’s because they want money.  Or booze.  Or money to buy booze.  Or they’re from another country and want you to take their picture.  Which is a perfect opportunity to steal their camera.  And sell it for money.  To buy booze.

But not in Owego.

My friend Jason is so enamored with the town’s architecture that he e-mailed me an imaginary drive-through tour of the town.  I don’t have room for the epic journey in its entirety, but here are some highlights…  “It all begins with the classic feeling (and still imposing) bridge that ferries your into the heart of town.  Framed ahead is the looming courthouse with its churchly spires.  On the right you pass the old jailhouse (now a themed restaurant).  Turn right, and…” Yada yada yada, until: “As you drive out of downtown, admire the stately Victorians thick along both sides of the tree-lined street and look for the river peeking between them on the right.”  Then you’re done.

For Jessie, it’s all about the Strawberry Daiquiris.  She’s been going to the annual Strawberry Festival since she was a kid, but the real fun came when she turned old enough to imbibe.  That cocktail, paired with her favorite Strawberry Shortcake, and she’ll be the one stumbling down Front Street with a dollop of whip cream slowly dribbling down her cheek.  Oh, and she also mentioned that she’s got a huge weakness for the basket guy who sells his wears at the same festival.

Jeffrey just moved to the area, but his first Owego find was the Jailhouse Restaurant:  “What initially drew me to it was the stoic brick building and the bars on the windows… I tend to be rather picky about the places that I eat, but I really enjoyed myself.  The food was good, a kind of unique twist on Americana.”  He recommends against taking someone there for a first date.  “The cells may intimidate them.”  Then again, I suppose it depends on the sort of date.

My coworker Marissa’s totally into the “Hand of Man” gift shop.  From what she tells me, this is THE place to be if you’ve still got your Christmas lights hanging up mid-July.  They’ve got their ornaments out year-round, for the X-Mas obsessed.  “They have a cute little cafe in the back… It’s decorated all Victorian. Great wraps, sandwiches and salads. During the summer you can sit outside on the porch and eat overlooking the water.”  Sounds a little TOO charming for my taste, but I like to frown on sentimentality with disapproval until it shrivels into a quivering ball of nothingness.

Kristen loves that Owego is all about reinvention.  “It takes what was old and makes it new.”  The old train station becomes a café.  The original jailhouse is now a restaurant.  Even the theater’s got an old school feel—but plays first run movies.  It’s got retro chic written all over it.  Or, as she puts it, a “small town feel with the sophistication of a city.”

Who else do I know that’s cool?  Oh, wait: Me!  I like the Village’s web-site.  It’s “folksy and fun”.  Whereas you wouldn’t find Bing, Endicott, or JC pointing out its own flaws online, Owego’s got no problem calling ITSELF out: “There are probably some things about the Village that make you a little cranky - like taxes or that big hole on Front Street where there used to be a lovely shop before a fire burned it down in 2000. The best way to do something about the things that annoy you and to make positive changes is to become involved.”  Personally, I think that most people prefer not to get involved, because they can’t b-tch as much.  But I can appreciate the sentiment.

Oh, and the last really cool person I spoke too was Mayor Arrington.  Well, OK, I didn’t actually speak to him.  I spoke to a woman in his office who spoke to him.  But that woman was SO cool, I imagined that she must have been hired by a really cool Mayor.  Mr. Arrington had an endless number of cool things to tell me (by proxy) about Owego. There’s the Free Kids Picnic in the summer; The Lights on River Holiday Showcase.  Also the Ti-Ahwaga Players Community Theater and the Historical Museum.  Yet ANOTHER Kids Picnic from the folks at VFW & the American Legion.  And last, but not least, the people:  “Friendly, honest, helpful, hardworking, and kind.”  And those are qualities even I can’t be ENTIRELY cynical about.

Luckily, British “futurologist” Ian Pearson has a fix; I don’t know what a “futurologist” is exactly, but I suspect it’s what a Star Trek screenwriter does when there aren’t any Trek series on TV.  Pearson says that within the next ten years we’ll have “Contact Lens TVs” that beam Survivor, American Idol, and the OC right onto our retinas.

That’s right, friends.  The next time you see your mate lying askew on the chaise lounge staring off into space with drool running from the corner of his mouth, it is NOT necessarily an overdose.  He’s possibly just enjoying an engagingly written repeat of Baywatch.  Pearson proposes that the “eye TV” would be controlled through wild arm-flailing—well, what he calls it “gestures”.  And that the TV would be powered through the harnessing of your body heat.

Oh, but wait, it gets better.  In addition to your “eye TV”, you’d receive a “digital tattoo” that would allow the show to manipulate your emotions—he says that it would allow “James Bond fans to feel the thrill of outdoing the enemy.”  Of all the things Bond experiences in an average film, I think you’d find something more enticing to feel than “outdoing the enemy”.

Pearson made headlines when he said that the technology exists to make all this happen inside of ten years.  Whatever.  I’m still waiting for my jet pack.

I wasn’t raised on sushi.  And didn’t have my first bite till I was 20 years old.  And so, having been a deprived child, the idea of raw fish slithering down my throat made me wanna throw up just a little.  ::: SHUDDER::: And yet, it’s so damn delicious.  More gag-inducing raw fish, please!  It’s better not to think too much about what the stuff you’re eating used to look like when it had a pulse.  Do fish have pulses?  Er, did they?  Before we ate them?

Anyway, now a serious sushi convert, you wouldn’t believe the girlish squeal of delight I let loose when I found out that Sake-Tumi was finally opening downtown.  And that big glowing sign’s been up for quite a little while, hasn’t it?  Earlier this evening, wearing a baseball cap and messenger bag I stole from some legitimate Binghamton news organization, I snuck in to get a sneak peek of the restaurant (and shovel down some sushi) during their friends and family preview night.

First thing’s first, the sushi was SUPERB.  But I only had one kind: Rock ‘n Roll.  And it’s certainly not fair to “review” a restaurant BEFORE it’s even opened, but I had to tell you that.  My miso soup was great; the shrimp dumplings (that had a more impressive name that I can’t remember) were also excellent.  The service was super-fast and the owners were very open to suggestions.  (One of my “co-eaters” was being quite picky and had this one little critique which the folks at Sake-Tumi were more than happy to hear.  That, more than anything, seems to be the sign of a restaurant that will take off in Bing.)

If you work downtown, this might just be the new place you can hide from your boss during a 90-minute lunch.  If your boss doesn’t read BingPop.  If she does, you’re screwed.  Make sure to go down and grab yourself a roll this Tuesday when they unlock the doors at 1.  Oh, and check out these pics… Including the obligatory bathroom pic…

See you over sushi.

The subjects of my three favorite Broadway musicals are, in order: 1) a psychopathic homicidal barber, 2) a gaggle of deranged presidential assassins, and 3) a wild party involving a mad clown that ends up shooting his girlfriend’s lover dead.

These shows, if you’re interested in seeing them, are “Sweeny Todd”, “Assassins”, and “The Wild Party”.

So whenever somebody describes a musical as a “joyous romp through” just about anything, I get a bit edgy…

That being said, I’ve heard ONLY good things about “The Drowsy Chaperone”—coming to the Forum Theater this Sunday.  Is it pure lighthearted escapism?  Perhaps.  But it’s also impressed friends of mine that range from self-described “musical theater addicts” to one who claims not to like theater at all—but "loved this show”.  So I’m going to see it with a very open mind.  The fact that the “Facebook buzz” for this production was so hot after it toured through Elmira also makes me feel better.

So what do strippers have to do with the Drowsy Chaperone?  Check out my interview with the show’s “Man in Chair”—John West—to find out…

Not a lot of people outside the theatre geek crowd really KNOW Drowsy Chaperone yet. So let’s assume a whole lot of people have no idea what it’s about. What IS it about?
"The Drowsy Chaperone" is about a lonely musical theatre addict, known only as "Man in Chair." The audience encounters him one night in his apartment when he’s feeling blue. To lift his spirits, he plays the record of his favorite show - the fictitious 1928 musical "The Drowsy Chaperone."  The musical comes to life in his apartment, and he and the audience rejoice in the lavish spectacle about a bride’s decision to give up her successful stage career to marry her bridegroom. With a cast of characters including a buffoonish Latin Lothario, a flaky chorine, gangsters posing as pastry chefs, and a chaperone who’s had one too many, needless to say, plenty of mix-ups, mayhem, and hilarity ensue.

Now, hang on; we’re told that this musical was written as a wedding gift? Seriously? What’s the deal with that?
As I understand it, for Bob Martin’s (the original ‘Man in Chair’ and co-author of the book) bachelor party, rather than hiring strippers and heading to Vegas, some of his best friends created a one-act musical. It was a parody of the style of the 1920’s shows, and the story’s main characters were in fact the groom, Robert Martin, and his betrothed, Janet van de Graaff. They opened the performance to the public, and everyone was so thrilled that they decided to take it further. And that spawned a several year journey to Broadway.

Now Drowsy is a show within a show. And the Man in the Chair tells us the story. Why’s he there-dramatically speaking?
In its very first incarnation, there was no Man in Chair. But the "musical" - The Drowsy Chaperone, is actually quite short. The authors decided they needed a framing device for the production numbers, and ended up creating this character. He serves as the show’s narrator. "The Drowsy Chaperone" is his favorite record, and he takes the audience on the journey, giving tidbits of gossip and various asides along the way.The show is billed as a "musical within a comedy." The comedy half of that is the "play" about Man in Chair and his passion for this musical. The show comes to life in his mind - in his apartment.

If you were absolutely forced to compare Drowsy to a more famous musical-what would it be?
I’m not sure just one would do it justice. It’s such an utterly unique piece of theatre - which is what I think has made it so successful. That being said, the musical within the play is comparable to old fashioned 20’s/30’s era shows. "Oh, Kay!", "Girl Crazy", "Sugar Babies", and "The Boyfriend" come to mind. But there is also an unmistakable element of contemporary satire, which is similar to what one might find in "Spamalot" or a Mel Brooks show. The characters in the musical don’t wink at the world they’re in, but Man in Chair shares his feelings on the show freely.

So touring the country must be… interesting-all sorts of cities, big and small. Any interesting fish out of water stories for you?
I’m from a small town in rural West Tennessee, but now I live in New York City, so it’s hard to throw me. But Alaska was definitely where I felt the biggest culture shock. I was in the frigid cold walking up a mountain with some friends and saw a wild moose standing mere feet from me. As we were leaving there was a giant homemade sign that said, "MEAT" with an arrow. We followed it and found a wonderland of every kind of jerky you can imagine. I love this job.

Now quick, without googling, tell us ONE thing you know about Binghamton, NY.
Well, I’m pleased to say that I played Binghamton when I was on tour with "The Producers." I remember how wonderful it was to play that theatre with such a great audience… and one thing that stood out was the portion of the theatre set aside as tribute to Rod Serling. I was fascinated by this, as I LOVE The Twilight Zone - so I know that Rod Serling grew up in Binghamton.

In any case, the Pipe Dream says tickets will (probably) go on sale this coming Wednesday.  And they will (probably) cost the general public $40.  And I will (probably) be learning how to fake a BU I.D. if they sell out.

That is all.

Yes, the hair will be big, but it’ll also be awfully fancy.  Anousheh of Anousheh Hair Design will see to that.  This is his event: a benefit for the American Heart Association called “Love Struck” that will feature a runway show of the latest high-fashion hair styles.  My favorite thing about Anousheh is the front page of his web site, where he declares that hairstyles in the Tier were hopelessly out of date before his first saloon opened in ’84.  But high art often comes with high confidence, and I’ll take a stylist with swagger over the gum-smackin’ girl at the Super Cuts any day.

Thursday night’s show is divided into three parts.  First, Anousheh will feature his latest spring looks.  Then, he’ll transition into avant-garde styles that will (hopefully) make your eyes pop out of your head.  And he’ll wrap up with fantasy bridal styles—a (slightly) exaggerated version of the looks you’ll want to have walking down the aisle.

But this show (held in the Kilmer LOBBY) doesn’t stop with over-the-top hair.  There’s also jewelry from the Goldsmith, elaborate choreography, and cocktails from the Brasserie.  If nothing else, it’ll be damn unique.  DON’T miss it.  Starts at 8.

PS: A few blogs back, I made some snarky reference about “needing to mortgage your loft” to buy a drink at the Kilmer Brasserie.  Well owner Monica made sure to phone me about her 2-for-1 drink specials, Tuesday through Sunday, from 5 to 7.  So make sure to stop down a bit early to throw back a few before the big show begins.

They raised $1300 in all; that’s 2.18% of the $60,000 they wanna raise in the next two years to expand the skateboarding/riding in Cheri Lindsay Park.  They’ve still got a ways to go, but it’s a big start.

Next up: This is HOT—a Polar Bear style dip in the river at Sandy Creek on the First Day of Spring.  Start takin’ your ice cold showers now to train.  It’s set up for all ages, because they want to make sure all the people closed out of a “bar fundraiser” get to do the next one.

BTW: the parking lot was icy as hell.  BE CAREFUL TILL IT THAWS OUT. I’m told one of the local TV stations (I’ll save them the embarrassment of naming ‘em) slid into a car on the way out.

(Photos by Dell Thornhill.)

Don’t be an Oscar Jerk.  See all the movies.  You’ve still got time.  And they’re all (FINALLY) playing within an hour of Bing thanks to the Art Mission, Endicott Cinema Saver, and Regal.  (Where’s AMC at???  Oh well; they have good popcorn.)

I’ve seen three so far.  And here’s what I think of them, in order of least sucky to most sucky.

Frost/Nixon
SEE IT AT REGAL, ITHACA
Plot summary: Jerkface president commits crime.  Jerkface president never admits he’s wrong.  Playboy TV host wants to interview Jerkface president.  Jerkface president accepts cause he’s low on cash.  Playboy TV host corners president into admitting he’s a jerkface.

Frost/Nixon moves quick, has got entertaining characters, phenomenal actors, and great direction.  For history/politics dorks, this movie is entertaining as hell.  But if you’re looking for typical Hollywood fluff, you might want to check out Slumdog Millionaire.  It’s basically every James Cameron film you’ve ever seen, but set in India.

Milk
SEE IT AT THE ART MISSION, DOWNTOWN BING
Plot summary: Closety gay guy meets man in subway.  Man convinces guy to move to San Francisco and open camera shop.  Guy opens camera shop but has no rights.  Guy runs for political office 3 times and fails.  Guy finally gets into office.  Total jerkface other guy shoots first guy dead and gets off by saying he ate too many Twinkies.

This film did not win an endorsement from the Hostess company.

Milk has such brilliant acting that you’re driven crazy by the fact that the script doesn’t measure up.  Political dorks will be frustrated that the film doesn’t explain more about the politics; the romantics will be annoyed because you never learn why Milk is drawn to such dysfunctional relationships.  It’s not that the script is BAD; it just that it isn’t INCREDIBLE, and you want it to be.

Oh well.

Slumdog Millionaire
SEE IT AT REGAL, FRONT STREET BING
Plot Summary: Boy grows up in Mumbai, India.  Total jerkfaces kill boy’s mom in religious squabble.  Boy scrapes by as con artist and becomes obsessed with orphan girl.  Boy loses track of orphan girl and ends up appearing on the Indian Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.  I’ll leave out the rest of the plot because the ending is the only one of the three that can’t be looked up in a history book.

Slumdog Millionaire is a Hollywood epic set in India.  It’s a pretty standard but well-constructed romantic adventure.  In other words, it was nominated for the same reason films like Titanic are nominated—they entertain a whole lot of people because they’re relatable and have charismatic stars.

If you’re looking for “profound”, don’t see Slumdog Millionaire.  Go see Doubt.  It wasn’t nominated for Best Picture, but it should have been.

BTW, I tried to see “The Reader” yesterday at the Art Mission, but couldn’t because it was sold out.  Get there early.  "Benjamin Button" is playing at the Cinema Saver.

Yes, yes; there was the heart-wrenching speech from Jennifer Hudson.  And the Bizarro-World performance pairing of the Jonas Bros & Stevie Wonder (which worked surprisingly well—and how weird was it that Wonder had a harder time singing the Jonas Bros song than the Jonas Bros had singing the “Superstition”??); and there was also the conspicuous absence of Chris Brown and Rihanna just one night after Brown was accused of assaulting her—WHAT an @SS); but we all know what the BIGGEST question was to come out of last night’s Grammys:

Did Whitney Houston suck when she got up to sing at the Clive Davis pre-party?

We’ve been here before;  every couple of years, “a source close to Whitney” swears that she’s off the (whack) crack, that she’s training for a big comeback, and that she’s gonna rock the house at an upcoming benefit.  Then Whitney appears, does a halfway decent job, and then fails to have a hit record.

Will this time be any different?

Well, first the good: Whitney didn’t suck.  She’s got what I like to call the “Amy Winehouse Factor”.  She’s so damned good, that whatever her mental condition, she’s gonna pull it off.  She seemed confident, comfortable, and relaxed.  But ya know that glazed over look people sometimes get when they’re talking to you that could either be A) utter contentment with the world and one’s own place in it or B) a drug-induced haze?

She’s turned looking that way into an art.

And then there was the bad: Whitney will NEVER have the voice she once did.  They can cloak her with background singers, change keys to fit her range, or produce the hell out of her vocals; she’s never pullin’ out another Bodyguard soundtrack.

Now just like everybody else; I tiny little piece of me is praying that the diva will return to the height of her abilities; but let’s just say I’m not trashing my copy of her Greatest Hits to make room in the collection for her next album.  Not just yet.

Bent @ The Know Theatre
I know, I know; there’s nothing quite like seeing a Holocaust play on a Friday night to lift the spirits after a long work week, but I think you should force yourself to go see this show anyway—and drag a friend.  Bent is a 1979 play about gays and what they went through in the concentration camps.  Now one of the things I LOVE about the Know Theatre is that they’re not afraid to make people squirm in their seats a bit.  And director Tim Mollen isn’t pulling any punches just because the show’s in Bing.  It opens with a nude scene, so leave the kiddies with a babysitter—because they won’t be allowed in anyway.  Sure, sure, you could wait until Stomp comes around again for the 30th time; you could head to the movies and see “He’s Just Not That IntoYou”; or you could go see a show that’ll make you think a bit.  Tickets are here.

Dinner @ the Mad Moose
I love chef David Dunster.  When I moved to Bing 3 years ago, my favorite restaurant in town was Zazou.  Then it was DC Dunster (after Zazou changed names for no particular reason).  Now Dunster’s cookin’ the good eats at the Moose.  I think I just drooled a little… And another thing: I don’t understand why this place isn’t packed 7 nights a week;  Excellent atmosphere, decent drinks, friendly staff.  I do feel a little bit like I’m headed into a fallout shelter when I descend the stairs—but if the rest of my post-apocalyptic life was a perpetual dinner at the Moose, I think I’d be OK with that.  First Friday is the first night they’ll be serving food.  They’ve got woodfire pizza and southern-style BBQ.  One of the owners said you gotta check out the “Grilled Cheese Cheeseburger” and their pulled pork sandwich—which he swears is the best in the county.  Go pig out.

“Images in Stone” @ Brunelli’s Fine Arts
It’s true: when really pretty buildings fall apart… it’s kinda pretty.  Photographer Roger Luther shows the damage inside the Stone Opera House as it’s ripped apart by the elements.  I think the idea is that we’re all supposed to go and realize what morons we are for letting an incredible piece of history fall apart.  One local developer wants to make it a theater again; Brunelli wants an “artist incubator”.  He’s holding a meeting later in the month to talk about the building’s future.  Meantime, you can sip on wine, nibble cheese cubes, and survey the damage from 6 to 9 at his gallery tonight.

Doesn’t fit?

Well think again: Last Wednesday, at 1:50 AM, a man armed only with the “power of his geek” and a “Bat’leth” held up not one, but TWO, 7-11s for an undisclosed amount of money?  Don’t know what a “Bat’leth” is?  Well good, because you should be embarrassed if you do.  It’s an ancient Klingon sword, used for battle and ceremony.  It looks a lot like it’s designed to behead people—though to my knowledge, that’s never actually happened in Star Trek.

Trekkies that are just trying to compensate for something go out and buy these things at conventions, hang them on the wall in their lonely studio apartments, and pretend like it makes them just as manly as their older brothers that own a pickup truck with an actual gun rack.

And then one day they take them down off the wall and use them to knock over 7-11s.

The best part of the story?  The store clerk at the second 7-11 refused to give the geek any money, and he fled in terror.  The geek, not the clerk.

So they made kissmein3d.com .  The idea is, if you’re too lame or disgusting to find anybody willing to kiss you in real life, you can simulate a kiss in 3D on the Internet.  It’s a little bit like Internet porn, except it’s for people that are afraid of actual sex.

You can choose the girl to make out with, Olivia, or the guy, Fernando.  Now Olivia is warm, friendly, and kinda sexy.  But Fernando is just BIZARRE.  Whatever attraction you might have is erased by the ridiculous macho Spanish accent he puts on in a desperate attempt to look less gay.  But you know every time he puckers up he’s really just imagining Anderson Cooper’s lips for inspiration.

Anyway; it’ll make 5 o’clock come faster.

The oh-so-grand opening of Amera’s Cup O Soup (58 Henry) is goin’ down at 1 this afternoon.  He’s got an extra-special buffet planned and–well—ya know, soup.  If you haven’t stopped by Amera’s yet, it’s really got the best soup in town.

BTW, the Gov has rescheduled for next week: Feb 11th–as long as nobody cooler gives him a ring first.  And if you’ve already RSVPed, you don’t need to do it again.  But even if you have, it’s first come, first serve.

She also sang the anthem back at the 08 Domcratic Convention.  This one seems more live to be, but I dunno.  You tell me.

UPDATE
The AP story about Hudson’s anthem performance says that the producer INSISTED she used a taped version that was submitted a week before the Super Bowl.  Faith Hill’s performance was ALSO pre-taped.

But Aretha Franklin did.  Oh, yes, when asked by the Smithsonian this week to donate the hat she wore at Obama’s inauguration, she said:

“I am considering it. It would be hard to part with my chapeau since it was such a crowning moment in history”.

CONSIDERING IT?  THE SMITHSONIAN?  This, just months after she threw a big ole diva fit because Beyonce called Tina Turner “the queen” instead of her.  Honestly, Aretha, there comes a time in every soul diva’s life when she must weigh the size of her talent against the size of her ego and ask if it’s beginning to tip in the wrong direction.

I had to look up the word “chapeau” BTW, just to make sure that it meant “hat”.  And there it was, definition number one in Random House: “a hat”.  Not even some specific kind of hat.  Just, “a hat”.  Thank God we have that word.

Hat-man Luke Song just announced he’s creating a whole line of TWELVE Aretha-style big-bow hats to serve the general public’s need to embarrass itself with fashion.

You can buy the original hat now on eBay.  Pay homage to the hat with the hat pin.  Or just superimpose the hat on yourself and post in on your Facebook to prove once and for all to your boss that she should take away your Internet access at work.

PS: My Obama miracle toast arrived today.  God bless eBay.  Well packaged.  I think I may eat it.

I’m the biggest closet sci-fi/fantasy geek you’ve ever met in your life.

I’ve gone to meetings; I’ve spoken to counselors; I’ve tried a number of treatments, some of them highly experimental, but I simply can’t stop.

There isn’t a movie, television show, or novel that’s so bad, I won’t enjoy it just a little bit if it’s got an elven archer or an artificially intelligent robot.

That’s why I was so (grudgingly) excited when I found out there was a successful, published fantasy author (with a whole trilogy!) living in a loft on State Street.  The man’s name is Joshua Palmatier.  And when he isn’t writing about unicorns or magical mini-people, he’s teaching math at SUNY Onenota.  Actually, I’ve got no idea if he writes about unicorns or magical mini-people.  I bought his first book, then lost it after reading the first chapter, and was too embarrassed to admit that I had when I sat down to interview him.

When that happens, there’s only one thing to do.  Open up with a question like this…

If somebody knows absolutely NOTHING about the series, how would you sum it up in… um, 4 sentences. GO.

The Throne of Amenkor series is the story of a young girl, Varis, who’s barely surviving in the slums of Amenkor.  She’s discovered by one of the city’s Seekers—assassins—and trained to be an assassin herself.  Eventually she’s hired to kill the ruler of the city, the Mistress, who rules from the Skewed Throne, a seat of power that contains the souls of all of the previous rulers of the city and has essentially gone insane.  The three books—The Skewed Throne, The Cracked Throne, and The Vacant Throne—tell about Varis’ training, her attempt to thwart the Throne and kill the Mistress . . . and what happens after.

If you had to compare your books to a really really really mainstream series so that ignorant people like me who don’t read much could know what they’re going to get, what would you use?

It’s a fantasy series, with magic involved—in the Throne, and inherent in Varis herself—so an obvious comparison would be Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings”.  I don’t use any magical creatures like dragons or unicorns or anything like that—it’s much more practical in nature—but it has the same flavor as that series.  Varis herself has been compared to a character in New York Times bestselling author George R.R. Martin and his “Song of Ice and Fire” series.

For a lot of arts careers, you’ve got to move someplace big to be successful or to network. How’ve you been able to get love from publishers living in upstate NY?

I don’t think the “move to someplace big to be successful” actually applies to the art of writing.  Most of the writers that I know don’t live in a major metropolis.  Perhaps that a fantasy thing though:  we don’t really write about metropolises, so perhaps we migrate to places more like our own settings—more rural.  In any case, there is some networking involved, but most of that happens AFTER you’ve made the first sale.  In general, aspiring writers and writers who’ve made sales go to conventions where they can mingle with fellow writers and do the networking thing.  These cons are held at various cities across the city at various times of the year, so there’s no need to move to a particular location in order to participate and get that networking done.  For example, I attend some local conventions such as Albacon and Balticon and the upcoming Boskone, plus a few cons that are farther away, such as the World Science Fiction Convention and the World Fantasy Convention.  I get most of my networking done that way.  Or through the internet.  *grin*

A lot of authors borrow bits and pieces from the places they live. Is there anything about your books that are uniquely Bing-even if it’s a weak link?

Hmm . . . in the Throne of Amenkor series I’d say that there wasn’t much influence from the Binghamton area, mostly because when I started writing the series, I wasn’t living in Binghamton at the time.  The closest connection I can make with Binghamton in those books is with the university.  There are the occasional “deaths” in the novel where the “victim” perhaps may “resemble” former students or professors . . . but I claim not to remember who.  *cough cough*  However, in the new series I’m working on now (the first book of which is called Shattering the Ley), there are some strong commonalities between the central city and Binghamton:  I have an active university within the city that plays a significant role in the plot; also the city is at the confluence of two major rivers and there is some inherent power (magical in the book of course) in that convergence.  So Binghamton is certainly having an influence on the writing process.

Most people can’t handle one career, let alone two. Logistically, how do you work out writing AND teaching math at Oneonta? Do you have to force yourself to get both done?

The teaching schedule has some inherent vacations built into it that allow me to get the writing done.  Most of the novels are written during the break between the semesters (mostly the summer break).  I attempt to get a significant chunk, if not all, of a novel written during the 4 months over the summer.  I also have some flexibility with the scheduling during the semester, so have managed to work it so that Fridays are free for writing while classes are in session.  But in the end, even with those set vacations from the teaching, you do have to force yourself to set aside time to do the writing.

Every hour you can sit down and write helps complete the book.  If you can get 3 pages done in a day (which equates to about an hour or two of writing for me), then in 150 days you have a book of significant length, if not a complete novel.  That’s only about a third of the year.  Technically speaking, on that schedule, you should be able to get a minimum of 2 books written in a year.  Of course, you don’t typically get a few hours a day to write 3 pages.  Life intervenes on the other 200+ days of the year, which is why most writers attempt to only get one book written per year.  (Or at least call one book a year reasonable.)  But even that takes some heavy duty drive and will power.  It isn’t easy.

You wrote three books in the same world-with the same characters, linking plots… Do you worry about being a "three-hit wonder"… or a one-trilogy wonder… or… whatever the hell you’d call it?

There’s always that fear that you’ll only have that one trilogy get published.  I’m happy to report that my publisher, DAW, has bought the first book in a new series, which I hope will lead to more sales in that series.  And I’d like to return to the Throne of Amenkor characters and world in the future at some point.  But as a writer, you can’t take anything for granted.  Which is why the best general advice you can give or get regarding the writing career is to keep on writing.  Even though I’ve sold the first book in that new series (and written it and handed it in already), I’m working on several other projects.  The more options I can present to my editor and agent, the better my chances of NOT being a one-trilogy wonder.  *grin*

There are oodles of aspiring writers in the Bing looking for guidance. Is there any way they can get at you? Do people ever beg you to read their stuff?

Hmm . . . I do get requests to look at people’s work and give advice, however, if I said yes, I’d never have time to do my own writing.  As you say, there are oodles of aspiring writers out there.  My best advice for aspiring writers is to look for a local writers group that deals with the genre they’re interested and see what kinds of advice they can get from the group.  If there isn’t a local group of writers that can meet in person, then there are plenty of critique groups online.  For my genre (science fiction and fantasy), there’s the Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror (OWW for short).  There’s also a group called Critters, plus many others.  I participated in OWW and found it helpful.  Just keep in mind that critique groups don’t always work for all writers.  Try them out, see if you’re getting helpful advice or not, give them a fair chance (since sometimes you have to work to find the people online who can give you honest feedback), and then decide to stick with them or move on.  Another option would be to attend some of the local conventions.  Most of the Science Fiction and Fantasy conventions have panels where the craft of writing is discussed, where published writers answer typical questions about writing and getting published.  But the best advice of all is that to get better at writing, you have to write.  Keep working, even if you aren’t getting a ton of feedback.  You can teach yourself quite a bit about the writing craft by simply DOING it.

I heard a rumor that you live in a swanky loft on State Street-and I’m slowly becoming obsessed with Binghamton loft culture. So is there a story behind how you ended up living in one downtown?

Well, “swanky” is too generous.  I do live in a loft in downtown Binghamton, but the story of how I got there isn’t that entertaining.  I came to Binghamton to get my PhD in mathematics at Binghamton University.  I needed a place to live.  I originally had an apartment out near the Oakdale Mall, but all of the bars and such were downtown.  When this loft space became available, I snatched it up, since it was cheaper than the apartment and closer to the heart of the city.  I had to do some major work on the loft—I painted everything (including the ceiling) and had to get creative with the use of bookcases and such—but it’s now a nice little place to work and live.  Although I’m not going to the bars as much as I used to.  All that time is spent writing now.  *grin*

You can bet I’ll be there to sit back and watch.

Then, a glimmer of recognition.  A memory stirs, just out of reach.  Brian Dunkleman… Brian Dunkleman.  Yes, BRAIN DUNKLEMAN!  The OTHER Ryan Seacrest!  The realization strikes you with all the force of that first awful note on the detestable William Hung CD.

That’s right: Brian Dunkleman was the co-host from the first season of American Idol.  Co!  Equal to!  JUST LIKE Seacrest.  But then, he decided NOT TO COME BACK after that first season.  Apparently, he believed that forcing 14-year-olds to cry on national television by crushing their most fundamental dream for the entertainment of a blood-thirsty American public was offensive.

The fool.

In any case, the man’s come to regret his enormously embarrassing mistake—and has decided to take advantage, by starring in a new scripted comedy series about his own life from the folks at Frozen Pictures.  You know FP; they produced, um, nothing you’ve ever heard of.

So anyway, it’s my new life mission to get Brian Dunkleman on the radio show.  So just like any idiot with no useful connections whatsoever, I tried to friend him on Facebook.  And was as delighted as a little school girl when he accepted my friend request within MINUTES.  Only to be royally pissed off when I found that his wall was full of angry accusations: “What are you doing impersonating Brian?!”, “You’re in way over your head!” and “You’re a fraud!”

I had failed in my quest to Facebook friend the real Dunkleman.

But all was not lost.  Next, I found this profile.

Notice all the friends from Buffalo, NY.  According to Wikipedia, Dunkleman is from Ellicottville, NY.  MapQuest has Ellicottville as 51.66 miles from Buffalo.  He’s an upstate boy!

Bingo.

Maybe.  I’ve sent the friend request.  Now all that remains is to see if I can get a little upstate love from the Dunk.

The only reason you’re fat is because you caught a virus!

That’s right! Stop exercising, put down those 38 flavors of Yo-Play and grab yourself a deep-fried chicken leg, because the only problem with YOU is that you caught something as common as the common cold!

Well, sort of. A new study out of Baton Rogue says that virus AD-36 “infects the lungs then whisks around the body” making fat cells multiply (while giving you a soar throat.)  One of the tests showed that a THIRD of obese people had the virus—whereas only 11% of super-skinny-turn-me-sideways-and-I-vanish-into-thin-air people had it.

Thing is, the fat only lasts for like 3 months till your body becomes resistant.

So what am I saying?  Good excuse to laze about the couch and have a 4-day Lost marathon while devouring Chinese take-out?  Probably not.  Good excuse for your ten-pound post-holiday weight gain?  Absolutely.

Looks like it worked.  Rumor has it that Milk, the film about slain openly gay San Francisco city supervisor Harvey Milk, will soon open at Regal.

PS: Saw the film in Jersey.  Brilliant acting, great story, mediocre script.

But Binghamton author Joshua Palmatier has gotten DAW Books (an imprint of Penguin) to publish the third in his fantasy trilogy.  It’s 480 pages, single-spaced, and he didn’t even COUNT the “Acknowledgements”.  What the hell kind of number is “viii”?  Fantasy geeks.  Now they think they get to make up their own numbers.

Tonight, he’ll be reading excerpts, autographing copies, and hopefully explaining how he stopped playing Worlds of Warcraft long enough to complete an entire novel.  RiverRead Books @ 6:30 PM. OH, BTW, he’s also a Math Professor at SUNY Oneonta.  Words AND numbers!  GENIUS!

But there does seem to be a pervasive epidemic of crotchetiness in the City of Bing.  As if the whole town was long ago conquered by an army of white-haired old guys whose sole purpose in life is to stay poised behind half drawn shades until they find a good opportunity to throw open the window, shake their fist, and bellow, “Get off my lawn, ya damn kids.”

That’s why skaters and BMXers get so much crap here.  Or, God forbid, anybody whose pants droop low enough so you can see their (gasp) boxers.  Or, ya know, anybody under the age of 45.

So it makes me smile when the city does cool things for people who aren’t collecting Social Security yet.  Like supporting the skateboarding at Cheri Lindsey Park.  The bikers and boarders are raising $60,000 to improve the thing, and they need your help.

So here’s where ya show up for the big fundraising hootenanny:
The Belmar
95 Main Street
Binghamton
February 8th
8 PM
(CLICK FOR THE FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE)

Now the really entertaining part.  Deputy Mayor Tarik Abdelazim will be your celebrity bartender and Mayor Ryan himself will be part of the band.  THIS should be interesting.

We stalked the Deputy Mayor until he responded to our interview request…

So we know this whole Belmar night is a fundraiser for the Bike and Board Commission; but what does that mean?  Where will the money go?

The Bike and Board Commission was created by the Ryan administration to empower area residents, particularly youth, around the goal of making our city more accommodating to one of the fastest growing and most popular forms of healthy recreation–skateboarding and BMXing. From working with City Council to rewrite the laws governing skateboarding in the city to organizing neighborhood clean-ups, the Commission has been a very active body in which area youth and adults are making positive contributions in our community.

More recently, the City has been working with Commission members to discuss expanding the facilities in the Cheri Lindsey Park (site of the only skateboarding park in the area), and they’ve taken it upon themselves to raise $60,000 for these park improvements. They’ve been very creative in their efforts, and this night at the Belmar is just another fun way to chip away at that goal. In the end, whatever is raised, will go directly to park improvements that meet the unique needs of skateboarders and bikers. This is exactly the kind of active citizenship that Mayor Ryan has always encouraged, and we’re proud to participate as an expression of our strong support.

Everybody thinks celebrity bartenders are a great idea, but tell me the truth: do you have any SKILLS?

I’m really good with a dish towel–which is another way to say that so long as everybody sticks to PBR cans, I’ll do fine.

Now we’re gonna let you live in your element for a sec.  If somebody wants to get a GOOD drink from Tarik, what are three things they’re SAFE ordering?

Vodka and grapefruit (does that have a name?), whiskey on the rocks, or tap water (which is delicious, by the way).

Of course the Mayor’s gonna be there too.  I’m trying to imagine Mayor Ryan skateboarding.  Has it ever happened, to your knowledge?

The Mayor is not the most punctal person, so I’ve seen many times what we now refer to as "The Ryan Run," but I have yet to see him darting to the meeting, five minutes behind schedule, on a skateboard. But it is an election year, so anything can happen.

And he’s gonna be making music too.  I mentioned to a few people that he’d be with the band, and they had no idea he could play.  What kind of stuff will we hear from the Mayor?

Mayor "One-Hit-Wonder" Ryan will be belting out Stormy Monday, I’m sure (smile). But if he brings his washtub bass as well, then plan for an epic evening.

Why’s it important to help out the skaters and bikers in town?

According to research by the Commission, more American youth are now skateboarding than playing little league baseball. Any municipal leader that wants to support healthy, constructive youth recreation needs to take this trend very seriously. The longer we fail to accommodate these sports and hobbies, the more we’ll see skaters and bikers loitering in areas that were never meant for recreation. Just think about it: nearly every neighborhood park in the greater Binghamton area includes a baseball field and basketball court, but we have only one true outdoor skateboard park. That’s absurd, and we need to do better.  Working with the Commission, we think we can add another unique element to our city that ultimately attracts families, recreational tourists, and new enterprises.

Some people in Bing groan about the skaters.  What do you say to ‘em?

I can completely understand the groans and frustrations, but as I mentioned above, this adversarial dyanmic is the result of the city’s failure to accommodate this exploding trend among youth. Not surprisingly, many of those who first advocated for the skateboarding ban are now big advocates of the Commission’s goals to rethink our city parks to better accommodate this form of recreation. This is common sense stuff, really. Imagine if we had no baseball fields in our parks. We’d probably see a lot of youth taking over dead-end streets, vacant parking lots, and other open spaces–all of which would be perceived as a major nuissance and a safety hazard. Besides, with all the negative influences vying for our children’s attention, it only makes sense to better accommodate their positive activities. And by creating and supporting this Commission, we’re taking it one step further: we’re actually empowering them to be a part of the process. Who wouldn’t cheers to that?

But seriously, who needs that?  Just fake it.

Take one Jill Hull, a postal carrier from Livingston County, Michigan.  She’s got this s&#t down.

Overwhelmed by the workload, and apparently frightened that she might miss the first five minutes of American Idol, did what any of us might have done to avoid missing even a moment of that dreamy Ryan Seacrest:

She rented a storage unit and DUMPED the undelivered mail inside.

And she would have gotten away with it too, if not for those darned kids.  Well, the postal investigator.  Who only caught up with her because she stopped paying the bill on the storage unit.  She had planned to catch up on the unpaid bill and hide the letters “UNTIL SHE DIED”.

Last March, the Postal Service sent out a memo REMINDING their employees that “you don’t have to be a genius to know” that stealing mail is a crime.  On the side of the memo? A picture of Albert Einstein.  As if the postal service was concerned that without the picture, some of their employees would have to look up the word “genius”.  Because the reminder wasn’t demeaning enough.

Of the many pleasures the Binghamton area has to offer, surely there’s nothing more sublime than the cheap booze.

It flows with as much momentum as the Susquehanna and the Chenango Rivers combined—and is less likely to have little dirty bits floating in it.

And so begins a new series on BingPop.com: Featured Booze-Mixers.  From time to time, we’ll pick a master boozer from the Southern Tier to share 5 original creations.  All we ask if you make them at home is that you credit the bartender and say you learned how to get people drunk with style on BingPop.com.

Charlie

Charlie’s worked at Tranquil Bar/Bistro for a little less than a year now, and his laid back vibe makes him a favorite among their fancy-pants clientele.  Till now, only the folks that stopped into Tranquil would get to try his specialties.  Now, he’s got a few choice beverages he’d like to share with the BingPop readers…

A Cloudy Day in Binghamton
One Part Jezynowka
One Part Cheap Whisky
Half a Shot of Frangelico
Half a Shot of Bailey’s
Shake Vigorously and Serve in Rocks Glass Over Ice
Put a Splash of Heavy Whipping Cream on Top

New Blue Tranquility
1 Part Hpnotiq
1 Part Vodka
2 Splashes of Blue Curacao
A Splash of Pineapple
A Drop of Simple Syrup
Shake and Serve With a Slice of Orange

Charlie’s Chocolate Milk
One Scoop of Mouse
1 Part Chocolate Vodka
1 Part Vanilla Vodka
A Splash of Crème de Cacao
Heavy Whipping Cream
Shake Vigorously and Serve With a Chocolate Swirled Glass

Mint Mojo
1 Part Mint Vodka
1 Part Malibu Rum
Simple Syrup
Lemon Lime Soda
Shake and Serve with a Mint Sprig

Talus Lautrec
One Part Absinth
One Part Vodka
Two Splashes of Pineapple
Two Splashes of Simple Syrup
Lemon Lime Soda
Shake Vigorously and Serve in Rocks Glass Straight Up
Pour Grenadine Down the Sides

And yes, a musical about segregation: Hairspray.

The truth is, musicals have been dealing with tough topics for years, but people always seem a bit shocked by the latest thing to sing and dance its way to Broadway.  As if their idea of a musical is still stuck on “Oklahoma”—a show you’d literally have to tie me to the balcony to make me see—and even then I might gnaw my way through the ropes rather than have to listen to the date rape anthem, “I’m just a girl who can’t say no.”

Modern musicals are complex, subtle, smart, and disarming.  And Hairspray only SEEMS cheesy—until you realize how it tackles race in a way that doesn’t make the audience squirm their way towards the exits.

Hairspray is playing at the Forum Theater in Binghamton this Thursday, and we nabbed an interview with lead Brooklynn Pulver who plays Tracy Turnblad.

I like to start off with the really deep stuff; Brooklynn. What’s the story with your name?
My mom was always in love with the name Brook, and lynn runs in the family.  It’s not as exciting as one would think.  lol  But I love my name.
 
For somebody who hasn’t seen the show, can you sum it up in… um, let’s make this difficult.  7 words.
The story of Hairspray is based on the 1980’s John Waters movie starring Rikki Lake. Is is set in 1962 and follows the story of Tracy Turnblad, a plus sized teenager, who loves to dance.  When one of the girls has to leave the Corny Collins show for "9 months" a spot opens up on the American bandstand-like television show in Baltimore, MD.  And Tracy is determined to get on the show.  Through many challenges she ultimately gets on the show and even manages to integrate the show. Hairspray is full of amazing music, dance, social commentary, and laughs.  It is a great representation of amazing musical theatre, and humanity.
 
Tracy’s is a bit goofy and optimistic.  How do you find a little more depth?
Tracy comes from a simple time.  She is a teenager in the 1960’s, which was a much simpler time in history, and is certainly an easier phase in ones life.  But she is also faced with reality that the country is not equal.  And she has a deep yearning for equality.  She is far older than her years.  And yet still manages to always have on her rose colored glasses.

Hairspray’s got a lot about race.  And race has been in the forefront this year because of the election.  Did the show make you look at the politics any different; or vice versa?
I love politics and I really hoped that the message of the show would open up peoples eyes to believe in something a little different.  This election was and did change history.  And I am so glad to still live in an America that believes in change and is constantly striving for new equality.  
 
Have you ever actually BEEN to Baltimore?  If so, um, why?
The show actually played there last year.  So, I was there to perform Hairspray.
 
Where do you fall on the Zac Efron question?  Think he could have pulled off the role live on stage?
Absolutely.  I don’t think the stage could afford him, but I think he could absolutely perform it.  
 
Speaking of cities you’ve probably never been to.  What’s ONE thing you know about Binghamton, NY (without using Wikipedia.  And you have 20 seconds–you’re on your honor.)
Well, we were there in March of 2007.  And although the cities sometimes all start to seem similar, I remember that it is the home of Stephen M. Kane.  He was in the cast at the time, and he was a perfect host.  I had actually recently injured my neck and spent a lot of time at the Chiropracters office. lol So that is what I did while I was there. Not too exciting I guess.

Food.  Sleep.  Possibly the two best things in the world.  So why not combine the two?

Here’s why:

The Humburger Bed.  It’s even got its own fan page on Facebook.  Usually, when I see a pic like this, somebody’s trying to sell me something that I don’t need (and will regret buying when I sober up).

But these images, and the Facebook fan page, and the entire web site dedicated to the Hamburger Bed are not money-making schemes at all.  You can’t even buy a Burger Bed if you wanted one.  They’re all a sort of shrine to one woman’s mad idea…

That a Hamburger could be the centerpiece for some sort of bizarre online movement.

There are Hamburger Dresses, Burger-Bikes, Hamburger Babies.

But the movement is not without dissension.  Even as I studied their culture, a fight broke out on the Facebook discussion board about whether the Hamburger Bed should properly be called the Cheeseburger Bed—because there is, after all, a slice of cheese protruding from the bun.

My friends, wars have been started over much less.

You may have noticed that I really sucked at updating BingPop last week.  Turns out I was on vacation.  In Montreal.  Yes, Montreal!  Montreal: City of… um, that big Olympic Stadium where the roof keeps collapsing in on itself. I bet I would have seen more of the city if I had spent less time seeing it’s less reputable bars.  But let me just tell you the first reason Montreal sucks more than the Bing.

1. It’s friggin cold in Montreal.
You think it’s cold outside right now, right?  Go step out on Court Street and stand there for 8 hours…  I’ll wait.

Still waiting.

Not dead yet?  I’m surprised.  THAT’S how cold you get after standing outside in Montreal for about 4 minutes.

2. Montreal is KNOWN for having free wi-fi, but Binghamton’s got better coverage.
Now I’m sure that there’s a lot more to do on the Internet that just play Worlds of Warcraft, update your Facebook status, and away-message stalk your ex’s.  I’m just not sure what that is.  Or if I care.
 
But there were a ridiculous number of times in Montreal that I COULDN’T update my Facebook status, because I couldn’t get a wi-fi signal.  Well Binghamton just made another move in their mission to ensure that every corner of the city radiates with Internet love.

They’ve expanded coverage, adding a bunch more “nodes” to the network.  And they’ve plugged in the South Side, baby.  That’s right: you go munch on some whole-wheat, whole-grain, all-organic free-range vegan veggie-burgers at Whole in the Wall while you cruise the PETA web site.
 
Checck out the new node intersection locations:
Hawley & Washington Streets
Court, Exchange & Chenango Streets
Main & Front Streets

FYI, here’s a copy of the OLD coverage map—pre-new-nodes.

AAAAAND they’ve also employed yours truly to redesign the Welcome page so that visiting business folk will be blown away by how high tech Spiedie-ville has become.  It’s just another phase in the BingPop quest to take over the world.

So there you have it; more signal, better signal, and more places that you can play Worlds of Warcraft.

3. Oh, um, the third reason I like Bing better than Montreal.  I speak like 4 words in French.  Useless.

Yeah, so I know the economy sucks, but that doesn’t mean you should close your business if it doesn’t make money inside two months.  I made my way over to “Ben’s Internet Café” on Court Street in the Bing last night to see what was what.  I was kinda psyched to see that a downtown Internet Café had opened with the computers built right in; not everybody wants to lug their laptops around in the dead of winter, risking that they slip on a patch of ice and crack their computer into a million pieces—not to mention their skull.

But the place, two doors down from Binghamton Bag Company, had vanished—like one of those top-secret spy centers you see in espionage movies that turns out to be a sandwich shop when the hero comes back with the cops.

I knocked on the door, and the man inside sweeping up denied that the café had ever existed.

Kidding.  Actually, he said it had closed.

Pending an FBI investigation.

Not really.  Anyway, there’s a primo space to open up a new biz on Court Street.  Eat it up.

At least that’s the theory behind the new 607Magazine.com.

Which, BTW, isn’t a magazine at all.  It’s just a very sleek, very cool web site designed by the boys at 607 Media.  It’s just called a “magazine” to give you that glossy, colorful, expensive “we’ve got so much extra cash we can afford to give away cologne samples on the inside cover” vibe.

By day, the folks at 607 Media are hip, information-age web gurus with a Broome-based biz.  And by night, they are cataloguers of all things Bing & booze.

The heart of the site is its consummate nightlife events listing—but it’s also got original articles about area bars and lifestyle tips.

I Facebook poked 607 founder Scott Fineout and asked for a quick interview with the man—to find out if this whole magazine deal was really just a plot to get with area girls.  I’m onto him.

So you’ve got this lifestyle/nightlife mag for twenty-somethings in the Southern Tier. IS there nightlife for 20-somethings in the Southern Tier? If so, where?
"What is there to do?" It might seem like a normal question to most, but for those who grew up in this area I’d have to say it ranks as the most frequently asked question of all time. I can remember sitting around with my friends, tossing a few beverages back and asking that question all the time. I think younger adults around this area need more of an outlet then just drinking or smoking to be quite honest. An answer to your question is yes there is stuff to do. I don’t think that has ever been the real problem. The real problem to me is that all the options have been played out for some time now and people are growing tired of the same old options. We have stuff to do every night in our calendar, and even have bar specials. I think it should help people save some scratch and realize there is a lot more to do in this area then once thought. I think blogs and alternative media is something this area has needed for a long time.

What’s the quirkiest/most exciting thing you’ve found in the area while doing research for the site?
Hmm, most exciting? I’d have to say the possibilities. I know you are probably looking for a particular place my two feet have taken me but that’s really not the answer, it’s the possibilities. There are big acts traveling all around this area going to Scranton, Buffalo, Rochester, etc. but they always seem to miss Binghamton. As far as entertainment goes I’d say Binghamton is the black sheep of the New York family. I’m not sure if the Arena doesn’t have the economics, or willingness, or whatever it might be. We need more major label concerts in this area because they are always traveling through and around here but not stopping.

So are you just a big community do-gooder, or is this whole thing a big-money business venture?
I love this community. I’d love to see it thrive like it had well before I was a gleam in the parent’s eye if you catch my drift. I think this is an exciting community because of the college and the possibilities it opens up. I’ve seen other website forums like BCVoice be full of people who just complain and bag about the community. I started to realize that this was one of the only connections to Binghamton online and thought we needed something more positive, and younger. I’m not really doing this to make millions. I own 607 Media which is a web design business in Binghamton. That pays my bills. My own well being isn’t really my purpose with the magazine. When it’s all said and done I’d like this website to be a place younger people such as myself can come to see what is going on, or just waste a few minutes of boredom. With the money I do make from the magazine I hope to put into the entertainment community in town and hopefully bring more shows. That is a little further down the road. I still need to learn more in order to jump into that business. My heart is definetly there though.

What kind of stories will we find in the mag? What kind will you absolutely avoid?
Our main focus is local music right now. We also have a section called the Daily Dirt which just lets people know some music news for the day. Obviously as the name suggests, it will be updated everyday for the site very soon. We’d like to feature more local things to do in this area. Not just bars but really off the wall things as well. Everyday life of someone my age who is looking to find more localized content online. We’re not looking to cover local news in a newspaper type way. A lot of people ask me if we’re going to cover a fire, or if we’re ever going to go to print. We’re not looking to compete with the Press and Sun, we’re just looking to give 20-something’s more stuff to look at. As far as print, I’m still not sure on that either. There are still much more possibilities for us online at this moment.

If somebody wants to write for 607, what qualities do they need? Are you looking for help?
Craigslist is filled with those "work for free and we’ll give you 5% of the company" deals. We’re not going to cheapen ourselves or anyone else like that. I mean we’re always looking for people who just want to write or take photographs. We’ll definetly let people in this area have a place to show what they can do. As far as full time employment, I’m not sure we’re there yet to be honest. Yet. You can email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it if you’d like to contribute in some way.

Come on, be honest: is this whole magazine just a clever scheme to get girls? You can tell me.
It is. I mean the whole "give a girl a line at a bar" tactic is so played out, and so is anything else that you try to do for attention. I decided I’d start a company and a magazine to get the ladies. Got to get your upgrade on.

This time, at 86 years old, it was the Inventor of the Hawaiian Shirt..

Stop that, it’s not nice to laugh when people die.  Besides, the Hawaiian shirt, alongside the enormous fold-out map and long-lensed camera is one of they key tools we have in identifying clueless tourists in major metropolitan areas—or so Hanna Barbera cartoons would have you believe.

Alfred Shaheen has been called the “inventor of the Hawaiian shirt”—but it turns out that it’s not really true.  He just picked up on the trend of Americans flying back to the states with the tacky over-the-top designs and decided to make them higher quality and with more style.  At least that’s what it said in the article I read.

How anyone could make Hawaiian shirts “more stylish” is beyond me.

Elvis made the shirts even more popular when he wore one on a 1961 album cover. Oh, Elvis, you taste-maker you.

If you feel inspired to “class it up” with a Shaheen design in his memory, you can find one here.  Sadly, they don’t come in mourner’s black.

(BTW, just found out that the inventor of the Hawaiian shirt was born in Jersey.  Go figure.)

Being that she and her biz partner are opening a new café with big-time hang-out potential, I sweet-talked her into giving me a sneak peek inside—even though the place isn’t finished yet.

The Front Window - Pre-Signage

Actually, the sweet-talking involved me losing my brand new jacket, that jacket being found by Broome County Security, begging her to take me over to the County office building to pick it up, and then subtly hinting that we should stop by the café on the way back to my car.  Which of course I planned, start to finish.  (Actually, major props to BC Security.  They really bent over backwards, calling my gym to figure out whose jacket it was.  And to those of you who laugh at me for having a gym membership on my key chain that I don’t actually use, "HA! The jokes on YOU, suckers!"  Anyway…)

The walls of the café are yellow.  Very yellow.  Bright yellow.  “Not a greenish yellow or an orangey yellow, but a true yellow.”  When she told me about that, I suppressed the urge to regurgitate something yellow.  But then was impressed that it actually worked.

The trim is purple, and funky, modern light fixtures hang from the ceiling.

“Babz” and her partner are all about the coffee.  She wants to sell it for the discriminating coffee snob.  She’s also talking sandwiches, some gifty-type stuff, and holding Saturday morning kiddy reading circles—so Mom and Dad can get a few soul-saving moments with the ever-shrinking morning paper.  Plus the new City Wi-Fi Hotspot is right on the roof of the building, so you’re guaranteed easy, fast, reliable access to web sites like say, oh I don’t know, bingpop.com .

The River Muse Café will open on January 20th.  Or after January 20th.  Before April.  She’s working on it, people.

PSSSSSST, stuff to do tonight: Check out DJ John Brunelli @ The Kilmer.  Also: Philip Seymor Hoffman’s new Film Synecdoche, New York, about a theater guy who builds a replica of NYC inside a warehouse for a play.  WHAT THE F&@#?!?  That one’s at the Art Mission Theater.

Buttoned-up BU professors, hardcore politicos, high-powered attorneys, boozing barflys, pre-gaming B-Mets fans, and even the occasionally drag queen.  You’ll find them all stuffing their faces with fantastic food at Tranquil.  And let’s face it: we’re all crapping our pants a bit about the economy; so it’s good to have a place to let loose.  (Plus, they’re thriving even though half the Bingo population is stuffing cash in their mattresses.)

It’s not just the crowd that’s diverse; with Cajun night, Turkish Tuesdays, tapas specials, and an urban brunch worthy of the snootiest ladies who lunch, they’re working hard to expand the palettes of native Binghamtonians.

All that even though they’ve got a kitchen smaller than my closet and are settled in a neighborhood that’s got kind of an unsavory reputation.  But then again, maybe that’s half the fun.  Don’t tell anybody you got out alive; I want to be able to get my favorite table on a Friday night.

COOLEST TECH IMPROVEMENT–BINGO AREA
Bingo Wi-Fi

USE IT OR LOSE IT: That’s the name of the game when it comes to the Binghamton Wi-Fi.  Thank God, somebody decided to broadcast a message to the world that Bing isn’t stuck in the stone age (or at least the party-line age).

Now it’s time for us to get our asses in gear.

Binghamton’s got FREE wi-fi downtown.  Just flip on your IPhone, select “Binghamton Wireless”, and get surfing.  It’s never been easier to look at porn while sipping on a latte at Java Joe’s.

But Bing needs your help.  If you’re a business: ADVERTISE on the wi-fi splash page.  If you’ve got a lap top, make sure to USE the wi-fi so it’s easier to sell to advertisers.

Let’s all make it an 09 New Years Resolution to support Bingo Wi-Fi.  Otherwise, we’ll have to listen to that F#*&(@% annoying Mr. Moviefone every time we want to look up the show times at Regal.

SEXIEST PUBLIC PLACE IN BING
Chameleon Café, 112 Nanticoke Ave, End-eeeeee-cott

Honestly, if a couple of in-the-know friends hadn’t escorted me up the stairs and into the Chameleon Café in Endicott, I’d have thought that I walked into somebody’s remarkably well-decorated and softly lit private apartment by mistake.  That’s the vibe:

A hip bachelor’s shag-pad with a fully stocked bar stuck in the middle.

There’s comfy couches, intimately spaced barstools, and very cool mood music.  I’m not saying that there’s a place you can take a date that will absolutely GUARUNTEE that you’ll start making out in public and putting hands in inappropriate places, but the Chameleon is your best bet.

They DO serve food.  But I’ve only ever been there for drinks, because, well, who wants to eat right before you’re going to get it on anyway?  And when a restaurant’s web page requires you to click the “NEXT” button twice before you see the entire martini list, you know you’ve found a place worth visiting in person.

WEIRDEST KIND OF SPEIDIE YOU’VE EVER SEEN

People, I just need to voice a serious concern.  Since before I even moved here, I knew that there was one thing of fundamental importance to the character of Binghamton: the Spiedie.  Now that fundamental is under attack.

Yeah, sure, pirogis LOOK harmless.  First, we’re declared the Pirogi Capital of the World.  Then it happens again.  Next thing ya know, we’ll be celebrating Pirogi-Fest and exporting Pirogi Sauce.

It’s just not right, people.  Not natural.  Get it together.

And so in a mission to revitalize the Spiedie, I asked the BingPop readers to nominate the most unusual spiedie they’ve ever seen.

The winner:  Alligator.

We got reports of all kinds of spiedies.  Shrimp.  Ketchup.  But Susan from Bing told us about her secret family recipe for Alligator Spiedie.

*VOMIT*

Moving on…

MOST NEATO CHARITY EFFORT
Mission Soccer Ball

Ask me a year ago what I thought we’d need to fix the cluster-F in Iraq and I wouldn’t have said soccer balls.  Apparantly, that’s exactly what they need.

It’s what the soldiers use to befriend the kids on the Iraqi streets.

So in April, “Hockey Bob” and NewsChannel34 got together and collected HUNDREDS of deflated soccer balls at the Oakdale Mall to send them overseas to Iraqi kids.

I think a cool charity event deals with the needs of the moment—and there’s nothing that needs more dealing with than the craziness going on in the Middle East.

So kudos to Hockey Bob for seeing a problem in the world and fixing it—and ruining Christmas for all the American kids that wanted soccer balls this year but couldn’t get them because they were sold out.

MOST FASCINATING SOUTHERN TIER NEWS STORY
Benjamin Landry’s Tiny House in Bing

Sure, sure, plenty of stuff happened this year that was more important than some guy building a tiny house.

But those other kinds of stories can’t happen if we wipe ourselves out with global warming.  So how long till we all start taking our carbon footprint THIS seriously?

On September 28th, the P&S reported that Landry was building a 220 square foot house at the corner of Walnut and Seminary.  It was as big as a one-car garage.  He was building it himself (using a book he checked out of the Broome County Library).  And he was living out of his sleeping bag next to the house when he wasn’t pounding nails.

Wow.

He’s doing it to save money and save the planet.  Cute, right?  It’s got a kitchen and a bathroom and a bedroom and NOTHING ELSE.  Where does he put the pool table?

Murder? Assault? Gas-drilling?  Taxes?  Naked firefighters?  That stuff happens everywhere (well, OK, maybe not the naked firefighters).  But a shed-sized house?  Uniquely Bing.

BINGO BACHELORE/TTE YOU’D MOST LIKE TO GET WITH
Rich David and LA Scheider

Whenever a friend stops by from the city, this first thing they always tell me is how hot the people are in Bing.

Yeah, not so much.

But that’s not to say there’s not ANYBODY worth getting with.  I asked the reads who their choice would be.

For women? Time and again, the name came up:

Rich David.

He’s got style, charisma, a good PR job at BCC, two businesses to run, and a beautiful loft balcony overlooking Court Street right out of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Evita.  “Don’t cry for me, Broome County.”

If you’ve been living under the wreckage of the Ross Building, you might not know that David is now one of the owners of Flashbacks and Terra Cotta.  But anybody that’s looking for more than a single night of hot passion had better be prepared to be a political wife: Rumors swirling that David will run against Mayor Ryan in 09.

LA Scheider

Why do they call her LA?  You only THINK it’s because her name is Leigh Ann.  For LA, it’s all about the attitude.  Infectious laugh, trendy sunglasses, networking fiend: That’s LA Scheider.