There is, it seems, no greater power in the universe, than that of the desire to have a cocktail named after oneself.

At least, that was my takeaway from Sunday night’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash @ Tranquil Bar/Bistro.  The night was so phenomenally entertaining that I think it was worthy of a recap.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will disclose that not all will be disclosed; this is to protect the self-respect and professional reputation of all involved.  Suffice to say, it was a wild night—and what happens at the STAP’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash, apparently, STAYS at STAP’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash.  Except this little bit…

The evening started with Round 1: Candice Chapman (WBNG) v. Greg Catlin (WBNG) v. John Brunelli (The Brunelli Gallery).  Competition was fierce; and the Brunelli crew ponied up big tips, seriously wanting a Tranquil drink to be named after the gallery manager/artist/DJ.  But the BNG crew had fans of their own; owners of the UPS Store (Vestal) store showed up in force, and as the tips for Brunelli grew, the ante was upped in a pretty staggering way: The UPS Store announced that they’d match all bartender donations up to a thousand bucks.  The crowd cheered wildly; more wildly, I imagine, because the bartenders seemed incapable of using a reasonable amount of booze in the drinks.  More people arrived, and the celebs had a tough time keeping up; I chuckled to myself as I watched one of the real bartenders train Greg Catlin to sanitize dishes; this was not a cushy charity gig.

Round 1 ended at 6 sharp and the drag performances began as the tips were counted.  The results came back with Greg in the lead, Brunelli in second, and Candace in third—but not for long.  Round 2 began quickly began, with (the ever so talented) Joshua B—oh wait, that’s me, Lori (Star 105.7), and Mayor Matt Ryan.  Brunelli stayed on to help out.  Sure, it made him SEEM like a nice guy, but I had my suspicions about his motivation (*cough* extra tips).  And even as Round 2 began, jockeying for a “revision” of Round 1 results also began; people started slipping me more money and insisting that John Brunelli’s total be raised.

Meantime, the situation behind the bar became chaotic.  Mayor Ryan, who had casually mentioned to me at some point that he had professional bartending experience, began to ask Lori (Star 105.7) how to make the cocktails.  A genuine dearth of knowledge or a clever ruse to slow Lori down?   Which is not to say that Lori was on the straight and narrow—cutting in front of me at the register to get her change faster.  My own conduct, as you might expect, was near angelic.  If you consider assuming that any unclaimed tip left on the bar was MEANT for my tip cup “angelic”.  As the competition mounted, the celeb bartenders ran out of glasses and the Tranquil crew (Chris, Sam, John) desperately began washing more.  Michael Libous (salon owner) from Round 3 joined the fray early to make sure that everybody got served.

Round 2 flashed by, with the bar packed to capacity, and then, suddenly as it began, it was over.  “In at first place, Mayor Matt Ryan”; the crowd cheered.  2nd and 3rd were Joshua B and Lori, respectively.  Even more to the point, Mayor Ryan was leading John Brunelli; and the Brunelli crew was having none if it.  The wallets came out and the totals fluctuated again.  For a moment, I was in the lead; then Brunelli; then the mayor again.

But that was before we even GOT to Round 3: Michael Libous v. Sofia Ojeda (NewsChannel 34) v. Tony Fiala v. Matt Unhjem (Q Magazine).  Competition was fierce, and Libous already had a head start; but so did Tony—the consummate fundraiser—who showed up with a number of small donations he’d been given in advance.

Then came the major coup: Kristen, a friend of STAP Development Director Mary Kaminsky made an offer: if Mary would mix a single Cosmo, Kristen would write a check for a thousand dollars.  All action froze as Mary made her thousand-dollar cosmo… with a little help.  “Better be a damn good cosmo,” somebody commented.  Apparently, it was.  A thousand dollars was added to the board in Mary’s name.

That’s when it all got a little wacky; one celeb offered to dance on the bar in order to make up the difference; no takers.  All this, while the Round 3 tenders worked furiously to exceed Mary’s record-breaking total.  As the hour wrapped up with a performance from Katrina, Trina, and Nomi, the results were tallied.  And they were?  Michael Libous in first, Tony in second, Sofia in third, and Matt Unhjem in fourth.  But none even came close to Mary’s number.

After a song or two more, it was time to announce the final results.  Mary (obviously) was well in the lead at $1000.  Mayor Ryan was in second and John Brunelli was third.  It seemed absolutely certain that there was no beating Mary to the much-lauded drink-naming rights.  But that’s when the powers that be decided that TWO drinks would be named in honor of the celebs at Tranquil—a major sacrifice, considering the meager amount of space left on their semi-permanent chalkboard.

With new incentive, jockeying began again.  I won’t get into the dirty details here—I’ll just say that you should have been there if you wanted to know exactly how far people are willing to go in pursuit of a good cause (and a cocktail title).  But the end result was that the Brunelli’s crew came up with 200 more, catapulting him into second and earning him a place on the Tranquil chalkboard.

The grand total raised (including tip-matching from UPS Vestal):
4,776.03

Now I’m not looking for the President to betray his keen sense of basketball brackets–but considering that Broome County voted for him over McCain 52%/44%, you’d think he’d show just a little bit of Bingo love.  Like actually bothering to MENTION Binghamton as he filled out his NCAA bracket on ESPN this week.  But there he was, returning from the commercial break, with his entire first round picks ALREADY filled out.  "To save time."

For shame, Mr. President, for shame.  Duke had already been chosen on the board over Binghamton.  I watched the video all the way through, hoping we’d get a little Presidential love as Binghamton’s name occasionally bobbed into view on the whiteboard behind Obama.  And I took pride in the fact that the President had, for a fraction of a second, considered the Binghamton Bearcats.  And then, apparently, judged them unworthy.

But wait!  Was it just a pure case of favoritism??  Upon further research—(which was particularly necessary, because I know NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, about basketball)—I discovered that Obama’s personal aide is none other than former Duke team captain Reggie Love!  For BIGGER shame.  Love was a forward for Duke when they took the 2001 NCAA national championship and it became a tradition for him and Obama to shoot hoops during every primary in the 2008 season.

So I’ll just assume THAT’S why Obama chose Duke.  That, plus Obama won North Carolina by a razor-thin 14,000 vote majority.  Isn’t it a little early to be suring up re-election, Mr. President?  That’s what I thought.

OK, I’m frankly not a big fan of “cute” things; puppy dogs, baby dolls, anything that makes people scrunch up their face and go “awwwwww”—gag me.  But I know that some of you have that whole “sentimentality” defect going on.  So with that in mind, I bring you this saccharine-coated story—don’t let it be said that I don’t have a heart.  Or at least pretend to have one when it gets me play.

Yesterday morning, at approximately 10:50 AM, the Binghamton Fire Department rescued a dog from the Susqehanna River.  The dog’s owner had been walking him when he decided to follow a flock of seagulls into the water–the dog, not the owner.  (BTW, I’m a much bigger fan of cats.  A cat would NOT have followed a flock of seagulls into an icy river.  Cats are smarter.  And bitchier.  Which I DEFINITELY like.)

The Binghamton Fire Department sprung into action, using a special “ice-rescue suit” to pull the dog out of the water.  OK, that part is cool.  I like that the fire department has a whole special suit just dedicated to ice rescues.  Now I know that it’s safe to go kayaking in the middle of January.

(PS, BingPop.com will not be held responsible if you get killed trying to kayak in the middle of January.  It’s called satire, putz; look it up.)

Anyway, there you are.  It’s BingPop’s “Feel Good Story of the Year”.  Hope you can wait another 365.

BTW, a few weeks ago, we heard through the grapevine that the Dept declined to rescue a cat from a tree out of concerns for the safety of its firefighters.  I actually think that’s pretty darn smart.  But because stirring the pot is just more fun than just acknowledging good policy, I asked the city’s Community Relations Director, Andrew Block, why…

“It’s Fire Department protocol to carry out practices for which it trains, and river rescues – including from frigid waters – constitute one of these practices; coincidentally, the Dept. conducted river rescue last training just a week ago. Therefore, it was within their protocol to conduct [yesterday’s] dog rescue.

By contrast, it is outside and counter to protocol to attempt dangerous practices for which the department does not train or have the necessary equipment, and tree rescues constitute just such a practice. Hence, the Department refrained from attempting to take the cat from the tree a few weeks back.

In sum, safety is our top priority, and our protocols reflect the best level of safety we are able to provide to the community.”

That’s all fine and well, but not very scandalous.  When I tell the story at cocktail parties, my version will be that Andrew Block hates cats.

I love food.  So maybe that’s why I found two bizarre stories on the Internet today about food.  Chocolate and sushi.  Yum.  (Plus, ever since Sake-Tumi opened on Court Street, I’m a little obsessed with Sushi.)

First, the chocolate:
There are some people in this world who go to restaurants, cafes, and coffee shops—not because they like to eat/drink the things sold there—but because they like to abuse the people working there.  This is a very human impulse—but one I avoid, because I don’t like people to spit in the things that I eat.

Those people are often (understandably so) frustrated by vending machines—being that they have no spirit to break.  Certainly, you can kick it.  You can rock it back and forth in anger.  But—having no free will—it seldom tries to kill you in return.  Yes, yes, rocking the machine may result in your death; but it’s probably not the vending machine’s intention.

Thank God the good people at Kit-Kat have found a solution.  Human vending machines.  It’s all part of the brilliant “Working Like a Machine” promotion they’ve hatched in the UK.  The idea is that “you work like a machine all day.  And you need a break.  Because you’ve got pent up rage.  So go kick a human vending machine.”

I may have made up some part of that quote.

These human Kit-Kat dispensers will turn up in limited numbers on London street corners, and are sure to create lots of viral Internet buzz.  Now this idea was stolen from the Japanese—a people known for superior technological innovation; who have now apparently decided that electronics really SHOULD work by just sticking little people inside.

Oh, and about that sushi story…
The Japanese version of MSN.com is reporting that a sushi chef has whipped up a little thing that I like to call “Hope-ushi”.  OK, not really catchy.  But you come up with something better.

I totally approve of this trend of basing foodstuff on our political leaders.  And not just naming sandwiches after them.  Been there, done that; BOOOR-ING.  Rumor has it, there’s a cocktail at Tranquil named after County Executive Fiala.  Are you listening, Sake-Tumi?  How about the “Mayor Ryan Roll”.  “The Libous-licious Roll”.  K, that’s a stretch.  But I’m telling you, somebody should make this stuff happen.  Fuji San?  Kampai?

BTW, week three, and the stale Obama Toast that I bought off of E-Bay still isn’t moldy.

*cry* It’s true; Governor Patt has ditched the Bing for a better offer from the President.  WhatEVER. As if a few hours in the White House with the most popular prez since… um… well, has there ever been a more popular president?   Anyway, it’s as if hanging out with him is somehow cooler than chillin in the BCC gym.  It’s FINE!  We don’t need the governor to have a kick-ass Wednesday.  We’ll go cry into our soup.

The oh-so-grand opening of Amera’s Cup O Soup (58 Henry) is goin’ down at 1 this afternoon.  He’s got an extra-special buffet planned and–well—ya know, soup.  If you haven’t stopped by Amera’s yet, it’s really got the best soup in town.

BTW, the Gov has rescheduled for next week: Feb 11th–as long as nobody cooler gives him a ring first.  And if you’ve already RSVPed, you don’t need to do it again.  But even if you have, it’s first come, first serve.