I am not above suffering public humiliation for charity. And while I may not dance on bars (see pics of last year’s Celeb Bartending Bash), I will sing. Badly. Very badly. Like ear-bleedingly-bad.
And so I promised on my fundraising page for this year’s AIDS Walk that I would cover Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’ if I raised a thousand bucks. Fortunately (or unfortunately if you value your hearing), I’m up to 3200 bucks. So here it is. Without further ado or warning… (But don’t say I DIDN’T warn you…)
PS: Clearly, the bits were I squeek like a boy in the midst of puberty are on purpose. The truly tragic music video is still coming…
PPS: HUGE thank you to Damien of On Point Productions for making me sound less terrible than I am… Not THAT much less terrible. But less terrible all the same.
When I woke up this morning, I had no idea who Rebecca Black was–which makes me about a week behind the times. Rebecca, for those of you who live under a rock (like I apparently do), is a 13-year-old girl from Anaheim Hills, CA, whose Mom paid $2000 for a little production company to record a pop single for her. Every little girl wants to be a pop star. It used to be a princess, but then people started to take a good hard look at the British royals and reconsider.
Now let me just go on record and say this: I think Rebecca Black is actually pretty talented. I mean, let’s be clear: she’s not Kelly Clarkson talented, but she’s also not William Hung talented. But the world… well, the world seems to disagree. Check out the video:
What’s brilliantly embarrassing about this effort is the SONGWRITING (plus the degree to which she’s been auto-tuned when she basically proved this morning on GMA that she can sing).
Somehow, Tosh.0 discovered the track and posted the video on their blog last week. The rest is insane interweb history; the track has 17 million hits. on YouTube 17 MILLION. (OK, a good 500,000 of them are me, but she’s still doing pretty good if you cross those off.)
Look, the truth is, the track speaks for itself. Rebecca, if you’re out there, I hope you go on to sell more albums than Britney; seriously, you sing better than her. And I, for one, have already bought a copy of your single–and I’ll buy the whole album when it comes out. And I think everybody else should go buy the track too, if only to make up for the emotional distress your songwriters have caused you.
Because, despite having “collaborated with Grammy songwriter/producer Herbie Crichlow, Grammy-nominated record producer Dinavon Bythwood from "The Ghostwriters" writing duo, Charlie Mason (Hannah Montana), Australian producer Paul Wiltshire (Backstreet Boys)”, songwriters Clarence Jey and Patrice Wilson suck to a degree previously unimagined by man.
And, I’m also going to issue a challenge. If a local Binghamton band sends me a kick-ass cover of Friday, I’m going to bat to convince Lori that we have to play it on the morning show. Get it together, people.
Anyway, since I can’t fit all thousand existing on my blog, I’ve picked 10 fine specimens to share…
Well, you knew it would happen eventually. With such a legendary Parade Day, it stands to reason that Binghamton would in time receive federal recognition for throwing one of the most kick-ass St Patrick’s Day celebrations in the country–nay, the world. (Never mind that we do it 2 weeks early.)
Mayor Matthew T Ryan has been invited to the White House to “join President Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, fellow elected officials, and other community leaders” in commemorating St Patrick’s Day. Clearly, Barack’s hoping he brings a little of the Parade Day spirit to DC. (Please remember open container laws on the White House lawn, people.)
It’s not clear if the Prez and the Mayz will get any one-on-one face time, but if they do, one can’t help but wonder what they might discuss. So of course I’ve come up with a few possibilities…
* Barack Obama is a basketball fan. And Mayor Ryan is quite tall. Clearly, they will be discussing Obama’s NCAA picks.
* Barack Obama wants to go down in history as the green President; Mayor Ryan wants to be seen as a green Mayor; Far East Movement–whose biggest hit is about the sexiness of a fictional "G6" jet–is coming to Binghamton University. Obama and Ryan will discuss pop culture’s glorification of energy-inefficient forms of transportation and take a symbolic ride around the rose garden on a two-person electric-powered scooter (built by GM).
* Barack Obama has been accused on conservative blogs of not being an American citizen. Mayor Ryan has been accused by crazed anonymous web forum posters of not really living in Binghamton. The two will hold a beer summit on how to establish undeniable proof of residency, citizenship and lack of socialist sympathies.
Oh, to be a clover on the lawn of the White House celebration. Sadly, if the two actually do speak, we’ll probably never know what words are exchanged. But we do have the OFFICIAL word about what’s going on from the City:
Mayor Matt Ryan tomorrow will join President Barak Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, fellow elected officials and other community leaders from around the country to commemorate St. Patrick’s Day in a ceremony at the White House.
“It’s an honor to commemorate this occasion at the White House with the President, Vice President and other leaders from around the country,” said Mayor Ryan. “Binghamton has a rich Irish heritage and a strong tradition of celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, and I look forward to representing our community and learning about others.”
Let’s be honest: Glee is all about Sue Sylvester. Really. I mean, they could literally can all the other characters, turn it into a one-woman show, and I’d still watch. Especially if she does her “That’s how Sue C’s It” bit three or four times in a half-hour. See below:
Well, that’s not the ONLY thing I like about Glee. I’m also kind of a musical theater geek. And I like that between tightly harmonized show choir renditions of Lady Gaga songs about people taking their clothes off, Glee is indoctrinating the world with Stephen Sondheim songs. And Stephen Schwarz songs. And Stephen Flaherty songs.
Crap I never realized that every musical theater composer who ever lived is named Stephen. Weird.
Anyway, I ALSO love that the dialogue swings wildly back and forth between incredibly inappropriate adult humor and “High School Musical” style cheeseball lines.
OK, I love everything about Glee. But I love Sue Sylvester best. And FINALLY Sue’s got a new foil. Because who can be more dick than the cheerleading coach? The football coach, it seems. That’s right, McKinley High’s got a brand new football coach: Shannon Beiste. And she’s played by a world-champion arm-wrestler.
What?
That’s right, I said a world-champion arm-wrestler. Now that kicks ass. Her name is Dot Jones and she’s that woman you know from everything else you’ve ever seen but can’t place because she’s never got that big part. Well now she’s got that big part. And FOX invited me and Lori to interview her on that other little media gig I’m involved in…
BingPop is pop culture. It’s Binghamton News, nightlife, and art. It’s Endwell, Endicott, and Johnson City. What’s going on downtown after 5 and where’s the hot new restaurant to grab lunch. It’s a catalogue of the quirkiest stuff in Broome County and instant updates from a ton of reliable (and occasionally not so reliable) sources.
Where’s that neat little brunch place in Whitney Point and what’s the newest chain to open its doors on the Vestal Parkway. We’ll talk about the staples: Boca Joe’s, Number 5, and the Cyber Café West. What’s must-see at the Art Mission Theater and who’s showing at the Brunelli Gallery. And the latest show to be announced at the Broome County Arena.
But you’ll also know what’s up and coming before it’s come up. Mostly, it’s all about the Southern Tier. With a nice bit of trash about Paris Hilton and Brad Pitt folded in for flavor. And although it’s true: we do [heart] Binghamton. It doesn’t mean we always gotta be nice...
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