NEWSCHANNEL 34 WEEKEND WATCH TRANSCRIPT

Welcome back to NewsChannel34; I’m Joshua B from Star 105-7.

Looking like a pretty busy weekend in the Southern Tier—plenty to do, but I’m recommending these 3 events for the weekend watch.

Event number one is for the mature set; the CD Release Party for Binghamton singer/songwriter Lukus Wells at Tranquil Bar & Bistro, this Sunday at 4.  Lukus has been performing all over the Southern Tier for quite a while, but it’s only recently he released an original album.  The album is called Diagonal, and you can pick it up at the party.  The really cool thing about the party, though, is that 100% of the money collected at the door is going to charity; the Southern Tier AIDS Project, in fact.  It’s just 10 bucks to get in, and you get a whole lot for that price.

Read the rest of this entry »

Photos by Suzan Wisniski

So if you’ve never seen a “Cirque” show in person and somebody tries to describe what it is using—well—words, you’re more than likely to spend the conversation smiling and nodding so as not to look like an idiot without REALLY understanding what they’re talking about.  Sure, you can describe what a Cirque-style show is all about, but it’s one of those few things in life you really do need to see to fully understand.

Cirque shows are, at their heart, circuses.  I don’t want to say they’re slightly pretentious circuses, but when you leave a word in your title untranslated (Cirque is French for Circus) simply for the sake of implying that it’s “high art”—well, that’s a bit pretentious.

But let’s face it, when you’re that good, you earn the right to be a bit pretentious.  And every Cirque show I’ve ever seen is extraordinary—magical, gorgeous, engrossing.

Olympic-quality acrobatics, extraordinary Broadway-style lighting, and costumes so creative (and, well, weird) that they put Lady Gaga to shame—these are the trademarks of a Cirque show.  (Although I’ve never seen an exploding bra OR a flaming piano in a Cirque show.. so.. props to Gaga for being just a slight bit more psychotic.)

Now Cirque Dreams is the company responsible for bringing Cirque-style shows to Broadway.  NOT the company that does the giant arena Cirque shows where you buy popcorn, beer, and those annoying fiber-optic light thingies that cost 15 bucks a pop.

This time around, they’ve done something a bit different—brought an “urban flare” to Cirque.  Reinvention of a drab, dirty urban core as something “beautiful and wondrous” is nothing new—Stomp, Rent, Bring in Da Noise/Bring in Da Funk—they’ve all attempted to answered the question, “Why do I live in this crappy town?” to people paying $1200 a month for a shoebox studio apartment.  But Cirque’s certainly got its own style—and I’m personally looking forward to seeing what they do with the concept.  Their promotional material tells us that “city dwellers reinvent familiar objects, balance, on wires, leap tall buildings and redefine the risks of flight in a story filled with astounding occurrences”.  Certainly sounds exciting—especially the bits about “redefining the risks of flight”… whatever that means.

And they’ve enlisted the help of So You Think You Can Dance popper Robert Muraine to up their street cred.  You may know Muraine—or “Mr. Fantastic” as he’s so modestly referred to on his web site—as the super-promising guy who DROPPED OUT of So You Think You Can Dance.  As it turns out, the name “Mr. Fantastic” is something of an understatement.  Nigel Lythgoe (token reality show judge-with-a-British-accent-who-is-obviously-smarter-than-you) called him the very best dancer of ’08.  But Muraine was worried he couldn’t handle the choreography.

Seriously, this guy couldn’t handle the choreography?

I asked Binghamton bboy scene-maker Mike Sherwood exactly how good Muraine is—being that I have no point of reference and he’s the only one of my friends cool enough to actually know who the guy is.  “Yeah, he’s pretty dope.”  From what I know about Mike, I interpret that to mean that Muraine is f*king fantastic.  Err, hence, the name.

Muraine made such a splash on SYTYCD that furniture giant IKEA hired him in a desperate attempt to make furniture look even remotely interesting.  He does such a great job in this spot that I ALMOST forgot that author Chuck Palahnuik used IKEA in his 1996 novel Fight Club to represent the ultimate emasculation of the modern man.

But hey, they really do have great light fixtures.

I hope and pray that the Binghamton comes out in force on Sunday to see this extraordinary talent—this is definitely the sort of major visitation that could fly under the radar.

The kind folks at Broadway Theater League hooked me up with a chance to chat with Muraine.

You went from popping and locking to Cirque Dreams—not exactly an obvious choice; did they approach you?  Did you go and audition?  How’d that come about?
I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM ONE OF THEIR SCOUTS INQUIRING IN MY INTEREST IN PARTICIPATING IN THEIR NEW URBAN INFLUENCED PRODUCTION TITLED CIRQUE DREAMS ILLUMINATION. WHEN THEY EXPLAINED TO ME THE CONCEPT OF THE NEW PRODUCTION IT SOUNDED COOL AND STREET SMART AND SOMETHING THAT I FELT WOULD ENABLE ME TO EXPLORE MY TALENT AND IMAGINATION IN POPPING TO A NEW LEVEL

So why exactly did you quit “So You Think You Can Dance?” after Nigel called you his favorite dancer of ’08?
I WENT ON THE SHOW LAST MINUTE AND NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF EVER MAKING IT TO VEGAS, OR EVEN TO THE CHOREOGRAPHY PART OF THE SHOW.  SO WHEN I GOT THAT TICKET TO VEGAS THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT WAS, “WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO?” FIRST OFF, AT THE TIME I WAS ONLY POPPING FOR 4 YEARS, WHICH ISNT MUCH TIME FOR A POPPER TO BE CONSIDERED THAT GOOD. (THE BEST POPPERS ARE 10+ YEARS OF EXPEREIENCE)  I NEVER TOOK DANCE CLASSES TO BEGIN WITH. DANCE JUST NEVER INTERESTED ME MUCH, JUST BREAKING AND POPPING. JUST THE THOUGHT OF DOING HIPHOP CHOREOGRAPHY ALWAYS SICKENED ME. SO WHEN THEY ASKED ME TO, I SIMPLY JUST ASKED TO LEAVE.  THAT WAS THE END OF THE COMPETITION FOR ME :]

I know you were worried about the choreography in “…Dance?” but you must have gotten over that to do a show like Cirque; what changed your mind?
STYLE OF CHOREOGRAPHY IN CIRQUE DREAMS IS COMPLETELY INTEREPRETIVE AND DEVELOPED COLLECTIVELY AROUND EACH INDIVUALS SKILLLS. THEREFORE, I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BLEND MY OWN STYLE WITH WHAT THE CHOREOGRAPHERS VISION IS FOR EACH SCENE I AM INVOLVED IN.

Cirque Dreams is pretty unique as a show.  When people ask you what it is, how do you explain it?
SINCE IM A POPPER, I REFER TO THE URBAN INFLUENCE AND STREET SYLE BACKGROUND THAT I COME FROM. THE CONCEPT OF CIRQUE DREAMS ILLUMINATION IS THAT OF AN ORDINARY GROUP OF EVERY DAY PEOPLE GATHERING IN A VERY COMMON EVERY DAY SETTING FINDING WAYS TO TAKE ORDINARY THINGS AND DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY WITH THEM. FOR ME, ITS MY BODY THAT IS ORDINARY JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, BUT I AM BLESSED WITHT HE ABILIY TO MOVE IT IN AN EXTRAORDINARY WAY. OTHER PERFORMERS IN THE SHOW DO AMAZING THINGS WITH TRASH CANS, BATH TUBS, CHAIRS, FIRE HYDRENTS, ROPES, PAINT CANS, AND A VARIET Y OTHER COMMONLY RECOGNIZED ELEMENTS FROM EVERY DAY LIFE.

How’d you get into dancing?
I STARTED GETTING INTO “BREAKDANCING” OR BBOYING, WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG (6TH GRADE), JUST TRYING STUPID TRICKS AND HEADSTANDS AND STUFF WITH MY BEST FRIEND ALEX, NOTHING REALLY SERIOUS. I STARTED LISTENING TO ELECTRONIC MUSIC AND GOING TO RAVES IN EARLY HIGHSCHOOL AND KINDA GOT ME INTO SOMETHING CALLED “LIQUID” (A VERY WATERED DOWN RAVER VERSION OF WAVING) WHICH IS A TECHNIQUE & STYLE IN POPPING.
IN HIGH SCHOOL ME, ALEX AND MY FRIEND KRYS MADE A CREW CALLED TANGKLANG IN 2003. WE WENT AROUND BATTLING OTHER CREWS AT OTHER SCHOOLS AND DOING PERFORMANCES AT RANDOM PLACES. EVEN THOUGH WE WERNT GOOD AT THE TIME, WE GOT MASSIVE STREET DANCING EXPERIENCE AT A YOUNG AGE.
LATER ON I MET A COUPLE OF THE ORGINAL POPPERS FROM THE LATE 70’S EARLY 80’S: HECKLE & JECKLE, WAVEOMATIC, TABO, PLAYBOY EDDIE, REVERSOUL MANY MANY MORE (THERE HAPPENS TO BE A LOT OF “OG” POPPERS IN LOS ANGELES) AND THEY TAUGHT ME WHAT POPPING IS & WAS ABOUT, AND WHY THEY DO IT. SINCE THEN IVE BEEN A POPPER.

You do stuff on stage that makes people say “I have never seen a person do that in my life.”  Is there anything you can do with your body that you literally haven’t seen anybody else do?  And if you can, how do you approach doing something “that’s never been done”?
CREATIVITY COMES IN A VARIETIES WAYS AND I LOVE TO STIMULATE & EXPLORE THE VASTNESS OF THE BRAIN. I DO MANY THINGS TO ACHIEVE CREATIVITY ;] AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE SOME EXAMPLES OF HOW I GET SOME IDEAS: WATCHING ANIMALS, PLANTS, & MACHINES MOVE THE WAY THEY DO. WATCHING OTHER TYPES OF DANCE AND INCORPORATING IT INTO THE POPPING TECHNIQUE. THE SAME GOES WITH CIRCUS ARTS, I LOVE TO USE CONTORTION, AND BALANCING. SO THERE ARE JUST SOME OF THE THINGS I WOULD DO OR PRACTICE TO GET SOME IDEAS SOMETIMES.

You’ve got the effect, both through Cirque and “…Dance” of introducing people to a style of dance they may not have seen before.  If somebody wanted to pop over to YouTube and check out some of your heroes, who would they search for?
IF YOU COULD FIND THEM: BOOGIE FRANTICK, OG JECKLE, OG HECKLE, M&M, PLAYBOY EDDIE, WAVEOMATIC, ELSEWHERE, SKYWALKER, BOPPIN ANDRE, TETRIS (THERE IS PROBABLY MANY MORE). ALL MENTORS TO ME IN THEIR OWN WAY, YOU CAN SEE A LITTLE TECHNIQUE FROM EACH OF THEM IN ME.

I checked out your IKEA commercial on YouTube; I’m always wondering how that stuff gets choreographed when you’re working with “non-traditional dancers”; did you just listen to the track and work something out, or did you work with somebody else who had an idea of how the spot would play out?
WELL BASICALLY THEY SAID, “HERES THE ITEMS AND WE NEED IT TO GET FROM THERE TO HERE.” I KIND OF JUST FREESTLYED WITH EVERY ITEM, AND IF THE DIRECTOR LIKED IT, IT WAS IN.

It goes without saying that you’re phenomenally talented.  But I always have this feeling when I see people do things with their body that are totally unexpected—contortionist type stuff; I ALMOST find it disturbing; do you ever get that reaction from people?
I’D LIKE TO THINK BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER. PERFORMANCE ART AND THEATRE TODAY HAS A MUCH WIDER RANGE OF ACCEPTANCE AND APPRECIATION FOR THE UNIQUE THAN MAYBE 25 YEARS AGO . I BELIEVE PEOPLE APPRECIATE WHAT ANYONE CAN DO WITH THEIR IMAGINATION AND STRETCHING MY BODY WHILE POPPING AND DANCING IS MY INTERPRETATION. I HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE TO RECEIVE ONLY POSITIVE COMMENTS AND SUPPORT.

Ever been to Binghamton before?  Tell me one thing you actually know about it (no cheating and using Wikipedia).
THAT IT IS WAY COLDER THAN LA

So what do Binghamton, my Mom, and the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons all have in common?

Stick with me here…

A long, long time ago (I was 13), in a land far, far away (North Jersey), my mother asked me to explain: “What is this Dungeons and Dragons thing all about?”

She said it in that tone of voice that parents occasionally adopt, as if to say, “I’m only asking because I think it’s possible you might have gotten mixed up with something that I don’t understand involving sex, drugs, rock & roll, satanic cults, or, most likely, all 4, and I’m very much hoping you can explain it all away for me so that I can return to my can of Diet Coke and a very special episode of Geraldo where I’ll be indoctrinated with even more irrational parental fears.”

Keep in mind, this was the same troubled tone she used when learning that I was “Surfing” “That Interweb” in “Her House”.

Joshua
Well… Mom… Dungeons and Dragons is kinda like a board game.

Mom (excitedly, comprehending)
A board game!  Like Monopoly!  That’s not so bad!

Joshua
Well yes, except there’s no board…

Mom (disappointed, bewildered)
Oh.

Joshua
Or like a video game.

Mom (jubilant, understanding)
A video game!  Like Tetris!  That makes sense!

Joshua
Well, yes, except there’s really no television or joystick or cartridge or anything.

Mom (defeated, confused)
Oh.

Joshua
It’s really a bit like a card game—

(Mom holds her hand up.)

Mom
Is it a sex thing?

Joshua
Mom!

Mom
Cause if it’s a sex thing, you can tell me.  Or a drug thing—are you smoking something?  Cigarettes?  Crack?  Heroin?

Joshua
Mom.

Mom
…Forget it.

(Mom exits, stage left, presumably to drink her Diet Coke and watch Geraldo.)

Yes, Mom, didn’t understand Dungeons and Dragons, and neither did the world.  In 1979, a mentally unbalanced boy named James Egbert wandered into the steam tunnels at Michigan State in a failed attempt to kill himself, and the PI that was hired to find him blamed the whole thing on Dungeons and Dragons.  It turned out to have nothing at all to do with D&D and everything to do with Egbert wanting to kill himself, but the damage had been done.  From then on, the game held a pretty big stigma.  And so did the people playing it.

But what’s the REALITY of D&D and why in God’s name does Binghamton have anything to do with this blog entry?

Well one of the people at the forefront of “de-geeking” the D&D franchise (and perhaps even de-demonizing it) is Binghamton-born author Shelly Mazzanoble.  A few years back, she wrote a book for makers of D&D called “Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl’s Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game”.

From the very beginning, she takes on your perceptions about who the “typical D&D player” is…  Action hero Vin Diesel, comedian Stephen Colbert, Queer as Folk regular Hal Sparks, and child actor Wil Wheaton: all closet D&Ders; none of them geeks.

Well yeah OK, Wil Wheaton’s a pretty big geek.  But he also played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Which is pretty damn cool.  If you’re a pretty big geek.

And some of these people aren’t just casual gamers.  Vin Diesel reportedly had the name of his D&D character tattooed on his stomach while filming xXx.  That’s some seriously butch action cred.  Heh.

The point is, D&D players come from all walks of life.  Even uber girly girls.  Like Shelly Mazzanoble:

“I get pedicures, facials and microderm abrasions.  I own more flavors of body lotions, scrubs, and rubs than Baskin Robbins could dream of putting in a cone.  I organize my shoes by heel height, sort my handbags by strap length…” and so on.

And yes, she, as it turns out, is also a D&D player.  But she wasn’t always.  Mazzanoble more or less stumbled into her promotions job at (D&D maker) Wizards of the Coast by answering a generic help wanted ad—no company name.   It wasn’t long before she was working at an office that not only tolerated… actually encouraged their employees to play games during the workday.

I have to be honest and tell you that I thought her book would read like a promotional pamphlet for the game.  But it doesn’t.  Mazzanoble’s approach dispenses with gamer clichés—pimply faced loner teens with Dorito-stained hands in dark basements—right up front and allows us to look at the real world of “role-playing” with fresh perspective.  It’s fun, witty, smart and will make it clear to anybody who cracks the spine—future gamer or not—why D&D appeals.  And it also makes me hope that we’ll even more of her work published sometime soon.  (She’s already had two plays produced in Seattle and several short stories appear in notable magazines/newspapers.)

So what IS D&D already?

I’ll quote from Shelly’s text:
“In a D&D game, players are typically part of a team united in an effort to achieve a common goal.  It’s like this: a group of people sits around a table, similar to how they would sit if they were scrapbooking or eating Chinese food or planning the neighborhood’s next blog party.  The Dungeon Master…weaves the tale, which includes various entry points where the player characters must decide on an action.  After a lot of dice rolling … players take turns controlling the fate of their characters … until victory or defeat has been accomplished.  Then the story continues.  It’s essentially cooperative storytelling around the table.”

OK, might not SOUND exciting right off the bat—this is probably the driest passage in the entire book—but it is exciting.  Read the whole book.

I was actually familiar with “Confessions…” long before I knew that Shelly was from Binghamton; the fact that she turned out to be from the Southern Tier was just a perfect opportunity to discuss my childhood dork obsession on this blog.

And to continue to spread the gospel that role-playing ISN’T just for dorks.

Shelly (otherwise known as 134-year-old sorceress Astrid Bellagio) took a few moments away from slaying orcs and taking names to answer a few questions about “Confesssions”.

Being that you grew up in Binghamton—which, let’s face it, is IBM geek central—there must have been a bunch of little geek-spawn D&D players around. Any memories of what the scene was like in Binghamton?
Sadly I came into my geekdom late in life so if there were any geek-spawn pockets of D&D players around, my Sweet Valley High reading, soap opera watching, Duran Duran listening self was probably making fun of them. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s true because a friend I reconnected with on Facebook told me I made fun of him for playing when he discovered where I work and what I’ve been up to. Please allow the 9 year old me to publicly apologize to the 9 year old Dave. Maybe everything I’m doing now is really just my way of repenting.

As a self-proclaimed “pedicure, facial, and microderm abrasion” girly-girl, how did you end up working at the home of Dungeons and Dragons?
I know, right? Seems like the last place I’d end up or even know existed. I’ve been at Wizards of the Coast for over 10 years and have loved every one of them. It’s a creative, passionate, fun company. We have to have fun—we’re a game company!

I found the job listing in the newspaper of all places. The company name wasn’t listed, nor was what they did. It was just an ad for  “promotions coordinator” and I happened to have lots of promotions experience. About 3 minutes into my interview I knew I wanted to work there. Fortunately I was hired as Promotions Coordinator for Magic: The Gathering. Trading card games were totally new to me. I didn’t have cards that attacked each other or could cast magical spells on my opponent when I grew up. I had Hungry, Hungry Hippo and Operation! But if there’s one thing consistent about all gamers it’s that they love to teach so I learned pretty quickly.

I always feel like a person’s D&D character says something about them as a person (duh). What does your 134 year-old elven sorceress say about you?
Oh my beloved Astrid… Well, she was my first D&D character and I think I treated her the way a lot of new parents treat their first child. I was absolutely paranoid that she would die so I didn’t really let her get too involved in combat. Fortunately she was a sorceress and wasn’t expected to get up close and personal with the bad guys.

Astrid is the epitome of my girly side. Discovering how much I loved the game, and how outside the stereotype of a typical game I was, only heightened Astrid’s uber-feminine side. In a way I was using her to break down stereotypes. Don’t get me wrong—we are a lot alike. I do love shopping so I made sure she was always outfitted in the best designer adventuring gear—Balenciago Bag of Holding, Jimmy Choo Boots of Speed. She hated fighting animals—even if they were beating the tar out of her party. She was always friendly and optimistic and studious.

I’m much more lax with my current character, Tabitha Sparkles (tiefling wizard), much the same way parents are with their second child.(I’m the second child so I speak from experience.) Tabitha is intentionally the polar opposite of Astrid. I didn’t want to get attached to her—or at least not that attached to — so I made her bitter and antisocial and impetuous. I discovered that D&D characters are a much more resilient than I thought and I’ll gladly sacrifice a few hit points in exchange for the excitement of being in the middle of a fight with a bunch of bug bears.

We know what the average guy gets out of gaming—fighting stuff, winning stuff, getting the girl, etc. If you had to sum up your book in, oh I don’t know 15 words, what’s the “girl appeal” of D&D?
Socializing, imagining, creating stories, looking out for your friends and eating and drinking a lot.

In your book, you list off a few “closet gamers”. Anybody that really surprised you—or somebody who you found out about after the book came out?
The last celebrity I heard about that surprised me was Eliza Dushku who said (via Twitter) something along the lines that she was raised on D&D.

Knowing what I know about D&D and the people who are attracted to it, I’m not usually surprised to find out someone in a creative field plays or played it. D&D is such an imaginative game that has often been credited for helping to hone creative writing, storytelling and character building skills which lends itself perfectly to anyone hoping to land a job in television or film. In fact, one writer from a television show said D&D was like a “secret handshake in Hollywood.” Like if you are in a meeting and make an obscure D&D reference and someone across the table laughs, it’s an instant connection.

OK, so in my extensive research in advance of this interview (reading the first 13 pages of your book and looking at your Facebook profile), I haven’t yet discovered how your girlfriends reacted to your gaming habits—or the book. Could they relate? Did you convert any of them?
Well, they know where I work so they’re used to the stories from around the office, but still a few were surprised that I started playing D&D—willingly. At first I got a lot of “That game is still around?” and then a lot of “They make you play that? How sad.” I had to do a bit of convincing to make them realize I wasn’t being forced to play D&D—I really liked it.

I wanted them to try it at least once so they could see what the game was really about. Everybody has these weird misconceptions about what goes on in a D&D game (strange accents, costumes, teenage boys in basements.) You can do all of those things if that’s what you’re into but you don’t have to.  I’m sure that if more people realized that D&D can be played at a dining room table in the home of an investment banker by men and women in jeans and button downs they might be more inclined to try it.

I didn’t convert any of my girlfriends (yet) but they had way more fun than they thought they would. And they have a new understanding for what the game is and the people who enjoy it which is a huge part of what I was trying to accomplish with Confessions.

Every gaming guy WISHES his girlfriend GOT Dungeons and Dragons… or Worlds of Warcraft… or Quake 4. And you do. Which begs the somewhat personal question… do you get hit on a lot at industry events? (And no, this is not me hitting on you.)
Aw, how disappointing! To be honest, I’m not the most perceptive when it comes to deciphering the difference between friendly chatter and flirting. I do go to a lot of industry conventions and I have the pleasure of meeting a lot of D&D players. What I get a lot of is people telling me about their characters. Maybe that’s their way of hitting on me?

Astrid on the other hand used to get hit on all the time. I’d actually get email that said “For Astrid” or “Please pass this on to Astrid.” I was never very sure how to respond to those.

Beyond the world of Wizards of the Coast for a second… what are you writing? What’s next from Shelly Mazzanoble?
Beyond the world of Wizards of the Coast, I have a collection of short stories that have been horribly neglected on my hard drive but I still pretend I’ll get back to work on. I also have a non-fiction work in progress about my mom because she’s such a funny person and should have a book about her. If I don’t write it someone else will.

Within the world of Wizards I have been writing a monthly column for Dragon Magazine called Confessions of a Full-Time Wizard and I’ll continue to do that as long as the editors let me. If you’re looking for some crunch with your coffee then this column is not for you. I like to write about the social aspects of D&D like what happens when members of your group quit or move away and you have to replace them or the terror I felt when my boss forced me to DM for a group of new players around the office. Bosses get away with that stuff at Wizards.

You can read Shelly’s monthly D&D column online here. And if your now prepared to get your geek on with the rest of us, you can begin your journey at Jupiter Games in Vestal or Fat Cat Books in Johnson City—they’ve got just about everything you need.  Godspeed.

OK, Binghamton, we have a problem.  And it’s lame people who plan on staying home New Years Eve.

Yeah, lame people, I’m talking to you.  Not sure that you’re one of the lame people?  I’ve got a little “Lame People Quiz” that you can self-administer find out if you’re one of the lame-o’s..  Think back of over the past month and try to remember if you ever found yourself saying one of the following things in response to a New Years Eve invitation:  “I actually did the party thing for so many years and I’m kinda tired of it.  I’ll prolly turn in early this time around so I can get a nice early start to 2010—maybe even go for a jog!”  Or how bout this piece of crap: “I just want to snuggle up next to the fire with a good book and watch the ball drop on TV.  That Ryan Seacreast: he’s so dreamy.  Not as dreamy as Dick Clarke, but he’ll do.”  Or even worse: “I like spending New Years with the one I love, swaying softly back and forth to the sounds of Norah Jones, enjoying each others company until, sleepy from that quarter bottle of Korbel champagne we daintily sipped together, our eyelids grow heavy and we begin to pass out on the sofa in each other’s arms, quietly whispering sweet nothings into each others ears.”

OK, quiz is over.  If you found yourself saying one of the above phrases or anything even vaguely similar over the last month, it means that you’re one of the lame people.  Get your s&*t together, because you’re going out in Binghamton on New Years Eve and you’re going to like it.  Don’t make me come over there.

Why am I so passionate about getting people out of their homes on New Years Eve?

Well for two reasons, really.  First of all, New Years is the one holiday we can all actually agree to celebrate together.  Because it has no religious significance.  No political implications.  No historical importance.  Just the celebration of one second ending and another one beginning—one that just happens to mark the beginning of a new year.  Much ado about nothing, really.  Like all of humanity decided to simultaneously throw its hands into the air with irrational glee and proclaim, “Christ, look at how many 2010 wall calendars we sold at a 50% discount!  Let’s go get smashed to celebrate!”

And smashed we will all get.

Well, not ALL of us—it just so happens that getting smashed is my activity of choice.  But there’s ANOTHER big reason to be excited about New Years in Downtown Binghamton: First Night.

The good people of Southern Tier Celebrates have created a ridiculously packed schedule of events for First Night Binghamton 2010.  If you haven’t bought your button yet, they’re stupidly cheap: 12 bucks.  Go to http://stcelebrates.org to see all the stuff you get to do for 12 bucks.  When I say stupidly cheap, I mean it.  You could pay more than 12 dollars for 2 Venti Lattes at Starbucks.  Or you could just buy a First Night Button and get 8 hours worth of entertainment.  You choose.  And don’t be lame.  Lattes will just make you fat.  Even the ones with skim milk.  170 calories per cup.  I just looked it up.

(And PS, if you ARE going to pick the lattes over the fun, you should at least buy a local latte—Java Joe’s [which is open till 11 PM on New Years Eve] or L’Aveggio Roasteria.)

OK, now that I’ve used my irresistible powers of persuasion to convince you to be less lame, I’m sure you’re wondering where to start being less lame.

Well don’t panic; I was prepared for this eventuality… crossing from the land of the lame to the place where the rest of us live requires a wee bit of guidance.  And that’s why I have authored the following guide:

“BingPop’s Guide on How Not To Be Lame on New Years Eve in Downtown Binghamton”

Don’t send thanks.  Just send cash.

Now I’ve divided the guide into two parts.  Part 1 is a small selection of official First Night that I recommend for beginners—follow my lead; you’ll be sure to have a good time AND avoid any clunkers.  Part 2 is a list of First Night hangers-on-ers; they’re not official events, but rather really hot venues that are throwing their own New Years parties at the same time as First Night.  In celebration of it being 2010, I’ve invited the promoters of each of these events to explain why they’re throwing the hottest party around—using exactly 10 words—no more, no less.  (I get my warm and fuzzies by asking people to do strange things for free press.)

PART 1
OFFICIAL STUFF TO DO THAT DOESN’T SUCK

People Lighting S*#t on Fire at Midnight
Otherwise known as the Binghamton Bonfire
12:00 Behind the BC Arena
(As described my Larry Kassan, Twilight Zone Expert, Avid Playbill Collector, and Area Culture Geek)
What better way to say good bye to 2009 and hello to 2010 than by attending the First Night Binghamton Bonfire. Held behind the BC Arena at the culmination of the evening’s festivities, the fire (lit by our brave Binghamton Firefighters, "the one time each year they get to start a fire!") is a great way to warm up, cuddle with your friends … or complete strangers, and welcome in the New Year! And best yet, ya don’t need a button to take part! This year there will be a (pardon the pun) smokin’ live band and at midnight, as the State Office Building countdown goes dark floor by floor, the New Year will be welcomed by what used to be called a GIANT (now Weiss) firework display that will light up the night sky!

People Banging Loudly on S*#t to Wake Up the Neighbors
Otherwise known as the Djembe Drum Circle
5:15 at the Binghamton HS Commons
(As described by Rob Wandell, Owner of Imagicka, Otherwise Known As that Guy With the Really Long Curly Hair Who’s Always Banging on African Drums)
Djembe Drum Circle will run an interactive drum class geared for beginners.  Learn the basics and one or two West African rhythms.  The style that he’ll be teaching has roots in Guinea and the Ivory Coast.  It’s relaxing and energizing all at the same time.  “Like taking an acoustic shower.  You’ll come out refreshed, like ‘ahhh’.  We’ll also be part of the Merry Maker’s March, so if you miss the class, you can see us there.”  The Djembe class is full of basic rhythms and therefore perfect for all ages.

People Running Around in a Hamster Ball To Play a Video Game That’s Like 100 Times Better Than Nintendo Wii
Otherwise known as the VirtuSphere Demonstration
5:00 at the Binghamton HS Small Gym
(As described by Jim DiMascio, COO of VirtuSphere, or, as I like to call him, Lord of the Hamster Ball)
Virtusphere is a virtual reality locomotion simulator. The hardware set consists of a hollow sphere, which is placed on a special platform that allows the sphere to rotate freely in any direction according to the user’s steps. First Night attendees will be able to get inside Virtusphere and experience a virtual tour of the historic village of Lavra, Russia by transmitting the virtual enviroment to the wireless head mounted display, attendess will move freely through out the Lavra virtual envirotment creating the most immersive virtual experience. Virtusphere is going to revolutionize virtual reality entertainment which includes allowing people to play inside the favorite games, providing virtual tours for education, museums, fitness and architectural walk through.

World-Renown People Running Around Doing Funny Dances That Will Blow You Away
Otherwise Known as Galumpha
9:45 at the Broome County Forum
(As described by Andy Horowitz, President in the Land of Galumpha. And the most flexible guy I’ve ever talked to over e-mail.)
Galumpha combines acrobatics, striking visual effects, physical comedy and inventive choreography to bring to life a world of imagination, beauty, muscle and merriment. The three performers create a sensory feast of images, drawn together into a seamless whole, consistently bringing audiences to their feet. Galumpha is a triumphant mix of art and entertainment, offering award-winning choreography (Edinburgh Festival Critics Choice Award, Moers International Comedy Arts Prize) at venues throughout the world.  For First Night Galumpha will perform two, 45-minute sets at the Forum Theater in downtown Binghamton at 8:30 and 9:45 PM.  The first set will open with a world premier choreographed and performed by children who participated in last summer’s Galumpha Gang intensive acrobatic dance workshop.  These 20 brave artists will dazzle their audience with creativity and acrobatic prowess.  Following the children’s presentation, the three Galumpha performers will take the stage and finish out the set.  What does Galumpha really do?  Well, we guarantee this:  You will see ways in which one human being can lift another two off the ground that you have never, ever seen before!

Crazy People Hacking up Ice with Chain Saws
Otherwise known as the Ice Sculpting Competition
7:00 at the Broome County Courthouse Lawn
(As described by me, from what I’m reading in the First Night Booklet)
OK, details were a little sketchy on this one, but I’m still recommending it—mainly because it involves a chainsaw.  I think we can all agree that chainsaws on the lawn of the Courthouse Building sound like a fun event, no?  The folks behind this demonstration are the same ones that did ice sculpting in front of a meager audience of onlookers during the rainy-day Communiversityfest.  They’re called “Iceography” and they had a whole mess of talent.  But I should warn you from past experience:  There’s nothing FAST about an ice-sculpting competition.  It’s a group of four people.  Slooooowly making art.  All the same time.  (With a chainsaw.)  Not fast, but beautiful.  And I secretly want to lick the sculptures when they’re done to see if my tongue will stick.

But I’m afraid of the chainsaws.

PART 2
UNOFFICIAL STUFF TO DO THAT EXTRA-DOESN’T SUCK

Now, because it’s going to be 2010, and because I’m a bit weird, I asked the promoters at some of my very favorite Bingo venues to explain in EXACTLY 10 words why they were throwing the hottest New Years Eve parties in the Southern Tier.  As you’ll see, many cheated, through the cunning use of dashes, slashes, and ampersands.  *sigh* Ain’t there no decency left?

Here they are (In alphabetical order.  Because it seemed fairest.  Most fair.  Whatever):

Antonio’s Galleria & Cafe (way out in Endicott…  I know, Endicott!)
Upscale, classy, complimentary champagne, live DJ, outstanding martinis & GELATO!

Cyber Café West
Hottest? Coolest definitely. Monkeys Typing, Chilled Champagne, Funny Hats! Rocking!

The Kilmer Brasserie
Hats & Noisemakers. Champagne Toast. Balloon Drop. Great Music. No Clean-up!

Merlins
Katrina as Dick Clark. All-night liquor. Free Champagne-Toast & Noisemakers.

Southern Tier Young Professionals Dinner Party
Fantastic french buffet with wine, 8pm - 10pm, dress to impress.

Tranquil
Eclectic music! JoshuaB. Free Hors d’oeuvres. Champagne! We mention d’oeuvres?

Yes, it’s true!  I’ll be DJing at Tranquil on New Years Eve.  I like to think I saved the best for last, but you decide for yourself which is best.  Oh, and one last little event I’ll be a part of:  “The Official First Night Mini Countdown”.  You can find it in the Forum starting at 9:30 PM.  The idea is pretty adorable:  Bring the kids, pretend it’s midnight, count backwards from 10, everybody gets to scream and shout, and then you can shuttle them off to bed with a babysitter so you can go back out and do it all over again for the real thing.  OK, maybe they’re not ACTUALLY encouraging you to lie to your children, but that’s what I’d do.  It’d midnight SOMEWHERE in the world at 9:30 PM.  Isn’t it?

Anyway, I’ll see you out on New Years Eve.  And don’t think you can get out of this thing now.  You’ve read the ENTIRE story—and that means you’re committed to the party.  I’ve saved  your IP Address and you’re being tracked.  Don’t think you can use the Internet on New Years Eve without me knowing.  And I have access to ice-sculpting chain saws.

I am on a very serious quest to find the Best Latkes in Binghamton.  Don’t mess.

When I moved to Johnson City 3 years ago, I knew a grand total of 1 other Jew in the Southern Tier.  Our first Chanukah together, we decided to make latkes.  Well, we decided to ATTEMPT to make latkes.  Important distinction.

He claimed he knew how.  He claimed he had the necessary skills.  He claimed he had made them before.

He lied.

I was betrayed.

Without going into too much detail, let’s just say we spent that evening shoveling half-cooked flour/egg/potato/dough-balls into our mouths like so much cookie dough.  While watching A Charlie Brown Christmas on TV.  *sigh*

Flash forward two years.  I’m utterly determined to find a decent latke in Binghamton.  With a new tool at my disposal:  Facebook.

I flip on over to Joshua Aurbach’s page (Kosher Black & White Cookie/Challah King of Broome County).  Surely, Josh must know where in Binghamton the potato pancake resides.  I tap out a message: “Doing a story on BingPop about latkes.  Wondering where I can get my hands on a good greasy potato pancake.”

His response: “The Jewish Community Center.  And my Mom.”

*sigh* Another dead end.  Being a 3-holiday-a-year Jew, I don’t have a membership at the JCC.  And I don’t have Josh’s Mom’s number.

(PS, Josh’s challah is now available in Weis markets.  All must try.  And if you’ve never had challah before, prepare to have your world rocked.)

In one final act of desperation, I post a status update: “Looking for latke’s in Binghamton.  Does ANYBODY know where I can find them.”  Lo and behold, the answer presents itself:  I am informed by uber-hip forward-thinking business-savvy shiksa restaurateur Marie McKenna—co-owner of the Lost Dog—that each year her café hosts a Latke night every year!

Well what else could I do? I cleared my schedule and prepared for a ravishing round of dreidel.

And dreidel there was.  Wooden dreidels, by the way.  In all my Jewish years, I’ve never once seen a clay dreidel.  That dreidel song is bullsh*t.  We were also given Chanuakah gelt—chocolate coins in tin wrapping. dreidel, you may not know, is a gambling game.  It’s no wonder my Grandma likes Bingo so much; we’re trained when we’re young.

(Yes, I know, dreidel can also be a drinking game.  I was in college once too.)

But let’s talk about the food!  Marie and her staff didn’t stop at latkes.  There were three Chanukah-themed entrees: a sweet and sour beef brisket, salmon in a tomato ginger sauce, and roast chicken with challah, apricot and pine-nut stuffing.  YUM.  Apparently, as news of Lost Dog’s annual Chanukah dinner spread, Marie’s Jewish friends began to come out of the woodwork with old family recipes.  She mixes it up every year.

I tried to brow-beat my table into ordering ALL of the holiday selections (by accusing them of hating Chanukah if they refused), but my ploy was only half effective.  One dinner-mate insisted on reliving the three-hundred and seventy other times she’d downed the restaurants famous penne a la vodka.  After all was said and done, we ordered 3 of the 4.  Our ratings are below…

The Brisket - 4 Dreidels!
 

The Chicken - 5 Dreidels!

The Latkes - 4 Dreidels!

A few words about the latkes themselves: They were utterly close to receiving five dreidels, but latkes, like chicken soup or mac & cheese, are only truly satisfying if they taste IDENTICAL to the way your parents made them when you were a child.

For me, that meant literally gallons of oil.  Seriously, I’m pretty sure Grandma ran down the block to McDonald’s and used their deep-fryer to make McLatkes.  Latkes weren’t latkes if the oil hadn’t soaked through the paper-plate, the paper towel beneath, the plastic placemat under that, and the oak wood table beneath them all to create a dripping puddle of fat on the tile floor below.  Not that it was only my Grandma—it was truly a family trait.  I remember enjoying my mother’s brownie recipe for YEARS before I found out that it involved 3 full sticks of butter.  Literally.  THREE STICKS.  It’s mind-boggling that there was room in the pan for any other ingredients.  It was butter with brown food coloring.

At this very moment, somewhere in North Jersey there is a 30-year-old clutching his chest as a result of artery plaque that can be traced back to the brownies he had on my birthday in our second grade homeroom class.

Anyway, everyone at my table had a fantastic time.  And something you’ll learn about latkes: they are served with either sour cream or apple sauce, rarely both.  You can spend an entire Chanukah meal arguing which is best—and I have; well, you can only play dreidel for so long…  Although we did spend time between latkes and the main course playing for pennies (and, for some reason, a drink chip worth $3.50… I think we were one penny short.)

My one and ONLY complaint about that fantastic Chanukah meal—are you listening Lost Dog—was the lack of a suitable wine pairing for the latkes… Take note: The San Francisco Chronicle recommends a good Chardonnay.