Yes, yes, being the home to IBM, one of the most famous computer companies on the planet is nice.  Having Lockhead Martin, the world’s largest defense contractor, in our backyard might bring some notoriety.  But what I’ve often said—and what has just as often fallen on deaf ears—is that what the Southern Tier really needs to be restored to its full glory is for somebody right here in Binghamton to break a Guinness World Record.  So we end up listed in the Guinness Book. Seriously.

And not one of the more useful or interesting records: world’s oldest man, world’s tallest building, world’s smallest microchip—nobody but eggheads really care about those.  We’re talking one of the really eccentric ones, so we can have our own Trivial Pursuit question or page in Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader: world’s chewiest potato pancake, world’s tallest freestanding badminton net, world’s trendiest tea cozy.  Now we’re talkin.

So when I found out what the Binghamton Mets are planning to do this Friday night, I was positively giddy with the sort of girlish delight that they won’t even allow inside a professional sports stadium.  Even a Double-A affiliate sports stadium.

This Friday, between phases of the Toyota Double Grand Finale Labor Day Weekend Fireworks Kick-off Extravaganza Festival of Pyrotechnic Wonder (I think that’s what it’s called), NYSEG Stadium will attempt to break the world record for the most number of human beings simultaneously howling at the moon.

PS: It’s a full moon that night.  Which should make things easier.  Harder.  Easier.  I’m not really sure which.

In any case, I started to wonder exactly how many howling individuals you could stick inside NYSEG Stadium on a Friday night.  According to Wikipedia, the stadium itself seats 6,012.  So the question then becomes: what exactly is the CURRENT world record for most number of human being simultaneously howling at the moon?

Sadly, a search at http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/ yielded no results.  Leading me to believe that there is no current record for most number of people howling at the moon.  Leading me to believe that I could break the record right here, right now, in my bedroom, alone.

There, I just did it.  Send me my damn trophy.  Or certificate of appreciation.  Or screen-printed t-shirt.

Clearly, I have to broaden my search.  A Google query yielded two interesting results:

1. On September 7th of 2007, an organization in Sydney, Australia called “Bums for Bush” attempted to break the word’s record for most number of people bearing their asses in protest.  “Mooning”.  Not exactly what I was looking for, but that’s why Google searches are so much fun.  You never know what irrelevant yet delightful facts will result.  Only 50 people showed up for the protest.  Nice try, @ssholes.

Get it?  Nice try, @ssholes?  Cause they were mooning?  Get it?  I know, I know, you got it.  It just wasn’t funny.  *sigh*

2. On October 26th, 2009, a web site called http://www.moonhowlevent.com/ will attempt to organize a giant Planet Wide Moon Howl.  You’re supposed to do this at 9 o’clock in your own local time.  Think of it as a giant planetary stadium wave of howls, one time zone after the next.  The web site suggests that you organize “howl parties”, “howl with somebody special”, or just (and I think this is probably the point of the whole campaign) buy the organic fitted men’s t-shirt at CafePress.com for the low, low price of 24.99.

PS: According to their own counter, only 371 people have visited the web site.  Which if you ask me is a pretty lame planetary howl.  Not to mention a pretty lame t-shirt marketing campaign.

The bottom line is, I don’t know whether or not the Binghamton Mets will be successful in their mission to break the world record for the world’s largest group howl.  I don’t even know what success would be.  I don’t even know if the term “success” should be applied to such a venture.  Yet I still salute the BMets for trying.  It’s nice to have a dream.  Even if the dream involves getting people so plastered on $3 beers that they participate in an activity that will cause them to spend the entire next day untagging embarrassing photos of themselves on Facebook.

Sounds like my kinda party.

Bottoms up.

HOTTEST NEW PLACE TO STUFF YOUR FACE
Tranqil Bar & Bistro, 36 Pine Street, Bing

Buttoned-up BU professors, hardcore politicos, high-powered attorneys, boozing barflys, pre-gaming B-Mets fans, and even the occasionally drag queen.  You’ll find them all stuffing their faces with fantastic food at Tranquil.  And let’s face it: we’re all crapping our pants a bit about the economy; so it’s good to have a place to let loose.  (Plus, they’re thriving even though half the Bingo population is stuffing cash in their mattresses.)

It’s not just the crowd that’s diverse; with Cajun night, Turkish Tuesdays, tapas specials, and an urban brunch worthy of the snootiest ladies who lunch, they’re working hard to expand the palettes of native Binghamtonians.

All that even though they’ve got a kitchen smaller than my closet and are settled in a neighborhood that’s got kind of an unsavory reputation.  But then again, maybe that’s half the fun.  Don’t tell anybody you got out alive; I want to be able to get my favorite table on a Friday night.

COOLEST TECH IMPROVEMENT–BINGO AREA
Bingo Wi-Fi

USE IT OR LOSE IT: That’s the name of the game when it comes to the Binghamton Wi-Fi.  Thank God, somebody decided to broadcast a message to the world that Bing isn’t stuck in the stone age (or at least the party-line age).

Now it’s time for us to get our asses in gear.

Binghamton’s got FREE wi-fi downtown.  Just flip on your IPhone, select “Binghamton Wireless”, and get surfing.  It’s never been easier to look at porn while sipping on a latte at Java Joe’s.

But Bing needs your help.  If you’re a business: ADVERTISE on the wi-fi splash page.  If you’ve got a lap top, make sure to USE the wi-fi so it’s easier to sell to advertisers.

Let’s all make it an 09 New Years Resolution to support Bingo Wi-Fi.  Otherwise, we’ll have to listen to that F#*&(@% annoying Mr. Moviefone every time we want to look up the show times at Regal.

SEXIEST PUBLIC PLACE IN BING
Chameleon Café, 112 Nanticoke Ave, End-eeeeee-cott

Honestly, if a couple of in-the-know friends hadn’t escorted me up the stairs and into the Chameleon Café in Endicott, I’d have thought that I walked into somebody’s remarkably well-decorated and softly lit private apartment by mistake.  That’s the vibe:

A hip bachelor’s shag-pad with a fully stocked bar stuck in the middle.

There’s comfy couches, intimately spaced barstools, and very cool mood music.  I’m not saying that there’s a place you can take a date that will absolutely GUARUNTEE that you’ll start making out in public and putting hands in inappropriate places, but the Chameleon is your best bet.

They DO serve food.  But I’ve only ever been there for drinks, because, well, who wants to eat right before you’re going to get it on anyway?  And when a restaurant’s web page requires you to click the “NEXT” button twice before you see the entire martini list, you know you’ve found a place worth visiting in person.

WEIRDEST KIND OF SPEIDIE YOU’VE EVER SEEN

People, I just need to voice a serious concern.  Since before I even moved here, I knew that there was one thing of fundamental importance to the character of Binghamton: the Spiedie.  Now that fundamental is under attack.

Yeah, sure, pirogis LOOK harmless.  First, we’re declared the Pirogi Capital of the World.  Then it happens again.  Next thing ya know, we’ll be celebrating Pirogi-Fest and exporting Pirogi Sauce.

It’s just not right, people.  Not natural.  Get it together.

And so in a mission to revitalize the Spiedie, I asked the BingPop readers to nominate the most unusual spiedie they’ve ever seen.

The winner:  Alligator.

We got reports of all kinds of spiedies.  Shrimp.  Ketchup.  But Susan from Bing told us about her secret family recipe for Alligator Spiedie.

*VOMIT*

Moving on…

MOST NEATO CHARITY EFFORT
Mission Soccer Ball

Ask me a year ago what I thought we’d need to fix the cluster-F in Iraq and I wouldn’t have said soccer balls.  Apparantly, that’s exactly what they need.

It’s what the soldiers use to befriend the kids on the Iraqi streets.

So in April, “Hockey Bob” and NewsChannel34 got together and collected HUNDREDS of deflated soccer balls at the Oakdale Mall to send them overseas to Iraqi kids.

I think a cool charity event deals with the needs of the moment—and there’s nothing that needs more dealing with than the craziness going on in the Middle East.

So kudos to Hockey Bob for seeing a problem in the world and fixing it—and ruining Christmas for all the American kids that wanted soccer balls this year but couldn’t get them because they were sold out.

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OK, so I don’t really believe in curses.  And I think it’s pretty weird when other people do.  But I guess you can file this one under "better safe than sorry."

The Senators think their old "goal song" might be cursed–that’s the song that plays over the loud speaker when they get a goal–(duh).

So they’re asking Sens fans to vote on a new goal song.  And it’s on your honor–dammit!  Don’t vote if you’re not a fan–cause you don’t have to sit through it at the Arena every time the Sens make a goal (which we hope will be often.)

The contest is being handled by 92.5 KGB, so CLICK HERE TO VOTE.

Now I’m not trying to influence your vote or anything, but I think you should vote for number 5.  Or you will suffer a horrible curse for the rest of your life.

(And if that threat actually worked, I have some advice about who you should vote for in the presidential election too.)