I don’t have a foot fetish.  I actually have the opposite of a foot fetish.  A bit of foot fear.  A footaphobia?

::: Hang on; I gotta google this. :::

Podophobia.  That’s what I got.  A fear of feet.  No foot fetish at all, nosiree, not me.  I once had a friend with a shop vac fetish.  Not sure why that’s relevant—but it is true.  And I’ve been looking for a chance to mention it in the blog.  Cause it doesn’t happen everyday.

Anyway, when Sheila McDonald told me she’d like to hang off monkey bars and do a little barefoot dance on my back for my therapeutic pleasure, I was a bit, shall we say… skeptical.

For one thing, having somebody stand on your back requires a bit of trust.  I’ve never personally had my spine broken but I imagine it’s not an altogether pleasant experience.  And for another, I have that thing about feet.  Or rather, a lack of a thing about feet (see above).

But I’m always up for an adventure.  Especially if there’s something to fret about in advance.  And Sheila struck me as being the kind of person to have particularly clean feet.  So I decided to take a leap of faith.  Get it?  Leap of faith?  :::heavy, embarrassed sigh:::

(I also did a bit of googling to make sure Sheila wasn’t making the whole thing up to test out some kind of “experimental massage theory” she’d developed while watching Olympic gymnastics at home.)

I make the gymnastics reference because Ashiatsu Oriental Massage Therapy, as it’s called—no, Sheila didn’t make it up—involves the masseuse hanging off parallel bars and applying pressure to the various muscles of your back.

“Mostly, I’ll only be using one foot at a time, applying at least some of my weight to the bars.  Once or twice, I might use both feet at the same time on your upper and lower back,” Sheila told me in a dimly lit room with the sounds of waves lapping softly on the seashore in the background.  It’s always lapping waves, isn’t it?  Or that instrument that makes the low-pitched waaah-waaah-waaah that I can never remember the name of.

Sheila’s workroom at the Hair Company is small, but also comfortable.  The ceiling is draped with fabric, giving the space a less harsh, cornered vibe.  And she had to get a contractor to come in to install the bars—this is clearly not a portable experience.  I asked her if anybody else in the area was doing that sort of work.  Skaneateles was the closest practitioner that she knew of.

The massage itself was pretty fantastic.  And surprising.  She warned me in advance that it wouldn’t feel the same as a normal hand massage.  One of her clients compared the two:  A normal massage feels like being hammered with a meat tenderizer.  You get worked over but spots get missed.  Whereas with Ashiatsu, it’s like you’ve been rolled out with a rolling pin.  Flattened.  In a really really really quite incredibly pleasurable way.

I’d be lying of the first few moments didn’t make me a bit uncomfortable.  The weight of an entire person standing on your back can be a bit unnerving.  But of course, it wasn’t her entire weight.  Probably the most squirm-inducing moment came when Sheila placed her foot on my neck and began to manipulate the muscles there.  Weird.  Intimidating.  But once the novelty of the sensation subsided, it was extremely relaxing.  I was trying to pay close attention—knowing I’d have to blog about it later—but I soon felt myself drift into a semi-conscious state.

A foot doesn’t feel like a hand—and although less maneuverable, the movements were surprisingly controlled.  Often times, the pressure felt like it was about to become just a BIT too much.  And at those moment, I was worried that the inevitable “Arrrghh!” would illicit a pretty slow response—weighted feet being harder to move quickly than a hand.  But the yelp of pain never came; Sheila seemed to know exactly how much pressure was enough.

Another thing of note—and Sheila told me about this in advance—was how well the shape of the foot was able to work certain parts of the body.  It just fits.  In some cases, better than a hand.

Between back-dancings, I asked Sheila to answer a few qestions about the therapy…

Do people ever seem grossed out by the foot-factor? Bare feet aren’t everybody’s cup of tea…

I’m sure there are some people who would be grossed out by the foot-factor.  In this case, I imagine their aversion to feet would keep them from showing up for Ashiatsu in the first place.  If however, the notion of feet is a tea they are willing to at least sip, they would have to decide if the value in the delivery is worth the awkwardness they may experience.  I had one client, on her first visit, describe the feeling she had when my foot was near her neck and coming down her arm.  She said as she thought of the fact that it was my foot, it seemed strange for a moment.  She went on to describe being quickly intoxicated by the feeling, and moving immediately back to the feeling of pleasure.

I know you experienced barefoot massage for the first time in India. What was that like?
Oh my goodness, everything about India was mesmerizing and unique.  This type of massage in India is called Chavutti Thirummal (which translates as foot massage).  We were staying at an Ayurvedic center in Kerala.  I remember lying on a plastic sheet on the floor with a disposable thong on and having a young Indian woman coat every centimeter of my body with herb-infused oil.  Most of what I remember is feeling an amazing sensation as she glided along every fiber of my body while holding onto a rope attached to the ceiling.  I just remember a feeling of pure bliss and wellbeing.  Shortly after this trip there was an article in a massage magazine I subscribed to about Ashiatsu Oriental Bar Therapy.  I was hooked.  At that time, I began watching videos and experimenting with my partner in a relatively hap-hazard sort of way. 

How did you train for a form of massage that nobody around here practices?
Although I continued to "play", at that time in my (official) career I was still primarily doing basic Swedish massage and had begun incorporating more of the subtle work of Craniosacral Therapy, Chakra Balancing, and Reiki.  I was working at an Integrative Medicine/Wellness Center in Scranton, PA and began taking on more responsibilities with some of our community outreach programs, as well as teaching yoga and meditation.  Bodywork became a smaller area of focus for a few years.  Recently, I opened my own practice again.  Focusing primarily on Massage Therapy, and realizing that most people are looking for deep tissue, I began to revisit my love of Ashiatsu.  It became a sort of obsession — constantly watching training videos and practicing on my friends and family.  For me, transitioning into using my feet as a method of delivery was natural.  My education, experience, passion, and gifts as a therapist translated smoothly into being competent as an Ashiatsu Practitioner.  I have a good understanding of the body and a strong sense of what feels good and what doesn’t.  As well as what’s safe and what is not. 

What works better with Ashiatsu than other forms?
With Ashiatsu, the way the foot is used — the contour of the foot, the amount of padding, the larger size, and the consistent deep pressure that is afforded by the sheer dynamics of gravity — allows for a deeply integrated form of massage.  This deep, compression effleurage uses the power of the legs and the weight of the body to impact the deeper muscle layers as well as more accessible surface tissues.  The consistent pressure and amount of tissue being manipulated at once has a greater positive effect on blood-flow and circulation. Incorporating long, gliding strokes and relaxing sequences results is deep tissue bodywork, without the pain often associated with traditional deep tissue massage.    The slow, deliberate, and consistent method of delivery is very soothing to the nervous system and has a positive effect on the mental, spiritual, and emotional bodies - not just the physical. 

Well… what works worse?
Using your feet doesn’t allow for some of the more specific work that needs to be done on the neck, tips of the shoulders, head, and chest.  But really, I don’t see this as a problem in my work because I always take time before and after the "ashiatsu" portion of the session to address the client’s needs in these areas.  It is important to me that I begin and end with my hands and really connect to the client to build rapport and trust.  My background and training in hands-on-healing and energy work is a big part of my gift in the healing encounter.  This type of work is an important ingredient for bringing a sense of well-being to the client.

Part of what’s different about Ashiatsu is the experience for the masseuse. Can you talk about that?
For me as the masseuse, it is very grounding.  I take my work quite seriously and hold a strong commitment to be present and focused.  With that, it is almost meditative.  From a physical standpoint for me, it is a completely different use of my own body.  I use more of my core strength and larger muscle groups as opposed to my fingers, wrists, and arm strength.  With Ashiatsu, I keep most of my weight in the standing leg (on the table) while I apply pressure by use of my body weight and some muscle contraction in the leg of the foot I am using.  It is almost like a choreographed dance because the sequencing is very important.  It is amazing how the subtleties of how I move on the body have a profound impact on how the massage is experienced by the client.  It is inspiring to be creative and mindfully bring my foot across the contours of the body with the exact right amount of pressure in the perfect spots.  I love moving slowly from the ankle all the way up to the shoulder and down the arm in one smooth, slow, and deliberate motion.  That alone - regardless of how light the pressure could be — is extremely therapeutic to the client.  The body can’t help but to melt and feel a renewed sense of contentment.  Knowing that I am creating and allowing for a truly healing encounter is outrageously rewarding.  When I work I rarely get tired.  Alternatively, I feel good and energized. 

So, uh, you’re walking on people’s backs. Is there a danger??
In any type of bodywork I suppose there could always be some potential for danger.  In the eleven years I have been a practitioner, I have had the opportunity to study with some amazing teachers and be mentored by many great therapists. Because I take my work very seriously, I have worked hard to understand the contraindications for all the modalities I deliver.    Particularly for Ashiatsu, the therapist really needs to remain focused and alert.  When I first began I remember thinking …OMG…if my foot ever slipped and I slid right into THAT vertebrae…. or OMG, what if I slipped and fell on his back, or OMG, what if I accidentally stepped on his arm….  Those were all brief fleeting thoughts, and to tell you the truth, I feel very very comfortable and competent up on my table.  There is this almost palpable sense of "rightness" in what I am doing.  I feel a great sense of privilege in doing what I do.

We all know Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace have made it easier to answer some of life’s greatest questions. Questions like: 

OK, Binghamton, we have a problem.  And it’s lame people who plan on staying home New Years Eve.

Yeah, lame people, I’m talking to you.  Not sure that you’re one of the lame people?  I’ve got a little “Lame People Quiz” that you can self-administer find out if you’re one of the lame-o’s..  Think back of over the past month and try to remember if you ever found yourself saying one of the following things in response to a New Years Eve invitation:  “I actually did the party thing for so many years and I’m kinda tired of it.  I’ll prolly turn in early this time around so I can get a nice early start to 2010—maybe even go for a jog!”  Or how bout this piece of crap: “I just want to snuggle up next to the fire with a good book and watch the ball drop on TV.  That Ryan Seacreast: he’s so dreamy.  Not as dreamy as Dick Clarke, but he’ll do.”  Or even worse: “I like spending New Years with the one I love, swaying softly back and forth to the sounds of Norah Jones, enjoying each others company until, sleepy from that quarter bottle of Korbel champagne we daintily sipped together, our eyelids grow heavy and we begin to pass out on the sofa in each other’s arms, quietly whispering sweet nothings into each others ears.”

OK, quiz is over.  If you found yourself saying one of the above phrases or anything even vaguely similar over the last month, it means that you’re one of the lame people.  Get your s&*t together, because you’re going out in Binghamton on New Years Eve and you’re going to like it.  Don’t make me come over there.

Why am I so passionate about getting people out of their homes on New Years Eve?

Well for two reasons, really.  First of all, New Years is the one holiday we can all actually agree to celebrate together.  Because it has no religious significance.  No political implications.  No historical importance.  Just the celebration of one second ending and another one beginning—one that just happens to mark the beginning of a new year.  Much ado about nothing, really.  Like all of humanity decided to simultaneously throw its hands into the air with irrational glee and proclaim, “Christ, look at how many 2010 wall calendars we sold at a 50% discount!  Let’s go get smashed to celebrate!”

And smashed we will all get.

Well, not ALL of us—it just so happens that getting smashed is my activity of choice.  But there’s ANOTHER big reason to be excited about New Years in Downtown Binghamton: First Night.

The good people of Southern Tier Celebrates have created a ridiculously packed schedule of events for First Night Binghamton 2010.  If you haven’t bought your button yet, they’re stupidly cheap: 12 bucks.  Go to http://stcelebrates.org to see all the stuff you get to do for 12 bucks.  When I say stupidly cheap, I mean it.  You could pay more than 12 dollars for 2 Venti Lattes at Starbucks.  Or you could just buy a First Night Button and get 8 hours worth of entertainment.  You choose.  And don’t be lame.  Lattes will just make you fat.  Even the ones with skim milk.  170 calories per cup.  I just looked it up.

(And PS, if you ARE going to pick the lattes over the fun, you should at least buy a local latte—Java Joe’s [which is open till 11 PM on New Years Eve] or L’Aveggio Roasteria.)

OK, now that I’ve used my irresistible powers of persuasion to convince you to be less lame, I’m sure you’re wondering where to start being less lame.

Well don’t panic; I was prepared for this eventuality… crossing from the land of the lame to the place where the rest of us live requires a wee bit of guidance.  And that’s why I have authored the following guide:

“BingPop’s Guide on How Not To Be Lame on New Years Eve in Downtown Binghamton”

Don’t send thanks.  Just send cash.

Now I’ve divided the guide into two parts.  Part 1 is a small selection of official First Night that I recommend for beginners—follow my lead; you’ll be sure to have a good time AND avoid any clunkers.  Part 2 is a list of First Night hangers-on-ers; they’re not official events, but rather really hot venues that are throwing their own New Years parties at the same time as First Night.  In celebration of it being 2010, I’ve invited the promoters of each of these events to explain why they’re throwing the hottest party around—using exactly 10 words—no more, no less.  (I get my warm and fuzzies by asking people to do strange things for free press.)

PART 1
OFFICIAL STUFF TO DO THAT DOESN’T SUCK

People Lighting S*#t on Fire at Midnight
Otherwise known as the Binghamton Bonfire
12:00 Behind the BC Arena
(As described my Larry Kassan, Twilight Zone Expert, Avid Playbill Collector, and Area Culture Geek)
What better way to say good bye to 2009 and hello to 2010 than by attending the First Night Binghamton Bonfire. Held behind the BC Arena at the culmination of the evening’s festivities, the fire (lit by our brave Binghamton Firefighters, "the one time each year they get to start a fire!") is a great way to warm up, cuddle with your friends … or complete strangers, and welcome in the New Year! And best yet, ya don’t need a button to take part! This year there will be a (pardon the pun) smokin’ live band and at midnight, as the State Office Building countdown goes dark floor by floor, the New Year will be welcomed by what used to be called a GIANT (now Weiss) firework display that will light up the night sky!

People Banging Loudly on S*#t to Wake Up the Neighbors
Otherwise known as the Djembe Drum Circle
5:15 at the Binghamton HS Commons
(As described by Rob Wandell, Owner of Imagicka, Otherwise Known As that Guy With the Really Long Curly Hair Who’s Always Banging on African Drums)
Djembe Drum Circle will run an interactive drum class geared for beginners.  Learn the basics and one or two West African rhythms.  The style that he’ll be teaching has roots in Guinea and the Ivory Coast.  It’s relaxing and energizing all at the same time.  “Like taking an acoustic shower.  You’ll come out refreshed, like ‘ahhh’.  We’ll also be part of the Merry Maker’s March, so if you miss the class, you can see us there.”  The Djembe class is full of basic rhythms and therefore perfect for all ages.

People Running Around in a Hamster Ball To Play a Video Game That’s Like 100 Times Better Than Nintendo Wii
Otherwise known as the VirtuSphere Demonstration
5:00 at the Binghamton HS Small Gym
(As described by Jim DiMascio, COO of VirtuSphere, or, as I like to call him, Lord of the Hamster Ball)
Virtusphere is a virtual reality locomotion simulator. The hardware set consists of a hollow sphere, which is placed on a special platform that allows the sphere to rotate freely in any direction according to the user’s steps. First Night attendees will be able to get inside Virtusphere and experience a virtual tour of the historic village of Lavra, Russia by transmitting the virtual enviroment to the wireless head mounted display, attendess will move freely through out the Lavra virtual envirotment creating the most immersive virtual experience. Virtusphere is going to revolutionize virtual reality entertainment which includes allowing people to play inside the favorite games, providing virtual tours for education, museums, fitness and architectural walk through.

World-Renown People Running Around Doing Funny Dances That Will Blow You Away
Otherwise Known as Galumpha
9:45 at the Broome County Forum
(As described by Andy Horowitz, President in the Land of Galumpha. And the most flexible guy I’ve ever talked to over e-mail.)
Galumpha combines acrobatics, striking visual effects, physical comedy and inventive choreography to bring to life a world of imagination, beauty, muscle and merriment. The three performers create a sensory feast of images, drawn together into a seamless whole, consistently bringing audiences to their feet. Galumpha is a triumphant mix of art and entertainment, offering award-winning choreography (Edinburgh Festival Critics Choice Award, Moers International Comedy Arts Prize) at venues throughout the world.  For First Night Galumpha will perform two, 45-minute sets at the Forum Theater in downtown Binghamton at 8:30 and 9:45 PM.  The first set will open with a world premier choreographed and performed by children who participated in last summer’s Galumpha Gang intensive acrobatic dance workshop.  These 20 brave artists will dazzle their audience with creativity and acrobatic prowess.  Following the children’s presentation, the three Galumpha performers will take the stage and finish out the set.  What does Galumpha really do?  Well, we guarantee this:  You will see ways in which one human being can lift another two off the ground that you have never, ever seen before!

Crazy People Hacking up Ice with Chain Saws
Otherwise known as the Ice Sculpting Competition
7:00 at the Broome County Courthouse Lawn
(As described by me, from what I’m reading in the First Night Booklet)
OK, details were a little sketchy on this one, but I’m still recommending it—mainly because it involves a chainsaw.  I think we can all agree that chainsaws on the lawn of the Courthouse Building sound like a fun event, no?  The folks behind this demonstration are the same ones that did ice sculpting in front of a meager audience of onlookers during the rainy-day Communiversityfest.  They’re called “Iceography” and they had a whole mess of talent.  But I should warn you from past experience:  There’s nothing FAST about an ice-sculpting competition.  It’s a group of four people.  Slooooowly making art.  All the same time.  (With a chainsaw.)  Not fast, but beautiful.  And I secretly want to lick the sculptures when they’re done to see if my tongue will stick.

But I’m afraid of the chainsaws.

PART 2
UNOFFICIAL STUFF TO DO THAT EXTRA-DOESN’T SUCK

Now, because it’s going to be 2010, and because I’m a bit weird, I asked the promoters at some of my very favorite Bingo venues to explain in EXACTLY 10 words why they were throwing the hottest New Years Eve parties in the Southern Tier.  As you’ll see, many cheated, through the cunning use of dashes, slashes, and ampersands.  *sigh* Ain’t there no decency left?

Here they are (In alphabetical order.  Because it seemed fairest.  Most fair.  Whatever):

Antonio’s Galleria & Cafe (way out in Endicott…  I know, Endicott!)
Upscale, classy, complimentary champagne, live DJ, outstanding martinis & GELATO!

Cyber Café West
Hottest? Coolest definitely. Monkeys Typing, Chilled Champagne, Funny Hats! Rocking!

The Kilmer Brasserie
Hats & Noisemakers. Champagne Toast. Balloon Drop. Great Music. No Clean-up!

Merlins
Katrina as Dick Clark. All-night liquor. Free Champagne-Toast & Noisemakers.

Southern Tier Young Professionals Dinner Party
Fantastic french buffet with wine, 8pm - 10pm, dress to impress.

Tranquil
Eclectic music! JoshuaB. Free Hors d’oeuvres. Champagne! We mention d’oeuvres?

Yes, it’s true!  I’ll be DJing at Tranquil on New Years Eve.  I like to think I saved the best for last, but you decide for yourself which is best.  Oh, and one last little event I’ll be a part of:  “The Official First Night Mini Countdown”.  You can find it in the Forum starting at 9:30 PM.  The idea is pretty adorable:  Bring the kids, pretend it’s midnight, count backwards from 10, everybody gets to scream and shout, and then you can shuttle them off to bed with a babysitter so you can go back out and do it all over again for the real thing.  OK, maybe they’re not ACTUALLY encouraging you to lie to your children, but that’s what I’d do.  It’d midnight SOMEWHERE in the world at 9:30 PM.  Isn’t it?

Anyway, I’ll see you out on New Years Eve.  And don’t think you can get out of this thing now.  You’ve read the ENTIRE story—and that means you’re committed to the party.  I’ve saved  your IP Address and you’re being tracked.  Don’t think you can use the Internet on New Years Eve without me knowing.  And I have access to ice-sculpting chain saws.