I don’t like to play favorites.

Oh wait, f*ck it.  I do.

And one of my new faves is Sake Tumi, the new sushi place on State Street.  One of the reasons I love Tumi is that it proves the “haters” wrong—those that say that a trendy, upscale, student-friendly restaurant in downtown Bing can’t survive.

And now they’ve fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally got their liquor license.  Jesus, was anybody else tired of doing Jose Cuervo shots next door at On the Roxx so they could tolerate their dinner company?

Anyway, the sushi has been consistently good; the service has been consistently fast; and now the lunch can be consistently liquid.  Life is good.

So the big question?  Will the sake-bombing frat boys make nice nice with the suit and tie set from the Press Building?  Or will the flowing liquor make a dent in their classy rep.  I think everything will work out just fine; and I expect great things for the future of Bing’s first downtown sushi joint.

PS Rumors are that the “official ribbon-cutting” will go down next week.  I’m not one to give advice, but I think free sake-bombs might be a draw…

PPS The “dessert sushi” roles are phenomenal.  The words, “Oh my God, I’m so f-ing stuffed, I couldn’t eat another bite” have left my vocabulary.  Thankfully.  New motto: Dessert now, gastric bypass later.

There is, it seems, no greater power in the universe, than that of the desire to have a cocktail named after oneself.

At least, that was my takeaway from Sunday night’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash @ Tranquil Bar/Bistro.  The night was so phenomenally entertaining that I think it was worthy of a recap.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will disclose that not all will be disclosed; this is to protect the self-respect and professional reputation of all involved.  Suffice to say, it was a wild night—and what happens at the STAP’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash, apparently, STAYS at STAP’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash.  Except this little bit…

The evening started with Round 1: Candice Chapman (WBNG) v. Greg Catlin (WBNG) v. John Brunelli (The Brunelli Gallery).  Competition was fierce; and the Brunelli crew ponied up big tips, seriously wanting a Tranquil drink to be named after the gallery manager/artist/DJ.  But the BNG crew had fans of their own; owners of the UPS Store (Vestal) store showed up in force, and as the tips for Brunelli grew, the ante was upped in a pretty staggering way: The UPS Store announced that they’d match all bartender donations up to a thousand bucks.  The crowd cheered wildly; more wildly, I imagine, because the bartenders seemed incapable of using a reasonable amount of booze in the drinks.  More people arrived, and the celebs had a tough time keeping up; I chuckled to myself as I watched one of the real bartenders train Greg Catlin to sanitize dishes; this was not a cushy charity gig.

Round 1 ended at 6 sharp and the drag performances began as the tips were counted.  The results came back with Greg in the lead, Brunelli in second, and Candace in third—but not for long.  Round 2 began quickly began, with (the ever so talented) Joshua B—oh wait, that’s me, Lori (Star 105.7), and Mayor Matt Ryan.  Brunelli stayed on to help out.  Sure, it made him SEEM like a nice guy, but I had my suspicions about his motivation (*cough* extra tips).  And even as Round 2 began, jockeying for a “revision” of Round 1 results also began; people started slipping me more money and insisting that John Brunelli’s total be raised.

Meantime, the situation behind the bar became chaotic.  Mayor Ryan, who had casually mentioned to me at some point that he had professional bartending experience, began to ask Lori (Star 105.7) how to make the cocktails.  A genuine dearth of knowledge or a clever ruse to slow Lori down?   Which is not to say that Lori was on the straight and narrow—cutting in front of me at the register to get her change faster.  My own conduct, as you might expect, was near angelic.  If you consider assuming that any unclaimed tip left on the bar was MEANT for my tip cup “angelic”.  As the competition mounted, the celeb bartenders ran out of glasses and the Tranquil crew (Chris, Sam, John) desperately began washing more.  Michael Libous (salon owner) from Round 3 joined the fray early to make sure that everybody got served.

Round 2 flashed by, with the bar packed to capacity, and then, suddenly as it began, it was over.  “In at first place, Mayor Matt Ryan”; the crowd cheered.  2nd and 3rd were Joshua B and Lori, respectively.  Even more to the point, Mayor Ryan was leading John Brunelli; and the Brunelli crew was having none if it.  The wallets came out and the totals fluctuated again.  For a moment, I was in the lead; then Brunelli; then the mayor again.

But that was before we even GOT to Round 3: Michael Libous v. Sofia Ojeda (NewsChannel 34) v. Tony Fiala v. Matt Unhjem (Q Magazine).  Competition was fierce, and Libous already had a head start; but so did Tony—the consummate fundraiser—who showed up with a number of small donations he’d been given in advance.

Then came the major coup: Kristen, a friend of STAP Development Director Mary Kaminsky made an offer: if Mary would mix a single Cosmo, Kristen would write a check for a thousand dollars.  All action froze as Mary made her thousand-dollar cosmo… with a little help.  “Better be a damn good cosmo,” somebody commented.  Apparently, it was.  A thousand dollars was added to the board in Mary’s name.

That’s when it all got a little wacky; one celeb offered to dance on the bar in order to make up the difference; no takers.  All this, while the Round 3 tenders worked furiously to exceed Mary’s record-breaking total.  As the hour wrapped up with a performance from Katrina, Trina, and Nomi, the results were tallied.  And they were?  Michael Libous in first, Tony in second, Sofia in third, and Matt Unhjem in fourth.  But none even came close to Mary’s number.

After a song or two more, it was time to announce the final results.  Mary (obviously) was well in the lead at $1000.  Mayor Ryan was in second and John Brunelli was third.  It seemed absolutely certain that there was no beating Mary to the much-lauded drink-naming rights.  But that’s when the powers that be decided that TWO drinks would be named in honor of the celebs at Tranquil—a major sacrifice, considering the meager amount of space left on their semi-permanent chalkboard.

With new incentive, jockeying began again.  I won’t get into the dirty details here—I’ll just say that you should have been there if you wanted to know exactly how far people are willing to go in pursuit of a good cause (and a cocktail title).  But the end result was that the Brunelli’s crew came up with 200 more, catapulting him into second and earning him a place on the Tranquil chalkboard.

The grand total raised (including tip-matching from UPS Vestal):
4,776.03

OK, let me just get you oriented;  before you accuse me of being a snob, I want you to point your browser over to the Hillshire Farm web site.  Do you know what the URL is?  www.GoMeat.com .  Seriously; on the front page of this site is an energetic young housewife cast as an overgrown cheerleader leaping into the air with a giant bullhorn as if she’s ACTUALLY about to scream: “GO! MEAT!”  If ever there were a product asking to be made fun of, It’s Hillshire Farm “Lit’l Smokies”—(which, BTW, come in 6 varieties, including Lit’l Polskas Smoked Polish Sausage).

Well that’s just one of the many culinary delights you’ll find served at Doug Camin’s “Tacky Wine Club Strikes Back”.  But it doesn’t end with the Lit’l Smokies, nosirry.  They’ll also be servin’ up the spray cheese and Ritz—(and who doesn’t love that delightful spray cheese sound?  Makes my mouth water even as it turns my stomach.)

But as the name might suggest, it’s more about the wine than anything else.  “Franzia is your friend,” the invitation from hosts Doug, Kim, and Liz declares proudly.   And if it comes in a box, plastic bottle, single serve size, screw-off top, has a “spout”, giant jug, can only be served at Passover, or refers to a feline on the label, you’ve got the right stuff.

Now you wouldn’t expect a tacky wine party to be exclusive—but it IS at Camin’s “semi-swanky downtown Blinghamton loft”—so he does ask that you RSVP.  And he’s opened up the invite to the readers of BingPop.  (Because we know tacky.)  All you gotta do is ask him which wine to bring—and don’t worry, he’s asking a few folks to bring “regular” wines… for when you just can’t take anymore.

We ran into Douglas at the Sunoco station where he was carefully examining a 1.5 liter bottle of something sort of pinkish.  And that’s where we asked him a few questions…

What EXACTLY constitutes a "tacky wine"?
This is always up for debate. Some will tell you it is wines from boxes - but in other countries, the best wines are in boxes because they keep better. Probably the best yardstick is what the wine is trying to be. A truly tacky wine will actually be fortified and not really be "true" wine, but more like a "wine product." It makes you wonder sometimes.

Let’s talk pairings.  What wine goes best with spray cheese?  How about cocktail weenies?
Cocktail weenies will definitely be making an appearance. Right along with a great tacky soundtrack of your favorite hits from the 70s, 80s and 90s. The cocktail weenies - if cooked right - stand alone. I heard a rumor that little quiches may be showing up too.

What is the proper way to taste a bad wine?
With your pinky off the glass, of course! It may also be advisable to have something else to drink with it. Like water, soda, or maybe mouthwash.

One part local celebrity;  One part booze;  One part charity event;  Touch of drag queen.  Mix vigorously.  Serve with camp.

It’s the recipe for STAP’s Rock Star Celebrity Bartending Bash on March 22nd @ Tranquil.

OK, look: I like the “spaghetti fundraiser” this and the “taste of the” that.  But every once in a while, I like my charity events to use a little IMAGINATION.  And finally, one will.

The bash kicks off at 5 PM when “celebs” such as Candace Chapman (WBNG), Mayor Ryan, and John Brunelli compete for tips—all of which go to STAP.  It’ll be 3 tender’s per hour—but you’ll have to show up to find out who competes when.

Of course, there’s stuff to win too.  Show up wearing all red for your shot at door prizes (and to show your solidarity).  AND there’s a show.  Throughout the event, Tranquil’s cocktail servers (all in drag) will class it up with a classic tune or two.  Their tips will ALSO go to charity, so tip big.

Oh, and come empty-stomached.  The restaurant’s got a big buffet planned.  Dinner’s not required, but it’s impolite to drool on other people’s plates, so plan on buying in.

Wondering who else will be mixing your booze?  Here’s a list…

Mayor Matt Ryan
Michael Libous
Greg Catlin - WBNG
Sophia Ojeda - News Channel 34
John Brunelli
Candace Chapman - WBNG
Joshua B - Star 105.7 (OH WAIT! That’s me!)
Tony Fiala
Lori - Star 105.7
Matt Unhjem - Q Magazine

You can RSVP on Facebook (though it’s not required).