Scientific health studies, by and large, SUCK; am I right?  Nutra-sweet causes cancer, cell phones cause cancer, microwave popcorn gives you something called “popcorn lung” (which is not as fun as it sounds—look it up).  Science is depressing; better not to know stuff about stuff than to be afraid of everything.  Well I think this study alone makes up for all those crappy ones:

The only reason you’re fat is because you caught a virus!

That’s right! Stop exercising, put down those 38 flavors of Yo-Play and grab yourself a deep-fried chicken leg, because the only problem with YOU is that you caught something as common as the common cold!

Well, sort of. A new study out of Baton Rogue says that virus AD-36 “infects the lungs then whisks around the body” making fat cells multiply (while giving you a soar throat.)  One of the tests showed that a THIRD of obese people had the virus—whereas only 11% of super-skinny-turn-me-sideways-and-I-vanish-into-thin-air people had it.

Thing is, the fat only lasts for like 3 months till your body becomes resistant.

So what am I saying?  Good excuse to laze about the couch and have a 4-day Lost marathon while devouring Chinese take-out?  Probably not.  Good excuse for your ten-pound post-holiday weight gain?  Absolutely.