Let’s be honest: Glee is all about Sue Sylvester.  Really.  I mean, they could literally can all the other characters, turn it into a one-woman show, and I’d still watch.  Especially if she does her “That’s how Sue C’s It” bit three or four times in a half-hour.  See below:

Well, that’s not the ONLY thing I like about Glee.  I’m also kind of a musical theater geek.  And I like that between tightly harmonized show choir renditions of Lady Gaga songs about people taking their clothes off, Glee is indoctrinating the world with Stephen Sondheim songs.  And Stephen Schwarz songs.  And Stephen Flaherty songs.

Crap I never realized that every musical theater composer who ever lived is named Stephen.  Weird.

Anyway, I ALSO love that the dialogue swings wildly back and forth between incredibly inappropriate adult humor and “High School Musical” style cheeseball lines.

OK, I love everything about Glee.  But I love Sue Sylvester best.  And FINALLY Sue’s got a new foil.  Because who can be more dick than the cheerleading coach?  The football coach, it seems.  That’s right, McKinley High’s got a brand new football coach: Shannon Beiste.  And she’s played by a world-champion arm-wrestler.

What?

That’s right, I said a world-champion arm-wrestler.  Now that kicks ass.  Her name is Dot Jones and she’s that woman you know from everything else you’ve ever seen but can’t place because she’s never got that big part.  Well now she’s got that big part.  And FOX invited me and Lori to interview her on that other little media gig I’m involved in…

CLICK TO JUMP OVER THERE AND CHECK OUT THE INTERVIEW

Glee premieres tonight on FOX.  8 PM.  But you should really be at Binghamton Restaurant Week.  So just TiVo the damn thing and go have a nightlife.

"Freakishly knowledgeable" may not be the most flattering way to describe Larry Kassan’s relationship with the Twilight Zone, but I think even he’d agree: if the shoe fits…

Sure, sure, I could rattle off a long list of Larry’s professional credits and involvements in things like the Lake Placid Winter Olympics and an ABC TV special—but I’m naturally drawn to the most eccentric elements of a person, the better to draw a caricature, and an obsessive interest in a Binghamton-based science fiction universe takes the cake in Larry’s case—putting aside his claim that he may have the largest theater Playbill collection West of the Hudson.

(PS, Larry, I’m in the market for an original production Sweeney Todd playbill, as I have an unholy and freakish obsession with Angela Lansbury. Don’t judge.)

Larry can tell you what motivated Binghamton native Rod Serling to write the Twilight Zone: censorship of one of his scripts.  But even more than that, he can tell you the particular elements of that Rod Serling script that had been altered, how they originally played out, and how the TV sponsors demand that they be changed.

Star Trek fans got beat up in junior high for that kind of precision.  Don’t ask how I know that; it’s a tender spot.

But Larry’s love of the Zone has done a lot for Binghamton; he’s director of the Rod Serling Video Festival—a competition which brings entries and attention from all over the state—and now he’s instrumental in planning the TZ’s 50th anniversary celebrations.

Honestly, there’s all sorts of different events to attend, including a TZ expert speaking engagement, a TZ bus tour, and the unveiling of a Rod Serling sculpture, but the one I’m most interested in—the one I think is the coolest—is this:

A live, televised reenactment of two Twilight episodes using local actors on WSKG. (10/3/09 @ 8 PM)

I mean, really, who does live TV anymore?  Yes, yes, there’s (the incredibly half-assed) Saturday Night Live, but it’s not clear whether anyone bothers to watch that show when there’s not a major election going on.

And THIS ONE is right here in Binghamton.

SO. COOL.  (I’m not being sarcastic. I know it’s hard to tell.)

Both episodes were “inspired by Binghamton locales” and will feature “professional, community and student actors”.  Looking for a place to enjoy the broadcast with other, uh… “Zonies”?  Um, “Twilighties”?  “T-Zoners”?  Whatever.  A special geek haven has been set up over at the Binghamton City Stage to enjoy the screening in a pseudo-social setting.

Larry Kassan ripped himself away from dusting his Playbill collection in order to answer a few of my questions…

OK, so you’re doing two episodes.  What are they about?
WSKG will broadcast two episodes live on Saturday evening October 3. MIRROR IMAGE is about a woman who sees herself in a bus station near Binghamton. WALKING DISTANCE is a biographical piece about a man, stressed by life, who finds himself travel back in time to his hometown where he meets himself as a young boy.
 
Now these scripts were supposedly inspired by Binghamton.  How so?
MIRROR IMAGE has many local Binghamton references and WALKING DISTANCE recreates Binghamton’s Recreation Park. Rod grew up just a few blocks away on Bennett Avenue.
 
Will the episodes be in black and white?
WSKG plans to broadcast the show in Black and White.
 
How are the actors prepping for the live telecast?
They are currently in rehearsal. Many have read about TZ and watched the actual episodes
 
So there are pros, community, and student actors.  Could you give us an example of each so we know who we’re looking at in the cast?
Hedi Weeks is a professional stage actor who has performed extensively in NYC and Toronto, Ava Crump is often seen at the Cidermill Playhouse, other cast members have connections to may community theatre around Greater Binghamton and two of the young actors are students at the Rod Serling School of the Arts. Austin Tanner, who plays the young Rod Serling was in last year’s production of OLIVER at the BHS Helen Foley Theatre.
 
I know you’ve had some contact with the Serling family; are they involved in this celebration at all?
The Serling family is most supportive of the celebration and plan to be at all of the events. 
 
Being the Twilight Zone encyclopedia you are, can you fill us in on a few lesser known “Bingo/Twilight connections”?
Rod always had strong ties to his hometown of Binghamton. He often added local references to all his scripts… Helen Foley (his drama teacher) was a character in the TZ, The Carousel shows up in many episodes, In the pilot which will be seen at the First Friday event he uses the name Resnick’s which was a famous women’s clothing store in downtown.
 
Some might note that being an inspiration for “The Twilight Zone” might not be the most FLATTERING of connections; what do you say to those people?
TZ was groundbreaking television, Serling was a pioneer in early broadcast TV. His work earned him more Emmy awards (6) than anyone in history of TV. This is something to celebrate and be proud of. I could say more but space does not allow.

I was kind of a loser in the early 90’s.

So it speaks to exactly how successful Shawn Wayans was that even I knew his name.

I didn’t watch “In Living Color”, I hadn’t seen “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka”, and I’m sorry to say that I missed out on “The Wayans Bros” sitcom—a TV show that aired on the WB network before it decided to retool its lineup to cater to bookish 14-year-olds fixated on vampire-slaying and teenaged superheroes.

So the first time I REALLY knew who Shawn Wayans was when I was forced to watch Scary Movie 20 or 30 times in a row by my new roommates in San Francisco (who had JUST arrived in “the big city” from Kansas—yes, Kansas).  It might have been the slapstick comedy; it might have been Shawn’s striking good looks; or it might have been the drugs that they suddenly realized they could buy on the corner of Fillmore and Eddy.  But whatever it was, they just couldn’t get enough of that movie.

Probably it was the drugs.

Anyway, the first 8 or 9 times I actually found it pretty funny—and I was sober.

So when Lori and I got the chance to interview Shawn about Dance Flick, the new film he co-wrote with his brothers, we jumped at it.

INTERVIEW W SHAWN WAYANS

PS I hope that my former roommates are sitting somewhere in a drug-induced haze reading this with jealousy.  (Preferably in Kansas.) Thanks for depriving me of all that sleep.

OK, so look: I’ve got a message for all you haters claimin that the Bing isn’t a “real city”.  Does YOUR hometown have its very own troop of supernatural ghost-hunters?  Huh? Huh? Well?

I thought not, bitches.

That’s right, Binghamton does; and don’t you dare call them “Ghostbusters”, or they’ll go paranormal on your ass.

Apparently, the “Binghamton Area Paranormal Society” is a bit snobby about that sort of thing—at least snotty enough to pooh-pooh the very idea of “proton packs” and “ghost-sucking”.  They seem so worried that the 80s hit film destroyed ghost-hunting cred forever that they open up the “What Is a Ghost Hunter” section of their web page with a short but disdainful rant about how they’re NOTHING like those slapstick frauds.

No, they don’t have proton packs or special uniforms with cutesy little Casper logos.  But they do have EMF meters (because electromagnetic fields tell you where the ghosts are), non-contact thermometers (because “cold spots” ALSO tell you where the ghosts are), and flashlights (because, um, it’s really, really dark where they work).

And if there’s “something strange in your neighborhood” or “an invisible man sleeping in your bed”, just understand that they’re going to assume you’re full of crap if you call them.  That’s part of their ghost-hunting philosophy: normal until proven paranormal.  But the good news is, they’re so devoted to the art that they’re willing to come investigate your home or business totally free of charge.  Act now, while supplies last!  If they DO discover some sort of creepy crawly troublemaker, however, it is NOT their job to remove it.  For that, they rely on some local “religious power” for help.  “Think of us … as counselors who … help lessen the supernatural load.”  Right.

Don’t believe in ghosts?  Well, they’ve got the photos, video, and audio to, er, “prove it”.  Supposedly.  I listened to an audio clip—uh, sorry, an “Electronic Voice Phenomena”—of a disembodied voice saying one word—“Leave”—about ten times just to decide if it was an actual communication from the afterworld or just the guy holding the tape recorder trying to screw with his buddies.

They’ve also got a handy dandy ghost dictionary on their site, which tells you all sorts of useful things—like that a “demon” is a “hostile and resentful enemy”, an “entity” is a “disembodied consciousness,”, and an “anomaly” is “anything weird, abnormal, strange, odd, or difficult to classify”.  I feel qualified to hunt ghosts already.

And these hunters aren’t libel to sit on their ass and wait for the ghosts to come to them.  They’ve already investigated paranormal reports in a number of sites all over the Bing aread: The Bunn Hill Road Cemetery, Chenango Valley Cemetery, Ingram Hill Road Cemetery, Port Crane Cemetery, Morgantown Cemetery… Uh, yeah. They like cemeteries a lot.  Well these ARE ghosthunters.  And I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt in assuming this isn’t just an excuse to romp around amongst graves in the middle of the night.  Thought I would point out that if the dead people are STAYING in the cemeteries, it can’t be that much of a problem.

OK, fine, I’m a cynic.  But I’m willing to be turned.  If a BingPop reader wants their home ghost-busted, I’ll come along for the ride.  Just as long as they let me hold one of the electromagnetic field detectors.  And let me pretend it’s a tricorder.  You just let me know.

BTW, my e-mail request for an interview was not immediately returned.  Too busy exorcising the demons, I suppose.