Anybody know of a nice cave I can buy in Appalachian? Ya know, like, to live in?
Ya know how when you’re a little kid, and people ask you what you’re gonna do when you grew up, you tend to say stupid things like: “When I grow up, I’m gonna be an astronaut.” It’s stupid because, chances are, you’re too dumb to be an actual astronaut. No offense; I am too. Most people are. You need to be really friggin smart to be an astronaut. So you can crash $300 million global warming satellites into Antarctica.
Or maybe, when you’re a little kid, you just happen to hate your bedroom, and you say something like: “When I grow up, I’m not gonna live in some stupid bedroom. I’m gonna live in a cave.”
Now most of us outgrow these sorts of things. Most of us, that is, except for William Sleeper. Who actually lives in a cave. In Missouri.
Sleeper’s cave, where he currently resides with his wife and three kids, used to be a roller skating rink. And before that it was a concert venue. Where folks like Bob Seger and Ike & Tina Turner used to play. And ya know what I always say: anywhere Ike & Tina turn up is bound to make a happy home.
So when William noticed the cave was for sale on EBay, he bought it for a cool 160 thousand to build a house for his wife and kids. And ya know what? Just like a whole lot of America, he got a crappy ass mortgage. With a big balloon payment at the end that he just couldn’t afford. Now Willy boy wasn’t a total dumbo. He planed to refinance the mortgage; but now the banks are in such cruddy shape, he’s outta luck.
So now YOU (Obi-won) are his only hope. For a mere $300,000, this luxury cave could be yours. Just use the handy-dandy E-Bay page.
Did I say LUXURY cave? Yeah, luxury. This cave’s got 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a Jenn-Air cooktop, two convection ovens, and a “party room”. Which is great, cause my last cave didn’t have a party room, and I felt like I could never have company over.
He spent yeeeeears working on the place—during which, he, his wife, and the kids lived in tents in the back of the cave. (Ever notice how they never send child protective services after the people who really deserve it?) Truth is, Sleeper hasn’t TOTALLY given up on his wonder-cave. I think he secretly hopes that some high-powered bank CEO will see the posting and offer him a loan. Might make for a nice feel-good press release.
Because we all know the only thing the banks need right now is a little good PR.
Yeah, a cave is nice - but will it withstand a nuclear attack?! Just a few more years of filling my change jar…
I believe he paid $160 thousand for it, not $160 million.
Quite right, Jeff. I corrected this.
Thanks for the heads up.
You know heating that has to be crazy difficult
Funny that. They claim that the cave naturally moderates the temperature…
There is a house here in Binghamton that is built underground, FYI. If you are on Day Hollow Road heading out of Endicott and towards Owego on the left on the outskirts of the Glendale neighborhood there is a home that is built into the side of the hill. Grass roof, the whole nine yards. You can walk right up onto it (if you owned it. I reccomend not doing so without first asking the owner.)