OK, Binghamton, we have a problem.  And it’s lame people who plan on staying home New Years Eve.

Yeah, lame people, I’m talking to you.  Not sure that you’re one of the lame people?  I’ve got a little “Lame People Quiz” that you can self-administer find out if you’re one of the lame-o’s..  Think back of over the past month and try to remember if you ever found yourself saying one of the following things in response to a New Years Eve invitation:  “I actually did the party thing for so many years and I’m kinda tired of it.  I’ll prolly turn in early this time around so I can get a nice early start to 2010—maybe even go for a jog!”  Or how bout this piece of crap: “I just want to snuggle up next to the fire with a good book and watch the ball drop on TV.  That Ryan Seacreast: he’s so dreamy.  Not as dreamy as Dick Clarke, but he’ll do.”  Or even worse: “I like spending New Years with the one I love, swaying softly back and forth to the sounds of Norah Jones, enjoying each others company until, sleepy from that quarter bottle of Korbel champagne we daintily sipped together, our eyelids grow heavy and we begin to pass out on the sofa in each other’s arms, quietly whispering sweet nothings into each others ears.”

OK, quiz is over.  If you found yourself saying one of the above phrases or anything even vaguely similar over the last month, it means that you’re one of the lame people.  Get your s&*t together, because you’re going out in Binghamton on New Years Eve and you’re going to like it.  Don’t make me come over there.

Why am I so passionate about getting people out of their homes on New Years Eve?

Well for two reasons, really.  First of all, New Years is the one holiday we can all actually agree to celebrate together.  Because it has no religious significance.  No political implications.  No historical importance.  Just the celebration of one second ending and another one beginning—one that just happens to mark the beginning of a new year.  Much ado about nothing, really.  Like all of humanity decided to simultaneously throw its hands into the air with irrational glee and proclaim, “Christ, look at how many 2010 wall calendars we sold at a 50% discount!  Let’s go get smashed to celebrate!”

And smashed we will all get.

Well, not ALL of us—it just so happens that getting smashed is my activity of choice.  But there’s ANOTHER big reason to be excited about New Years in Downtown Binghamton: First Night.

The good people of Southern Tier Celebrates have created a ridiculously packed schedule of events for First Night Binghamton 2010.  If you haven’t bought your button yet, they’re stupidly cheap: 12 bucks.  Go to http://stcelebrates.org to see all the stuff you get to do for 12 bucks.  When I say stupidly cheap, I mean it.  You could pay more than 12 dollars for 2 Venti Lattes at Starbucks.  Or you could just buy a First Night Button and get 8 hours worth of entertainment.  You choose.  And don’t be lame.  Lattes will just make you fat.  Even the ones with skim milk.  170 calories per cup.  I just looked it up.

(And PS, if you ARE going to pick the lattes over the fun, you should at least buy a local latte—Java Joe’s [which is open till 11 PM on New Years Eve] or L’Aveggio Roasteria.)

OK, now that I’ve used my irresistible powers of persuasion to convince you to be less lame, I’m sure you’re wondering where to start being less lame.

Well don’t panic; I was prepared for this eventuality… crossing from the land of the lame to the place where the rest of us live requires a wee bit of guidance.  And that’s why I have authored the following guide:

“BingPop’s Guide on How Not To Be Lame on New Years Eve in Downtown Binghamton”

Don’t send thanks.  Just send cash.

Now I’ve divided the guide into two parts.  Part 1 is a small selection of official First Night that I recommend for beginners—follow my lead; you’ll be sure to have a good time AND avoid any clunkers.  Part 2 is a list of First Night hangers-on-ers; they’re not official events, but rather really hot venues that are throwing their own New Years parties at the same time as First Night.  In celebration of it being 2010, I’ve invited the promoters of each of these events to explain why they’re throwing the hottest party around—using exactly 10 words—no more, no less.  (I get my warm and fuzzies by asking people to do strange things for free press.)

PART 1
OFFICIAL STUFF TO DO THAT DOESN’T SUCK

People Lighting S*#t on Fire at Midnight
Otherwise known as the Binghamton Bonfire
12:00 Behind the BC Arena
(As described my Larry Kassan, Twilight Zone Expert, Avid Playbill Collector, and Area Culture Geek)
What better way to say good bye to 2009 and hello to 2010 than by attending the First Night Binghamton Bonfire. Held behind the BC Arena at the culmination of the evening’s festivities, the fire (lit by our brave Binghamton Firefighters, "the one time each year they get to start a fire!") is a great way to warm up, cuddle with your friends … or complete strangers, and welcome in the New Year! And best yet, ya don’t need a button to take part! This year there will be a (pardon the pun) smokin’ live band and at midnight, as the State Office Building countdown goes dark floor by floor, the New Year will be welcomed by what used to be called a GIANT (now Weiss) firework display that will light up the night sky!

People Banging Loudly on S*#t to Wake Up the Neighbors
Otherwise known as the Djembe Drum Circle
5:15 at the Binghamton HS Commons
(As described by Rob Wandell, Owner of Imagicka, Otherwise Known As that Guy With the Really Long Curly Hair Who’s Always Banging on African Drums)
Djembe Drum Circle will run an interactive drum class geared for beginners.  Learn the basics and one or two West African rhythms.  The style that he’ll be teaching has roots in Guinea and the Ivory Coast.  It’s relaxing and energizing all at the same time.  “Like taking an acoustic shower.  You’ll come out refreshed, like ‘ahhh’.  We’ll also be part of the Merry Maker’s March, so if you miss the class, you can see us there.”  The Djembe class is full of basic rhythms and therefore perfect for all ages.

People Running Around in a Hamster Ball To Play a Video Game That’s Like 100 Times Better Than Nintendo Wii
Otherwise known as the VirtuSphere Demonstration
5:00 at the Binghamton HS Small Gym
(As described by Jim DiMascio, COO of VirtuSphere, or, as I like to call him, Lord of the Hamster Ball)
Virtusphere is a virtual reality locomotion simulator. The hardware set consists of a hollow sphere, which is placed on a special platform that allows the sphere to rotate freely in any direction according to the user’s steps. First Night attendees will be able to get inside Virtusphere and experience a virtual tour of the historic village of Lavra, Russia by transmitting the virtual enviroment to the wireless head mounted display, attendess will move freely through out the Lavra virtual envirotment creating the most immersive virtual experience. Virtusphere is going to revolutionize virtual reality entertainment which includes allowing people to play inside the favorite games, providing virtual tours for education, museums, fitness and architectural walk through.

World-Renown People Running Around Doing Funny Dances That Will Blow You Away
Otherwise Known as Galumpha
9:45 at the Broome County Forum
(As described by Andy Horowitz, President in the Land of Galumpha. And the most flexible guy I’ve ever talked to over e-mail.)
Galumpha combines acrobatics, striking visual effects, physical comedy and inventive choreography to bring to life a world of imagination, beauty, muscle and merriment. The three performers create a sensory feast of images, drawn together into a seamless whole, consistently bringing audiences to their feet. Galumpha is a triumphant mix of art and entertainment, offering award-winning choreography (Edinburgh Festival Critics Choice Award, Moers International Comedy Arts Prize) at venues throughout the world.  For First Night Galumpha will perform two, 45-minute sets at the Forum Theater in downtown Binghamton at 8:30 and 9:45 PM.  The first set will open with a world premier choreographed and performed by children who participated in last summer’s Galumpha Gang intensive acrobatic dance workshop.  These 20 brave artists will dazzle their audience with creativity and acrobatic prowess.  Following the children’s presentation, the three Galumpha performers will take the stage and finish out the set.  What does Galumpha really do?  Well, we guarantee this:  You will see ways in which one human being can lift another two off the ground that you have never, ever seen before!

Crazy People Hacking up Ice with Chain Saws
Otherwise known as the Ice Sculpting Competition
7:00 at the Broome County Courthouse Lawn
(As described by me, from what I’m reading in the First Night Booklet)
OK, details were a little sketchy on this one, but I’m still recommending it—mainly because it involves a chainsaw.  I think we can all agree that chainsaws on the lawn of the Courthouse Building sound like a fun event, no?  The folks behind this demonstration are the same ones that did ice sculpting in front of a meager audience of onlookers during the rainy-day Communiversityfest.  They’re called “Iceography” and they had a whole mess of talent.  But I should warn you from past experience:  There’s nothing FAST about an ice-sculpting competition.  It’s a group of four people.  Slooooowly making art.  All the same time.  (With a chainsaw.)  Not fast, but beautiful.  And I secretly want to lick the sculptures when they’re done to see if my tongue will stick.

But I’m afraid of the chainsaws.

PART 2
UNOFFICIAL STUFF TO DO THAT EXTRA-DOESN’T SUCK

Now, because it’s going to be 2010, and because I’m a bit weird, I asked the promoters at some of my very favorite Bingo venues to explain in EXACTLY 10 words why they were throwing the hottest New Years Eve parties in the Southern Tier.  As you’ll see, many cheated, through the cunning use of dashes, slashes, and ampersands.  *sigh* Ain’t there no decency left?

Here they are (In alphabetical order.  Because it seemed fairest.  Most fair.  Whatever):

Antonio’s Galleria & Cafe (way out in Endicott…  I know, Endicott!)
Upscale, classy, complimentary champagne, live DJ, outstanding martinis & GELATO!

Cyber Café West
Hottest? Coolest definitely. Monkeys Typing, Chilled Champagne, Funny Hats! Rocking!

The Kilmer Brasserie
Hats & Noisemakers. Champagne Toast. Balloon Drop. Great Music. No Clean-up!

Merlins
Katrina as Dick Clark. All-night liquor. Free Champagne-Toast & Noisemakers.

Southern Tier Young Professionals Dinner Party
Fantastic french buffet with wine, 8pm - 10pm, dress to impress.

Tranquil
Eclectic music! JoshuaB. Free Hors d’oeuvres. Champagne! We mention d’oeuvres?

Yes, it’s true!  I’ll be DJing at Tranquil on New Years Eve.  I like to think I saved the best for last, but you decide for yourself which is best.  Oh, and one last little event I’ll be a part of:  “The Official First Night Mini Countdown”.  You can find it in the Forum starting at 9:30 PM.  The idea is pretty adorable:  Bring the kids, pretend it’s midnight, count backwards from 10, everybody gets to scream and shout, and then you can shuttle them off to bed with a babysitter so you can go back out and do it all over again for the real thing.  OK, maybe they’re not ACTUALLY encouraging you to lie to your children, but that’s what I’d do.  It’d midnight SOMEWHERE in the world at 9:30 PM.  Isn’t it?

Anyway, I’ll see you out on New Years Eve.  And don’t think you can get out of this thing now.  You’ve read the ENTIRE story—and that means you’re committed to the party.  I’ve saved  your IP Address and you’re being tracked.  Don’t think you can use the Internet on New Years Eve without me knowing.  And I have access to ice-sculpting chain saws.

I am on a very serious quest to find the Best Latkes in Binghamton.  Don’t mess.

When I moved to Johnson City 3 years ago, I knew a grand total of 1 other Jew in the Southern Tier.  Our first Chanukah together, we decided to make latkes.  Well, we decided to ATTEMPT to make latkes.  Important distinction.

He claimed he knew how.  He claimed he had the necessary skills.  He claimed he had made them before.

He lied.

I was betrayed.

Without going into too much detail, let’s just say we spent that evening shoveling half-cooked flour/egg/potato/dough-balls into our mouths like so much cookie dough.  While watching A Charlie Brown Christmas on TV.  *sigh*

Flash forward two years.  I’m utterly determined to find a decent latke in Binghamton.  With a new tool at my disposal:  Facebook.

I flip on over to Joshua Aurbach’s page (Kosher Black & White Cookie/Challah King of Broome County).  Surely, Josh must know where in Binghamton the potato pancake resides.  I tap out a message: “Doing a story on BingPop about latkes.  Wondering where I can get my hands on a good greasy potato pancake.”

His response: “The Jewish Community Center.  And my Mom.”

*sigh* Another dead end.  Being a 3-holiday-a-year Jew, I don’t have a membership at the JCC.  And I don’t have Josh’s Mom’s number.

(PS, Josh’s challah is now available in Weis markets.  All must try.  And if you’ve never had challah before, prepare to have your world rocked.)

In one final act of desperation, I post a status update: “Looking for latke’s in Binghamton.  Does ANYBODY know where I can find them.”  Lo and behold, the answer presents itself:  I am informed by uber-hip forward-thinking business-savvy shiksa restaurateur Marie McKenna—co-owner of the Lost Dog—that each year her café hosts a Latke night every year!

Well what else could I do? I cleared my schedule and prepared for a ravishing round of dreidel.

And dreidel there was.  Wooden dreidels, by the way.  In all my Jewish years, I’ve never once seen a clay dreidel.  That dreidel song is bullsh*t.  We were also given Chanuakah gelt—chocolate coins in tin wrapping. dreidel, you may not know, is a gambling game.  It’s no wonder my Grandma likes Bingo so much; we’re trained when we’re young.

(Yes, I know, dreidel can also be a drinking game.  I was in college once too.)

But let’s talk about the food!  Marie and her staff didn’t stop at latkes.  There were three Chanukah-themed entrees: a sweet and sour beef brisket, salmon in a tomato ginger sauce, and roast chicken with challah, apricot and pine-nut stuffing.  YUM.  Apparently, as news of Lost Dog’s annual Chanukah dinner spread, Marie’s Jewish friends began to come out of the woodwork with old family recipes.  She mixes it up every year.

I tried to brow-beat my table into ordering ALL of the holiday selections (by accusing them of hating Chanukah if they refused), but my ploy was only half effective.  One dinner-mate insisted on reliving the three-hundred and seventy other times she’d downed the restaurants famous penne a la vodka.  After all was said and done, we ordered 3 of the 4.  Our ratings are below…

The Brisket - 4 Dreidels!
 

The Chicken - 5 Dreidels!

The Latkes - 4 Dreidels!

A few words about the latkes themselves: They were utterly close to receiving five dreidels, but latkes, like chicken soup or mac & cheese, are only truly satisfying if they taste IDENTICAL to the way your parents made them when you were a child.

For me, that meant literally gallons of oil.  Seriously, I’m pretty sure Grandma ran down the block to McDonald’s and used their deep-fryer to make McLatkes.  Latkes weren’t latkes if the oil hadn’t soaked through the paper-plate, the paper towel beneath, the plastic placemat under that, and the oak wood table beneath them all to create a dripping puddle of fat on the tile floor below.  Not that it was only my Grandma—it was truly a family trait.  I remember enjoying my mother’s brownie recipe for YEARS before I found out that it involved 3 full sticks of butter.  Literally.  THREE STICKS.  It’s mind-boggling that there was room in the pan for any other ingredients.  It was butter with brown food coloring.

At this very moment, somewhere in North Jersey there is a 30-year-old clutching his chest as a result of artery plaque that can be traced back to the brownies he had on my birthday in our second grade homeroom class.

Anyway, everyone at my table had a fantastic time.  And something you’ll learn about latkes: they are served with either sour cream or apple sauce, rarely both.  You can spend an entire Chanukah meal arguing which is best—and I have; well, you can only play dreidel for so long…  Although we did spend time between latkes and the main course playing for pennies (and, for some reason, a drink chip worth $3.50… I think we were one penny short.)

My one and ONLY complaint about that fantastic Chanukah meal—are you listening Lost Dog—was the lack of a suitable wine pairing for the latkes… Take note: The San Francisco Chronicle recommends a good Chardonnay.

I’m a little bullsh*t about virtual reality.  Seriously.  I mean, come on, it’s been like 20 years.  Where is my VR mansion?  My virtual trip in an X-Wing?  Why aren’t I sleeping with virtual people that are way out of my virtual league?

Yeah, I’m bullsh*t about VR.

Technology moves too slowly; Who’d have thought the most exciting development in the last five years would basically be a stylish pocket protector that makes phone calls and tells you which Britney Spears song you’re listening to on the radio.

PS, I don’t know what it says about modern-day songwriting that you need a decoder device to figure out the name of the song you’re listening.

Anyway, that’s why I got so excited when I found out the next BIG step in virtual reality is happening right here in Bingo.

And it’s not the giant hamster ball it looks like.

It’s a helluvalot more.

The VirtuSphere, or as I prefer to think of it, your next birthday gift to me, is a Virtual Reality interface that can allow you to immerse yourself in just about any environment you can think of.

It’s a bit like Star Trek’s Holodeck.  Only significantly less likely to malfunction, develop an artificial intelligence, and try and kill you.

What makes VirtuSphere DIFFERENT from the VR tech you’ve already seen is that you can actually walk in the thing.  Like, put one foot in front of the other.  You know, like people in big cities used to do before they had Segways.

OK, that may not SEEM like that big a deal, but when Nintendo Wii’s single-biggest selling point has become that it’ll make your kids be a little less fat and lazy, a VR environment that requires honest-to-God locomotion seems like a good idea.

And it IS exercise.  Or at least, it can be if you try hard enough.  Jim DiMascio, Virtusphere’s COO, demonstrated that with a little practice, you can run your ass off in the thing.  After 2 or 3 minutes, he had to stop, a bit breathless, and grab a glass of water.

The applications are pretty much limitless.  Jim and his partners see a military use; Units could be trained in a virtual Afghanistan so they have a sense of what it’s like to move around a real Middle Eastern city before they head overseas.  Army doctors could use a virtual re-enactment of psychologically scaring events to treat Post Traumatic Stress.  The VirtuSphere folks are teaming up with third-party software developers to make all that happen.  It’s pretty fantastic that the effort is being led right here in Binghamton.

Plus, I got to use it to play a Russian video game that involved blowing up killer pumpkins from outer space.  Or they might have been mutant radioactive pumpkins from a nuclear waste site.  Or they might have been killer mutant radioactive pumpkins from a nuclear waste site in outer space.

I’m not entirely certain.  But pumpkins were involved.

And there’s something that’s just more exciting about being able to use your entire body to move around in a game.  For the first few moments, I stood in place blasting pumpkins.  But after a little while, I started running after them.  And the game was somehow immediately more… fun.  Can’t explain why; it just was.
 
That’s not to say moving inside VirtuSphere isn’t a bit disconcerting in the beginning—like the first time you pick up a 37-button PlayStation controller.  There’s an adjustment period.  Just to practice, Jim asked me to walk in the sphere without the headset.  It’s pretty weird to be walking and not actually moving anyplace.  It got better when I put the head gear on.  As I took steps inside the sphere, it rotated around me, moving me through the virtual world in my headset.  Very cool.

Stopping took some getting used to as well.  When I stop in real life, the ground tends to stop at pretty much the same time.  But the momentum of the sphere creates a delay when you stop moving in VirtuSphere—the ball continues for a second on its own.  You learn to slow down first.

So after getting my first little taste of Binghamton-born Virtual Reality, I wanted to know when the masses would get a shot.  Jim DiMascio and I sat down for a serious chat about exploding radioactive pumpkins…

We’ve been promised cool virtual reality tech for soooooooooooo long; why isn’t it really here yet and when will we all have it in our houses?

Virtual Reality simulation is here and Virtusphere is a locomotion interface that allows users to become an avatar and play INSIDE a video game. One of the renown professors of Virtual Reality, Dr. Thomas Furness of the University of Washington was quoted, “Virtusphere comes closer than most to the Holodeck of Star Trek fame”. We are currently marketing Virtusphere to the entertainment market which include major theme parks, Las Vegas hotels & resorts, malls and other related entertainment centers globally.  Virtusphere can also provide combat simulation training for the US Army and Marines infantry soldiers, we would never send a pilot into combat without simulation training and we now have the first locomotion simulator for the soldiers on the ground. It will be a few more years but it our goal to eventually make Virtusphere affordable for home use.
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Let me make you hate yourself for not living in downtown Binghamton for just a sec, K?  In addition to the ever-increasing restaurant options, the free wi-fi, the variety of bar (cocktail) choices, and the obscenely low urban rent, it’s home to the best housing (and more importantly, house parties) in Binghamton.  Seriously.  Just because you haven’t gotten an invite yet, doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Still don’t believe me?  Come out this Friday.

Three living spaces that are going to make you “uber-jealous” (as Bruno might say) will be open to the Southern Tier Young Professionals, and through them, the public.  The event is a progressive dinner that will weave from downtown to Riverside and back again over the course of 4 hours.

The party starts at Sylvia/Wayne Kerber’s gorgeous 4-floor loft.  You will drool; you will covet; it will make you reconsider your career choices.  This pad is so fab, in fact, that it was covered over on HGTV—which is not to say they did a good job of covering it; the editors over at HG have managed to imbue a compelling story of urban renewal with all the energy of a 7-part Ken Burns miniseries on the history of the ball-point pen.  The reality, however, is much more interesting.  And you should join STYP there on Friday for appetizers, a chance to meet the (extremely warm and creative) Kerbers, and to take in this modern designer’s wet dream.

Now I haven’t been to home of Robin Alpaugh OR Doug Camin, but I’ve heard good things.  Robin’s home is described on the invite as a classic Riverside mansion, and you’re invited to munch noodles on the porch smothered in homemade sauces.  Doug Camin, for those of you who haven’t met him, does all sorts fancypants things with computers—that afford him a State Street loft right above state-of-the art recording studio On Point Productions.  He’ll be the final destination—the place where you hopefully still have enough room to scarf down some dessert without losing everything else you’ve been consuming till then.

Personally, I’m looking forward to collapsing shortly after that.  But I expect there’ll still be plenty looking to party downtown.

I asked Dawn Lanouette, social chair of the Young Professionals to give me just a few more details…

Well look, I’ve never been to a progressive dinner.  And I can guess what one is.  But why do all that work when you could just explain….

Progressive dinners come in all shapes and sizes. Since this one involves such a large group, we try to keep it simple. We start at the first home on Court St.  and eat appetizers and drink wine. At about 7 pm, we’ll leave and (weather permitting) walk to riverside drive for dinner and more beverages.  Then about 9, we’ll walk back to another loft on Court St for dessert and beverages.  So, it’s a meal, a home tour, and an evening stroll all in one!

I see from Facebook that people are invited to bring an app or desert.  Is it free otherwise?

A dessert or appetizer is the price of admission so to speak. We provide the main course and some wine and non-alcoholic beverage. People are encouraged to bring their favorite beverage, too, as you may not like what we serve, but it is otherwise free.  You don’t have to worry about carrying things, either.  We’ll have a car for transporting food and wine from place to place.

OK, this is important:  I see there’s a pasta bar for dinner.  Rottini, sphaghetti, elbows, penne?  What are we talking here?  Will there be a variety of shapes?  And sauces.. talk to me about my options.  I’m serious about my pasta.

We use penne because its easier to eat. So far, we’ve got three sauces-a bolognese, a vodka sauce, and an alfredo. I’d love to add one more, but we’ll have to see if we get a volunteer.  There will also be salad and garlic bread. The sauces are homemade. I’m told the bolognese is her grandmother’s secret recipe and I know the other two have won awards. I think you’ll be duly impressed.  But, since you’re the expert, maybe you want to show off your skill.

The venues look like fun; describe the "vibe" of each: the Kerber house, the Alpaugh mansion, and the Camin loft…

The Kerber place is simply awesome. It’s been featured on HGTV. Essentially, they took this store front type building in downtown and turned it into their home. Since they designed it themselves, they give great tours.  It is very modern. Robin Alpaugh’s Riverside Drive house is the complete opposite.  You step inside and feel like you’ve gone back in time.  He has a photograph of what it used to look like and has worked very hard to restore it.  He just added a garden out back, so we’ll be eating on the huge front porch and in the back garden.  It’s beautiful.  Doug and Kim’s loft has a younger, hipper feel to it.  It has a great view of downtown, and is just this huge space for people to mix mingle, eat and drink. 

Seriously, though, don’t you think you should have included somebody’s dirty, overcrowded studio just for grit and realism?

Um, yeah, I used to live in one of those, so, no.  Though, we are walking through downtown twice, that should provide enough grit and realism for everyone, or you could walk downtown after the event–it’s only a block away.
 
Your invite fails to mention the drinking opportunities.  I can only assume this is an oversight.  So let’s talk booze.  Being that all the venues are within walking distance…

You are correct, that was an oversight.  So, here’s the deal–we’ll have wine at each venue and some non-alcoholic beverage, BUT as you pointed out, this is a great chance to drink without having to drive, so people are welcome (even encouraged) to bring their favorite beverage, and there are already several people bringing their favorites to share.  Hey, you want to enjoy this night, and who knows if you’ll like the wine we’re serving?  Again, we’ll have a car to put wine in to take from place to place.  Oh, and Doug and Kim have a nice bar, so wine probably isn’t the only thing on the menu at that stop.
 
So do we bring our fancy party dress?  How should we fit in; nobody wants to be the only dope in cargo shorts and a "Bing Crosby + Ham + 1-Ton Weight" T-shirt…

Common sense is key to dressing for this event.  Remember, we’re walking from Court to Riverside and back again, so save the 3 inch heels for another night.  That said, there will be all types of dress.  Some of us will be coming straight from work, so that means, losing a jacket, taking off a tie and rolling up the sleeves.  Most people, though, will be very casual.  Shorts are fine–ripped t-shirts probably will make you feel underdressed.  Unless, of course, it’s a BingPop T-Shirt, then it’s welcome everywhere, right?

Artsy people aren’t always good at pimping their s@%t.  So that’s why it’s nice to see the KNOW Theater (Caroll Street, Binghamton) working their marketing machine as hard as their method acting.  KNOW’s dedicated themselves to producing less commercial theater.  And if you think it’s tough getting people to live theater in general, just imagine what it’s like when you don’t have some old Andrew Lloyd Webber shriek-fest to cart out of the cobwebs when money gets tight.

No, you’ll definitely see some more “interesting” fare at KNOW.  And that’s why they have to get so creative when it comes to getting noticed.  They know how to do it low-budget marketing.  And they know how to do it on the web.

Take their latest show: The Two of You.  It’s a play that was first produced at the Kitchen Theatre in Ithaca about a well-to-do social-climbing couple living in Boston during the 1950s.  They’re just going about their business when a girl shows up at their front door claiming to be the husband’s daughter.  The girl’s name is January Aloha Ireland.  Congratulations; you now know the sum total of everything I know about the plot of the play.

But here’s where the KNOW folks get clever.   Rather then run some lame-ass marketing campaign, they’ve decided to create posters advertising January’s search for her father.  “Do you know Hank?” they ask, in bold letters across the top.  “Hey! My name is January Aloha Ireland.  I’m in town trying to find my father Hank.  He doesn’t know about me yet…” And so on.

The posters use pics of the actual actors—further blurring the line between reality and theatrics.  And they haven’t stopped with posters.  January’s got her own Facebook, and she’s friending the hell out of everybody in Binghamton.  Check out her current status “I met this opera singer guy Matt who said I should be using Facebook to help in my search, he suggested I friend you if you don’t already know me. Visit my blog http://doyouknowhank.blogspot.com/”.

Go to the blog and you’ll find even more of the story—a journal of January’s quest to find her dad.  The campaign’s so cool, I’m starting to worry that the play will be a let down.  So I tracked down the Artistic Director of KNOW to find out more…

I know you’re being a bit secretive about the ad campaign for “The Two of You”.  But tell us as much as you can (without having to kill us afterwards).
We are taking the story to the street and internet in a way no one in this town (or possibly anywhere) has done before.  At KNOW Theatre we, maybe I should speak for myself, I don’t see these people as characters, I see them as people.  I don’t see theatre as “a cute play”  I see it as an event.  I see people with a back story, with a life that could exist somewhere else besides on the stage.  We’ll call this idea a convention.  If we accept different types of theatre may open up different conventions than what we’re used to on a stage, the possibilities are endless.  In this case it just happens that in my mind, the characters are currently alive and well.  And although everything they do off stage may not agree with what they do onstage, it still makes things interesting and opens up a wide range of possibilities for advertising.

So you’re obviously thinking outside the box in terms of advertising your next show.  But I’m told the writing of the show itself is kind of “outside the box”.  How so?
When a new play is written, it is often taken to a workshop where other writers and audience members give feedback and help the playwright perfect his work.  Theatre also has an un-written list of conventions.  For instance one character may talk to the audience to tell their story, as in Glass Menagerie, but no one else on stage does and no one else is aware that “Character A” is conversing with the audience.  For this show, all the typical conventions are blown out of the water.  Everything is fair game.  The playwright has acknowledged in his work that this is a show being performed post workshop and it becomes clear things are maybe not perfect yet in some minds.

If you had to describe the plot in say, 25 words, how would you do it.  Use more and you get a penalty.  I’m serious.  I only pay for so much disk drive space on BingPop.
Husband, Wife, girl enters via elevator.  Surprise!  Where was he 21 years and 9 months ago?  Living in the 80’s…friends with benefits…unexpected results.

How’s the campaign working so far?  Have people actually bought into the idea that this girl’s looking for her dad? 
Depends what you mean by “bought into the idea”.  Are people helping January find her dad, yes.  She has a growing following on Facebook (search her by e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ) and she’s started a Twitter and YouTube account.  You can also check out her website at http://www.DoYouKNOWHank.com I’ll tell you a little secret, we haven’t announced it yet, but in about a week, KNOW Theatre is going to officially join in the search and open our e-mail list to her.  I feel for the poor girl.  As for the public, one of my students saw the poster and offered to have his father, a cop, do a background search and see what he could come up with.  Something told me that was not a good idea, and some poor guy named Hank pulled over on 81 might have a hard time explaining, so we passed on that.  But generally people have been very supportive, a little confused, but lets face it, finding ones biological parent(s) isn’t always simple or easy. 

If people are going to see a show at the KNOW Theatre for the first time, what’s the one thing you’d want them to walk away saying, if nothing else?
Wow!  That was better than some of the off-Broadway shows I’ve seen!  (We already hear that, we just like to hear it repeated)

When you plan a new show that’s a little less traditional, do you get any pushback—any “nobody will come to see that”?  If so, how do you respond?
Sometimes.  Many theatres are stuck in a place where they have to sell large numbers of tickets to keep the doors open.  Luckily, we can afford to take risks here and there.  We’re not out to produce every controversial, cutting edge play ever written.  We just feel like sometimes there are shows that haven’t been given a fair chance, and we want to breathe life into them so the people of the Bing can make their own conclusions.