OK, let me just get you oriented;  before you accuse me of being a snob, I want you to point your browser over to the Hillshire Farm web site.  Do you know what the URL is?  www.GoMeat.com .  Seriously; on the front page of this site is an energetic young housewife cast as an overgrown cheerleader leaping into the air with a giant bullhorn as if she’s ACTUALLY about to scream: “GO! MEAT!”  If ever there were a product asking to be made fun of, It’s Hillshire Farm “Lit’l Smokies”—(which, BTW, come in 6 varieties, including Lit’l Polskas Smoked Polish Sausage).

Well that’s just one of the many culinary delights you’ll find served at Doug Camin’s “Tacky Wine Club Strikes Back”.  But it doesn’t end with the Lit’l Smokies, nosirry.  They’ll also be servin’ up the spray cheese and Ritz—(and who doesn’t love that delightful spray cheese sound?  Makes my mouth water even as it turns my stomach.)

But as the name might suggest, it’s more about the wine than anything else.  “Franzia is your friend,” the invitation from hosts Doug, Kim, and Liz declares proudly.   And if it comes in a box, plastic bottle, single serve size, screw-off top, has a “spout”, giant jug, can only be served at Passover, or refers to a feline on the label, you’ve got the right stuff.

Now you wouldn’t expect a tacky wine party to be exclusive—but it IS at Camin’s “semi-swanky downtown Blinghamton loft”—so he does ask that you RSVP.  And he’s opened up the invite to the readers of BingPop.  (Because we know tacky.)  All you gotta do is ask him which wine to bring—and don’t worry, he’s asking a few folks to bring “regular” wines… for when you just can’t take anymore.

We ran into Douglas at the Sunoco station where he was carefully examining a 1.5 liter bottle of something sort of pinkish.  And that’s where we asked him a few questions…

What EXACTLY constitutes a "tacky wine"?
This is always up for debate. Some will tell you it is wines from boxes - but in other countries, the best wines are in boxes because they keep better. Probably the best yardstick is what the wine is trying to be. A truly tacky wine will actually be fortified and not really be "true" wine, but more like a "wine product." It makes you wonder sometimes.

Let’s talk pairings.  What wine goes best with spray cheese?  How about cocktail weenies?
Cocktail weenies will definitely be making an appearance. Right along with a great tacky soundtrack of your favorite hits from the 70s, 80s and 90s. The cocktail weenies - if cooked right - stand alone. I heard a rumor that little quiches may be showing up too.

What is the proper way to taste a bad wine?
With your pinky off the glass, of course! It may also be advisable to have something else to drink with it. Like water, soda, or maybe mouthwash.