Yes, yes, being the home to IBM, one of the most famous computer companies on the planet is nice.  Having Lockhead Martin, the world’s largest defense contractor, in our backyard might bring some notoriety.  But what I’ve often said—and what has just as often fallen on deaf ears—is that what the Southern Tier really needs to be restored to its full glory is for somebody right here in Binghamton to break a Guinness World Record.  So we end up listed in the Guinness Book. Seriously.

And not one of the more useful or interesting records: world’s oldest man, world’s tallest building, world’s smallest microchip—nobody but eggheads really care about those.  We’re talking one of the really eccentric ones, so we can have our own Trivial Pursuit question or page in Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader: world’s chewiest potato pancake, world’s tallest freestanding badminton net, world’s trendiest tea cozy.  Now we’re talkin.

So when I found out what the Binghamton Mets are planning to do this Friday night, I was positively giddy with the sort of girlish delight that they won’t even allow inside a professional sports stadium.  Even a Double-A affiliate sports stadium.

This Friday, between phases of the Toyota Double Grand Finale Labor Day Weekend Fireworks Kick-off Extravaganza Festival of Pyrotechnic Wonder (I think that’s what it’s called), NYSEG Stadium will attempt to break the world record for the most number of human beings simultaneously howling at the moon.

PS: It’s a full moon that night.  Which should make things easier.  Harder.  Easier.  I’m not really sure which.

In any case, I started to wonder exactly how many howling individuals you could stick inside NYSEG Stadium on a Friday night.  According to Wikipedia, the stadium itself seats 6,012.  So the question then becomes: what exactly is the CURRENT world record for most number of human being simultaneously howling at the moon?

Sadly, a search at http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/ yielded no results.  Leading me to believe that there is no current record for most number of people howling at the moon.  Leading me to believe that I could break the record right here, right now, in my bedroom, alone.

There, I just did it.  Send me my damn trophy.  Or certificate of appreciation.  Or screen-printed t-shirt.

Clearly, I have to broaden my search.  A Google query yielded two interesting results:

1. On September 7th of 2007, an organization in Sydney, Australia called “Bums for Bush” attempted to break the word’s record for most number of people bearing their asses in protest.  “Mooning”.  Not exactly what I was looking for, but that’s why Google searches are so much fun.  You never know what irrelevant yet delightful facts will result.  Only 50 people showed up for the protest.  Nice try, @ssholes.

Get it?  Nice try, @ssholes?  Cause they were mooning?  Get it?  I know, I know, you got it.  It just wasn’t funny.  *sigh*

2. On October 26th, 2009, a web site called http://www.moonhowlevent.com/ will attempt to organize a giant Planet Wide Moon Howl.  You’re supposed to do this at 9 o’clock in your own local time.  Think of it as a giant planetary stadium wave of howls, one time zone after the next.  The web site suggests that you organize “howl parties”, “howl with somebody special”, or just (and I think this is probably the point of the whole campaign) buy the organic fitted men’s t-shirt at CafePress.com for the low, low price of 24.99.

PS: According to their own counter, only 371 people have visited the web site.  Which if you ask me is a pretty lame planetary howl.  Not to mention a pretty lame t-shirt marketing campaign.

The bottom line is, I don’t know whether or not the Binghamton Mets will be successful in their mission to break the world record for the world’s largest group howl.  I don’t even know what success would be.  I don’t even know if the term “success” should be applied to such a venture.  Yet I still salute the BMets for trying.  It’s nice to have a dream.  Even if the dream involves getting people so plastered on $3 beers that they participate in an activity that will cause them to spend the entire next day untagging embarrassing photos of themselves on Facebook.

Sounds like my kinda party.

Bottoms up.